Aftermath
by Remus-Chocolade
Summary: After the end of the war there is a lot of loose ends to pick up, and at the same time trying to keep oneself together more or less. One woman watch herself and the Weasleys around her struggle, but come through at the end.
1. Part I, chapter 1

**AN: I'm finally submitting this, after it's been gathering dust on my hard drive for over a year. I know there's a million grammar mistakes and it's plainly badly written, but it was the first time I wrote something of any length, so I guess the crappiness got sentimental value for me. Also, I'm sick of trying to fix it.****I also know there is no real plot, just a lot of chaos, but on the other side, I guess that's pretty much how it was after the end of the war.  
Weasleys & co. belongs to J. K. Rowling, Kevin Casey is my brainchild.  
**

_I felt so small, a little girl in the middle of the chaos._

Voldemort was dead. Defeated. The body laid in the middle of the room, already slowly starting to decompose, not that it would be evident for some time. Gone.

So was hundreds of others. I walked slowly among them, some too young to be here at all, some with family grieving around them. Some laying next to their loved one. Remus.

I dropped down on my knees and touched his hair, like I had done a million times before. An eternity ago. His forehead was cold, his thoughts gone.

Next to him Tonks' hair was still vivid pink, her eyes open and blank. I closed them with shaking hands. She was too young, too good, too stubborn to have died.

I took their hands, laying them together and removing their wedding rings. Some may consider it theft, I saw it as collecting two relics of love. I kept telling myself they were gone, dead, cold, and the figures in front of me should make it obvious. Still my feelings didn't stir, it was too early.

I slowly turned and saw the Weasley-family. Fred. Vertebras almost sticking out of his broken neck. His mother laying over him, crying.

Shite, I remember when the twins were born, she was telling me off for not helping her in the right way. Like I was doing something wrong or she knew that much more than me. Maybe she did.

My brain was like fudge, seeing different families, unable to take any of it in. Someone was trying to shake his sister I guess, back to life. Instead he ended up sobbing into her bloody shirt.

"All survivors are to rapport to the hospital wing. If you can't move yourself, get someone to tell us where you are and what kind of injury you have and we will attend to you." A healer went around, calmly repeating the message loud enough for everyone to hear. Her blond hair was pulled up in a hasty ponytail and her uniform was wrinkled. Hadn't expected to be dragged out of bed and into the aftermath of a battle. I staggered to my feet and took a last glance at Mr. and Mrs. Lupin. I don't remember walking there, but not long after I sat in one of the beds the people from St. Mungo's had brought.

"Fill out this form and we'll attend to you as fast as possible." The young woman put a clipboard with a pen attached to it in my limp hand. I kept staring out into nothingness.

"Are you okay?" She shook me lightly by the shoulder and I adjusted my eyes to her brown hair. "They're dead. Teddy's an orphan. I can't do anything." The words came out as more of a breath than anything else. The girl took me into a short hug.

"Yes it is, you can help raise him." She had no idea who she was talking about, but I felt some gratitude towards her. "I'll give you a hand filling out this," she offered and took the clipboard out of my hands again. "Name?"

"Kevin Casey," I murmured and noticed one of the spaghetti-straps of my black top had snapped. "Sorry, didn't catch that," she said. I was too tired to go into a long explanation about why I don't have a girl's name.

"Kevin Casey," I repeated louder and she scribbled it down. Where's my wand? In my left hand. I made the strap tie itself together again.

"Date of birth?" I didn't know what to answer at first.

"March 23rd. 1958," I said after a long pause. She gave me a sceptical look, but kept scribbling.

"Any allergies or terminal illness?" If I had the strength I would have laughed at the question. She tried to smile at me, but instead choose to close the screens a bit to give us some more privacy.

"Vampire..." I never liked to admit it, but it was the truth. She just wrote it down. I knew my face was an expressionless mask as I laid down on the mattress.

"Then I don't think the rest of the questions apply to you." Thank Merlin! "Would you like a glass of... We have..." She had became very insecure, but I nodded and she left me alone for a couple of minutes.

The last Marauder had fallen. I would probably be the on telling Andromeda her sister killed her daughter and son-in-law. Crap.

The brown-haired healer came back with a glass full to the brim with blood. "What's your name?" I asked as I took it with both hands.

"Lucy McElhone," she answered and gave me a puzzled look.

"Thank you, Lucy," I told her before she left again. I tried to get some sleep after draining the glass in one motion. But the last hours kept replaying themselves in my mind. If I hadn't ducked that spell, would I have prevented someone's death? I could have been hit by all the killing curses and still walked away, seeing as my body was already dead and the curse was designed for humans.

Was I no better than the Death Eaters? I've taken out quite a few myself. _Murderers are murderers no matter why they kill_ a small voice in the back of my head told me.

Then I was no more than a simple butcher. Killing for what I believe is right. The line between right and wrong changes fast. Too fast. I kept brooding over that for a couple of hours, not even closing my eyes for a minute.

Someone was discussing on the other side of the curtain. "The healing charms doesn't help, I tried every one known to wizards and witches alike," I heard Poppy say.

"What about essence of Dittany, have you tried that?" A deep, male voice asked.

"Half a litre, still it doesn't stop bleeding. She's had several blood transfers too, but it just makes its way back out." Her voice was worried and I understood she didn't want any deaths on her watch. I got up, body still aching, and walked around the screen.

"What happened to her?" I couldn't listen anymore without knowing if I could help out. Plus, it kept me from staring at the ceiling. The form in the bed was tightly wrapped in bandages turning redder by the second. Even her face was affected.

"She was attacked by Fenrir Greyback, the werewolf, while he was in his human form." I nodded, too tired to point out that I knew it hadn't been a full moon tonight.

"Stitches." I said it loud enough for them not to pretend they hadn't heard it. I could see their doubt out of the corner of my eye.

"Are you sure we should try something so... Experimental on such a tender case?" He was of the old type, trusting his wand more than his own judgement. Or he had decided she would die anyway and wasn't going to waste time on her.

"Listen, it worked on Bill Weasley, it worked on Remus Lupin after his transformations, why in Heaven and Hell shouldn't it work now?" I gave him a look that made him take a step backwards. I could tell by her eyes that Poppy remembered all the times I had stitched up my boyfriend when I was in school.

"Okay, but none of the healers here have any experience with it." I put up my hand to silence him. "I'll do it myself. Where is the biggest injury?" All I cared about was to close the biggest hole as fast as possible. Giving me something else to think about.

"Her stomach." Poppy slowly began to remove some of the bandages and I saw the marks of teeth, claws and inhumanity. Her liver was exposed, but the rest seemed to be superficial scratches.

I magicked up a needle and surgical line, made it, as well as my hands sterile and started by her hip. It wasn't easy to make the skin-fringes lay properly and she would have some heavy scarring. The repeating motion made my head calm.

Press skin together. Piece the skin. Run the suture through. Tie it together and cut off. Make sure it won't loosen. Start over again.

The hours ticked by and people was moved around, seen to by the slowly shifting staff of healers and nurses. I caught Ron's eye for a moment as he was given a potion. He seemed both tired and happy. Without the three teenagers the entire world may have gone under Voldemort's reign. Scary.

The wounds on her face was deep and would cause a lot of work to look nice again. Still it would always be deformed, I knew that as I laid the gashed skin side by side. Pierce the skin, running the thin line through and tying it as firmly as possible, the skin laying almost as if nothing had happened.

Bill walked over to me and placed a hand on my shoulder. "Who is it?" His voice was soft and caring, so in contrast with what we had just experienced.

"Actually, I don't know." I stopped my routine and shook some hair out of my face. I had lost the power to hold the beauty-charms I was shallow enough to cast over myself, now my hair had gone into it's natural long, dark straw-coloured state. If I wasn't much mistaken the scars on my back and shoulders were visible too.

He picked up a chart and looked over it. "Katie Bell. I have to pay her a visit soon." He sighed and I began stitching again.

"We're going home, to Shell Cottage. George and Charlie's coming too. The rest is going to the Burrow." He looked as if he wanted me to stop and come with them, not be alone here.

"Okay," I told him in an indifferent voice, ignoring the urge to fling myself into his arms, to cry, to beg him to hold me until I fell asleep. It wasn't the right thing to do now.

Instead I started to remove the bandages on Katie's arms, relieved to see it had stopped bleeding on its own.

I sat down at the edge of the bed. The room was quiet, a strip of moonlight got in through the big windows. "Finished?" Poppy whispered to me. She was making her rounds again, checking everyone, taking a test here and there. I shook my head and sighed.

"I need help turning her over so I can get to her back," I whispered back. The part about turning her I may have handled, but I was afraid of blocking the airways.

In silence we rolled the young woman over on the side and I took the oil-lamp closer to inspect. It wasn't as bad as her front, but a deep rip went from her shoulder-blade and down, crossing her spine. The white of the bone was almost visible.

"Oh, dear." She sounded terrified. I only shrugged and started at the top, wondering how I would stretch the skin over the spine. "We have another girl, she wasn't affected as much, but still have some horrible gashes. She's in the transfiguration room..." I could clearly hear the plea in her voice.

"Yeah, when I get done here." If I get done here.

"Hello. Are you Miss Casey? Madam Pomfrey told me you were coming." I looked at the girl, sitting up in the bed, looking at me as if I were an alien. I nodded and started removing the bandages on her arms.

"What are you doing?" Her voice was already starting to annoy me, it was high-pitched and if she had giggled, she would sound like a Barbie-doll. Or how I imagine them to sound like.

"I have to remove them to be able to stitch you up." I slowly sterilised the equipment again, smeared on some anaesthetic balm and began working.

"Will that actually work?" She asked sceptically after I had done about a dozen.

"Yes. If you don't want it, I can stop right away." She shook her head and watched me for a little while again.

"You know, I'm in the same year as Harry Potter. My name's Lavender Brown, and I dated his friend, Ron Weasley for a while." I desperately wished she heard how stupid she sounded. Apparently not, she kept talking in the same manner, louder and louder, not caring about the other patients trying to sleep in the same room. I only nodded and pretended to listen. When I was done with her arms I started to unbutton her shirt.

"What do you think you're doing?" That voice could splinter glass and I looked up at her again, my face back at being a mask.

"If you want a deep scar going between your tits, fine." She looked both shocked and a bit curious. "Pomfrey told me what I should do." I continued to unbutton it. The slash was more on the upper parts of her breast, crossing from the collarbone to the arm-pit. I may have misunderstood.

"The only other person who have ever opened my shirt like that was Won-Won..." I blocked her out, more stories about her love-life would make me sick.

The sun had crept up over the horizon. I was back in the hospital wing, standing motionless by a window. Too many had escaped. The Order would have to catch them, seeing as it was unlikely the Ministry would recover in a blink.

Snape. Dead, just as everyone else. James and Lily had turned to dust long ago. Only the memories lingered. Bellatrix, finally taken out. Remus, never given a proper chance at happiness. Fred, not fair.

Someone talked, but it took a moment before I could wrench my attention towards it. "All the bodies of the Death Eaters are going in the classroom to the left. It's marked. The Aurors and people from the Order of the Phoenix in the room to the right, that's marked too. The rest is going in the big room. Also marked ." I looked at the person, unable to register anything beside that he was tall and dark. Carrying dead people, what more to set off this day?

I made my way down to the Great Hall with half a dozen other. They had the same pale, expressionless faces I had seen on myself when I had splashed some water in my face an hour ago.

Entering, I smelled it. Rotting flesh. The sun had started heating the room. I swallowed and went to the closest row, checking the young woman's wrists. No mark. My brain slowly took in her curved, dark eyebrows, her plum-coloured lips, her small nose. She had been, and still was pretty. But I didn't recognise her and she didn't have the right robes, so she belonged in the biggest room. I lifted her and she weighed less than I expected.

When I crossed the threshold of the classroom I felt the heavy cooling charms cast to stop the decomposing. Many hospital-style aluminium-shelves, reaching up to the ceiling, some already occupied by corpses. I laid the woman down on the nearest empty one and went back, a few more having joined the moving process.

This time I went over to a big man, his wand still in his hand. Dark-marked. "We'll take it together." I looked up and saw Auror Smith. He had became greyer since last time I had seen him. Without saying any more we carried the body into the smaller room. It was just the same, cool and with shelves.

We took some more together before I went to where Remus had been laying. Now he had been moved to one of the rooms. Fred still laid there, a smirk playing on his grey lips. I took a deep breath and lifted him over my shoulder. It was a heavy burden to bear, emotionally. I straightened up, finding my balance.

_Thump._ Something fell to the ground behind me. I froze. Oh, please tell me it wasn't what I think it was! My heart would have raced and I slowly put the body back down. The neck was a greyish stump and the smell of rotting intestines oozed out. I turned, not wanting to see it. But something was there, landed a couple of inched behind my heel. His head.

I sat down on my knees, nauseated, took it up and cradled it in my arms. My unnecessarily breath closed in on hyperventilation and Smith ran over to see what happened. "Oh, God!" He looked just as terror-struck as I felt.

"I just picked him up..." It came out as a high-pitched whisper as I stroke the red hair.

"Go home, we're enough people here anyway." He took the head carefully from me and placed it next to the body. I swallowed again, my stomach churning at what I had just done. "Go down to the Broomsticks and take the Floo home." His voice was firm and I slowly moved away from the mess. The cervical stood out for me, crushed.

The entrance hall was still covered in stones, dust and other remains after the battle. The grounds outside looked fairly normal at first, until I noticed the blood-stains on rocks and grass, giant footprints...

My legs gave out under me as I passed the winged boars. I looked over at the dark trees. A word had spread during the night, that Harry had dropped the Resurrection Stone there. I doubted it even existed at all, someone must have hit their head and thought the tale of the three brothers was real. Still I wondered.

"Accio Resurrection Stone." It was ridiculous to think anything would happen, but a small stone placed itself in my palm. I hold it up, looking closer at it, deciding that it looked common enough, but magic never lies. I pulled the edge of my top up, liquified the skin for a moment and pressed it in. It settled next to my kidney, safe from the world.

Unsteady I walked on, my knees making contact with the ground a couple of more times before I got to the village. I pushed open the door, escaping the sun, bird-chatter, green leaves.

Rosmerta gave me the Floo-powder without asking, just a worried look. When I came out in the living-room I quickly stood up straight before Fleur came to see who was intruding her home. I looked at her and was filled with an anger at her judging look, telling me I should have been here earlier.

"Go burn in hell," I told her flatly and threw myself down on the couch, covering my eyes with my dirty arm. I just wanted to sleep, never wake up to deal with all the pain. Someone else walked to the side of the sofa.

"Kevin, you look awful." Charlie is the only one that could get away with that now, with his soft tone. I sighed and pushed my arm over my head so I could see him. It looked as if he had been crying.

"I've spend all night stitching up Katie Bell and Lav-Lav Brown. And draggin' dead bodies around today." My voice shook at the though of the decapitation.

He must have caught the coded message and laid down beside me. I gripped hard around him. His body was warm against my cold one. His breath steady against my non-existing. A knot formed in the lower parts of my stomach. I didn't deserve to have someone care so much about me. Remus had been right in divorcing me twenty years ago. Teddy would never get to know his parents.

I held harder around his back, if I let go I would dissolve into a million pieces, scattered for the winds. He shifted, laying more on top of me, sheltering me for the emotional hurricane.

"He's dead. If I had more observant at least one of them would have survived." I made myself speak the words, muffled by his chest, even though it tore me apart. If I closed up now they would eat me up from inside.

"It was nothing you could have done, nothing any of us could have done." His voice was full of tears and it sounded like he had to convince himself too. I put one of my legs around his thigh, trying to believe him.

"Honey?" Soft-spoken words and a stroke of my hair woke me. My back hurt from the bump on the the cushions.

"Mhm..." I put my right arm between our bodies, it was cold after laying over his side for several hours. He kissed my forehead.

"I think you should know this... George tried to drown himself. In the bathtub." I could hear the lump in his throat, the lump holding one of his greatest fears. I took a deep breath. The image of two caskets, one funeral appeared.

"I understand. A bath may not have been a bad idea." The last was added so he wouldn't notice what I had just revealed, that death would be an easy solution now.

"Yeah... I think I'll share that with you," he whispered, tone just sharp enough to tell me he had noticed. Of course, trying to drown me would be like trying to drown a fish: Pretty useless.

He slowly sat up and took me into his arms. I didn't bother to protest as he carried me up the stairs, into the shiny bathroom and carefully let me go. I noticed the tiles had the same glimmer as Fleur's hair and skin as I took of my top. My jeans were smeared in with things I've probably never get off again.

"What kind of mess is that?" Charlie picked them up again after I threw them on the floor. I looked at the black fabric and waves of horror rushed from my head to toes as I felt the now too-familiar smell. I didn't answer, just went to put in the stopper and turn on the water. "Well, what? It smells like vomit, just worse. And I would like to know why it is on the back of your trousers." I knew he was trying to fish out more details about the day, but that was the one thing I couldn't say.

I sat down on the edge of the tub and looked him in the eyes. He understood I wasn't going to answer him and we finished undressing.

He got in first, I sitting with my back against his chest, his body sheltering me again. Slowly, I started to rub the grime off my arms with just water and my hands. At first it went easy, but the last layer just wouldn't go away. I reached for the sponge and rubbed harder. His big hands went around my wrists and held them still.

"You are clean now." The words were soft but untrue. I could still see and smell the blood on my arms, blood from when I held the head.

"No, I still have... Gouge." I wrenched my hands free and kept rubbing, hard, wanting to get the mess off.

He took my hands again and made me turn to see his face. "What kind of gouge?" His eyes told me I had to answer. Truthfully.

My stomach began to shake, the prelude of an emotional breakdown. "I... lifted up a corpse and... The head came off... It had started to decompose already... Old blood and stomach acid." It came out in gasps and the rest of my body started shivering. He took me into a tight hug and rocked slowly from side to side, me laying sideways against him. "It was Fred." I said it so quietly I hoped he hadn't heard.

The rocking stopped at once, his jaw clenching a bit. "I'm sorry." The words were useless, but he didn't respond anyway. We sat like that for a while, he still as a statue, I shaking of weariness and stress. I looked down on my arms again. They were red, but clean. "Please say something." The silence was driving me mad. Or madder, it looked like.

He swallowed audibly and took a deep breath, making my whole body move. "What should I say? I'm sorry it was you?" It sounded like he was struggling to make up his mind. Now it was my turn to be lost for words. "I _am_ sorry it was you. I have planned on visiting my brothers for years, spending some time with them, having fun. In the last year one have been attacked by a werewolf, one lost an ear, one been hunted by the Dark Lord and one is now a headless corpse," he confessed flatly. At least that's what it sounded like. I didn't say anything, just closed my eyes, hoping he had the power to help us both through the next months.

_It was sunny, just hot enough. The kitchen at the Burrow was empty, flowers on the table. I took my glass of water and went into the sitting-room. The quiet summer air made me smile, this was paradise. I just had to find the others so I could tell them about my promotion._

_They were probably out in the garden, playing quidditch or something. I pushed open the veranda door I had helped Arthur and Gideon put in just weeks before. A light breeze caressed my arms and I looked around in the green garden. Empty too. How strange. I walked on, between the trees, light filtered through the canopy. _

_Then I saw them and the clearing turned dark and cold. Charlie first. Then Fabian, Bill and Molly. Ron, Percy, George and Gideon. Ginny. Harry or James. All decapitated, their bodies turning greyer and colder._

_And at last, Fred. Bloodier, messier and standing up, eyes lightning from the head he was holding up. _

I hastily sat up and turned around. His neck was whole, his eyes alive. It had just been a dream. I succumbed and threw myself into his arms, wrapping my legs around him, my arms under his armpits and held on.

I held on for dear life, my nails drawing blood from his back. He hold on to me almost as hard. It dawned on me that he had the support of his whole family if he needed it, I only had him. Sure, they would probably try to help me as much as they could, but now my well-being was in Charlie's hands.

I tightened the hold I had with my legs around his hips and the bizarre thought of sex appeared in my head, making me want to slap myself. I could feel him thinking along the same lines and let go.

"That's just really wrong, considering the situation," I commented and he got that look of partly being amused, partly ashamed.

"I know, but I can't help that you're hot," he said mildly. No, I wasn't. I couldn't be, I was a murderer and had molested the corpse of his brother. His innocent brother, at least when it came to war.

He kept ogling me and I looked down on his chest. Muscles, some evidence of old burns. Against my better judgement I was turned on. "No," I said firmly and pushed away, sitting on the opposite side of the tub. Another silence stretched on.

"I know this isn't a great time to talk about it, but where does it leave us?" He sounded like a schoolboy. No, younger, like he was seven and had impressed him with a fire-charm.

"Us?" I knew what he was talking about, but dragged it out so I could try to think, drawing my legs up against my body.

"You and me. Are we a couple or are we just friends, with or without 'benefits'?" He tried to catch my eyes, but I avoided him.

"Where were we a year ago?" Before I had to go into hiding. When they had been seven siblings.

"On the edge of something. Dating, even though pizza and telly is hardy considered the top of romance." He smiled at the memory, us laying on the old sofa of our flat, watching some Romanian sit-com.

"I don't think we can just pick it up from there. I can't move on with everything at once." The idea of keeping myself alive and sane for a week was strange. The idea of a serious relationship was totally alien.

"So then we're just stalling it. Until... Our lived are more organised." His voice had suddenly become deeper, like he was covering up the sadness and disappointment. I knew him all too well for it to fool me.

I put my arms around my knees and rested my chin on them, wishing I was somewhere else instead. Somewhere a war hadn't just ended. Somewhere my mind didn't keep running around the same subjects all the time.

No matter how much I went over it, it wouldn't change. Remus and Tonks had died, Teddy only had his grandmother and godfather. George would become broken, ripped apart by the loss none of us had really taken in yet. Many other was killed too, many I knew, but hadn't still heard of their deaths.

"Hand me the shampoo," I said after a long time.

I slumped down by the cupboard, looking for the one with the most alcohol. It would be a full moon in not-too-long. The house was still, as it should be three o'clock in the morning, the others sleeping. But I had became irritable after twisting and turning in the bed for several hours and had got up before I woke Charlie, instead of having him worrying over me. It would be too easy to sleep at night, in a soft bed beside the nicest person in the world. At least that what my head had aimed for.

Unable to decide I took several bottles with me into the kitchen. George sat by the table, one of Fleur's best knives to his chest.

"That's going to hurt and take a long time," I commented dryly.

I took out two glasses and sat down opposite him, he looked into my eyes. His had lost the inflexible glint, now they were red-rimmed and tired. But the mix of both green and brown on the blue base was still there. I broke the contact, sadly seeing to much of his twin in him.

"What?" He asked dumbly and put the knife down on the table.

"If you were serious about it you would have done it already. And I recommend poison, quick and painless." I drew a breath and he looked at me like that was the stupidest suggestion he had heard ever.

"Whisky, Sambuca, Vodka or Baileys?" The question was delivered shakily and I wished I could be strong, at least for an hour, just so he could feel safe. Instead of answering he took the bottle of whisky and put it to his lips. "Easy..." I tried to warn him as I poured myself a full glass of Sambuca.

"If that's what it takes for me to sleep, relax for a couple of hours... You're not my mother!" He went from pale and powerless to furious in less than a second. I took a sip and the liquor burned in my dry mouth.

"No, I'm not. But it's you that have to explain to Bill why all his whisky is gone." I tried to keep calm.

"You got it out!" He was raising his voice.

"Yeah, you're right. I'll take the blame for this, just keep drinking." He took me on my word and emptied half the bottle.

This was really a pathetic scene, two people drinking themselves to sleep, not saying a word to each other, wrapped up in their own misery. After the third glass of Sambuca in less than an hour I took a drop of the Bailey's. George had moved over to the vodka, having finished the whisky.

"We're going to have one hell of a hang-over," he pointed out. He is, at any rate, with some luck I'll be able to cure mine by drinking water. He hiccoughed and looked at me again, this time with some of the sparkle back in his eyes. "Where are your daughters?"

"Hos 'Ndromeda." Time to get back to bed, I'm mixing languages and dropping letters. "Have to pick them up tomorrow. But now I'm going to bed." I stood up and waited for him to agree to do that too.

"'Night," was all he said. I hoped he was going to find the bed soon, but I couldn't make him.

After tripping as I went up the stairs and almost walking in the wrong door I crawled together under the sheets next to Charlie, his body emitting enough heat to keep us both warm.

**AN: Since it seems you managed to finish the first chapter, feel free to leave a review, I'd love to hear your honest opinion.**


	2. Part I, chapter 2

I was awaken by the sound of Charlie dressing. It wasn't even that loud, just some rustling of the jeans. When I sat up he looked at me and seated himself in front of me. I crossed my legs under the thin sheet to give him more space.

His eyes were worried and he took hold of my shoulders with his warm hands. "How are you?" He sounded as if I was on my deathbed.

"Fine. Or really, terrible, but I'll do fine." I hoped I could make it through with him.

After I had dressed in the too big clothes I had borrowed, Fleur's jeans and Bill's t-shirt, we slowly went downstairs, holding hands to make sure the other didn't abandon. Everything seemed to move slowly. I stopped and looked down at the sofa we had slept on yesterday, the light fabric full of smudges from my clothes and skin. It made the knot in my stomach a little bigger.

"'Ello. 'Ow was your night?" Fleur and Bill had come down the stairs without me noticing.

"Relaxing," Charlie answered while I kept staring at the stains. The others joined me out of curiosity.

"I'm sorry," I said and swallowed to make the knot ease a bit. Out of the corner of my eye I could see Fleur's lightly confused face, Bill laying an arm around her waist.

"Oh, zhat's no problem," she said and waved her wand, all the smudges disappearing at once.

"No, you have no idea how sorry I am." My voice was dripping with regret, but I wasn't sure what I was apologising for now; the decapitating, not being stronger, not saving more people...

"I am so sick of hearing that. I am hereby forbidding that word, we don't have to be sorry for being alive!" Bill's voice was firm, but I could still detect a small tremble. Maybe he was right, we should stop blaming ourselves. Yeah, like that was going to happen any time soon.

"I'm hungry." When _isn't_ Charlie hungry? At least it lifted my spirit to know that in all the chaos, some things were still normal.

We walked into the kitchen to find George asleep by the table, one hand around a bottle, his head resting down on his arm. Bill went over and took the vodka-bottle, lifted it up to eye level and got an disappointed look. "He's taken almost everything, this was as good as full. And all my whisky, that was actually pretty expensive."

"Hey, Georgie, wakey now." Charlie had taken a light grip around the younger's chin and waited for him to open his eyes.

A deep groan. He opened his heavy lids and groaned again, trying to lift his arms before slumping back down.

"Poor zhing. Should we try to get 'im to bed?" She sounded concerned and moved closer to the table.

"Yeah, give me a hand here." Bill motioned for his brother to take hold under the other arm and they heaved the mass up.

"He wet himself," I said in a whisper as the dark fabric caught my attention. And I was responsible for getting him the liquor. I wanted to lay down and curl into a ball, instead I compromised by squatting down against the wall.

"May just have spilled some of the drink. Anyway..." Bill pointed his wand toward the jeans and they dried up. I didn't want to tell him I could still smell the urine.

"'E's really far down now, we must take care of him." Thank you, miss Obvious.

An owl pecked on the window while Charlie was trying to feed me some of his eggs. I didn't want it, didn't need it. Fleur opened the window and took the envelope, looking a while at it.

"He's sleeping in his bed, a bucket next to him. I have a feeling some of what he poured down wants to get back up." Bill said it as if he was talking about work and went to give his wife a kiss before she handed him the letter. I took the piece of food that have been hanging in front of my face for the last minute and discovered it to be quite good.

"It's from your mother." She whispered it like it was a secret.

Bill opened and scanned it, his eyes growing darker by ever line he read. At last he sighed and sat down, putting his head in his hands.

"We have to pick up the body. Meeting at the Broomsticks in an hour." He was dreading it, the only reason why he would say it so toneless.

My body tensed up and I felt sick. They will all know it in less than two hours. They are going to... Shut me out, never talk to me, get me locked up somewhere. My eyes darted around the room, trying to find a way to say it, or at least warn them. No, I couldn't be there, I had to think.

I got up and almost sprinted out in the sitting room, quickly deciding to run upstairs, into the bathroom and sat down beside the toilet. I blinked for no good, trying to get the image of the head next to the corpse away.

I turned towards the bowl and coughed, ending in throwing up the water I drank some minutes earlier. It couldn't get much worse, so I laid down and curled up just before Charlie opened the door.

"Oh, honey," was all he said and sat down, taking me closer to him.

"I'm coming with you, but it's an awful sight, bloody and messy. I can't take it again, specially with all around," I said, not knowing how much he understood through my clenched teeth and periodically gasps for air. Again I sat up and vomited at the thought of how Fred must look now, rotting from the inside.

"Shh..." He had seated himself behind me, but this time his closeness was suffocating. I went into cramps, gripping the edge of the toilet.

"Let's not worry about that yet. Beside, you don't have to come." His voice was tender, but scared, his breath shallow.

"Yes I do." It was a crazy things to do, but the least thing I could do was explaining it to them.

He let me go and stood up. "Okay, if that's how you feel."

How could he understand my need to see it again just to know it hadn't been a bad dream, a fragment of my imagination?

"I'm going with you!" George stood in front of the fireplace, doing a very good impression of a stubborn six-year-old.

"You're sick. And what good will it do?" Bill hadn't lost his patience yet. I concentrated very hard on the white vase on the table, taking in every blue flower, trying to stay awake.

"It's Fred!" The two words shook the room, not because of the decibel it was shouted at, but we realised it really was. Had been.

"Fine." The oldest brother seemed to be afraid to say anything against that and handed him the Floo powder. Fleur was the second to leave, then Bill, me and Charlie at last.

We were met by a pale Arthur, Molly sitting down at a nearby table with a cup of strong tea clutched in her hands. I sunk down on the chair next to her.

"We haven't got information on where to collect him." Arthur's voice was as toneless as his son's had been.

"I know where..." My voice mirrored me: small, tense, horrible.

"Where's Ginny and Ron?" George asked while inspecting his sneakers. Little Ginny, seeing the carcass formerly known as her brother? The knot did a double-turn.

"Home. Harry and Hermione are with them." Arthur put his hands on Molly's shoulders, but she kept still, hands around the cup.

Bill looked at his watch, then around at us and we silently agreed to walk up to the castle. Arthur led Molly out the door with his arm around her and Fleur had a firm grip around Bill's lower arm. George walked between me and Charlie, all of us gazing three feet in front of us, trying not to trip.

Again I was in the Entrance Hall. They had cleaned it up a bit, but the battle still hang in the air like a ghost. I walked over to the door I knew led to the biggest room. A register hang on the wall beside it, listing many names and some just as _blonde witch, 20-25 yrs._ or such.

Smith walked over to us and tried to smile, it turned out as a tired grimace. "Fred Weasley," Arthur croaked out, Smith nodded and got a stretcher and big, white sheet.

"I'll –" George began before Bill stopped him.

"I'll go with you, Dad." They disappeared among the shelves with Smith. Molly clung to George's arm, Charlie edging closer to me, either to support me or get comforted. Both were useless as I was preparing a little speech for when they got back.

After what felt like a week they did, a mass under the sheet on the stretcher between them. "Um... I can't really say this, but..." Bill's voice was thick with tears. "They lost his head..."

"What?" The knot moved up to my chest and I wrenched off the sheet, revealing the stump of a neck, smelling even worse than I recalled, and started looking around the rest of the stretcher frantically. It had to be here!

"No, Merlin, they can't have, he said, I..." I realised I had trusted the wrong people and the darkness crept forward, making me dizzy, and I fell into it. Into the black unconsciousness where there was no direct pain. When I opened my eyes again I saw a pair of purple-brown eyes. "Helena...?" I hadn't seen her for years, and now Helena Livingstone was bending over me.

"Are you okay? You haven't been out for more than a couple of minutes, but you should go up to the hospital wing." Her dark eyebrows furrowed as I hastily got up.

George was standing with his lower arm resting up against the wall, his forehead on it and puke on the wall and floor underneath. Bill and Arthur looked ready to faint too, the sheet back over the stretcher. Molly was sobbing in Fleur's arms, the younger slowly patting her hair. Charlie was standing next to them, fists and jaw clenched and silent tears running down his cheeks. He hadn't believed me on how bad it was, or hadn't expected to have to _look _for the head.

"I'm sorry, I should have stayed–" I began rambling before Bill cut me off.

"No, don't. It's not your fault."

"Yes, it is! I was supposed to carry him in there, but when I lifted him over... It just fell off, but I should have made sure it... No... If I had been more careful..." I lost the ability to make any more words.

"You couldn't have predicted this. We have the same problem with many of the others, even though it's below freezing in there hands keep falling off, cheeks cave in... We don't know why, it may be something about the castle." Helena looked puzzled by the problem. I went over to Charlie, stroke away one of his tears and he put his arms around me.

Dumbledore would have known why, and how to fix it. Or Remus, he had read every book in the library at least once. Obviously we couldn't ask them, we just had to let it happen, hoping it would stop. A more pressing matter was that we couldn't leave without _all _of Fred.

I quickly decided to walk into the jungle of shelves, the smell and sight making me shiver, the temperature didn't bother me. No sight of red hair. Wait, there! No, it was someone else.

After thinking I had found it several times I slowed down, my eyes taking in every colour. Pink. Still from this distance I could see her necklace, a cross that had belonged to Sirius. On the shelf above her husband was laying. I made my way to him, disgusted by the fact that he was one of the ones with destroyed cheeks, teeth just visible through the grey flesh. If I stood there any longer he would be covered in tears and vomit too, so I kept going.

Too soon I hit the wall in the back, and had to turn around if I wanted to go down another lane of death. I looked around, trying to make up my mind if it was worth it, I had already discovered too many I had known were gone.

Then, just as I was about to turn back, a small tuft of red under the bottom shelf caught my eye. I sat down on my knees and took it to me, cradling it again. Both the eyes and cheeks were darker, set deeper. I blocked out the smell as much as possible and tried to make out what to do next.

A hand griped my shoulder gently and I looked up. It was Arthur, his face a mask. "I'm sorry," I mouthed, not able to speak. He bent down beside me and took his son's head out of my arms, turning and disappearing among the shelves again.

I sat like that for what felt like a year, slightly leaned forward, loathing myself for being weak, not having the strength to as much as blink. In the end Charlie came and placed himself in front of me, lifted my chin with two fingers to look at me and removed the string of saliva from the corner of my mouth.

"They're taking him home. The funeral is on the ninth, that's the soonest available." He sighed and I could see in his eyes he was hurting too.

"I have to pick up Lisa and Mina." I said it slowly, trying to get my mind on something else, but was too exhausted for it to work.

"Okay. Can you stand up?" No wonder he asked, I couldn't even keep my lips together, drooling like a retard. I shook my head and he lifted me up, I clung to his neck with both my arms, relaxing a bit when we got out on the grounds.

"You can put me down now." I wasn't sure I was able to stand yet, but I didn't want Andromeda to fuss over me. He rang the doorbell and the door opened at once, she had to have seen us from the window.

"Hi." It looked like she had spend the night crying and I felt bad about leaving her alone with three children, all under the age of three. I stepped over the threshold, almost gave her a hug, but couldn't bring myself to.

"Bellatrix was the one who killed her." My throat was dry and my heart ached for her.

"I know." She had to be as tired as me, barely remaining on her feet.

"I'm sorry." I wish I had a stronger word for the way I felt, consumed by emotions. Charlie stroke my back and I couldn't understand why I wasn't as strong as him.

Some blurry minutes later I stood in the room with the two cots. Moving up to one of them I took up the small boy and held him close, the closest I would ever get to his parents again.

"Kevin..." I had trouble distinguishing if Charlie wanted me to put the baby down or just felt with me. I put him down anyway and looked at my own three months old daughter. Her golden hair was too long, her body too warm. When I didn't do anything Charlie picked her up, gave me a look and stroked my hair with his free hand. I magically packed the cot together and looked shortly at Teddy, entertaining himself by mimicking my hair-colour.

When we got into the living room I was met by the toddler, running to hug my legs, but I only stared out in the air, gripping the small suitcase harder. Some part of my brain noticed Charlie saying thanks and good-bye and that we Flooed back to Shell Cottage, but I didn't awake before I sat on the couch and Bill tried to speak to me.

"Huh?" I looked properly at his scarred face.

"You need to talk to someone. Let me help you." He placed one of his hands over mine shivering one.

"How can you and Charlie and Arthur be so strong while I'm a mess, not able to take care of myself or my family?" My tired mind started randomly making pictures of George hanging by the neck in a rope to be discovered when the maggots were having a feast on him. I got up and stumbled up the stairs, into the bathroom and threw up nothing but stomach acid.

The image in my head wasn't far from what was happening to his twin. It shifted to be Remus, pushed over the edge by the death of his wife, worms creeping out if his mouth. Myself, fat flies around on the walls. I retched again for the umpteenth time this day and Charlie came in, probably having heard me from our temporarily bedroom where he had been setting up the crib.

He sat down behind me and took me into a hug. "Just relax..."

I tried to do so, but my body was cramping up again. He put his cheek against the side of my head and I listened to his breathing growing faster, my torso doing involuntary jolts back against him. Suddenly he gripped around my arms swiftly before falling backwards. I wrenched around and saw him laying there hyperventilating, head turning back and forth.

"No, Charlie, No! Snap out of it. No! No!" My shouts became shriller with every word and I gripped his shirt, trying to shake him. "No, don't do this to me! No!" I felt my arms and chest tingle and cold sweat breaking out all over my body. He had to be strong, keep it together for both of us! His eyes started to roll and the first sob escape me.

Bill came in and pushed me off, setting his younger brother up against the wall and holding his head to make eye-contact. "Breath, breath with me, it's going to be fine. Now, take a breath, exhale slowly, and again. It's going just fine."

I watched them from where I was laying on the floor, every muscle spasming, silently gasping, praying Charlie would be okay.

"Okay, deep breath now, good. Sit up a bit more and focus on the breathing, calmly." Bill sat down properly after bending down for so long. "There. Why did it suddenly become too much?"

Charlie just keep breathing, eyes closed now, and shook his head slowly. Bill finally turned his attention on me, lifting me up on his lap and whispered in my ear that it was going to be okay, he was there for me. I gained a bit of control, but was still shaking like mad.

"No..." I stopped repeating it.

"Please tell me." He sounded really worried.

"Take care of Elisabet and Wilhelmina for me." A last tremble went through me and I felt the wet seeping out between my legs.

"You need help." He was right, but I just curled up against him, finally crying, the tears soaking his black shirt. How was I supposed to pull through when I had broken Charlie?

"I'm taking you to St. Mungo's."

"No, they won't do her any good." Charlie had got up on his knees and moved closer so he could brush the hair out of my face, crying too. I loosened my grip and tried to touch his cheek, but my hand was to clumsy and he took a gently grip around it, sat even closer and rested his torso on us.

Bill sniffed, but didn't object and we sat like that, a monolith of emotions. A couple of times they drew a shaking breath, but we were calmer. Together we may forget the horrible sight that had been Fred.

I gagged and my back turned upwards in an arch, pressing against the brothers. When it relaxed again they looked at me, wondering if it would happen again, if I needed professional help.

"Sleep..." Uttering the single word was hard and caused the cold-sweat to cover my body. Without any more ado Bill got up, carried me and put me on the unmade bed. Charlie followed, took of my clothes and folded the sheet once before laying it over me and sat down, holding my hand with both of his until I fell asleep. But his face wasn't the same, it had the look of someone dealing with failure.

"Ah!" The short yell woke me and I sat up. Charlie had done the same next to me, now running out the door and down the stair, heading for the smallest bedroom. I couldn't move, just sat still, waiting for him to come up and tell me George was dead too. The black-haired child beside me moved and opened her eyes, curious at why I didn't sleep.

When he got back, he was accompanied with a very alive and wild-eyed George. "He had a nightmare," he said and I nodded, agreeing on sharing the bed with one more and they both got in, Charlie last, putting an arm over the side of his brother. I drifted off again, the toddler laying against my belly.

Not long after I was waken by whimpers coming from the ex-twin. The door creaked and Bill came in, stroked his hair a couple of times and it was silent again. When he didn't leave, but stood there watching over his brothers like a hawk, I motioned for him to lay down behind me. He did so, extended his arm over me to touch George and sighed.

"Reminds me of when you looked after us because Mum and Dad was taking a trip by themselves and it was a thunderstorm..." he whispered.

"And you all ended up in their bed with me," I finished with a small smile. Every time Molly had had up to her ears and Arthur got a day off they would leave me in charge of the kids, hoping they wouldn't kill me. Almost every time one of them had a bad dream, had to go to the bathroom, was hungry or thirsty and ended up in the master bedroom with me. As the sibling-flock grew and got older it often ended with someone using me as a pillow or mattress.

"Let's sleep," I said mostly to myself, relaxed and put a hand on the back of my daughter's head, soon asleep between the men.

Again I was woken, this time by a buzzing. I shifted a bit and tried to make out the words. "I was so scared, you were gone without any sign of where..." Fleur's voice died away and I opened my eyes, seeing Bill holding a finger to her lips and her pale face almost glowing in the dark room.

"Shut up and lay down," I said as friendly as I mustered and closed my eyes again. I heard the mattress creak as she did and sighed. Now it should be possible to sleep a couple of hours in the overcrowded bed.

Turned out I had no such luck, at the break of dawn cries echoed from the cot and I crawled out of the foot-end of the bed. She was hungry and I took her up, directing her to my breast and wondered when last time had been. At least two days, and I didn't know what Andromeda had fed her. I was an awful mother, leaving my children in the care of someone I barely knew, just so I can go and risk my life. Not feeding them. Not making them feel loved. Not stopping kidnappers.

I couldn't forgive myself for letting Kaya be alone in the tent when they found us, just long enough for them to take her. She should have been attending her first year at Hogwarts, where it should have been safe. Instead I had fled during the attack of the wedding, leaving us to live in a tent for many months, shifting locations every day without magic, she had the trace on her.

And I knew all along I was pregnant, having taken advantage of Bill, drunk after his bachelor party. I'm an awful person, no wonder I have issues. _Awful._

I put the infant back down since she was done and crawled back into the bed, collapsing on top of George, too tired to move a finger.


	3. Part I, Chapter 3

"You 'ave to eat," Fleur told me and George again, the only two still in bed. He only crossed his arms and stared at the ceiling. I swung my legs over the edge, tired of her nagging and pulled on the t-shirt that had been on the floor and went to the bathroom. When I passed the door again she hadn't made any more progress.

In the kitchen Bill had busied himself with making sandwiches by the counter, now cutting up tomatoes. Charlie was trying to keep Elisabet from making a total mess with her toast, jam covering most of her face and fingers.

"Thirsty?" Bill asked as I went to fill a glass with water. I nodded and he took the glass out of my hand, cut a small gash on his arm and let the blood drip until the glass was full. He healed it quickly and I muttered a "thanks," taking my breakfast with me to the table.

Elisabet jumped down from her chair when she saw me and I sat down, lifting her up on my lap with one arm. I took a sip and she brought the glass close to her face, smelling it and concluding she didn't like it she took the last bite of her toast.

"Can we stay here 'til after the funeral?" Getting a port-key back to Romania now would be pretty hard and the illegal we had arrived with had been one-way.

"Of course." Bill sat down with the plate in front of him, but didn't take a bite. Charlie grabbed one of the sandwiches, but only raised it to his lips. I took another sip and felt some of my strength starting to return.

"No, I don't fucking want food!" I leaned a bit to the right so I could look at the scene out in the sitting room, George shouting at Fleur, she looking hurt. "'Cause that's not going to fix a damn shit!" He flung out his arm in anger, his fist hitting the side of her head and she fell backwards.

Bill moved like a tiger, pinned his younger brother hastily to the ground and gripped his arms, holding them behind his back. George continued to swear in his rage, but it also sounded like he was crying. Fleur got up again, shaken but unhurt.

"You can cry and throw a tantrum and shout as much as you want, but never, _never_ touch my wife again, do you hear me?" His voice was like a bull's, scaring me too. George's broke and his words came out in wheezes.

I shot a look at Charlie, his eyes etched with disbelief, before hugging Lisa tighter and dug my nose into the sweet-smelling hair on top of her head. We were both terrified by the uproar, for slightly different reasons.

"Do you her me?" Bill shouted again, now gripping the younger by the hair and bending his head backwards.

"Yes." The gasp was short, but the older let go and got off his back, pulling his wife into a hug. George stayed on the floor, face turned down in the carpet.

I put Lisa down on the floor and went over to him, placed my hand on his shoulder and he turned over, laying there with tears running down his temples. It was like seeing it again, even though the skin was coloured, the chest raising and falling again, his arms shifting a little. A shiver went through my diaphragm and I dropped to my knees, the sound clear in the silence. I closed my eyes and told myself to think about something else. "You went too far," I said and waited for the apology.

"Yes, I did." No more than an acknowledgement. If it was one thing I had expected, it was for Bill to say he was sorry, forbidden or not. Maybe he was glad he had found an outlet, even though it was a mean one.

I went back to the kitchen, to the half-empty glass and drained it. Charlie had taken a bite of his food, but was now staring on the wall, sweat dripping from his upper lip. I touched his hand and he swallowed hard.

"I'm fine," he said before gritting his teeth again.

"No, you're not."

"Yes, I am." With that he closed the matter and took another bite of the sandwich. I sighed and took Elisabet back up on my lap, ignoring that I was getting covered in sticky jam.

Two minutes later the married couple sat down opposite us, he giving her his sandwich. Charlie gave Bill a repelled look and went out to help George up, then sat down on the arm of the couch, leaning forward. I got up too and went as close to him as I could without brushing up, facing him.

"What is it?" I didn't think he would answer, not anything constructive.

He looked up at me, his whole face flushed red. "He could have broken his neck." We both looked over at George, sitting on the other end of the couch.

I was determined to not have another fit, but the mental film of the loud snapping, Bill realising what he had done and backing away with his arms above his head, Fleur checking for a pulse and not finding it... It became too much and I sank down, resting my head between his legs. George was still sitting there, not reacting at all.

I began heaving for the air I didn't need, stomach churning and body trembling. No arms held around me, he was too wrapped up in his own emotions. I tried to sit up, but fell to my side, a ball of misery, trying not to wet myself again. Bill came and dragged me up and over to the fireplace.

"What are you doing?" I stuttered.

"Taking you to the hospital, it's for your own good!" His voice was still angry.

"No!" I tried to put my feet hard down so he couldn't push more. It didn't work and he tightened the hold around my upper arm. "No, please, no!" I started crying, it was so unlike him to force anyone into anything.

"Can't you hear, she said she didn't want to!" Charlie roared and pressed his older brother against the wall so he let go of me. I could hear the first punch, but didn't see who hit who from where I was sitting on the floor, crooked together in a limp mass.

A small puddle formed around me and I felt the shame rise while the fight roamed somewhere to my left. I cried, the sound making me sick, waiting for one of them to knock out the other.

"Stop, right now!" Fleur's voice was full of authority and I looked up enough to see Charlie getting ready to kick Bill in the guts, both bloody but not moving. They were trying to kill each other, actually willing to commit murder. I let out a long howl and shut my eyes, wanting it to go away, be normal, them caring about each other. I gripped my own arms, trying to stop the shaking and bent over again. The knot was threatening to finish me off, still growing and contracting.

My daughter came to me, scared about the new fight, wanting me to hold her again. I couldn't, I just stared at the floor, tears dripping off my nose. At last Charlie sat down beside us, my whole being just a series of jolts and tremors.

"I think he's right," he admitted quiet, blood running down from his nose, left ear and knuckles. I had known it all along, but we stayed in the pool of pee, tears and blood for several minutes. "Come." The gentle touch to my arm made me cringe, but he proceeded to lift me up, the movement making me dizzy.

I wanted to say I was okay, that I didn't need help, but it would have been lies. When I opened my mouth all that come out was stomach acid and blood, Charlie just having time to direct my head away from him and it splashed down on the floor. I closed my eyes weary, my head spinning, body burning.

"She's lost a lot of fluid and needs a quiet night of sleep, but that's really all we can do." The healer had a calming voice and Charlie nodded, still bloody. They crossed the room and observed me. I blinked rapidly and drew my knees up to my chin.

"How are you feeling?" She sounded like she was talking to a child. Instead of answering I turned to Charlie.

"I can't be with you." He looked confused and unsure at my simple solution.

"Why not?"

"I keep breaking you."

"Breaking me?"

"Yes, breaking you. If it hadn't been for me you wouldn't lost it in the bathroom or fought Bill." My tone was business-like and I sat up.

"What a bunch of crap. That would have happened anyway." I doubted it and he stroke my hair, making me wince. "You can't break me. Not unless you leave me." He sounded hurt and I turned away.

"Go. Make things right with your brothers." I wanted to sleep, not think. He gave me a hug I didn't return and left.

"Do you want to talk about it?" The young healer moved to my side. She sounded like she would listen to me without judging or telling anyone else, but I couldn't be sure.

"It's complicated between me and him." I looked into her brown eyes and they seemed sincere, not driven away by my cliché. "Why can't I be strong like them? Even though they get angry and cry they still function! I... I've peed my pant twice and thrown up a million times. None of them have reacted anything like that. Except George, but I think that was more due to the alcohol, and he lost his _twin,_ the person he was closest to in the world!" I crossed my arms, shaking with anger at myself.

"Maybe they just react different to emotional stress. Or you have more reason to react." Her voice was gentle and she placed a hand on my back.

"React? I should still be able to keep my body fluids to myself. The closest I lost was my ex-husband, Remus Lupin. I grew up with him, he was the first to make me feel at home at Hogwarts after I woke up there with amnesia. He was the last of the Marauders, the one that deserved most to be happy." I looked down at my hands and discovered the needle in the right one, water slowly dripping in.

"It' a special mix of potion and water for vampires, it won't hurt you. We also put in a catheter," she informed and tightened her pony-tail.

"I will always love him, maybe not like a partner, but at least like a brother." My thoughts had barely been disturbed.

"You have to try to move on, find the little things that makes life worth living. I heard you have two daughters, raise them to know love, to know happiness."

"One of them is Sirius Black's, we had a small affair not long before he died. But I guess you haven't heard of that... The other is Charlie's brother's... I have to stop being such a slut!" I tried to bang my head against the small fencing around the hospital bed, but she stopped me.

"Tell me how this is, from the start. May I?" She gestured to the bed and I nodded. She climbed over and seated herself with an arms around my waist.

"The start? I woke up in Remus's bed without any idea of who or where I was, the only sign a wand I knew was mine with the inscription of Kevin Casey. I took the name and became friends with the Marauders, falling in love with Remus and got knocked up in my seventh year. I was nineteen at the time, since I had started fourth year when I was sixteen and was bitten by a female vampire a morning when we had to go look for Remus, he had escaped during the night. I gave birth to Amy Elvendork, we had an ongoing bet that the first to have a kid had to give it that middle-name, on April fourth, getting married not long after. I had met the Weasleys when I accidentally Apparated to where Molly were giving birth to Percy and had to help her, Arthur had fainted. I got divorced after Remus attacked Amy when I was on a meeting and hadn't locked the basement door, he was down there during the full moons, when I got back from the meeting he was sitting with her remains, blaming himself again and again. After the divorce I started at the Ministry, magical creatures, having worked my way through school in the Three Broomsticks. In '85 I got transferred to a dragon-reservation in Romania against my will, I had tried to get Sirius out of prison and the court had attacked me personally. I used most of my pay-check to visit the Weasleys in the weekends, being pregnant with Bill's child on top of it all." I made a face and continued my monolog. "I also had a child with Fabian, his uncle, sent to an orphanage. I rarely saw Remus before the war started again, Order of Phoenix coming back together, and then he fell for Tonks." I stopped abruptly, my eyes burning.

"And when did you get together with Charlie?" She was so gentle, so patient at what must sound like random babbling.

"When I first met him, he was only four years old, a bit afraid of strangers. When he had learn to trust me, which didn't take long, he stuck to me like glue and we have had many nice trips up to the lake. I learned him to swim, ride a bike and broom, take care of different animals... When he was out of school it wasn't even a question of where he was going to work, and we became colleagues and room-mates. I slowly began to see him as a man, a sexy, caring, loveable man, but I didn't make any moves. All the guys I have dated have died or some other tragedy have happened to them. I didn't want to curse him with that, but he talked me into trying at last and we started semi-dating a little more than a year ago. Then the war came and now we have paused it." I listened at my own words and they sounded illogical and stupid. I closed my mouth as I started drooling again.

"I don't think it have been a curse, just that you have been very unlucky." She took me into a sideways hug and I could smell her skin, blood cascading through her veins. I could hear it too, how it was being pumped out in her limbs and back again. A hunger awoke in me, something I had been suppressing for too long.

I flung around and buried my fangs in her neck, hitting the carotid artery and the sweet liquid spilled into my mouth. I gulped it down while she screamed, terrified high screams. I swallowed more of the blood, bit harder and felt the satisfaction rise. I held her down against the mattress with strength I didn't know I had, enjoying every mouthful. In a matter of seconds I could loosen my jaws and just lick it, the taste salt, rusty and sweet.

Several men came in, dragging me off her, holding me while I was struggling to get back to my feast. I didn't succeed and one of them carried her out before the others tied my arms and legs to the blood-drenched bed, yanking the catheter and needle in my hand out painfully. I did my best to get loose, but it was all in vain, they turned off the lights and locked the door, leaving me there alone, crying.

"Let me go! You can't do this!" I yelled, knowing they actually had every right to. After a while I got to tired, the hoarse yells and crying easing before I gave up, drifting off to an uneasy sleep.

My eyelids were as good as glue together, but I forced them open. Someone was trying to unlock the door, the sound loud enough to wake me. I tried to shift into a more comfortable position, but it turned out to be impossible with my limbs strapped to the railing.

The door opened and Charlie came in, Elisabet on his hips, a big fellow following him and closed it again. Tears started to flow again as he put her down next to me and she touched my hair, confused at why I didn't sit up.

"It's going to be fine, I'll be home with you soon," I told her, not believing it fully. A series of trials would follow the attack, if the Ministry was organised enough, the possibility of a death sentence very real. She only took a bit of my hair in her small fist and looked closer at it. I wondered what went trough her mind as we stayed like that until Charlie lifted her down and asked the guard if he could take her with him and leave us alone. He did so after a bit of discussing, shooting me several nasty looks.

Charlie then proceeded to crawled into the bed and on top of me, kissing my neck gently.

"Stop it," I said as more tear descended. He calmly looked down on me.

"No, you need some loving now." He said it like it was a fact, something unchangeable. "The nights we've had together is the most amazing I have ever felt." He made it pretty clear what he had in mind with his set expression.

"No," I protested feebly as he unbuttoned his jeans with one hand and put more of his weight on me, his hard cock teasing my mixed-up feelings. He moved the kisses up to under my jaw and rested all of his lower body on me.

"Hush, baby, it'll be good." He never called me baby, it made me feel both anxious and safe at the same time.

"No, stop now." I started twisting under him, my bladder about to burst, more tears running down my temples.

"Shh, I won't hurt you, just take it easy." He stopped kissing me and put his hand so gently on my breast. I squirmed against the ropes, trying to keep my legs more together, only exiting him more.

"Stop, get off before... Before..." I couldn't get the words out through the sobs and he pressed up even more to comfort me. It broke for me, soaking our underwear, his jeans and the bedclothes, my sobs echoing in the otherwise silent room. "Not again, no, not again!" My word were barely able to make out and he slipped to the side, off of me, a stunned expression on his broad face. He got his wand and the restrains disappeared, I pressed my legs together, knowing it was too late.

"I didn't know, I should have listened to you." He sounded just as ashamed as I felt. I threw my head backwards in cramps and he took me close to his body, crying again too.

I clenched my teeth, but in the end I had to admit it. "I think I have to throw up too." He loosened his grip around me.

"There's a bathroom just across the hall." I moved up from the bed at over to the door, hoping I was wrong and the sick feeling would just pass. He came to my side, buttoned up his jeans and knocked on the door. "Open up." He sounded too steady, the lock clicked and I pulled it open, staggered into the small bathroom directly opposite and leaned over the toilet, Charlie taking hold of my hair, holding it out of the way.

Finally I vomited, the red fluid I had sacrificed my future for colouring the white porcelain. "It's okay, it's okay..." Charlie tried, but there was nothing that could relieve the fact that I was putting that woman through hell. And it was for nothing. I wiped my mouth on the big t-shirt I was wearing and saw all it was blotched in. I took it off, not wanting it to remind me. "Honey, why?" He didn't accuse me of anything, just wondered. I just let him take me into his arms again.

"I'm sorry, for everything, for being selfish and incapable." My voice shook and I tried to swallow to make me calmer, but I couldn't and started slavering on him, my eyes gliding out of focus. The door was pulled up with more force than necessary and the man that had been guard at my door entered, gripped me by the upper arm and started dragging me with him.

"What the fuck are you doing?" Charlie's temper wasn't to be tested now.

"Taking her to her cell." He pulled me into the hall, I was too numb to make any resistance.

"Cell? Prison cell? She's sick!" If I had been conscious enough I would have felt bad about letting him fight another battle for me.

"She's responsible for homicide, Healer Sheridan just passed away." All I was aware of was that I hit my head while he kept bringing me further away. Charlie ran after us.

"She needs care and medications! Let me put on her shirt again." His voice turned to a plead and the dragging stopped long enough for him to thrust the clothing over my head and got one of my arms through the right hole.

"At least tell me where!" He barely held his fury under control.

"You'll get a letter."

"No, tell me now!" He advanced and got out his wand, but the guy Stunned him in an experienced motions before taking me with him.

I didn't know for how long, it may have been five minutes or a year, but I sat on my knees, my forehead on the cold wall. The whole room was carved in dark stone, making the faces easier to recognise.

Remus. Sirius. Tonks, Ted, Teddy. Fred. Lily. James. Peter. Kaya. Gideon, Fabian.

I had given up all control and the smell must be terrible. Remus. Another dribble of saliva landed on the floor.

I had killed several people, just as Bellatrix had done to her cousin and niece.

Fabian. Bill. Sirius. Charlie. The images didn't stop. Ginny. Molly. Gideon. George-Fred.

Someone stood over me, calling me names and kicked me in the ribs before leaving. I don't think I felt it.

Amy. Fred. They should have grown up together, fallen in love and had a long carefree life together. A silly fantasy of two pregnant women wanting a happy ending.

Healer Sheridan... She had listened to me even when I just rambled about people and things she knew nothing of, tried to help me and I had paid her by taking her life. No doubt that they will have me executed as fast as possible.

An unknown amount of time later the person came back and kicked me again, causing me to vomit, the mass just seeping out of my mouth.

Sirius... Remus...

I was covered in moisture by another fit of sweating, even though it was cold in the small room. Elisabet. Wilhelmina. He would have to raise them. Kaya. Amy. No happy ending.

Teddy. Tonks.

Time stretched on.

Charlie.

I hadn't heard the door open, just looked up in his tired and concerned face, dark rings under his eyes and stubble a bit too long. I blinked once and he flung his big body over me in a hug and, gasping for air, told me I was free of charge. I couldn't react, just be there.

"They settled on that you couldn't be hold responsible for your actions," he said into my hair. I tried to smile, but the muscles didn't react. At least my daughters will have a mother, even though she's a murderer.

"Come, Dad's meeting us." We both got up unsteady and walked out the oak-door, into a long, black hallway. I the end of it was a steep staircase and we made our way up, stopping for every five or six steps to rest.

In the elevator I had to sit down, him giving me concerned looks. The Atrium looked almost normal, Arthur standing by one of the fireplaces and telling us something when we approached. My head still buzzed with the impressions of death, but I almost remembered reading that they had a detention centre in the deepest of the Ministry.

"Molly's preparing a bath for you," he told me and stroke my hair in a way only fathers learn to do.

I lost my balance when I went out off the fireplace, smelling the familiar kitchen of the Burrow, just catching myself on the counter.

"Darling, look at you. How can they treat people like this?" She filled the wooden tub in the middle of the room with more warm water and gave me a hug. I tried to return it, I wanted to, but standing up was all I managed.

"Come now, let's get you cleaned up." She led me to the tub. Her husband and son came home too, the latter helping me undress and seated me in the hot water. It was nice.

"You did great," his mother told him and gave him a hug too. Out of nowhere he started to cry on her shoulder. "Everything is going to be fine." I don't think I've ever seen him cry like that, not even when he was young, it was if his body had been ripped apart, then put back together. The sobs passed eventually and he sat down on the floor beside me.

"I got a port-key, going to get some of our stuff. And I don't think Marion's happy to watch the dog any longer. What do you want?" He sniffed again. I remained still, trying to think, but in the end just shrugged. "Then I'll just take something." He got up and wiped the moisture off his face before Flooing back to the Ministry.

Molly fixed a slice of bread with honey and gestured for me to take it. "I'll just drop it," I said quietly. She wasn't lost and sat down beside me, feeding it to me, determined that I needed it.

"You know, Charlie really worked hard to get you out of there, he loves you more than I have seen anyone else... In the three days you were locked up he didn't sleep and hardly ate. He was too busy reading up on how to rescue you or being in court." Her face was filled with pride and worry. I didn't tell her Bill was willing to commit manslaughter for Fleur's sake, instead I chewed on.

"Where is Lisa and Mina?" I almost had the strength to think reasonable now, and that was my first priority.

"Still at Bill's. Do you want me to get them here?" She placed the last bit on my mouth and got up. I nodded and she wrote a short letter and sent the owl out the window. Taking a handkerchief and bar of soap she began to scrub my face clean, then giving it to me so I could do the neck and arms. The water became greyish with soap-foam.

The flames flared emerald. Elisabet instantly ran over to me, tried to climb over the edge and with a bit of help she could fling her small arms around my neck, her blue dress drenched.

"Told you I would come home." The lump it my throat made it difficult to talk. I looked over at Bill with his daughter sleeping in his arms and couldn't remember if he knew or thought she was Charlie's, as most people did.

I loosened Lisa's grip in my neck and looked into her clear blue eyes. "You can sit on a chair and watch me. Maybe Molly even have sweets for you." I rubbed my nose to hers, but she shook her head and took hold of my neck again, whispering "Mamma". I didn't object but took of her dress, it would just make her whiny when it got cold. She seated herself on my thigh, looking very pleased.

Bill gave the baby to his mother and looked amused at us.

"What? Do you want to join in too?" I asked, my voice half-and-half of laughter and tears.

"No, just a bit of Déja Vù." He pulled out a chair and kept looking at us, a smile playing in the corner of his mouth.

"Of what?" Elisabet had found the joy in splashing water at me and I returned it gently.

"Me and Ron. A Saturday where we both had to take a bath but it was something wrong with the tub upstairs, so we ended up pretty much like that." He pointed at us and got a couple of drops sprayed in his face.

"Did anyone say my name?" Ron literary stuck his head in from the sitting room, saw my naked body and turned crimson. "I didn't – sorry, I'll –" he stuttered, not knowing what to say and closed his eyes. His girlfriend had followed him, probably wondering what was going on. When she too saw me she turned the same colour and spun around.

"Sorry, I didn't know you were taking a bath." She sounded bothered about it.

"Oh, get over yourself. Did you want anything else?" It was entertaining to see them being so afraid about something so natural as a naked body.

"No, nothing." They started to move back in the living room and Lisa splashed more in my face.

"Hey Won-Won, I had a nice chat with your ex." He froze in his tracks. "How on earth did you stand to talk to her long enough to become a couple?" I said with a small laughter and he relaxed a bit, but his neck turned red again and they hurried away.

"Good, you're joking again," Bill told me and ruffled my wet hair. Elisabet decided that was a fun game and spend the next minutes trying to detaching my hair from my scalp.

Charlie sighed and put the bag heavy down on the floor. We had just got back to our temporary home, ready for a proper night of sleep.

"Hey, Rolf, get off," I scolded the Irish wolfhound as he tried to lay down on the bed. I snapped my fingers and pointed for him to go in the corner and he listened for once.

Charlie fumbled with the buttons of his shirt and I had to help him, my own hands shaking again. I ran my finger around his bellybutton before placing my whole hand over it. He put his chin on top of my down-turned head and one hand on my hip. I opened the button of his jeans and put my hand carefully down it, waiting for his reaction.

It came in the form of his lips pressing against mine, his beard tickling me, and he tugged of my sweater. I took off my own jeans while kissing his shoulder and chest, then unzipped his and pulled it as far down as I managed.

We fell over on the bed and I put my legs around his hips, him nibbling at my ear and sighing deep when I presses up tight.

He reached down and tucked the thin layers of clothing out of the way and penetrated, I moaned at his slow thrusting, growing faster and deeper. I looked into his eyes and started to move with him.

My face was hot and we hit climax at the same time, my body cramping at the pleasure, gasps escaping me. He slowly retracted and steadied his breath.

"That... Wow!" was all I could say. He smiled and groaned happily before sinking together over me. Again he began to kiss my neck, needing another round to deal with himself, pinning my lower body to the mattress.

"I don't think..." I didn't know how to tell him I've had enough.

"Please." It hurt me to hear his pleading whisper, he really needed it. I began stroking the back of his neck, his face sweating as he entered again.

My lower back curved upwards and his thrusting became uneven, his hands balled into fists. I kept going, hoping he wouldn't keel over completely. He placed his hands under the back of my shoulders and his head beside mine. He groaned with every jerk his back did, adjusting more and more to my left.

Finally he got there.

He turned over, panting, swallowed and tried wiping some of the sweat of his face with the back of his hand. I moved closer to him and ran a fingertip through his damp hair.

"Thanks," he breathed and closed his eyes, out cold before I could think to answer.


	4. Part I, Chapter 4

The dog was playing in the waves, hopefully he would run himself dry before coming back. I turned my attention towards Charlie's slow stroking of Elisabet's hair, she had fallen asleep on the quilt we sat on. We had even brought Mina's cot outside, the sun warming us as we had eaten lunch on the beach.

"I've been thinking..." I started. He looked up at me, lost in his own thoughts for a moment. "You thanked me last night. What was that about?" It was bothering me, I hadn't just delivered a service.

"I... How should I put it?" He gazed out at the sea again and I waited for him to find the right words. "For loving me. For caring about me. For giving me what I craved for."

It made me smile. "Then I want to thank you too." We sat in silence for a while, his hand making its way over mine. "You seemed to have some trouble the second time. It looked like it was hurting you." He furrowed his brow when I mentioned it.

"I was really tired, but it had been building up for so long and I was sure it would put both of us right, a bit. And it did hurt, like I was burning up from the inside." I squeezed his hand, it had helped, he had put me a bit back together.

An owl fluttered down beside me and I looked at the envelope in the beak. It was addressed to me, but I didn't recognise the strained handwriting. Opening it and reading, the knot in my stomach formed again. It was from Andromeda, announcing that the funeral would be on the eleventh. My mouth ran dry and I fought the shaking.

"What date is it today?" I asked, having lost track of time.

"Eighth. Tomorrow is..." He didn't finish, but leaned over to read my letter. I laid down on my side, facing away from him. Hopefully they had found a way to stop the bodies turning to dirt, or it wouldn't be much to bury. He laid down close to me and put his arm so I could curl up around it and he curled around me. His breath warmed the nape of my neck.

"Your mother told me how much you did to get me out." I gently nibbled at his index finger and it tasted of the ham sandwich.

"I can't live without you. For as long as I can remember you have been there for me." He stroke my lips and dug his elbow harder into my abdomen. Again we just existed for each other. "I brought your black skirt and blazer," he said after a long time. I kissed his fingertip as a thank you. After a while he began to shake with the effort of clinging to me.

"You can just rest now." I was as calm as possible. The next days wasn't going to be fun.

"I have to get up." I released his hand so he could. "But I can't. I'm trying, but I can't!" I hadn't felt him moving at all, just some tears dripping into my hair.

"Then just stay 'til you're calmer." I stroke the back of his big hand, trapped between it and his body.

"No, I can't! I have to piss and need to get up." He was starting to sound desperate. "I'm a grown man, I have to be strong for us, you're doing better now and I'm not about to flip out!" He gasped once for air and I began to get troubled by his behaviour.

"Shh, breath and calm down." I didn't know what else to say and he began to sob loudly.

"No, and I can't hold it in much longer. I'm going to go all over us!" The panic in his voice broke my heart. "I know you did, but that was different. The last time I smothered you, the two first you were broken down. My muscles won't listen!" He was trying to get loose against his body's will, not getting good results. Elisabet had woken by his yells or sobbing and crawled up to my face.

"Can you be a big girl and run up to the house to get one of the other adults?" I asked her and she nodded importantly before staggering away on bare feet.

"Merlin, it's coming. No, no, please!" His sobs became a muffled scream as he bit down on the top of my shoulder. I ignored the sting, the torture of hearing him was much greater.

He was hyperventilating again. "Hush, baby, it's okay, don't worry," I tried to soothe us both with.

"Breath. It's going to work, just like last time." I tried believing it, but he just kept going faster.

My mind became blank, I couldn't do anything for him. We were trapped.

After several long minutes Bill came to our rescue again, bent the arm away so I could wriggle loose and made Charlie sit up, holding him by the upper arms. My heart broke more at the sighed of him, shivering, crying, both hands against his crotch. Bill was trying to talk to him, get him to gain control and he did.

He stood up and staggered a couple of steps outside the quilt before opening his trousers and relieved himself, swaying and gasping a couple of times. I got up and hugged him from behind, it had turned out okay. He took a deep, shaking breath and his shoulders loosened up.

"How is it you can just jump into a situation and sort it out?" I asked Bill, in reality wanting to thank him.

"Guess it comes with the job..."

"So... Wanna go fishing?" I pulled my legs up on the couch and faced George.

"What?" He frowned at me.

"I was going to ask how you were doing, but then I realised it was stupid." I tried to get him to open up, take his mind of tomorrow.

"Do you believe in a life after this?" I was taken by surprise and he looked directly at me. I gave a weak smile and took his hand in mine.

"Yes, Nangijala." He retracted his hand and looked hurt by my words.

"I'm serious."

"Dead serious," I answered before realising the dark-humoured pun. "It wasn't for nothing I read the Brothers Lionheart to you. It isn't just a novel, it has a core of truth."

"It's a children's book," he argued.

"Maybe it is. But how can you believe that it just goes black and that's it?" I looked closer at him, curious at what his response would be.

"I didn't say I did. So then You-Know-Who and his followers are living happily in Cherry Valley or whatever?" He was really cross and sarcastic about it.

"Nah, they are locked up in Katla's old cave, starving to death." It was good to fantasies a bit and we enjoyed the mental picture for a while.

"And... Fred?" He had hesitated and sounded scared at what I might say.

"He's doing all right, making fireworks and stuff. All the kids there simply adore him, so do the barmaid. But he keeps blowing himself up, you should be there to help him." I was astonished at how easily the words flowed. A smile threatened to fly over his lips.

"And Tonks and Remus opened a restaurant-slash-library, making big money on feeding and tutoring people," he added for me. We were both somewhere between desperately clinging to that hope and convincing us self it wasn't real.

"Yeah, they'll all meet us with a pint of the best mead." I could vividly see them by the bar in a brown pub where two of the walls were completely covered in books, many others reading, laughing and eating. Remus wasn't grey or scarred, but submerged in a big book while Tonks was trying to get a kiss from behind the counter, Fred laughing at one of Mad-Eye's crazy stories. Of course he was hardly recognisable without the electric-blue eye and wooden leg, and known as Sir Alastor Moody around the village.

"And my ear..." He touched the side of his head.

"Fred has it framed in, showing it off at every opportunity, telling them that one day he'll have the rest of his twin with him, too." I knew I was getting out on deeper water and his eyes became misty.

"Yeah, that'll be nice..." It wasn't just happy any more, but still a fantasy we wanted to keep.

I sat up in the bed with a start, the stabbing pain in my hip that had woken me was gone as fast as it had come. _You bit her, cold-hearted murdered her for a couple of drops which you later wasted._ I cradled Lisa closer, she had fallen asleep on top of me and her head now rested down on my breast.

_It's only a matter of time before one of you goes insane._ I shut my eyes tight, wishing the whispering in my head would go away. _He's slipping. But he isn't foolish, one day he'll make up his mind and leave. You'll be alone again._

I lifted the small body closer to my face and felt her scent, a gentle whiff of Sirius. _Gone, forever. She isn't going to replace him, more like grow up and see how bad you are._

He laid a hand on the lower part of my back, warming it. I turned and saw the reflected moonlight in his eyes, not much other distinguishable through the dark before he sat up and rubbed my whole back in circles.

I removed one of the dark locks from Lisa's face. Maybe I should see if I managed to do something about my own for tomorrow. His nose was gently stroking my cheek and his lips left a moist trace. He isn't going to leave. _Yet._

I laid the toddler down in front of me and got up. He looked at me, silently asking why. "Bathroom," I mouthed and he followed me, crunching down and looking deep into my eyes when I sat on the toilet, listening to the tinkling.

"Whispering?" He asked, knowing it had bothered me before. I nodded and we stood up, knickers still around my knees. He put his forehead on mine, directing me careful towards the wall, hands on my hips. He moved them down to lift me up a bit, my legs wrapping around him.

"I'm too tired," I confessed, a different part of me wanting him to start, to fuck me so hard I didn't manage to think. He kissed my nose and let go, stepping away and looked at me as I dragged the worn piece of clothing up again. His hand touched my soar belly. I looked down to discover a big bruise.

"I didn't mean to hurt you." He moved up to the teeth-marks on my shoulder, tracing them.

"You couldn't help it. It would be a hundred times worse..." He understood my unsaid thoughts. I didn't mind being covered in bruises and other injuries as long as he didn't have the marks of sharp fangs on his neck.

Goose-bumps were forming across his chest and I motioned for us to go back, taking his hand loosely in mine. It was a bit warmer in the bedroom and I lifted Mina from her cot, she instantly began sucking my nipple.

I laid down in the bed, Charlie adjusting the sheet to cover us. This wasn't the first time I wished I had let Bill be, it screwed up my mind that my boyfriend was uncle to my daughter. The short snort-laugh made me look at him. He should get a hair-cut, almost-shoulder-length don't fit him too good.

"I don't want to wake up in the morning." He gave a half-smile. The morbid humour wasn't lost on me, don't we all think like that sometimes? But this wasn't just 'sometime'.

"Mhm, know the feeling." I got my finger out from the small fist and rubbed the bridge of my nose. Elisabet's face peeked up form the other side of Charlie's stomach and she adjusted to use him as a pillow, resting her cheek on her folded arms. She looked like an angel as she drifted off again, snoring quietly.

"We'll get a port-key home tomorrow," he whispered.

"No, Remus and Tonks' funeral is on the eleventh," I reminded him, my voice hard as stone.

The slight nauseated feeling was annoying. I wasn't even properly awake, but I knew what to expect of the day. I knitted myself together to an even harder knot and the jerking continued.

I tried to straighten my legs but it turned into a bizarre parody of an orgasm. I pulled them back up and turned to lay with my face down, hands gripping the hair on top of my head. _He's only interested in your body, when your mind gets too much to tend to he'll be gone._

Pressing my elbows into my knees and muscles below to gain control, my palms were damp with sweat and I focused on the sounds in the room. The baby was hardly audible. The toddler was sucking her thumb. The dog scratched his ear. Nothing else.

I strained my ears. _There you go. _My hips began slowly moving me back and forth, my diaphragm contracting.

I took hold of my upper arms, digging my fingers into the flesh. What was the clock?

Whatever it was, too much time had passed when I heard footsteps entering the room. My shoulders were jumping at random and I clenched my fists harder, tugging at my own hair.

He pulled my rigid body up to his and held me close, not having to utter a single word to tell me to relax. I couldn't and unwillingly did another one of the parodies and felt the nausea rise.

Suddenly my body became still, every muscle tight. I opened my eyes to see his upper arm, sunlight emphasising the pattern of fading freckles. If we sat there long enough they would refreshen, his skin sucking up the warmth. But that wasn't an option, we had several things to attend to.

"I should get in the shower..." He was wondering if I would be okay. I nodded and he placed me back down. "You can snooze for another hour," he added while going out the door.

After a while I had the distinct feeling someone was watching me. I sat up and saw the man, casually leaning on the door frame, his black fringe falling in the same manner into his eyes. I blinked, it couldn't be...

"Hi Casey, long time no see." He straightened up and moved towards me.

"You're dead," I remarked, somewhere between doubting my own senses and looking for an explanation.

"No, I _was _dead. Turns out I got back when Bella snuffed it." He put one hand in the pocket of his torn jeans. "I've been at the Leaky Cauldron this past week. You could come with me, get out of this perfect perfectness." He ran a finger over the night stand, pointing out it was spotless.

"You're dead," I repeated, noticing that he looked like he was twenty. No thirty-six-year old with over a decade in Azkaban looks that good, not even him. He ignored me and looked over at Elisabet.

"So this is the result of our romance." He extended his hand to touch her.

"No, leave her alone!" I barked, but didn't move. He stopped and tried to read me before slowly retracting and turned to my other daughter.

"And this is your second bastard child with the Weasley-boy. Don't you find it ironic that you gave birth to her right after you lost the first one?" The trademark half-arrogant smirk flashed over his face.

"No, now leave." If he was just my imagination I was still going to kick him out, even if I had to do it literary.

"Oh, relax. We should spend Christmas together." He leaned against the wall and observed me while I pulled the sheet up to my chin, shaking my head slowly. "C'mon, you don't want to be with these slow goodie-two-shoes?"

"Yes, I do. I grew up and stopped being a bastard." He looked confused at my response.

"First of all, you would be a bitch, not bastard. Second, it's called being a Marauder. Third, you'll always be trapped as a teenager." He ran a hand through his raven hair, his grey eyes glimmering.

"Get the bloody fuck out." He looked impressed that I talked to him that way.

"At least let me have a hug." He opened his arms and smiled at me, but I gave him a cold stare and placed my left wrist in between my jaws to deal with the anxious rocking. "Handshake, then?" He suggested and I accepted, realising a second before we touched that a caterpillar made it's way across his palm.

I pulled back and looked up into his cheerful face. He shrugged and the first butterfly took flight from his head. I blinked rapidly, not believing what I was seeing: he was dissolving into them, flying out the open window. Soon they were all gone, but I kept my eyes on the window, waiting for what would happen next.

Nothing did before Charlie got back five minutes later, a pink towel around his hips. Sitting down beside me he removed the hand from my mouth and looked at it. Two small punctures, dark fluid seeping out.

It filled me with an anger at myself and I tore the towel off him, pushed him down, massaging him quickly before directing it in between my legs. He was confused at my sudden plunge and tried to stop me.

"I have to," I said through angry tears, but now sat still across him, trying to make up my mind.

"Then let me get the girls out and close the door." He was so patient it made me feel bad.

"Okay," I breathed and slid off, trying to get comfortable with my head on the fluffy pillow.

It wasn't fun to wait while he was downstairs, but he got back and climbed up on me, kissing me deep, but gently. My hands went around his neck and I adjusted my legs around his waist.

He looked into my eyes, watching for a sign to tell him it wasn't wrong. I coughed and his brow furrowed.

"Maybe this isn't such a good idea." He brushed some stray hair off my cheek.

"Please," I said half-mocking before coughing again. "Just a quick one before we have to get dressed for the... Yeah, you're right." The image of headless Fred was back in my head, a sure turn-off. He sighed and massaged my ears lightly, not wanting to get up. I put my legs down again and looked at the open window, a single black butterfly fluttered in.

"It's not going to go away if we wait," I commented and we slowly sat up. He took hold of my wrist again and summoned a roll of bandage, starting to wrap it tightly in.

"Tell me how this works again." He was giving a new attempt to distract our thoughts.

"All magical creatures have a lot of magic in their blood, just as wizards have more than muggles. When it comes to vampires it is this magic that transports nutrition around the body in a steady flow due to the lack of a heartbeat. The base consists of the plasma the vampire had in his or her human form, but have morphed into a darker mass. This morphing starts the second the attacker have injected the toxins..." I grew tired of reciting the book and looked down, he was almost done.

After he tied the last knot I got up slowly and went over to the dresser where the insect had landed. It flexed it's wings, the blue rings glimmering in the sun. I closed my hands carefully around it and tried to have it back out, but it stayed on my palm. It was stuck to my hand after I've shook it too, so I looked closer at it. The body was just as perfectly black as the wings and the rings weren't just one colour, it varied from midnight-blue to azure with some hints of silver. It took flight at last, heading towards the flower beds and I turned back to Charlie.

"Good you got it out or Bill would have a heart attack," he said and I almost smiled at the remark, the one irrational thing Bill was scared of, a harmless creature of beauty. Our clothes were scattered over the bed and I hoped I didn't have to choose.

Charlie was already buttoning up his off-white shirt when I picked up my skirt and looked over it. It had a pretty high split, but I didn't have any other option and pulled it on. He had thoughtfully brought two blouses for me, both too revealing for the occasion. I hold them up for him to decide. Of course he picked the tightest one with V-neck. I pulled it over my head without further ado and got working with the beauty-charms, I could at least try to look decent. Afterwards I slipped on the black high heals and took in Charlie, the pinstriped suit I've nagged him into buying fitted neatly, but he hadn't put on a tie yet.

"Blue or red?" He hold up two and looked nervous at me.

"That isn't red, it's pink. Did you just take those two?" I hoped he didn't, light blue wasn't much better.

"Yeah, be glad I managed to think of it at all." It was a slight edge in his voice so I moved closer and kissed his chin.

"Blue, then. But you have to tie it yourself." He smiled understanding and placed it around his neck. I've never got the hang of getting ties to look good. I went into the bathroom and looked at myself, memories of Remus standing behind me playing in my mind. He's looking at our reflection and directing my hands to make the knot even and nice, then I try on my own, fails and he have to show me again. I closed my eyes and the image dissolved when I opened them again.

The butterfly was back, now sitting on my head, body blending with my hair. It seemed appropriate with black hair now, but perhaps it was just overdoing it. Another one joined it, if I wasn't much mistaken it was a small tortoiseshell. Exhaling forcefully I wondering what they were doing out here at the coast. They fluttered over on the wall, ready to scare the living daylight out of unsuspecting boys.

I went through my hair quickly with the nearest hair-brush, adding a couple of dark straws to the many red and white ones. I'd done my best, still it had split ends and less shine than a page of recycled paper.

"We're almost late," I heard from the hall. The butterflies were still on the wall when I closed the door behind me. Charlie stood with Mina in his arms, Lisa by his side in one of her better dresses.

"Ready?" I could hear him swallow anxiously and I touched his arm in the passing and got today's lifesavers from the purse I didn't bother to bring. We swapped so I had the baby and he took the smoke and Kleenex in the pockets of his jacket.

I noticed I was light-headed when we got down in the living-room, Fleur and Bill in pretty well-matching robes, George sat on the couch with his face in his hands wearing a simple dark suit.

I blinked rapidly to get out of the trance and stopped the swaying. Most people had already left the clearing or was getting ready to. Bill was standing a couple of metres in front of me, his left hand gripping his wife's right, looking down at the fresh grave.

I closed my eyes and tried to recall what had happened, but the only thing that came to mind was that I've coughed when it wasn't any other sounds. Charlie removed his hand from my back and I walked to stand beside Fleur, glancing quickly at the smooth headstone, not wanting to read the inscription.

A breeze took hold of my hair, making it interlace a bit with the blonde. Bill let go of the rose, it landed on top of several others and the popping sound told me they were gone.

"You aren't going to be sick again? You seem a bit..." Charlie said from behind me. I understood his concern, but shook my head weary. "Let's go, then." He took hold of my shoulder again, ready to assist me, but I turned around to looked at him. His eyes were glossy but dry, a crease forming between his brows. I rubbed the top of my face with my fingertips and he placed his arms around me. Slowly I slipped down despite his attempts to keep me up.

"What..." I breathed and he sat down on his knees, soaking his trousers. What was the purpose of going back to a crowd of people we hardly knew?

"We have to. Mum needs to see that we haven't abandoned her." He had a point, be there for the family if not for anything else. We got up again, but I kept my gaze down, falling into another trance.

Sometimes later we were in the living-room of the Burrow. I didn't recognise half the people there, but the ones I did seemed truly sad. Oliver Wood stood beside a younger dirty-blond girl, both hanging their heads. Cornelius Fudge's green bowler was just as inappropriate as my cleavage. Neville Longbottom had bloodshot eyes, but the posture of someone that had proven themselves. I looked more around, but was too tired to pin names to all the faces.

Charlie laid a clammy hand on mine and we made our way up the stairs and faced each other in the narrow hallway. It was peaceful here, the noise downstairs barely noticeable.

"Could you massage my shoulder a bit?" He had cut himself off not to add "it's killing me," the small shame in his eyes betrayed him anyway. I nodded and we went into his old bedroom, he took off his jacket and sat down on the narrow bed. I rubbed my hands together to get some warmth in them before placing them on him. The shirt made it hard to get a good grip and I told him to take it off.

"The problem is that you have pulled both the Teres Minor and Major. Adding a irritated Trapezius doesn't help." I ran my fingers deep in between the creases of the muscles and over where it was stiff.

"Whatever you say," he moaned. I leaned over a bit, he had closed his eyes and his thoughts were in a different place. I kept kneading his shoulders and upper parts of the back, my hands getting heated from his body.

When he murmured a thanks I stopped and got off the bed. I didn't register his torso against me before he ran a finger down my spine. I kissed his neck as an response and he pushed me close to the closet, his lips playing with the top of my ear.

"It's your brother's funeral," I mumbled, stopping for a moment.

"Do I look like I care?" His eyes were blazing. I decided I didn't care either and continued the kissing.

My hands caressed his bare back and he ran his hand up my thigh, stopping swiftly at the fringe of my stocking before taking hold of the edge of the high-cut knickers and pulling them down. Moving one hand to his side I felt the ribs expanding and contract fast due to his breath. He cupped his hand between my legs, stroking my clitoris with one finger.

"That's nice, eh?" He gave a small, almost evil laughter and I started to open his trousers, moaning. He helped me with his other hand before lifting me up, fingers nearly digging into my buttocks.

We found each others lips, electricity filling the air and I pulled him up to me, anticipation running high.

"Ah!" He pierced me with pleasure and I couldn't hold the sound in, tightened my hold and moved with him. He ran the tip of his tongue over my jaw and I moaned louder, in my own ears sounding like a porn star, but his eyes widened in response to it. One of my arms was bent up to have my hand on the back of his head, his hair between my fingers.

Faster, deeper, better. Our moans and groans filled the dark room and a familiar tremble began to form in the my lower abdomen. I banged my head in the wardrobe door and he gripped harder, making sure I lost it completely.

"There, tha... Oh!" I couldn't bother to care who may hear us, my body was moving on its own accord, my mouth open and emitting moans bordering to screams. He placed his forehead to mine, the last jerks making him ejaculate before we slumped down in a tangled mass of arms and legs.

Still panting he placed is lips on mine, leaving me to play with his lower lip while he caught his breath.

"We should go back." I had barely removed my lips to say it and was now caressing his chin.

"Um... Sure you don't want to do it again?" Really hard choice he was giving me, I wanted to never leave the small room, keep repeating it 'til the end of time. But it was an unknown amount of 'I'm sorry for your loss's still to be received downstairs. "They won't miss us." He put his hand between my legs and stroke the edges, one finger on each side.

I parted my legs more and he kept stroking gently, passing over the clit several times before I turned around to make it easier. He put one arm around my waist and reached down again, his finger rubbing slowly, still making me press up against him.

"Faster," I muttered while gripping his thighs. He did and I would have doubled over if he hadn't hold me. I bit down on my lip and my eyes began to roll, delight flowing through me for an eternity before he stopped.

"Okay, we can go now." He removed his hand and stood up. I used a moment to pull myself together and when I got up he was just finishing with his tie again.

"You did that just to have a couple of minutes to think?" I gave a short laugh and he ran a hand through his hair, making it lay back.

"Pretty much. Come." He went out the door and down the stairs, not bothering to wait for me until we entered the kitchen. It was quiet in the house again, the only ones left sitting by the table or standing around it.

I took the pack of cigarettes out of Charlie pocket where he stood beside me, leaning on the counter. I lighted it and inhaled, burying my feelings deeper. He took it from my fingers, closing his eyes while the toxins were absorbed into his blood. Bill grabbed it, took a couple of angry blows before sending it to Fleur, she looked classy, as always. Percy's attempt almost ended in coughing and he gave it to Ginny who blew it out gracefully before handing it to Harry. He took some absent-minded puffs before Hermione got it, taking a very shallow drag. Ron thought he would get to keep it and inhaled deeply before Arthur snatched it out of his hand and put it to his lips, his eyes expressionless. When Molly got it there wasn't much left and I took up a new one, letting her keep it.

"Where's George?" The fright was suddenly evident in Arthur's eyes, looking around and waiting for one of us to say he was there or there. I put the unlit smoke slowly down and thought about what I had said: you should be there with him.

"I think I saw him go upstairs a couple of hours ago," Ginny said, trying to be optimistic. I didn't care who stayed and who went to look as long as I reached the bathroom first. The door wasn't locked and I flung it open.

Empty. I squatted down and felt the blood on the floor. It was cold. On my way out again I noticed the razor blade in the sink, one side of it coloured red. Someone had got to him before it was too late. But where were they now?

"Hey Kevin?" I got out the door and met up with Ginny, tilting my head to one side as a response to her call. "Miss these?" She held up the black knickers, cocking an eyebrow at me. I grabbed them and pulled them on, straightening my skirt afterwards.

"You heard us, huh?" I tried to seem apologetic, but couldn't.

"The gorillas in Congo stopped their chewing to try to find out who were being murdered." She had found the sarcasm, but quickly turned over to anger. "How could you?" She sounded like I had... Disgraced the memory of her brother, just what I had.

"Therapy. We needed to clear our heads and... You wouldn't understand unless you've tried, which you should." I knew it didn't sound too logical. Charlie emerged from the twins room and his sister sat her eyes in him.

"Next time you're feeling down, don't just go and bang _her_ up the wall." She jerked a thumb in my direction, but he ignored her.

"He's sleeping in there with Angelina. I think they're relaxing in each others company." He was happy that someone outside the family could help.

"Try it," I advised her again as we went down the narrow staircase, wondering if I really was right or not.

What if he woke up before her? Had she given him a hint of light or would he just go and get the razor again? Would he leave without letting us get a chance to stop him? _What can you do, you're just a hobby._

I shook the thoughts out of my head and took another puff of the cigarette I now had for myself. Charlie tightened his grip around my waist a notch and put his forehead between my shoulder-blades. It was many free seats in the sitting room, but I preferred his lap, the best for both of us.

What was happening in Nangijala now? The barmaid was giving Fred a refill of his beer while he sat with some papers, trying to figure out why his work exploded again. She put a slender hand on his cheek and he looked up her friendly face, greenish eyes asking him to be a bit social active now. _You're fooling yourself, digging for fake hope._

I relocated to the armchair usually occupied by Molly and put my arms around my knees. The graveyard had only four headstones. We couldn't contact the authorities after the incident with Amy, and Molly had suggested carefully that we had a secret burial in a clearing in the forest surrounding the Burrow. The spot she had in mind had been used a couple of times for deceased pets, peaceful grass and beautiful wild flowers creating the right atmosphere. A big rock was the grave marker, Remus had written in name, dates and a simple poem with his wand.

Molly wanted her brothers to rest in peace, not in a unfriendly place next to a million strangers. The Ministry hadn't objected because they were war heroes and had paid for the big gravestones.

It had now been opened a new cemetery for the ones fallen in the second war, but no one wanted Fred to be that far from home. If it came to that, George was going right next to him.

"I don't want to leave them alone. She can't watch him all the time." The others seemed to know who I was thinking of.

"What do you suggest? _We_ can't watch him every second either." Bill had a valid point.

"It would be very easy for him to disappear while she slept." I kept my tone light but wanted to shout at him for not getting it. "I'm staying to see how he's doing." His mother was not enough right now.

"Me too," Charlie agreed through gritted teeth, the heel of his hand pressed hard into his stomach. Great, are we going to have to deal with that too on top of everything else?

"Could you take the girls just for one night?" I'm sadly only capable of watching one needy at the time.

"Yeah, Fleur could use some experience..." He was quiet, thinking of other things, but I knew Bill cared too much to say no.

I watched them through the dark, sitting on the edge of the bed to make room for Charlie. It glittered in her eyes when she opened them and I knew she saw me.

"Hi Angelina. We didn't want to run the chance that he may wake up before you. Beside, Molly kicked Arthur out of their bedroom so he's in Bill and Charlie's old, Hermione's with Ron and Percy's back in his own." It was partly true, Molly needed some time by herself and had told her husband this clearly.

She sat up a bit, supporting her body on one elbow, but I could see she enjoyed his closeness. "It's good to sleep next to someone, right? Please take care of him, even though he may not want it. Someday he's going to thank you." I barely made a sound, afraid to wake the guys. She nodded at me, probably having though the same things herself.

Charlie let out a snore and turned towards me and I ran my hand across his cheekbone, speculating at waking him. I decided against it, I could watch them a couple of hours more, my head was too full to get any rest.

"Go back to sleep, it's only half past five." Her eyes were already starting to glide shut and she laid down again, the arm around her gripping a bit firmer.

Maybe I didn't have to be here, he had found his saving angel. But if he had set his mind at joining his twin it was better to be safe than sorry. April '78 don't seem to be a good time to be born at, or I'm just over-analysing.

Tonks had breathed new life into Moony, giving him something to live for, fight for. History repeats itself over and over again. I got along good with her, we were the same type. His type.

And of all the three hundred and sixty-frickin'-five days of the year she had to squeeze that kid out on the fourth of April. Same day as he had become a father twenty years earlier. Fate really have a liking for irony.

I felt his heartbeat, steady like a beating drum. What if the Ministry went back and changed their verdict? Bill would get custody of Mina, but what about Lisa? She had no living relatives. _Shipped off to an orphanage._

Wait, Andromeda and Narcissa were Sirius cousins. The first had enough with her grandson, I couldn't imagine the latter taking care of the love-child of her hated relative.

I could clearly see it, Mina growing up and being loved by her father and step-mother, possible half-siblings. She got prettier for every day, getting a boy-friend and introducing him for her family who likes him from the first second. Big wedding, getting kids and living happily ever after.

Meanwhile Lisa is in the care of a cold-hearted woman who only sees the kids as a source of money and headaches. Often fights break out and she gets many scars from them, hooking up with a bad boy with a motorcycle, showing off. Ending up in jail or as a bloody pulp on the freeway.

If they met at Hogwarts they would not remember and hate each, Lisa secretly jealous at Mina's family, Mina wanting some of the others action.

I laid down. Charlie can do a lot, but get charge of two children he had little blood relation to was beyond his reach. Tears trickled out of my closed eyes and I dreamt of letters arriving, making my worst fears come to life. _Death._


	5. Part I, chapter 5

I woke up alone, I was the only one in the room. Hastily I got out the door, looking wildly around for anybody who could tell me if it were too late. Ginny leaned on the bathroom door, pounding slowly and stubbornly.

"Where are they? George and Angelina." I sounded like a maniac, but if I had to save him every second counts.

"Downstairs, eating breakfast." She pounded harder. "Come on, you've been in there for an hour! There's others here that have to use the loo, too."

"Shouting at me isn't going to help!" As I had suspected it was Charlie, annoyed. I almost rolled my eyes and directed the young girl with me down the stairs.

"He'll be done when he is." She wasn't impressed by my obvious note and threw her arms out as we got down.

"Sometimes I want to be a bloke, they can just find a tree and do their business. But no, I had to be the one girl." She sounded very irritated as she sat down and crossed her arms. I took the chair on the other side of the table next to Angelina. She was holding one of George's hands, but he only sat there opposite her, staring at the wall.

"You need to tense down." The youngest Weasley got what I meant and leaned over, resting her weight on her elbows.

"We tried, late last night in my room, a lot of protecting charms so no one would hear or disturb us..." She paused to make her point. "But he couldn't. We began with just kissing and that stuff and I got really worked up but when it came to the..." Another pause and she clicked her tongue before finishing. "He didn't get it up." Beneath the anger in her eyes there was some insecurity. George had no idea we even were here, Angelina may have caught our subject but didn't interfere.

"That's not any of yours fault. He was probably dead nervous, try to put yourself in his position: He loves you and want you to be happy, therefor have to meet your expectations. After a long day he was probably tired. And on top of it all, I think he thinks your brothers would beat him up if he hurt you, or made you pregnant." I had managed to take my slutty history and make something helpful out of it. She relaxed a bit and the insecurity was replaced by entertaining thoughts.

In the silence their smell occupied every nerve in my brain and I went to sit down on the sofa in the living room, away from everyone. Where was it likely that Kaya was now? I don't know who the Death Eater that took her was. Where should I start? Somehow I have to get her back! If he was still alive and had her captive... She hadn't been interesting to the Death Eaters in person, so the only reason he would still have her was to abuse her. I didn't want to think about my little baby, raped over and over again by an old pig. Molly sat down beside me and put an arm around me, disturbing my thoughts. I didn't mind, it wouldn't have let to anything constructive.

"Thank you for helping us. I saw how Ginny loosened up after you talked with her." She gave me a small squeeze and I clenched up as her flowery scent invaded my nostrils. Usually it didn't bother me, did I have I less control of my hunger after the attack? Charlie joined us and put his head in my lap, legs over the arm of the worn furniture and a hand on his stomach. I felt his hot forehead before combing the hair out of his face with my fingers. He took hold of my hands and laid them over his face, enjoying the coolness.

"Do you want something to eat? I can make a tray and bring it out to you." She had almost got up before I looked at her and our eyes met. She needed something to occupy her now. I nodded and she scurried off to the kitchen.

I stroke his dry upper lip with one of my fingers. He looked up at me and I moved one arm to hold around his head, the other still cooling his cheek. This head had a body attached to it, but my stomach became icy.

"We have to find that son-of-a-bitch and rescue Kaya," I said, mostly to fill my head with something, at the same time we did need to talk about it.

"Yes, but it would be easier with the help of some Aurors." He knew I wanted to do it myself, the Ministry wasn't to be trusted.

"Not likely they'll help me. And I want to start as fast as possible, not use six months on paperwork." She could be dead before they got their arses out of the office chairs.

"I miss her too." He was trying to calm me down. Of course he misses her too, he lived with us for over six years. _He's just telling you what you want to hear. _Six happy years.

My mind found a flashback of a seven-year old girl, her ginger braid flying in the wind as she sits on the broom in front of him. He makes a dive and she squeals in enjoyment, laughing as he pulls up a second before it would be too late. I'm standing on the ground, shielding my eyes from the bright sun and sees the potential for a new quidditch star.

I put my head back against the wall. My mind was over-crowded. Tomorrow was another funeral, but I didn't know if I had the strength to attend it. Still I had to. The tray was put down on the table and I muttered a thanks, straightening up to find the glass intended for me. It was still warm and sweet. I just had to keep it together tomorrow, and the day after and the day after that too. Just until I had put my family back together.

"What is it?" He had sat up when he had seen the unease evident in my face. I only squirmed a bit, keeping my legs tight together, blinking quickly to keep the tears at bay. I'm not going to make a scene now. "Hmm?" He tried to catch my eye but I avoided it, too much emotions would be released. I coughed and had to put a hand to my crotch to keep it in. He now knew what I was fighting and got up to help me up to the bathroom.

I opened the button of my jeans, but couldn't do any more but stare blankly ahead. He unzipped it quickly for me, peeled it down to my knees and made me sit down. How was I supposed to help Kaya when I couldn't even do that myself? The tears wet my cheek and he got close to me, his arms around my head and shoulders. "Shh, elskling." It was a long time since he had used the Norwegian nickname. I reached for the paper and he backed up a little.

I managed to get my clothes back on, but the shaking began again and he took hold around me again when I started to double over. He seated himself on the floor with his back at the wall, me balled up on his lap, spasms running through me. He was stroking my back, but it didn't help. It hurt to have my muscles contracting and small yelps grew to screams. He only tightened his grip and rocked slowly, both our tears soaking my chin. If it just stopped we wouldn't break more. The sobs took over from the screams.

Hermione came in, I could just see her surprised face through the curtain of hair. She sat down on her knees in front of us, surprise having shifted to concern, and stroke some of the hair out of my eyes.

"Shouldn't you take her to St. Mungo's?" She had good intentions about it, wanting everyone to be all right.

"Er'u spik spenna gæern?" I didn't care that she didn't understand that I called her barking mad, I had used too much strength on the yell and now the cold-sweat made me dizzy.

"No, that isn't a good idea," Charlie informed gloomy and she sat up straighter, disappointed her suggestion wasn't accepted. "Just leave us alone for a while." She did and Charlie put his lips and nose to the side of my head.

I kept shaking, whimpers echoing off the tiles. My toes were twisted together and a pain shot from my hips and up to my neck several times a minute, making me twitch. I coughed so hard I almost retched, too tired to fill my lungs afterwards. _He's soon fed up with this._

I managed to get my right hand up to my face, chewing on a nail and waiting for my body to stabilise itself. In a jolt I almost stuck out my own eye, my stomach jerking me closer together, a headache starting deep in my skull.

"Please stop, you're scaring me." He sounded so small and I wanted to stop more than anything, but the shaking continued. That he admitted it made me anxious, he knew just as well as me that I couldn't.

Just the shivering was left when I tried to swallow the sick feeling. It was unsuccessful and I started vomiting before he could hold me over the toilet, one arm around my chest and a hand on my forehead. I just hang there, like a marionette with the strings cut off.

"No, we can't go on like this." His voice was full of panic, but I couldn't fathom what he thought of. "No," he repeated trough sobs. I spat to get the taste out of my mouth before a new wave hit me. _He __don't want to nurse you any more. You're both going under._

He put me down, patted my hair before getting up and out the door. He had left me as a mess, shivering too much to get up.

_Now it's just to wait for the letter. Oh, Fleur'll just love her new daughter, more than you ever did. Elisabet have to toughen up if she's gonna survive, but I bet it don't take long before she's hitting back._

The door opened and to my horror Bill came in, squatted down and made me sit up against the wall. "No, get out." I had to try for myself, he couldn't keep saving me every time. Especially since it made me wish he had never met Fleur.

"I just have to get you to lay down in a bed..." His eyes flickered around my face. I turned towards the bowl again, the acid burning my throat as he held my hair back. When I was done I leaned back at the wall, sighed weary and looked into his warm blue eyes. He looked away first and I traced the scars in his face with my eyes, ending up at the small thumping of the pulse evident on his neck.

He's strong enough, stronger than the healer, he'll pull through. I could just lean over, bite down hard, inject the poison and take what I need. He'll understand. We could run away together, two nomadic vampires, living like a married couple. Fleur is only human and will die some day, but he and I could roam for centuries, discover the wonders and mysteries of the world. _Unless they arrest you again. _He wiped my mouth with a pad of paper and I was yanked out of the insane daydream. He wouldn't understand and never leave his wife.

"You hadn't finished your breakfast." He must have seen the hunger on my face. I looked down, but he put a finger under my chin, lifting gently until our eyes met again. He had grown up a lot from the fourteen-year-old who almost fainted when he got to touch my breasts.

I used the wall for support and got up, still shivering, my legs aching at the small effort. He stood up too, and ran a warm hand over my sweaty forehead and down to my jaw. I swallowed, taken aback by the small gesture and the headache intensified.

For a long time we stood like that, I pinning myself against the wall and his hand under my chin. He come slightly closer and the thudding in my head moved to around my ears.

"Come." He placed his arms around my shaking back and lifted, my arms and legs holding me closer to him than necessary. He carried me like I was a child, down the stairs, not even a trace of vulnerability in him. He sat down on a kitchen chair and told someone to get the tray from the sitting room. I coughed a bit and he pushed my head back so he could se my face. "I'm sorry I made you go to the hospital, I wasn't thinking straight." His eyes got watery and I licked my lips, not sure how to respond. He couldn't have known what would happen.

"Where's Charlie?" I croaked out. I knew he had left me and it shattered what was left of my heart to think about it. He didn't answer, just put the glass to my lips, angled it a bit too much and the blood trickled down my chin before I could swallow. On the second attempt I got a mouthful, but didn't enjoy the taste.

_Now you're their burden._ No, I'm only my own burden. I pushed away and stood up, swaying, noticing Molly looking concerned at me. She have enough worries as it is, no need for me to add more. I stood as still as I managed, slowly moving my gaze over to the stunning blonde, a small bundle of blankets in her arms. It fitted, like it just was how it was supposed to be.

"Go lay down on the couch," Arthur advised me, holding Lisa's hand so she wouldn't get away and I shifted a bit. Since I didn't move any more he come and took me by his other hand, guiding me to the sofa, found a cushion I could have under my head and sat down in the arm chair. I tried relaxing my body, laying on my back and studying the ceiling. Elisabet crawled up in the sofa and made herself comfortable on top of me. I placed a cold hand on her back, sucking some of her warmth into myself.

"You don't have to watch over me." The words came so slow I wasn't sure if he had heard them.

"I don't mind. You've been through hell this last week." He sounded like it was a completely valid excuse. I propped myself up on the elbow and looked at him.

"So have you. You should look after your children, fuss over them..." I was confused by him, but I understood the sadness in his eyes. And he wasn't really fussing, I had tried to cover up the indication that he was a bad father.

"I don't mind, you are like a younger sister to me. Or daughter-in-law." He was steady and calm, but I fell back down at the though of Charlie. Lisa tried to get hold of my hand and I put it in between her small ones. "He'll be back." Either he had read my mind or was just thinking the same as me.

"No, he won't." This I was sure of. He didn't want me any more, the worries weren't worth just a couple of shags.

"You have heard how he worked when they had you. He had to fight just to see you in the hospital, he didn't sleep for days when they moved you to the cell. He's coming back." His voice was intense.

"No..." I couldn't explain it, I just knew. He had grown up with me, developed a crush on me and got jealous when I had a thing with Bill, in the end forgiven and dated me. But now it was over, he had realised I've never been the heroine he saw me as. I was a rotten apple, rubbing off on anyone who got close.

Arthur sighed, he had given up on telling me lies. Lisa sucked gently on my index finger, her gums warm to my dead flesh. If we just had decided to stick together that morning, instead we spread out to search, find our werewolf-friend as fast as possible. I hadn't heard anything before someone stood behind me, holding my head and shoulders, biting down hard. The transformation was horribly painful. For three days I was strapped to a bed in the hospital wing, trying to talk everyone and anyone into letting me go, letting me bite them. I learned to control it, but psychologically I was broken for years. If I had just gone with Peter, then I would look like the forty years I am now. And my life may have turned out very different.

"Kevin, this just arrived for you." Hermione stood in the door, waving an envelope. I froze up, it had to be from the ministry. I took a better hold around my daughter as the shivering surfaced.

"Arthur, read it for me, I don't think I can right now." Not focus my eyes or process writing to anything meaningful. He got the envelope and opened it, taking out a neatly folded paper, his curiosity kept at a polite level. I waited, my body covering in cold-sweat.

"It's signed Rowling." When I heard it I got dizzy with relief. "She wants you to send the next tapes." It seemed he didn't quite understand it, so Hermione started explaining.

"A couple of years ago Kevin came to us with the idea that we could sell Harry's story as a novel to muggles, she had already found a possible author, all we had to do was to give our memories. Some magic I've never even read about made it to VHS-tapes and after a while we got the script back so we could look over it, see if she had got anything wrong. The first book was ready last year and half the earnings go directly to a vault in Gringott. Actually I wanted to talk to you about that, what we should do with the money." She said it all very fast and hardy stopped to breath and Arthur looked impressed, both at the brains behind it and the muggle bit.

"That money..." I could hardy concentrate, it was a lot more going on in my life now and I had forgot all about it. She came and sat down in the other chair, waiting for the rest. "You, Ron and Harry can do whatever you want with it. Spend it on something wise." Really I didn't care if it all went to drinks and drugs, but it seemed unlikely.

"I've had the idea of opening an orphanage for the ones who lost their parents in the war. I haven't talked with the boys about it, but I think they'll agree." She sought my approval, and I nodded. A smile crept over my lips, she still saw them as small boys, that should make their day of they found out.

"It's a good cause." I moved my hand out of the mouth of the toddler. Now I knew what orphanage she was likely to end up in, it eased the fear a notch. Soon Fleur came in, the baby still in her arms. Hermione jumped up as if she had been electrocuted and went out in the garden. The blonde took her place and rocked the crying child carefully.

"She's 'ungry," she informed and waited for me to sit up. I didn't, all I could do was lay there, parting my lips slightly only to close them again. _Murderer. _The headache worse than ever.

"Kay?" Arthur now stood over me, trying to find out why i didn't move. The little energy I had was gone. He lifted Lisa off me and stroke my hair in the same familiar way, but the only reaction I gave was a slow blink. Concern growing in his eyes he sat down beside me and lifted my torso close to his. "Shh..." His smell was very alike that of his sons, very tempting, but I couldn't even if I wanted to.

_Killer. He did leave. They aren't even interested in taking care of your brats._

I shut my eyes tight and swallowed, trying to ignore all the pain. When I pushed back he stroke my hair again, making it lay on my back. I hate to have it this long, it's in the way all the time. He stood up and Fleur handed Mina to me, her cries easing when I held her close.

I hadn't realise how soar it had been before she started nursing. It was quiet in the room and I wondered when my body, in all it strangeness, would behave normal again. Rolf came and put his head beside my leg, wanting me to scratch his ear. _You're a monster._

I made up my mind in a flash, put the infant down and walked confident to the door, pushed it open and didn't answer the questions they shot at my back. The grass tickled my bare feet as I strode across the garden, in between the trees, the dog following lazily behind me. I started to run, jumped over fallen trees and ducked under low branches, but the forest became too dense, I went back to walking fast.

Slowly it began to slant uphill, I was getting closer. The dog was beside me now, tongue hanging out of the mouth in the humid air. I just had to think, find out if I should move back to Britain, get a new job, or if I should stay in Romania, keep my routines and get pity form our friends. I reached the top of the hill and it started to slope down towards a small lake, my goal, my own private bubble.

"Crash, boom, bang," I whispered to myself, quoting a song by one of my favourite bands. When I had played it at Grimauld's Place Tonks had instantly taken a liking to it. The song fitted my life, every time I was close to happiness something happens and it comes crashing down.

The forest ended a bit before the water began and I stopped. I wasn't alone, someone else had seen this as a peaceful pocket in a chaotic time. I cleared my throat and Charlie turned around.

We didn't speak, he only looked at me, happy I was better and wanting to apologise. I scowled at him and crossed my arms before going closer to him, standing on a flat rock by the edge of the deep water. I didn't want his false promises, I never wanted to set my eyes on him once I was on my own.

He put his arms around me, but I tried to push him off, it wasn't going to be that easy. I tossed around, but he tightened his muscular arms. We were both determined to have it our way, but in a fling I got him to lose his balance and we fell deep into the water.

He was surprised for a second before began swimming up to the surface, dragging me with him. I got lose and headed downwards. If he were up there, I would be down in the cold dark to think. I could feel the currents of his strokes, he came after me. I hit the bottom and took hold of a big stone to stay there, the weight of the water pushing against my eardrums. Hands gripped and pulled forcefully at my upper arms from behind, but I hold on. He didn't want me, now he had to stand up for that choice.

The tugging wasn't as hard any longer, he had to get up to breath soon. I wasn't troubled by the lack of air, monsters are rarely that vulnerable. He refused to let go and so did I, he had to either live with the decision or drown.

Finally he let go with one of the hands, the other loosened a lot too. I turned around to see why he hadn't left, he was still hovering. His eyes were closed, some bubbles seeping out of his mouth, hair flowing freely like a halo. I pushed myself a bit closer to take in his features more clearly.

I could see it, even through the blur of the water: The twenty-year-old who knocked out his boss in the pub because of a sleazy remark about me; The thirteen-year-old who attacked me for having sex with his brother; The four-year-old hiding behind the skirt of his mother from the stranger.

I hated myself the moment I did it, but I took hold under his arms and kicked off, moving quick upwards and dragged him up on the rocky shore, thumping his back until I was sure most of the water was out of his lungs. He was about to look at me when I got up, marching away angry.

I didn't hear him calling after me, and if I had I wouldn't have cared. The soft light was filtered through the canopy, and I stepped off the small path, making my own way. How stupid was it possible to get? He had said he couldn't go on with me, and now he almost died because he had changed his mind. Merlin, men are hopeless!

"Hey, care to slow down?" A shadow had moved to my left, I stopped abruptly and saw Sirius again, now leaning against a tree.

"You? How did you know I was here? Wait, you aren't real," I reminded myself and kept walking.

"You've talked so much about this place I had to come and see it with my own eyes." He caught up with me, hands in the pockets of the same torn jeans and looked around.

"I'm trying to think, leave me alone." I looked up at him. If our daughter got half of his looks I would be very busy chasing away boys in a decade's time. That is, if I'm still alive. Another shadow moved to my right and I turned my head.

"Prongs? Well, I know you are dead and if he too can see you, I definitely have to call my shrink." I said it casually, not like I had just discovered that I had gone clinically insane.

"Yeah, I'm very much deceased. So is he, he just doesn't want to accept it." He pointed to Sirius, smirked and ruffled his hair like always do when he's in a good mood. Did, past tense.

"So how is it, this death-thing?" I had turned my attention back to the taller one.

"You tell me." I didn't understand what he meant, it didn't make sense. "You've been dead for over two decades now, I've only had a couple of years to get used to it."

"That's very different, my soul is still in my body, even though it's technically dead." I've never thought of myself as a living dead, that would be creepy.

"Seeing as I don't have a body I'm deader than you?" It was rhetorical and he snickered.

"Yay, I'm seeing dead people," I said darkly and kicked a twig. Having them hanging over my shoulder would make it very hard to think at all.

"Of course you are. You took the stone, remember?" James' brown eyes flashed in the light. The trees were further apart, we would be out in the open soon.

"Well, then shouldn't you be more... Ghosty?" I had read that tale so many times I knew how it was supposed to work.

"Look, there's the others!" Sirius put a hand on my back, a warm hand, and guided me out on the open field. Remus, Lily and Tonks sat on a tartan quilt, enjoying a glass of lemonade each.

"You... Explanation, please." I sat down between the women, both smiling kindly at me.

"My guess is that we are so clear for you because the stone is inside your body." Remus said calmly and placed an arm around his wife.

"How do you know that? Only I know that, ergo you are just my imagination!" I jumped up again and looked closely at them. Remus looked younger too, less scarred and about the same age as his wife, who looked even brighter than usual. Lily had pulled her auburn locks up in a pony-tail and eyed me suspiciously.

"Why did you try to drown him back there? I thought you loved him." She creased her forehead while waiting for my response.

"I didn't, he did that all on his own. Love? No, I've..." I looked over at Sirius and James for help to phrase my feelings right.

"I guess we have one thing in common. Flirt with everyone, shag the lucky ones, never get attached." Sirius yawned and flopped down where I had been sitting, looking deeply into his cousin's eyes.

"No, I'm not like you! I'm like myself." I started to stride back, roughly in the direction of the Burrow.

"Nice to talk to you," James called to my back as I reached the edge of the forest. My skin started to crawl at the idea of not going back, spend more time with the dead. It was almost tempting.

"Stay away from me. Go bother your son instead, he's lived almost seventeen years without your annoying company!" I shouted over my shoulder and clenched my fists in frustration before walking so fast I almost tripped several times.

I was alone, at last. The sunshine made the green leaves more saturated, the shadows a warmer tone, the stones blend more with the ground, but I didn't spot any people, living or dead. Which was a great relief. If I moved back here, what would I work as? Ministry is out, for obvious reasons. In a bar or restaurant? No, I'm not really that good with people. I like the job I have now, it's varied because we have so many different dragons, plus some other creatures every now and then. But it's nothing like that available in England. I could do the Order full-time, catch the ones that got away, find Kaya faster. But that may put my other girls in danger.

I stopped, eyes locked at a tree twenty yards in front of me, not really seeing it. I had heard something, steps that grew to a running, shoes thumping against the soft ground. They stopped not far behind me, but I didn't turn.

"Kevin..." He came a couple of steps closer and I whipped around, ready for whatever he may attempt. His clothes were still wet, his hair looking like fire going downwards. His expression was a mixture of regret and pity, I didn't need any of it.

"You left me, we are no more. I don't want to know why, I never want to hear your voice again." I straightened up as I said it, his face filled with shock and his mouth fell open.

"No, I just had to think! I love you, I always have and always will!" He started to get closer and I backed up, careful at where I was placing my feet.

"Save the clichés for someone that gives a shit," I spat at him before my back made contact with a tree trunk. Moving up close he tried to touch my face, but I hammered a fist at his arm. It wasn't hard, but he stopped.

"Don't do this." It was request for me to just forget. Something I'm not capable of, maybe forgiving, but never forgetting. I started to punch his chest like a child, he wasn't going to talk me into anything. The lack of reaction made me even angrier and I shot a hand upwards, the heel of my hand hitting his nose and making him stumble back, blood dripping down on the green moss.

"Go, I don't want anything to do with you," I said, still standing against the tree. He wiped his nose with the back of his hand before taking hold of my upper arms, trapping me.

"Don't lie to yourself." He sounded tired of it all, but held me firmly. I kicked him right under the knee, reminding him that I still had other ways of hurting him. "Where have you got the idea that I left you for good?" Some fury was there, deep down.

"It's best for both of us." I twisted and got a hand up to his side, trying to scratch him before he took hold of it, bending it against my shoulder and gripped it all together, the dirty bandage unfastened.

"No!" The emotion was evident in his face and his hands tightened. "If we're going to get through this, it is together!" He pushed me harder to the trunk and I hissed at him like a cat. He couldn't make me and he had said it himself, we couldn't go on like this.

"I damn the day I met your family to the fiery pits of Hell." It wasn't more than a poisonous whisper, but he let go with one hand, his fist quickly thrashing into my jaw. I returned the favour before we fell still again.

"You're unbelievable!" He shouted at my face, cheeks flushed.

"I'm trying to tell you that we shouldn't be together. But I guess your hand isn't as good in bed!" I yelled back.

"You think the only reason I'm with you is sex? You are seriously damaged!" He gripped my shoulder again and I tried to wrench his fingers off.

"Yes, I am, that's why you should lay off!" Damaged by the insecurity of my roots, the constant hunger, the loss of my first-born, the many unhealthy relationships, the deaths of my friends.

"Can't you see?" He searched my eyes for an answer and I saw how much he looked like Fabian, the angular lips and rounded nose, the brows that were a bit darker than his hair.

"Yeah, I can..." I had used countless failed relationship to face it, but now it was clear for me, even though I was light-headed. Charlie wasn't the right for me, neither was Bill or Sirius or Fabian or Thomas. The one I should be with had got away, I should have fought harder, because I would never get a chance to be with him again.

"So..." He waited for me to say something. I tried to escape the dark creeping through my head and share my discovery but it got harder by every passing second.

"Remus," was all I whispered before closing my eyes, the bliss of unconsciousness relaxing me.

Again I was laying in a bed with someone looking down at me. I lifted my head and looked back at them, both concerned. We were at Shell Cottage.

"You've been out for a couple of hours," Bill told me and stroke the hair out of my face. I silently cursed it for giving them excuses to caress me. I sat up and put my feet on the floor before Charlie came and put a hand on my shoulder to make me lay down again.

"Don't touch me!" I spat and he backed off, but I didn't stand up either.

"What is with you today? I've never seen you like this before." Bill sat down on his knees and placed a hand on my leg.

"That goes for you too!" I dug my nails into the back of his hand and pulled it off, but in no time it was up beside my collarbone.

"Can't we just talk?" He thought that would solve it. I took hold of his hand again, but before I could remove it he was on his feet, holding me with both hands. "Just calm down and I'll release you." He was slowly pushing me down on the mattress as I fought him. I remembered I had legs too and put my foot in his groin, not applying too much pressure.

"Let me go." I felt I had the upper hand, but he moved too quickly for me, putting his knee across my thighs and pushing me further down. I stretched my hands upwards, knowing I couldn't reach him. "Let me go!"

"Not before you agree to talk." He was now moving down to pin my arms down against my chest with his upper body. I kept squirming, if I just got a bit to the side I could throw him off.

"Fine, what you want to talk about? That Charlie's an idiot? That you can go fuck yourself? That I'm a raving lunatic?" I sounded like one, at least. He pressed so hard I could feel his breath on my face, his weight squishing me.

"Just calm down," he whispered in my ear, having leaned even closer. I tried to kick him in the ribs with the knee I had free now, but Charlie came and held it down. I felt the heat against my neck and saw my way out.

"Let go or I'll bite! I swear to God I'll bite!" I yelled, as much force behind it as possible when my lungs were almost empty. Funny I should suddenly involve religion in my threats, I've never had any faith in it. I flared my teeth, ready to strike, but he got off, letting go of my shoulders only to take my wrists, dragging me higher up in the bed by them and whispered some spell I hadn't heard of. I quickly understood what it had done as my hands was locked above my head in the shackles that had appeared on the headboard.

"No!" I didn't believe it, he could just let me go and I would be on my way to create a new life. I tried to kick to get some of the aggravation out, but it proved impossible as my ankles had got the same treatment, a heavy chain going under the bed. "No!"

"It hurts me to have to do this." He left for a while and I shot a look at Charlie. He stood by the dresser, rigid as a statue, expressionless. What was Bill going to do? Finish me off? Surely not too hard to get rid of the body, just transfigurate and throw it into the waves. Tell everyone I've packed up and left. Which was my plan, if they just let me.

"You'll have a nice life without me, then." Charlie barely stirred at my remark and Bill came back, a small bottle in his hand. He sat down beside me me and opened it, tried to feed the content to me, but I shut my mouth tight.

"It's just Veritaserum, I want to get some straight answers out of you." He said it so tenderly I almost opened my mouth. Almost. Charlie sat down on my other side and for a long time no one moved, both parts too pig-headed to give up. In the end the older placed his hand over my nose, stopping eventual breathing. May work with small kids, but I still had no need for oxygen. He smiled a little at himself and removed it, it had been stupid.

"Ouch!" In the small second I had yelped he had poured the potion down my throat and I swallowed as a reflex. I wanted to strangle Charlie, it was a lousy trick to pinch my nipple to force-feed me. But I was their prisoner now, the chains rattling as I tried to get loose again.

"It should have taken effect now. Why don't you want to be with Charlie any more?" His voice was normal, not raised, but I couldn't withstand it.

"He said we can't go on like this any longer and it's true. I can't push all my problems over on him, I'm breaking him." I knew they heard it even though I whispered.

"You're not just pushing them on me, I'm glad to help you solve them. And I didn't mean it... Not like that." He had something more to say, but I _couldn't force it out of him._

"Next, why did you leave him by the lake?" He moved his hand over his younger brother's, taking hold of it.

"I had to think, that's why I had come up there in the first place." I could thankfully hold back what I did before we met up again, a small loophole in the effect of the potion.

"And where did you go to think? What happened?" I got the distinct feeling Bill knew more than he let on. I swallowed before the words rushed out.

"I walked off the pat and saw... Met Sirius. James, Tonks, Lily and Remus too. I know they are dead, but I got something before I come here after the battle, the Resurrection Stone, it's real. I hid it in my body, only way to be sure it wasn't stolen and that's why they came to me." I could see in their eyes they had come to the same conclusion I had, clinically insane.

"What made you think Charlie was only interested in sex?" He seemed to be following a mental list. I looked from one to the other a couple of times before answering.

"I don't know if you remember, but in '83 I was dating this guy named Thomas. I moved in with him in his penthouse and I thought he loved me, but he abused me mentally, as good as forced me to sleep with him. Threatening to leave me or tell my friends how stupid and useless I am. He hit me a couple of times, but that didn't really bother me. It taught me that men are interested in one thing and life is easier when they get it." I hadn't known the answer before the words were out. I shook my head a bit to get the tears away, ashamed that I was spilling my guts in such an idiotic way.

"I remember, he was the American. Mum said he was 'digging for gold in the wrong place' and I never understood what she meant before now. He tried to make you into what he wanted, a servant, but you were too strong so he gave up in the end. Your are smart and amazing, don't think anything else. And I will never make you do anything you don't want to." Charlie stroke away the wet from my temple and gave a small smile to reassure me that he was honest.

"And how have that formed a lot of your later relationship?" Something else had made it onto his list, and this wasn't going to be pretty.

"Badly, you're a good example. I had decided that men was there to please me, as I was there to please them, and had many one-night-stands, kinda my own version of Bed 'n' Breakfast. Often I didn't bother with sex, just planted a fake memory and drained them for some blood. I had fun toying with you, seeing how you were eager to learn and experience. We would both be better off if I hadn't." I coughed and closed my eyes, so tired.

"I see. You didn't have any deeper feelings for me?" The answer could only hurt him, why did he do this?

"I'm not sure how i felt then. I was secure around you, if anything happened you would be there for me. But later... I sometimes wish you weren't married to that blond bimbo, but me instead." Sadly the truth and it hurt Charlie.

"Who do you love more, me or Charlie?" He addressed my hands, but I answered before having to think.

"Charlie. Always have, always will." The words didn't get out of my mouth before aforementioned man had flung himself at me, kissing my neck and crying with relief. I rubbed my cheek against his, the only way I could hug him back. After a short while he sat up again and wiped away the tears. "I'm sorry I tried to shove your nose into your brain." At the time I would have been happy if he had keeled over and stayed down in the forest.

"No, it's okay. It was only broken and Mum fixed that in an instant." It still looked a bit swollen, but I let it be, Bill had more intriguing questions for me.

"If you love him, then you can be together again?" He still looked blankly at my hands, his face a tired mask. Charlie placed his hand on my stomach, taking it for granted that I should agree.

"No," I answered, causing his eyes to widen in surprise. "I'm afraid I can't." He looked like he didn't want to believe it.

"Why? I told you we'll get through this together." He was almost angry, but I looked straight in his eyes.

"Because I wasn't meant to be with you. I was intended for Remus and now he's dead, I have to go on alone. I don't want to talk about it with you, I'm going to dr. Marwood tomorrow." Hopefully I could come straight to the psychiatrist, he could do a quick evaluation and decide if I should be committed to the madhouse right away or not.

"That's crazy! You aren't intended for one person and that's it, you're your own fate's maker, isn't that what you've always said?" His voice got a bit shrill towards the end and I tried to scratch my nose with my elbow.

"Yes, I said that. But what if... Maybe..." I couldn't justify it any longer. What had seamed like an epiphany in the forest was now bizarre and demented. "Maybe I've moved on. Maybe you're the one for me now," I said slowly when I had gathered my thoughts a bit. He bent down and kissed me again quickly, grateful I had come to my senses. Bill still hadn't moved, staring into the wall and I could almost hear him think.

"Hey, care to release her?" Charlie didn't know the counter spell and snapped his fingers in front of his brother's face to wake him. I didn't think I should be let loose just yet, but hold quiet until Bill refocused on us.

"Sorry, I just... The pills are wearing off..." He ran his tongue slowly over his upper lip, his eyes red and wet.

"Pills?" I was about to shout at him for not saying he was sick, but maybe it wasn't anything serious I needed to know of.

"Anti-depressives. I got them after the battle, Fleur told me I would probably need them." He swallowed, it was a hard confession for him. "Mum's on them too, which is understandable." He had just as much right to have something to help him through the day, but he saw it as a weakness.

"That explains a lot. I don't do well with any kind of drugs and I have... It's been in your blood." They knew one of the few fail-safe ways to kill me is strong drugs.

"I forgot..." He got on his feet and started to move across the room, unaware that we still were here. Halfway to the door he fell to his side, twitching, eyes rolling.

"Bill!" Charlie didn't have time to go around the bed but scrambled over me and hurried to his brother. "Come on, breath and calm down!" It would be more effective if his voice weren't so full of fear. I lifted my head as much as I managed, seeing his back where he sat over his older brother's hip, trying to holding his head still. "Come on!"

"Charlie?" I tried to get contact to tell him to get help, he was too worked up himself do any good. He didn't turn, just sat there over the convulsing body. "Charlie, go and get Fleur." He finally turned and looked at me, processed what I had told him and ran out the door as if it was a matter of life and death. Maybe it was, Bill didn't look good and I closed my eyes, it had to work out for the better.

I had blacked out again and didn't know what had happened to Bill. It was quiet around me for a long time until Elisabet came into the room, a half-eaten popsicle in her hand.

"Hi, where did you got that?" I greeted her and she came up in the bed to me, looking at the chains before gripping my red t-shirt with one fist. "Could I have a bit of that?" She wasn't much of a talker yet, but tried to direct the frozen juice to my mouth, missed and I almost got the tip in my eye, causing us both to giggle.

"You're awake again." Charlie came into us and sat down, in his eyes I could see he had something to tell me. "You got something there," he said and leaned over to lick my eyelid, moving down to my mouth. I took a gentle hold of his upper lip with my teeth as he tried to retract. His eyes glimmered playfully as he pulled loose. "That wasn't very nice of her, was it?" He asked Lisa who had been watching us with big eyes, the popsicle now devoured. She shook her head.

"And what are you two going to do about it?" I enjoyed the small game in all it's simpleness, waiting for him to deliver his next line.

"I think we have to tickled you." He shot a glance to Lisa and her face lit up, I didn't have a chance. They buried their fingers in my side, she quickly deciding it was easier if she sat across on me, he following her example.

"No, stop, I can't breath!" I hardly got it out through the laughter and they did it harder, she moving up to my armpits while he was trying to get underneath my ribs. "Ah, not my arms!" I tried to pull out of the handcuffs, their grins widening as I roared at the intense touching. "Stop. Stop-stop-stop!" It wasn't fun anymore and he caught the tone, taking hold of the child's hands and lifting her off me, not moving himself.

"Maybe you'll get some more sweets downstairs." She hurried off at his suggestion, leaving us alone. "Was it too much?" He seemed too grave, something's wrong.

"No, it was fun, but my back's hurting. What happened to Bill?" I could endure the pain a bit more, I had to know how and where he was.

"We got him to St. Mungo's and he's there now. They had to run some more tests to find out what was wrong, but he'll be all right." It still seemed he was keeping something back, but he started fiddling with my t-shirt, not in the mood to say any more.

"So... Do you know how to get me out of these?" My shoulder-blades were burning, but I've got good practice in being shackled down. His hands fell still and he looked up in my face.

"No, but Fleur does. I'll get her." He got off me and I felt the heat he had given me starting to evaporate. I caught myself before calling him back, he was just downstairs. The dawning panic made my neck prickle and I didn't relax before he stood beside me again, holding my hands.

"Be still now, you can get 'urt if you move too fast," she said and the pressure on my wrists and ankles was gone, he slowly moved my arms down to my side, the sore muscles making me groan a bit. I was free to do whatever I wanted, but all I desired was for him to lay down next to me.

"Without you, I don't know what I've done," I admitted and sat up, gripping hard around him, knowing my nails was scratching him. He didn't mind, embraced me back and put his nose on the top of my head. "I've been so stupid today." I wish life had a rewind button.

"No, you haven't been yourself." He had forgiven me, decided that I couldn't be hold responsible for this either. I turned my head to lay it against his chest, listening to his living body. Fleur looked at us, not in a prying way, just happy it was put right again. Behind her another woman was standing, her heart-shaped face filled with joy for me, her hair more purple than usual.

"Maybe not. I love you." My words didn't cover a percentage of what I felt. His stomach grumbled and I had to laugh. "Let's go down and feed you." After that there's a hole in my memory, but soon I was sitting against the arm of the couch, legs drawn up under me and he casually resting his left hand behind me, a slice of bread with peanut butter in the other.

"Mmm..." I didn't bother to make words, just moved closer to him and he let me take a bite. It was salty and nice, but not what I really wanted. "Where's the smoke?"

"I'll get it," he offered, but I took hold of his wrist before he got up. I couldn't let him leave me now, I had to have him within an arm's reach. Our eyes met slowly and he saw my stupid demand, his expression softening as he again brushed the hair away from my face.

"Where is it?" Fleur had got up, having observed us and decided to help. Once she had got her answer she glided up the stairs, the kissing couple moving about three inches not to be in contact with her. Sure, when they were alive a peck on the cheek was embarrassing, now they were snogging their lips off, sitting on the bottom step, her hand messing with his black hair, he lost in her emerald eyes.

"I won't go anywhere without telling you first," he promised sincerely. I rested a bit on him before seeing how badly the bandage was wrapped around my arm and took it off. The small injury had healed quickly, as it does the most times. The blonde came back down and threw the small pack to me and I got up, heading outside.

"Where are you going?" She asked as she sat back down and crossed her legs elegant. I gave her a puzzled look and Charlie went to my side, not really caring where I was heading for.

"Outside. I don't want to pollute your house, and besides, I try not to do it in front of kids." I motioned towards Lisa sitting on the floor with some stuffed animals, having the time of her life.

"I don't mind, but if you insist. I'm going back to the hospital now, they should be done with the tests now." Strange how her English improves when she's putting on a brave face. I nodded, hoping they had figured it out and went outside quickly, the craving was strong. I leaned against the wall beside the door, my hands trembling as I took up a cigarette and the lighter, dropped both on the ground and banged my head backwards in frustration.

"I'll do it," he muttered and picked it up, lighted it and put it in the corner of my mouth. I inhaled deeply, felt the nicotine flowing through my veins and exhaled shaking. It helped, calmed me down after the intense and confusing day.

"I'm sorry I'm clingy." If it's something I hate seeing it's girls choking their boyfriends with needs, now I'm turning into one myself.

"No, you're not." He gave a half-smile and placed a hand to the side of my head, caressing my ear with the lower parts of his thumb. I took another blow and placed the smoke in between my fingers, concluding I had to buy more to get through tomorrow. Another funeral, the last Marauder, the brain in the gang, and his optimistic wife.

"Oh, Merlin..." I had done it again, the wet running down the inside of my thighs. "Why does it seem that my emotions are hot-wired to between my legs?" I was on the brim of crying. "When the first war ended, I've never had so many partners in such a short span of time, easing the pain with alcohol and the endorphins of sex. Now I can't keep my pants dry for a full day." The revelation came out while I hastily smoked the rest in anger at myself. He enclosed me in his arms and I put my head forward to his chest for an instant.

"It's been a long day," he finally stated and made a bit more space between us, I agreed silently. As I took up and lighted another smoke, now it was only three left, I made the mistake of looking over his shoulder. I felt my eyes widening and swallowed, knowing what I saw wasn't real, but the majority of my brain told me he was standing there.

"Fabi..." I couldn't finish the whisper, staring into the face sparkling with joy, the bronze fringe long enough to cast a shadow over the brown irises. I closed my eyes and shook myself, trying to get rid of it. "One of the reasons I don't want you to be with me is that I can't tell the difference between fantasy and reality, past and present," I told Charlie as I moved my gaze back to him.

"We'll work on that. You're going to Marwood tomorrow and in no time at all it's gone. You're here with me now." He kissed me lightly, warning me not to try to leave him again. "I've literally been worried sick about you, think I've got an ulcer." The time I had been imprisoned had taken a lot of him, but there was a hint of humour in his voice.

"I'm sorry." It was all I could say, I didn't want him to jeopardise his health over me.

"We're agreed not to apologise for surviving, time to stop doing it for being alive, living." He ran a fingertip slowly down the bridge of my nose, ending in the small void between my nose and lip. I took the last breath of the smoke and dropped it on the ground, rubbing my bare foot-blade over it unnecessarily hard.

"I don't want you to die. Not any more." I was repelled by my thoughts of getting rid of him that way and had to put it into words, hoping he would understand. "If I didn't have you, nothing would hold me back here and I would have moved, just denied what have happened." He was so close I could feel the hairs on his arms, no need to actually touch right now. I coughed heavy and he creased his forehead in response.

"I don't like the sound of that." He mostly meant the cough, but I also took it as he would keep a close eye on me so I didn't suddenly disappear off to some foreign country. "Let's go inside. To bed." He yawned to emphasise it and took me gently by the hand. Elisabet had almost fallen asleep, but I picked her up and placed her on my hip.

"Wolfie." She pointed down at her toys, a grey wolf and black panther. Charlie picked them up, gave her the bigger one and we went to the bathroom, he never more than two steps behind me. I put her down and took the toothbrush before sitting and trying to get her to open her mouth.

"Please, Mummy's tired," I pleaded, but she stood there stubbornly pouting and squeezing the neck of Wolfie. "Don't make me get angry." My voice was still pleading and I was more likely to weep than yell. She thought about it for a moment before letting me brush over quickly, running to lay down in the big bed the moment I was done. Thankful I stood up and looked for my own toothbrush, not finding it and decided I could use hers for once. Charlie let out a low groan and I looked over at him where he was sitting on the edge of the tub, waiting for me to finish up.

"Nothing..." He answered my unasked question. I spat out in the sink and motioned for us to go to bed, again holding hands loosely. I quickly changed my underwear while he turned off the light and closed the curtains. When we laid down facing each other Lisa crawled up from the foot end, settling on her back with her head on my pillow in between us. Three hands met on her stomach, smallest over mine, his big covering both, and she sighed happily.

"Don't cry," I muttered sleepy as I noticed the drop running over his nose. He blinked a couple of times and tried to smile.

"Just a lot of things going through my mind now," he murmured back, closing his lids, his face a bit strained.

"Relax and sleep, it helps." It was working for me at least, I had forgot where my hand was until he moved a finger, stroking reassuring. He would be okay, he had made it through this long day.


	6. Part I, chapter 6

Three hours later I was stumbling down the stairs, pushing the battle in my dream away. _Slaughterer._ I barely had my eyes open as I got into the kitchen and found a glass, filled it with water, took it all in one and dragged myself back in the sitting room. I had only focused on making the dry stickiness in my mouth ease and first then did I see her, sitting on the window sill, a thin blouse covering her pale skin. I didn't know what to say as I moved behind the sofa, the two feet of space there enough for me.

"Zhey still don't know..." Her low voice was thick and I closed in, our foreheads almost touching.

"They will soon and then he'll be home again." She was struggling more than she wanted to let on and my promise wasn't enough.

"I can't sleep in the empty bed." For human ears it wouldn't have been audible and I wanted to wipe the tears away, but they made her moonlike look more complete. She took the initiative and our lips met, soft pink against pale purple. Any other night I would probably have pushed her away, but now I was drawing passion from her, she taking strength from me. The superficial kiss ended and I looked down on my feet, calmer.

"If it makes you feel better I'll sleep beside you." Charlie needed me, but she needed me much more right now, and I think I needed her. She nodded slowly while looking out in the dark night. My brain refused to take in anything more before we were in the bed, her face slowly letting go of the angst.

"You're cold," she noted while cuddling up to me, too tired to be awkward about it.

"I'm sorry..." I know it's the reason many people don't touch me and was very aware of it when I was younger.

"No, it's nice." She placed one leg over mine and took a deep breath, both bodies relaxing as she let it out.

* * *

What felt like a minute later the alarm clock waked me, but I didn't open my eyes. She leaned over me and shut the beeping off and I turned to lay on my stomach. The pillow smelled... Like Bill and I didn't know how I felt about it. At least not how I should feel about it and I turned my head towards her again, she was close enough for me to feel the warmth of her body. Only part-veelas can have such a sweet morning breath, like apricot and mango.

"I 'ave to get back to 'im." On top of everything she was feeling guilty about not being by his side twenty-four hours a day. The weight on the mattress disappeared and I heard her finding some clothes. I forced myself to turn and find out how long time I had to get ready. The red digits read 09:03 and I sighed, closing my eyes, wanting the day to be over already. But I had to get up, shower, go to London and then to the funeral. _If you had thought about others than yourself it wouldn't be anyone to bury._

I snoozed a bit more, suddenly it was 11:19 and I had no more time to waste. My knees buckled a bit as I got up, across the small hall and found the skirt and blazer, watching Charlie stir in his sleep. I took the other top, a halter-neck with open back, but I hadn't big plans of removing my jacket. I didn't have time for the much-needed shower and just splashed some water here and there before hurrying downstairs. I gulped down the glass of blood Fleur had left for me, thinking it was a shame to waste something so good so quickly as I tried to figure out how to get from the city and back here and then meet up at Andromeda's at one o'clock. An owl almost flew into the window and I opened it, noticed my name and the Ministry's mark, threw it on the table, I couldn't be bothered by that now.

"Mamma?" Elisabet came down the stairs slowly, like small children often do. I had almost forgotten about her, Charlie needed the sleep and she couldn't be left alone. My head was close to spinning as I ran up past her, grabbed a green dress, fell down the last three steps and sat up beside her.

"Do you want to be with Molly and Arthur today?" I asked strained as I clothed her, my hands not co-operating with me. She didn't have a choice and I heaved her up on my hip, wrote a quick note and left it on the kitchen table before striding to the fire-place and shot a look at the clock, not seeing what it read.

"Hi. We don't have to leave yet, do we?" Ginny sat by the table with a book, confused at why I came stumbling in, my eyes flickering around the kitchen.

"No, but I have something to do first, could your mother watch her?" I didn't wait for the answer, just let go of my daughter and flooed to the Leaky Cauldron, tried to remember which buss to take as I raised a hand in response to Tom's hello and got out on the busy street. Even though my mind blanked out I was soon at the lobby of the mental institution.

"I'm sorry, but it is lunch break and you don't have an appointment," the blonde receptionist told me again. I could see her side of the case, but this was sort of an emergency.

"Just please, please, pick up the phone and tell dr. Marwood it's Kevin Casey and I _need _ to see him." She gave in and I hoped the memory charms I had put on him hadn't faded and he still knew about magic without having the urge to tell anyone about it. After a short conversation in the phone she told me I could meet him in his office. I thanked her and half-ran down the corridor, knocked on the door and crossed the threshold without waiting for a response.

"Hello, long time since I've seen you. Which is good." He gave me a warm smile and I sat down in the chair, looking at him across the dark desk. If someone had decided to cross Robin Williams and Dustin Hoffman in the 1940's, he would surely be the outcome.

"Yeah... We had another war and a lot of things are surfacing, many new losses." I tried to sort my thoughts enough to tell him what had happened. He took up a sandwich and eyed me, trying to see how broken I was.

"I'm sorry to hear that." He was indicating for me to inform him on who and what they had meant to me. I licked my lips slowly and tried to figure out where to begin.

"Do you remember I told you about little Charlie?" His eyes widened behind his glasses, misinterpreting what I was trying to say. "We're kinda dating now. His brother Fred, one of the twins, got hit. Re... I'm going to the funeral of Remus and his new wife later today." It was the best I could explain it now and his brows creased a bit.

"Again, I'm sorry. How are you dealing with all this?" His voice was deep and reassuringly slow before he began eating.

"Not good at all. Everyone is of course crying, running into some fights in the confusion and sadness. I'm... Burdening the ones around me, not able to function, throwing up, wetting my pants, going into spans of apathy, trances, black-outs. Charlie's saying he don't mind looking after me and that we can talk about it, but..." I looked out the big window behind him.

"But since he's a part of it you can't tell him everything," he finished for me. "I have three hours open on Thursday, why don't you come around noon and we'll start to untangle your emotions." I nodded and we chatted a bit more, but it's all a blur before I stood in the pub again, paying for the packs of cigarettes. I shrugged, in three days I'll be on my way to get put right, hopefully it won't get much worse before that. The floo back to the Burrow made me dizzier than usual and I fell over on the floor, squinting my eyes together against the pain in my side.

"Maybe you should stay home," Ginny advised as Harry helped me stand up. I shook my head and pursed my lips, I had to go, get some closure. "Um, we have to apparate now." She sounded curious at how it would be, but I swallowed and shifted a bit, not sure if I was up to it.

"We can do it together." He was at least more sensitive to the people around him than his father had been. He interlaced his fingers with mine, one girl on each side and I concentrated on the cottage where Andromeda lived, now alone with her grandson.

I put the smoke to my lips again. The white marble stone shone in the sunlight, but it didn't make the names and dates on it less painful to read. It was over now and I had to go home, put them behind me. I only had a vague memory of the speeches, except one line, "They died in the faith that the world would be a better place." Now it was repeating itself in my mind over and over again.

A cloud blocked out the sun and I decided to move, another hour here wouldn't change anything. Among all the names on the gravestones around I could see many I knew, names I had hoped wouldn't be here. I gripped my wand harder and turned, ending up on the other side of the house than I had aimed for, found the entrance and listened for any sounds in the house. It was empty downstairs and I moved up the stairs, the snores getting clearer and I sat down on my knees beside the bed.

"Morning," I said as I put my hand to his chest and two fingers on his forehead, skin oily, and his eyes opened. He cleared his throat and looked over at the old-fashioned alarm clock.

"Half past three? I've been sleeping like a baby the whole day." He was still a bit groggy as he sat up and kissed me on the cheek. I took hold of his hand, I had to be near him not to fall apart.

"I was thinking of taking a shower..." I looked at him and he agreed to accompany me. "Fleur is still with William. Your mother is watching Elisabet." I had no idea why I was using full names, but a calm feeling told me to do it. "Charles?" I was almost mocking him now, but he looked soberly at me. "My ribs are hurting." He pulled up my shirt to look and ran his hand swiftly over, making me draw breath between my teeth at the burning.

"I don't feel any fractures." He kissed me and I returned it more passionately, running one hand through his hair and gripping his thigh with the other. When we broke apart it had made it's way up to the edge of his blue boxer shorts. I took him by the hand, leading him into the bathroom and not taking my eyes off him while I wrenched off my clothes. The water was running when we stepped over the edge of the tub, I wondering why they didn't have a proper shower, it would make this much easier.

"Now..." I wrapped my arms around his neck and lifted myself up, legs going around his waist as he pushed me to the wall. He let out a heavy breath and sucked at my lower lip before I took hold of his upper.

"Funny, I just dreamt this," he admitted when I let go not to bite. He placed one hand over my breast, running a finger over my nipple while his erection was pushing an inch too much to my left. I moaned, wanting to want it, but almost cried thinking about the effort it would take.

"Let me down, we have to do this different." I was still set on doing something for him and sat down on my knees, now glad for the extra space in the tub. A deep breath steadied my hands before I placed one on the shaft, the other on the inside of his thigh and I began masturbating him, waves of cold echoing around my body.

"Elskling..." He removed my hand slowly and I looked up at him. He saw it was no use to try and talk me out of it before I looked down again, the water was splashing into my eyes. "Your hands are shaking, you're too tired. Let me do it." With that he left me to caress his stomach, legs and balls, feeling useless. When he came I had sunk so far down some hit me on the chin and I licked it away while the rest trickled down my breasts and stomach, disappearing down the drain.

"That was pathetic," I whispered while he stretched over to get the shampoo. He knew I meant that I couldn't help him at all and didn't respond while lathering up, just touched my head briefly. I sat there with my hands in my lap, feeling the hot water flowing down my body, drop after drop leaving my eyelashes. When he was done with himself he figured I wouldn't get up again and started to wash my hair, his fingers massaging my scalp.

"How did it go today?" I heard he wouldn't be surprised if I didn't answer and he took the shower head down to rinse away the foam.

"Mm... Appointment at noon on Thursday." I let the soapy water seep out of my mouth before closing it, glad my tears were hidden by the spray. He turned it off and opened the hanging, getting a towel and drying off his upper body before sitting down to take care of my hair, squeezing most of the moisture out first. He was gentle while rubbing it dry between his strong hands, not pulling a single time.

"Maybe we should get him to talk to George too," he suggested while patting the fabric over my shoulders and letting go of it. Sure, whatever, just don't make me do anything. "Can you stand up?" I nodded, but he still had to half-lift me out on the floor. All my willpower went to keeping my knees straight, the only real thing was his cloth-covered palms going over my body. _Pathetic._

"Mmm..." I breathed and he stopped to look at me. "That feels so good, but I just can't..." Of course he had already got some action, enough for him right now, but I still wanted to want. He ran the towel over my butt again and took a step back to do the rest of himself, draping it around his hips and taking hold of my chin.

"I'm just going to get some clothes, I'll be back in less than a minute." He let go, my eyes filling with new tears, but I clenched them shut and convinced myself he was right in front of me, the lie keeping me together. "Shh..." He was back fast, giving me a hug before bending down. I had to support myself on him while lifting one foot at the time so he could put on my knickers and a pair of beige velour trousers, the oldest, ugliest and most comfy thing I own. A kiss was placed between my breasts as he got up to put on his own clothes, I watched him but could only take in his face. "Kay, how are you doing?" He was worried, I didn't like the too-soft tone. I blinked, unable to say anything as he got close and placed one of his flannel shirts on me, the three buttons he fastened was done so lopsided. He pressed his lips to my forehead, still hoping I would answer.

We went downstairs, his arm around me, and the smell of food penetrated through the fog in my head as we entered the kitchen. Fleur was throwing her head back and forth like a restless horse, her hair glittering for each time where she stood by the stove, cooking something I still hadn't identified. He sat down on the nearest chair and placed me carefully on his lap, sideways so he could see my face.

"Bon appetit," she said flatly while placing the pan, two plates and cutlery on the table. Charlie helped himself with one hand while the other was around my back, holding me still. He offered me a fork-full several times, but when he was done I still had no idea what he had eaten.

I placed my head on his shoulder, too tired to hold it up myself and he folded his arms securely around me. I was very aware of where our bodies touched and I snuggled my nose to his neck as a small pain began in my diaphragm. His breathing was smooth and even, raising his broad chest against me. In the back of my mouth a metal-like taste formed and the pain in my stomach hit harder, a small scream of agony escaped me, followed by instinctive hyper-ventilation.

"Hush, it'll go away." He hadn't picked up on my pain yet, the whisper was more a habit. I took him on the word and stopped the rapid inhaling, if I just don't pay any attention to it, the hurting would stop. "There..." His hold eased a bit, as did the physical pain.

The second after I was laying on the couch with my head in his lap, a book about Quidditch history in his hand. I moaned, the only way I was able to communicate and turned to face his stomach. If my brain doesn't soon start to give and take some impressions of the outside world I'll turn into a vegetable, shipped off to a care-institution. _Then he'll be free to get a real girlfriend._

I closed my eyes, listening to his breathing and occasional turning of a page. I could get some real sleep, hopefully undisturbed by nightmares, if I just kept relaxing.

"Charlie?" The call was coloured with the hysteria and panic invading me when I woke up alone on the couch. "Charlie?" It was shriller and I tried to swallow the lump in my throat.

"I'm here! Just putting Lisa down for a nap." He emerged at the top of the stairs and I relaxed a bit. I nodded for him to go back and I realised it had been a silly reaction. Still, the aftershock made me light-headed when I stood up, causing me to trip over my own feet and cry out. His running steps shattered my ears before he sat down and stroke the hair forcefully from my face. "Are you hurt? Where?" His face was filled with worry for me. I shook my head and he raised me up a bit with one arm.

"Ba... Bathroom," I got out and he scooped me up, one arm under my shoulders, the other in the bend of my knees. His movements shook me a bit and I was glad when he put my feet down, still holding onto my upper body. I took a step and stood on my own, taking off my trousers and sitting down, the seat almost cold.

"It's okay," he said, having seen my apologetic face. I rested my head on the tiled wall beside me, choosing my words and gathering the strength to utter them.

"It isn't okay that you have to take care of both me and my two daughters. You have your own losses and pains." It was slurred together and he cupped my face in his hands.

"We've been over this. Maybe it's unfair and drains me, but I would much rather do this than not have you in my life. In fact, you _are _my life." It began to get clear for me, he was staying no matter what.

"When you die..." I had decided it a while ago, now it was time to tell him. "'Couse you are, I'm taking an overdose of morphine." I felt empty at the thought, but it was one of the substances I knew was lethal to me. He gave me an emotional hug, his breath shaking as he let go again.

"Thank you, I guess." What else should he say? I tried to smile a bit and got on my feet, my hands barely able to drag the clothes back up. My brain worked properly for a moment and I remembered two things.

"The rings. The letter." Saying it out loud meant it was harder to forget again. "Their rings were in the pocket of my jeans. And the letter that arrived today." The trembling in my stomach made it hard to stand erect.

"We can take that later. Have you eaten anything today?" If he hadn't embraced me I would balled up on the floor.

"Yeah, in the morning," I muttered. He led me into the bedroom, not even thinking of letting go, and laid down with me on top.

"Do you think you could lick it straight off my arm?" He wanted me to gather strength, but I shook my head. I hadn't the will not to bite down to get more, even though the rational part of me wanted to let it trickle out on its own. Hurting him would be hurting myself. He pulled the extra blanket he had got for himself during the night over us and sighed.

"Maybe tomorrow..." I blinked and a couple of tears slipped down on the front of his shirt. The cough ended in vomiting and he tried to sit up. "No!" I couldn't let him go anywhere.

"Honey, you don't want to sleep in a pool of your own puke?" He stroke my back slowly, still about to move.

"I don't care whose it is. If it's bothering you, magic?" I cried and he tried to soothe me, calm me down. "Don't leave me, don't ever leave me. If you do, I'll kill you, I'll fucking kill you!" I retched again, knowing I sounded like a maniac. _Third time's a charm, isn't that what they say?_

"No, I won't. Just let me clean up this mess and you can sleep." He got his wand out of his pocket and it vanished, leaving me to dry my tears with the back of my hand, feeling a bit calmer and remorseful of what I had said. I pushed myself up a bit, just enough to see his face, clasping his shirt.

"I didn't mean that, I can't hurt you on purpose, not really. I need you." I laid down again, twice I had tried to... I could have been in Azkaban now, if I just had waited a little longer in the water or pushed up a bit harder with my hand. "Don't leave me," I said again, meaning I wouldn't leave him either. His scent and warmth enclosed me as the minutes passed by.

"The day's been tiring for you," he whispered, but I heard "I'll be there for you even if you are selfish and incapable." I opened my mouth to respond, but I didn't know what to say. My eyelids closed while he was saying we had to get a port-key home, his voice soothing me as I glided into a dreamless sleep.

"Ow!" Something tugged at my hair and I reached up to get rid of it. When I felt the small fist I opened my eyes, temporary blinded by the light, and saw the pouting and unbending face of Lisa. "Mmm... Come here, then," I mumbled and made room for her by shifting to lay more on my side. She climbed up on his chest, I put my arm around her and we yawned in unison. A deep grumbling was heard from his stomach and he groaned.

"Something's moving down there..." His face was slightly troubled.

"Do you want us to get off?" I sat up a bit before he nodded, then slipped down beside him and Lisa moved after me. "Have you got anything for that ulcer you think you got? Are you even sure that's what it is?" If it wasn't he could get ill from the potion.

"No, I haven't, but Bill said it is." I almost laughed at how he said it, like Bill knows everything. It wasn't far from the truth, though. The black-headed toddler took hold around my waist, her nails scratching a bit, but I returned it, without the scratching. I should be more attentive to her, both her and her half-sister have been neglected lately. Suddenly he threw off the blanket and sheet, rushed to the bathroom and slammed the door behind him. I went after, sat down beside the door and listened to the sickening noise of the rebellion of his stomach.

"Are you all right?" I knew he wasn't, but needed to hear his voice. The closed to an answer I got was a long groan and I put my knees up under my chin as Lisa came and sat beside me. I have really fucked him up now, he shouldn't have to get sick from being with me. But he says he want to, I have to accept that I'm thinking irrational. My eyes were fixed on the wall I didn't see, waiting, wanting his heated fingers to leave traces on my skin again.

"Honey?" I heard it, but it sounded like he was far away. "Kay?" Like on the other side of a tunnel. "Kevin!" I blinked and realised he was sitting in front of me.

"How are you?" I barely managed to utter it and the small moisture made my dry lips stick together.

"Fine. I think you have to eat now." He was set on that it would cure me. I tilted my head a bit and looked at him, the sweaty forehead, the hot cheeks, the reddish lips.

"Mhm... Feeling better?" I was just as set to find out how ill he was, but he just shrugged and made me stand up. "Hm?" He had to answer me.

"Yeah. It didhurt like hell, but I'm fine now." He wasn't comfortable talking about it and I didn't want any more details. We started to descend the the stairs together, all three of us, but I got dizzy and he had to carry me three-quarters of it. _Helpless moron._ The useless feeling made me curl up on his lap when he sat down, unaware that we weren't alone and a conversation was going on.

"So they have figured out what it is?" His voice got a special ring to it since I had my ear just below his throat. I was indifferent to who he was talking to, as long as it didn't mean he had to go anywhere without me.

"Not really, I've got a load of potions they hope will help, but if they don't I have to go back the day after tomorrow." It was Bill, he was home again! I turned my head enough to see his pale face, it looked thinner. Everything about him had the look of a sick person, even the hair he now had loose seemed less coloured. I turned back to Charlie and missed the rest of the dialogue, but a squeaking noise brought me back.

"Kay?" Bill inquired to talk with me, I didn't think I was up to it.

"No..." I moaned without opening my eyes or moving, the hand stroking my back stopped and I was raised up a bit. A different pair of hands touched my feet and I had to see whose.

"Hi..." He gave a crooked smile and rubbed my ankle gently. My eyes widened as they took in the wheel-chair he was sitting in and without my permission my body began shaking with sobs.

"No, he's all right, don't cry," Charlie soothed, placed a hand on the side of my head and pressed me closer to him, treating me like the child I was. I made myself stop wailing, but the tears kept running, Bill would be standing up if he was all right. "I'm sorry, I have to go again." He placed me on the couch, alone, and disappeared upstairs.

"Don't worry about this, it's just a precaution." Bill gestured towards the wheel-chair and reached out to my hand, but I retracted it. His touch felt foreign a minute ago, now it would be downright traumatic to my stirred-up emotions.

"But it is..." My brain froze and I couldn't tell him how bad I felt on his behalf. Instead I balled up again, the only safe position I knew. The headache began to throb and the saliva trickled slowly out of the corned of my mouth. For too long I laid like that, until a petite hand began stroking my upper arm. I let out a little moan, but did no more before Charlie came back.

"Could you get a glass?" He asked and the blond went into the kitchen while he straightened me out, making me sit up. I gripped his thumb hard, but the muscle began hurting too fast and I let go, his other hand touched my stomach as he combed my hair behind me. He wanted a healer to have a look at me, I could see it in his eyes. He cut his wrist and the blood ran down in the glass, too fast to be healthy, but he healed it and made me drink.

"We're going home soon," I said out in the air, not aiming it at anyone special and took hold of my drink, enjoying it slowly.

"It's no trouble having you here, but you probably have work and stuff to do," Bill agreed. Something had changed, he didn't seem like himself, both weaker and more dangerous at once. Maybe it was me, not him.

"Do you know when you'll be out of that thing?" Charlie wants to, but he can't watch out for everyone.

"A week or so, if the medications work." The squeaking moved him closer to me and I shifted in my seat.

"And how are you going to get up the stairs in the meantime?" He was actually considering staying so he could carry his brother up and down. He was getting used to do that to me, but Bill is a bit bigger and heavier than me. Not to mention he still have some pride, I lost mine sometimes during the last week.

"Magic, little brother, magic," he retorted and a grin spread over his pale features. I eased the thudding by covering my face with my hands, but they were gently removed.

"Come, lets have breakfast." He meant he was hungry and I took his hand as we went to the kitchen counter where he took out a bowl, corn flakes and milk before sitting down. I found the spoon he had forgot and sat down on his lap with my left side resting on him before beginning to feed him.

"Open up," I said and he wasn't impressed with how I was making it look like he was four years old.

"I can do..." I shoved another spoonful in when he parted his lips.

"I know you can, but it's time I repay you a bit." I was fed up with being the one requiring help all the time, this was my revenge on myself.

"Can't I have some sugar or jam on it?" He put on a mock-unsatisfied face.

"No, it's not good for you." It was good to play a little, let go of everything, ignore that Sirius was staring on us from across the table.

"Fine, _Mum_." His face broke into a grin and I placed a peck on his cheek before taking some of the cereal myself. His hands caressed my hips and I smiled at the feeling, soon he placed his lips on my cheek, moving down my jaw and neck. In the surprise as his hand went upwards I dropped the bowl, shattering it against the floor.

"Oops!" I tried to get up, but he held me down. I sighed amused and repaired it by magic, cleaning up the spilling in the process. I turned and planted my lips on his for a second. "Let's go upstairs," I whispered and his face revealed his thoughts were the same as mine. This time he let me stand up, taking me by the elbow and escorted me up the steps, slowing down a couple of times to caress me.

In the bedroom I locked the door and went close, my hands finding their way under his t-shirt and over his muscular torso. His had moved down the back of my pants, gently tickling my thighs. In a swift motion the garments were off, I advanced to below his belly-button as he proceeded to take off the shirt I was wearing, fingers trailing some of the scars on my shoulders. His breath was heavy as I opened his belt and jeans, sitting down as I stripped them off him, we were both ready. He sat down, kissed me passionately so I had to lean back, supporting myself on one hand as he pushed me backwards.

"You... You don't think it would be better on the bed?" He was out of breath and I moved my knee to caress his hip while I thought about it. The floor was hard, I nodded and we rose to relocate, never more than an inch apart. I dragged myself a bit further up on the mattress as he sat down on his knees between my legs, excitement evident in every fibre of his being.

"What are you waiting for?" I teased and he leaned over me, I took around his back with my hands, almost nauseated with expectancy. His lips met my cheek and I moaned quietly, wanting him so badly. He made to penetrate, but stopped, retracted and repeated it. "Come on," I breathed, the warmth on top of me soaking through.

"Just want to do it right." At last he slipped into me, my body tensing up as I realised how much power he had over me right now.

"Stop! Get off!" I shouted, his body couldn't be off mine soon enough and when it was, I sat up, squinting my eyes shut. "It's not your fault, it just became wrong for me." I opened my eyes and saw his perplexed face. "It wasn't anything you did, I just... Suddenly got the feeling that you were raping me, which is as far from reality as it can get." I pulled my hair in front of my right shoulder for distraction and saw it wasn't black anymore.

"I would never do that to you." He was a bit hurt, but understood I had some strange hang-ups.

"I know that. I think it would be better if I'm on top," I clarified and he laid down on his back, waiting for my move. I placed my legs on each side of him, leaning a bit on my hands in front of me, finding him and moved slowly back and fourth. He left me in charge of all, his hands carefully on my calves as I regulated the pace and depth. For once I was quiet, he was loud enough for the both of us. It was great to be in control of it all, but I used some time to remember how it was best to do it.

"Oh, Kevin!" He was ecstatic, but now I was doing it mostly for myself. When the orgasm came I did my best to prolong it, but he had to take hold around my waist and lay me down beside him, still quivering. "You're amazing," he told me, we were both panting a bit.

"You're beyond amazing," I retorted wholeheartedly and tried to make my breath deeper. His hand rested in the curve of my side, his eyes sparkling and I wanted to do it again, even though I was still recovering from the first round. We barely moved for a long time, being put a bit more back together by the feeling of belonging. I slowly outlined the scars of his burns and bites, thinking he should be more careful. It's not that he's not great at his work, he just doesn't care if he gets fried in the process of capturing an escapee.

"I've been thinking," he started, confirming my suspicion that he didn't fell asleep when I did last night. "Someone have to talk to George. Someone outside the family, outside it all."

"I'll hear with Marwood if he can go there. What about the rest of you?" I was mostly referring to his parents, pills aren't going to help in the long term.

"I think Mum have talked a bit with someone at St. Mungo's. I know Harry, Hermione and Ron have." He was struggling to decide what to tell me. "Maybe I should talk a bit with Marwood, too..." He dragged the blanket up to his chin and tucked it in behind his back. I ran my hand over his forehead and chin, watching a shiver going through him as I reached the neck.

"You've got a fever," I whispered, as if it would make it less real. He tried to smile, but was too tired and it looked strained.

"It's fine," he brushed it off with, turned more towards me and dragged his legs up closer to his body.

"No, it isn't. Nothing's fine." I was getting worked up, he had to take care of himself too or it would be hopeless to help me. "Nothing..." I repeated, a thousand things going through my mind. I wanted him to be closer to me, but my body-temperature was the same as the air around us, way too cold for him.

"It isn't that bad and the medical cabinet here is well-equipped." His voice was a bit hoarse, but the right potion was all he needed. I gave up fighting with myself and wriggled under the blanket to him, goose-bumps forming on his naked body as I cuddled up.

"You know the whispering," I slowly began and he nodded. "It's grown into a voice. With American accent." His hand went over my hair, relaxing at the nape of my neck.

"It's Tuesday. I'll have a talk with George and get him to come voluntary, but I'm not against doing it by force if he resists." He swallowed at the thought, anyway it wouldn't be fun. Forty-eight hours and I would get to talk about what has happened in the last two weeks. Actually I could barely remember most of it and the apathy was sneaking up on me again.

"Mhm... I have to pee..." I got up and looked for my clothes, what I hadn't thought was that he would do the same. "You don't have to follow me this time," I told him, what little scrap of pride I had left taking a hit.

"I know." We looked at each other for a couple of long seconds, he didn't want to be away from me at all.

"Okay then, Fabian." I realised what I had said when it was too late and put my hands over my mouth, for a small instant I was sure he had been his uncle, just long enough to make the mistake. The small step brought my back to the wall and he approached me, wanting to know why and if he had done anything wrong. I wanted to tell him how sorry I was, but my lower jaw was quivering too much and a feeling best described as choking was taking over my chest.

"I'm Charlie, remember?" He said it so soft and tender, almost hiding his concern as got so close he put one foot between mine. I tried to nod when he took hold around my upper arms and let his body touch mine, but it seemed more like a small jerk. "I'm Charlie, see." That did it for me, I wasn't able to tell him it had just been a slip of the tongue and I heard the splashing as the liquid hit his bare skin. Even my crying was pitiful, like a wounded animal being ripped apart by scavengers. He rubbed my shoulder to say it was okay, but I was about to slide down and he brought me to the bed again, laying me down before finding his wand and cleaning up the mess.

"Char..." The trance had stopped my tears, just as everything else. He sat down beside me and took my hand, I didn't see his face since I was staring right at the ceiling. It took a long time, but slowly I returned to myself. "It was just for a second, I know who you are. Can't promise it won't happen again." I was trying to be honest for us both.

"It doesn't matter. I see that this is bringing back a lot of painful memories for you." He leaned down and kissed my cheek, waiting a bit before getting up again.

"It matters to me. I'm afraid my mind's going completely." I wasn't angry at him, I knew what he had meant, but one of the biggest fears I had was mental decease, when it came to what could happen to myself at least.

"It's just full. Let's get dressed again," he said with a smile and I sat up, stroking his side once. My chest was still thick from shock, but I did as he had suggested. When we were ready I embraced him, not wanting to go down again.

"You have to help me through these days." I was giving him a big burden, but on my own I would shatter into a million pieces.

"Of course." He laid an arm over my back and I let out the breath I didn't know I was holding. Seeing Bill meant seeing him in the wheel-chair and I had gone in the same trap as his siblings: thinking nothing could harm him or get to him, when he really is just a man. We got down and into the kitchen and it just snapped for me when I saw Lisa sitting on Bill's lap, trying to eat her oatmeal without help. I snatched her up, holding hard onto her and went through the living room, outside and towards the water. I had no idea where I was going or what I was doing and she echoed my sobs as my footprints was washed away by the slow waves.

"Hush..." I was telling myself more than her. I didn't stop as the shore got rockier, the waves fiercer, the breeze more of a wind and the cries died away. I should turn back, I just couldn't. She was cold, the thin dress was sleeveless and didn't reach past her knees. If I hadn't brought her I could have gone looking for Kaya now, I had a couple of places I wanted to check out. I let my head fall back and looked helplessly at the clouded sky and discovered a small figure up there, heading towards us. I kept my eyes on it and when he landed I wondered why he had bothered.

"What was that about?" He put the broom down and caressed my ear. I took a deep breath and reflected over the pros and cons of telling him.

"It's silly, but I don't want sick people to be near her, even though they can't infect her... The wheel-chair's scares me, it reminds me constantly that he's ill and he isn't supposed to be... I've told him heaps of times that he's expecting too much of himself, and then it turns out I'm doing the same, he's only human... What'll happen to Lisa if we die? Mina have her biological father alive, she doesn't... I have to find Kaya, before it's too late, I've already waited too long..." My rambling stopped and he had listened to every word. "You're tired if my emotional roller-coaster."

"No, it's good that you let out a bit of steam. The war is over." His fingers played with my hair and I shifted the toddler to my hip. "Come," he whispered and took hold around the both of us, apperating right on the doorstep of Shell Cottage. My arms were numb, but my daughter didn't want to be let down. Inside I collapsed on the couch with her on my lap and simply accioed the smoke. I lighted it, breaking my own rule of not doing it with kids present and waited for Charlie to sit down.

"D'you want?" I offered and inclined towards the pack after a couple of minutes. He shook his head and stood still. When I was done I vanished the butt and took up a new one, watching him.

"Fuck!" he crossed his arms over his stomach, sweat instantly breaking across his face. I wanted to do something for him, but didn't know what. He bolted up the stairs, doubled over and swearing under his breath. Now it wasn't anything I could do.

"Is 'e sick?" They had heard us from the kitchen and now she came, pushing him in the wheelchair, the noise annoying me beyond beliefs.

"Yeah, kinda."I didn't know how to explain it, took a long breath of the cigarette and put the toddler down beside me.

"I'll go and see if I he needs help." She glided past me and I didn't halt her to share my thoughts on the matter. Bill rolled himself a bit closer to the sofa, stood up slowly and slumped down beside me.

"Why are you so troubled by it?" He meant the chair and his thumb started caressing my wrist. I tried not to flinch at the small gesture.

"It doesn't make sense," I said and looked away from him. He is very understanding, but this he wouldn't get.

"Tell me anyway. Even if it isn't anything I can do about it, sharing it helps." His hand slipped into mine, but I didn't return the soft grip.

"I know it helps to talk, but... If..." It was hard to say it without sounding whiny. "You're sick now, but you are supposed to be the strong one. It puts my whole world upside down and if you die... I've been so scared for so much for so long." I tried to stop the tears. His other thumb stroke them away.

"The war is over, we're safe. I'll be back in my game soon, the potions are doing wonders." He leaned a bit closer and I did the same, resting my forehead on his jaw and noticing Lisa was gone.

"Know that," I whispered and he started to recline towards laying down. I didn't protest and soon he was on his back, one leg dangling down to the floor to make room for me. His chest raised me steady while the sobs shook me yet again, it was so much pain that had build up over the years and I needed to process properly. I lost track of time, but finally I became silent and not long after Charlie came down again and stroke my hair swiftly. Fleur sat down on the floor and took hold of her husband's hand.

"You mentioned the letter, it's still on the counter." He waited until I nodded, got it quickly and sat down beside his sister-in-law, tilting his head a bit as he looked into my eyes. He opened it with ease and started reading, his brows contracting as he got further down on the page.

"What does it say?" I wasn't ready to die. He didn't cry, probably too numb yet.

"It's about Elisabet and Sirius." He swallowed and I fought to stay awake, my mind was overloaded as it was and now wanted to shut down. "Signed Dolores Jane Umbridge."

"That bitch!" I sat up and stars danced in front of my eyes, not caring what she had done now. It was her hobby to make my life miserable, sending me to work abroad or getting false charges set on me.

"It's just some questions about when you were together and when she was conceived," he said and got up to hug me. I connected the dots, she thought I was lying to get some non-existent money or Grimauld's Place Twelve. "We can go over them tomorrow, it's late now." I freed myself a bit and looked out the window, it was getting darker.

"Where did this day go?" I didn't get it, it wasn't that long ago we woke up.

"Honey, I think you've blanked out most of the day, you haven't been properly awake. I don't think you remember when you saw to Mina, or got the rings, plus some other minor incidents." He kissed my cheek and I looked at him confused, what I could recall was going together seamlessly. I closed my eyes and tried, but nothing more came to me.

When I opened them again we were in bed, he was sitting up and reading the same Quidditch book as earlier. It was starting to scare me, I couldn't trust myself any more. I just pushed the thoughts to the back of my mind and watched him for a minute before moving my hand up his leg. I knew my mood was shifting alarmingly fast lately, but I just flowed with it.

"I thought you had fallen asleep," he said without taking his eyes off the page. I twisted the edge of his underwear around my fingertip before answering.

"Maybe I have. In that case I'm about to have a wet dream." I grinned and he put the book down, soon mirroring my smile. I sat up and removed my underwear, he doing the same and I got ready to ride him again. "You see, your cock is just too good to resist." I was boasting his ego a bit before penetration. As I moved I was gripping on with everything I could, coming several minutes before him and getting it twice before he ejaculated.

"I love you," he confessed when I moved to sit further down his lap, resting my head on him. I was about to tell him the same when I got cut off by the pleasure-shouts from the master bedroom.

"Oui! Oui! Oui!" It was a bit muffled by the walls, but it was clear that we weren't the only one using the night for a mind-blowing shag.

"Isn't he supposed to be ill?" I couldn't help but giggle a bit.

"Not too bad, apparently," he answered and we laughed together, it was pretty weird to think about.


	7. Part II, chapter 1

**AN: There is a very logical reason why this story is split into part 1 and 2.**

I stopped abruptly, my hand an inch away from hanging the Christmas decoration on the tree. Turning, I saw the wooden panelled walls, the TV and VCR, sofa where Charlie was sitting with Mina on his lap and Lisa playing with the dog on the floor. My hand sunk down and I made my way to sit beside him, unsure of exactly where we were and what had happened the last months.

"Charlie..." My voice was low, a mixture of question and panic. Had I lost my marbles completely?

"Yeah?" He put the child down beside him. She would soon be a year, but she was too quiet for her age, too glad to doing nothing. Suddenly it came rushing back to me, the hole in my head filling with therapy, that he had bought a small house in Britain and started a sanctuary for magical creatures, that I had started working part-time as a DADA-teacher, that we're doing well now. I relaxed and put my hand roughly over where my bladder was, something's different down there.

"I think..." My head was full with the memories that had just invaded me and he looked concerned at me.

"Do you need help?" He was about to get up, but I placed a hand on his thigh and gave an absent-minded smile, trying to focus. I wasn't completely repaired yet, but well on my way and he didn't mind still helping me every now and then.

"No, nothing like that. I'm pregnant." I was pretty sure of the feeling and a relieved grin spread across my face. He used a bit time to process it, but smiled back.

"That's wonderful news! I'm going to be a father!" His eyes widened at the thought and he hugged me tightly for a moment. "Definitely the best Christmas present I could ever get! I can't wait to tell the others." He was in heaven, I was still a bit perplexed. Another pregnancy, another baby, another child to love.

"Maybe we should wait 'til after the holidays." I had a feeling that it would drown a bit now, since Ginny was expecting soon herself. I tried to string together all that had happened in the last year, but it wasn't possible.

"I can't hold it a secret for that long, I have to at least tell Percy when he comes for dinner," he half-shouted in happiness. Another thing I recalled first when he said it, Christmas Eve was the next day and we were hoping for a quiet night, just inviting the only single brother. I sighed and snuggled closer to him.

"You'll be a wonderful father," I told him, not knowing how I should feel myself. Even though I had tried hard, I hadn't found Kaya yet. But this would be a new child, a new start. I looked out the window, it was dark outside and I could see my reflection, I had gone back to spiky blue hair, very much inspired by a certain late metamorphmagus. Teddy was growing for every time I saw him, it wasn't too often, but before I knew it he would be an adult. As my own daughters. We had changed Lisa's date of birth enough to stop Umbridge, brushed it off as a typo in the papers.

"I'll get the tea, you just sit and relax." He jumped up and bounced to the kitchen counter, I could see him through the door, whistling while he found some biscuits.

"You know, I'm only about three months along, getting the tea isn't exactly wrestling a Horntail and I'm still up to both." I crossed my arms and mock-pouted as he came back with the tray, put it down on the dark table and gave me a cup. "You are sweet, gotta admit that," I muttered and pecked him on the cheek.

"Yeah, you probably know those things better, having been through it before. I'm gonna be a father for the first time." He was both delighted and startled by the idea.

"You went through it with Lisa," I reminded him.

"Yeah, well, then I was... This is different," he said with a puzzled smile. I understood what he meant, he wasn't Lisa's father by blood and we hadn't even slept together when she was born.

"Does it both you that I've had more partners than you?" That was putting it mildly and I was a bit uncomfortable with thinking about it myself. I couldn't help it, the memory of our first intercourse came swimming to the front of my mind:

"Wow, that was beyond anything I've imagined," he had said, looking down at my face from where he was still laying on top of me.

"Yeah... It was better than anything I've had, too..." I enjoyed his warmth, my favourite thing in the world.

"I have to tell you something..." Embarrassment was forming in his eyes.

"Of course, anything," I whispered, the endorphins making me giddy.

"Up until this... I was a virgin." The last part was spat out quickly and he blushed.

"Really? But you have dated some girls, some you have spend the night at." I had a hard time believing it, but on some level I knew it made sense.

"We just talked and sometimes fell asleep. It wasn't that I wasn't turned on by them, I just couldn't bring myself to do it." He thought it was strange himself and I ran a finger reassuring over his cheek.

"Okay, it just makes me feel kinda slutty," I confessed, still trying to wrap my mind around the idea of never having sex before.

"Don't, it's so much better to do it with you than alone that you deserve it." He finished with a lopsided smile and I repeated the words in my mind to make sense of it.

He answered my question and I was yanked back to the present. "No, not really..." He wanted to say more, but I filled it in for him.

"But you feel like you have to be at least as good as what I've had before and you _are_ a bit curious at what it would be like with someone else." I took a pause long enough to see he wished he wasn't so easy to read. "Don't worry, because I love you. And I understand that you want to compare it with something."

"It's not just in bed, I feel like I have to do everything better," he admitted, knowing it was silly.

"Listen, I won't pretend I don't like sex very much and appreciate all you do around the house and such, but even if you had sucked at it I would still love you. Now, come here!" I started tickling him on the spur of the moment, but he returned it and I had to surrender. When we had stopped laughing hysterically he placed his hand on my stomach, the smile reaching far into his eyes.

--

I stood by the stove on Christmas Eve, waiting for the gravy to heat up. He came from behind me and put his arms around my stomach and his nose to my ear, rocking slowly from side to side.

"Just a minute, the turkey's ready," I informed as he kissed me lightly and let go. We were already dressed, he in his suit and me in a wine-red dress, gold earrings and high-heeled sandals in both red and gold. I hadn't noticed before I was done, but once a Gryffindor, always a Gryffindor.

"Smells delicious." He sat down by the kitchen table while waiting, brushing his short hair back with a swift gesture. I felt a small headache start in my forehead and went to sit on his lap for a minute, resting my cheek on his shoulder. "You okay?" He stroke my arm slowly.

"Yeah," I said, but still my mind went blank for some time forward. When I came back to myself we were sitting in the dining room, I was feeding Mina in her high chair and Lisa was attempting to eat by herself, but I gave her a lot of help. Somethings just goes by instinct, I guess.

"So now we don't know where Ginny is and Mum's a mess and everything seems to go wrong," Percy finished his small rant with and took a sip of his wine. I felt really bad for Ginny now, getting knocked up before she was out of school and then running away.

"She knows how to take care of herself, I'm sure she's safe somewhere," Charlie reassured him with. I took a bit of my own food, even though I didn't technically need it, the turkey tasted good.

When I heard the youngest Weasley was pregnant about six months ago I was surprised and held myself partly responsible, even though it had been their own fault. Really not a mistake, just a case of bad luck, I've been there myself. Fortunately they managed to keep it out of the media and she is attending her last school year as normal as possible. Harry had started working and it had been decided he and Ginny would live at the Burrow for a few months when the baby arrived, she would take the second half of her final year in school later.

"George seems to do well, anyway," I contributed to the conversation with. He was spending the evening at Angelina and her parents, getting a bit of distance from the family. He didn't want any help from us, the one time Charlie had talked to him about therapy he had come back with a black eye.

"Yes, he's much better." Percy looked down at his plate, still not over the fact that his return had caused the death of his brother. None of the rest of us saw it as anything more than an incredibly unfortunate coincident. The phone rang and I went out in the hall to answer it.

"Hello, it's Marwoood," the deep voice answered and I jumped up to sit on the old waist-tall dresser, resting my hand beside the phone. It wasn't really practical to have the big furniture there, but we had to keep gloves, scarfs and such somewhere.

"Hi. Merry Christmas. You don't call all your clients, do you?" I looked over my shoulder and into the mirror, happy my hair still looked as I wanted it: dark brown with a copper tint and some curling at the end, reaching past my shoulder-blades.

"Happy Christmas to you, too. No, not all. The holidays lays at the peak of when suicides happen, it have become a tradition for me to contact a couple of lucky folks. Hope I didn't disturb too much." It sounded like he took a sip of drink. He had a strange perception of lucky: possibly suicidal.

"No need to worry about me, my memory's got a small bend, that's all. And I'm pregnant. We're just finishing up with eating, so I should probably get back." I was extremely fond of him, we even had our own lingo for what happened with me.

"I'm happy for you, but I won't keep you any longer. Take care." It sounded as if he was smiling and I thanked him and hung up. Kaya would have been jumping up and down now, waiting for the pudding and the one present she got to open in the evening, a small tradition I had started. I scratched my ankle with the side of the other foot and took a breath. Next year I will have her back, I just have to keep searching, not give up. Charlie came out and put his arms around me.

"If you want to, just go to bed, we're big boys," he half-joked and I pushed him gently away a bit to see his face.

"No, I'm fine. It was Marwood," I informed and jumped down, running my palms over his chest quickly.

"I'll get the ice-cream, you sit down and relax." He went onto the kitchen while I sat down in the dining room again. Percy watched me with a look halfway between curiosity and concern as I took a mouth-full of the diet coke. It hasn't anything to do with the sugar or health-benefits, I just prefer the taste of it over the regular one.

"I'm sure Ginny's safe," I said to fill the silence and he nodded indifferent. Charlie came back with five small bowls, spoons and the caramel ice-cream. I supported my head on my hand as he sent it around, it quickly came to me and I had some up in three of the bowls, suspecting I wouldn't get time to eat my own.

"We haven't shared our news yet." He was eager to tell his younger brother and looked as if he could hardly sit still.

"What news?" Percy furrowed his brows slightly, not sure how to prepare himself. No one said anything for half a minute and I understood they waited for me to say it.

"I'm pregnant!" As I said it and saw their cheerful faces I realised I was looking towards it myself, really wanting to have a baby with the man I love.

"Congratulations!" He got up and hugged us awkwardly, I remained seated, trying to keep Lisa from redecorating with the melting dessert. Mina was quiet, waiting for me to direct the spoon to her lips.

--

The night had been nice, but now I was tired. I had put the girls to bed hours ago after they had opened one gift each, Lisa getting a plastic figure of a dinosaur, Mina getting a stuffed lion. Percy had just left and we sat on the couch, I had taken off my shoes and drawn my legs up beside me and the telly was on some talk-show we didn't pay attention to.

"You know what?" He suddenly said loud and clear.

"No?" I muttered back, too tired to really care what he was up to now.

"We're going to be parents." His hand warmed my stomach and I leaned onto him, smiling at the thought, we really were. "Let's go to bed." He lifted me up and I was too exhausted to protest, he carried me to our bedroom, one of the two identical, the other one my daughters shared. Sometimes during the spring we would put the first floor in use and decorate the two now unfinished rooms.

He put me down and slowly unzipped my dress, rubbing my back gently before taking off his own clothes and went to the bathroom to brush his teeth. I let the dress fall to the floor and followed, my hands shaking a bit as I got the toothpaste. When I dropped it all on the blue-tiled floor I gave up and made my way back to the bed, collapsing before thinking of taking off the tanned stockings. Still I couldn't sleep. _How many guys are you planning on producing a kid with? _I turned to lay in my side as he came and laid down, straightening the blankets properly over me.

"I'm going to the hospital and take some tests to see if everything is as it should with it," I whispered and he took my hand under the bedclothes. I hadn't got the guts to bring Mina there yet, but I should have. Now I wanted to check if the new baby had the same weakness, whatever it was.

"Good, you can send a letter in advance and get an appointment." He was stating the obvious, but it made me calmer. "But we can't call it 'it' all the time. It's stupid to call a person-in-the-making for 'it'." This was clearly something he had thought about when hearing about other pregnant women, maybe even his mother.

"What do you suggest we call it? We don't know if it's a boy or girl yet." I didn't really want to have this discussion now, but didn't have much choice.

"Bubbles. When you've been at the hospital we can change it." His kiss left a trace on my chin.

"Why Bubbles?" It better be a damn good reason.

"Because thinking about him or her makes me bubble up inside." He was fairy serious about it but I could help it, I started laughing 'til it hurt.

"'Couse it makes you..." I gasped, arms over my contracting muscles. I tried to steady myself, he didn't like how I was mocking him. "I'm sorry, but do you have any idea of how gay that sounded?" I'm not one to compare to stereotypes, but that was the least masculine thing he had had said in ages.

"I'm just being honest." He tried to remove his hand, but I hold it back.

"Yeah, that's good." I smiled kindly at him and he forgave me. "But if anyone asks, it was my idea," I muttered good-humoured and he returned my smile.

--

My little spell had worked and the next morning two parcels laid at the end of our bed. He had opened his eyes just after me and I smiled at him, caressing his chin where the stubble had broken through. We sat up and he took them both up to us, giving me the smaller and waiting for me to unwrap it. I did and hold up the long scarf, watching it glimmer in blue and purple in the scarce light from the bedside lamp.

"It got a powerful heating charm and..." His humble voice ebbed out and I hugged him, it was the thought that mattered, not the gift itself. When I released him tears were streaming down his cheeks.

"Hey, it's wonderful," I reassured him and he nodded several times.

"I don't know why I'm suddenly crying. It's happy tears, so..." He stroke them away and sniffed a bit. Christmas have always been an emotional time for him, but I've never quite caught why. I gestured towards the present in his lap and he began removing the paper.

"Wow..." He held up the brown leather jacket and his eyes widened.

"The one you have shows that it's been used a lot and it's been too tight over your shoulders for years." When I had found the jacket in the Muggle shop I hadn't cared what it cost, it was perfect for him. It wasn't that likely that he needed the protecting charms against fire and teeth on this, but I had put them on anyway, never good to know what comes along. He looked down and saw the matching gloves that reached up past his wrists. He put them on before giving me a hug, I returned it with a kiss.

"Thanks." He kissed me again, this time I slowly laid back down, feeling the new gloves on my shoulders as he leaned after me. His hands ran over my chest and found my breasts as I stroke his back slowly, parting my legs more as the kiss deepened. After the short foreplay he penetrated, one had caressing my hair as I took better hold around his back, moaning slightly.

"Mamma, look!" The door had been flung open and Elisabet ran in and jumped up in the bed, holding the new toy in her hands. He dropped his head down on my chest for a moment before getting off so I could sit up and be astonished with the little girl. She held up the T-Rex and babbled away so even I had a hard time keeping up. Soon we found out we were all hungry and I told her to find the clothes she wanted to wear while we got dressed.

"She's getting kind of a set?" He was putting on his jeans, eyeing me as I tried to decide what to wear.

"Yeah, all magical toys makes sounds or movements or other annoying things and those dinos are pretty cool if you ask me." I settled on my biggest red shirt and white knickers, yesterday's stockings still not removed. I could worn more, but it would just be us four and tight jeans didn't fit my mood. Upon entering the other bedroom I saw Lisa had taken out everything she had reached from the closet, now it looked like a bombed dollhouse.

"Smart move, Mummy," Charlie said under his breath and lifted Mina up. I sat down on my knees in front of the toddler and sighed.

"What of this do you want to wear today, then?" She stood and thought for a while before taking up a white night gown. "But then you can just keep your pyjamas," I tried but she shook her head. I didn't have my wand with me, but found a pair of socks anyway and took of her green trousers and shirt, dressing her in the gown and snuggled my nose to hers. She giggled and I put the socks on her before taking her up on my hip, heading for the kitchen. Charlie had just watched and came after, put the child in the high-chair and sat down himself.

I got out eggs, milk and bread and started making French Toast, not asking if he wanted something else. When it was sizzling in the pan I went to the front door and got the small heap of gifts left there as we had agreed on. The dog didn't want to come back in when I whistled for him and had to tie him to the rope connected with the fence running around the front yard, the ground was frozen and my feet got almost as cold. I hurried back in and put the parcels on the table, he had taken over my cooking and was distributing it on three plates now.

"Who's it from?" He asked as I got a glass of baby-food from the fridge and heated it in the microwave-oven.

"Read for yourself," I suggested and we sat down opposite each other, Lisa beside him and Mina with me. He got up again to get a couple of different jams, forks and knives. The youngest ate her spaghetti bolognese without any enthusiasm and her sister had attacked the toast with her bare hands.

"See here..." He splashed on some jam and took a fork, feeding her as he tried to look at the tags of the presents. Mina burped and I put the spoon down, reaching for the strawberry and a set of silverware, chewing slowly while I wondered how tiring breakfast would be once we got Bubbles too. I took the closets parcel in my hand and turned it over.

"From Ron and Hermione. They're sending out gifts together already?" It shouldn't surprise me, from what I have heard they used seven years to swallow their pride and admit their feeling, they were as good as married already. I put down my fork and took of the gift-wrapping slowly, looking more across the table as I did it. He had now started on his own food, the gloves not troubling him as he manoeuvred the fork to get as much as possible in one mouthful. The small parcel contained two packs of chocolate frogs, enough to entertain us for at least an hour. I took up a very square-looking one, shot a look at the tag and smiled to myself. "Percy." I ripped off the paper, revealing a flat wooden box, flicked the lid open and sat in down so he too could see the cigars.

"This is from Bill and Fleur. Should be interesting." He had let the rest of the food lay for now and ripped the package he had picked forcefully open, laughing as he took out the bottle of single malt whisky.

"I see people's got the right impression of us," I said sarcastically and took a bigger one. "From George and Angelina. Also interesting." It turned out to be a VHS-movie, clever disguised in a big box. "Tom Cruise... Should be good." He shot me a quick glare and I smiled in response. Lisa was growing tired of the adult business and got off her chair, heading for their room again.

"And this, from Ginny and Harry..." I heard that he was a bit worried about her, but didn't push it as he opened it and took out a new movie, this time an action-thriller. She had probably got the idea and dragged him with her to the store, thinking he had a clue because he have grown up around Muggles.

"And from your parents." I took one of the last and felt it, it was soft, opened it and found three pink and one green pair of mittens. That's the good thing about Molly, her gifts are always useful. The rest of the presents were pretty uninteresting and we finished our breakfast in a pleasant silence.

I used the rest of the morning on writing some letters, we had got a load of Christmas cards and I felt I had to respond somehow. Mina was in her play-pen, not playing that much and Lisa had brought half of all her toys into the living room. I was sitting at the dining table, watching them through the door that was so wide it was more of an open solution, wondering what I needed to tell our old neighbour. Charlie was outside, feeding the animals we had in now, testing his presents.

--

I didn't like this, I didn't like this at all! It was the third of January and I was sitting in the office of a very strict-looking middle-aged woman. The memories of last time I was at St. Mungo's still haunted me.

"Then, if you would come over her Mrs. Weasley..."

"Miss Casey," I corrected her again. She had deliberately made the same mistake three times and now nodded apologetic so her iron-grey curls shook. When we first entered, presented ourselves and our situation I knew what she thought: teenager knocked up by intimidating man in his mid-twenties, not married, she's too pale not to be ill, he's probably abusing her. She got a bit less unpleasant when I told her about my less-than-alive state, but still far from friendly. I laid down on the hard bench and she said some spells and waved her wand like she was directing a big orchestra, some strips of parchment appearing in her hand.

"Everything seems to be normal. Do you want to know the gender?" She looked disapproving as Charlie came over to hold my hand. I nodded and secretly hoped for a son, it would be a nice change after five daughters. "It's a boy, congratulations." She said it so flatly I first thought she had lost a bet on it. I sat up and hugged him, some tears escaping and I didn't manage to take in the rest of the appointment.

When we got out in the hallway again I put my arm around him and he did the same with me, together we strolled happily towards the stairs. Before we got there we stopped at the man pacing back and forth in the waiting area, deep in thought and staring at the floor.

"What are you doing here?" I asked him and Bill looked up, bewildered for a moment before he sat down at the edge of a chair.

"Ginny's in there, giving birth. She finally agreed to..." He looked at us like a lost dog and he was only becoming an uncle. But he did care very much for his sister and would always be there for her. Charlie sat down on the couch between Fleur and Molly, holding their hands lightly. A scream was heard from the closest room and I felt with her, childbirth isn't exactly a walk in the park. Harry sat on a chair beside them again, tapping his feet restlessly and I went over to give him a hug

"You'll be a wonderful father," I told him, having an eerie feeling of repeating myself. The whole Weasley clan with friends seemed to be gathered here, waiting for the newest addition. A nurse stuck her head out the door and told us the soon-to-be-mother wanted some of them with her. Molly, Fleur, Harry and Bill got up hastily and the door had barely swung shut before I heard the thud of a body hitting the floor. I allowed myself to peek in, and sure enough, there was Bill on the floor, his wife squatting down and trying to wake him up. I walked confident in and took hold of his legs, dragging him back out.

"Relax, he'll be fine, go back to Ginny," I told Fleur and got a magazine to fan air into his face with. She did as I told her a bit reluctant and I realised a lot of people were staring at me, including Ron, Percy and Hermione.

"What happened to him?" The brunette had sat down on her knees beside me, probably hoping she could help.

"The expectation got the better of him. Lays in the genes, I guess." Arthur had never managed to stay conscious through any of Molly's sixth labours. It was some twitching in his eyelids and he soon focused on my face, realising what had happened. I held him gently down as he tried to sit up too fast.

"I have to get back in there!" He pushed up against the hands I had placed on his chest.

"So you can pass out again? They'll do fine, you can just rest a bit here in the meantime." This really was a battle of stubbornness, but I was used to it. He stopped fighting me and I sat up beside Charlie, Ron helping Bill up in the chair again, looking anxiously around the room.

"Maybe we should go home again, there's enough people her now," Charlie suggested and stood up. I nodded and did the same, touching the top of Bill's head briefly in the passing before we walked down the hall, again holding around each other.

"Wait, why were you here in the first place?" Ron called after us. I turned around and smiled at him, but didn't respond properly, it would just seem silly in the chaos. Just before we hit the stairs I recalled something I had promised myself to do for some time now.

"Let's stop by Frank and Alice," I said and he nodded slowly, following my directing and small talk with a couple of nurses. Upon entering the room I wasn't surprised we weren't the only ones visiting. "Hello, Augusta." I took the liberty of calling Mrs. Longbottom by her first name but she replied with my last and excused herself, saying she had to go home to clean something. I moved the chair she had been sitting in between the beds so I could see them both at the same time.

It wasn't pleasant, but for years I had the habit of visiting my old schoolmates at least once a week. Now it had been too long and I told them of how their son was doing in school, that he maybe wanted to be a teacher and I had talked with the rest of the staff, the students taking the seventh year again may graduate soon, months before scheduled. I also shared the news of my pregnancy, that I had been close to end up next to them and how Lisa walked in on us on Christmas Morning. They barely reacted to our presence, but Marwood would be happy that I could talk to someone without stuttering and closing up. Charlie had stood behind me with his hands on my shoulders, immobile except a small squeeze when I mentioned Bubbles, who would soon be renamed.

"History repeats itself," I said to myself as I was feeding Mina later. My own food was getting cold, but as long as it didn't coagulate too much it would be fine.

"What are you thinking of now?" He looked at me and took a bite of his toast. It would be late dinner if we had lunch now, but we were starving. Not Lisa though, she had been fed by Rosmerta who had been more than happy to baby-sit on her day off, but Mina hadn't been in much of a mood to be fed by anyone but Mummy.

"Ginny. Getting pregnant and that." I had to scrape the bowl with the spoon to get the last bit out.

"What do you mean?" He was done and wiped his fingers on his jeans, clueless to what was obvious once you thought about it.

"Bill just turned twenty-eight. Your mother's forty-six. Simple math should suggest that she was eighteen when giving birth to him. Their wedding was in July, only four months before they became parents." My tone wasn't sharp, but he still looked as if I had slapped him.

"But then..." He put his hand to his mouth in shock. I snickered at him and he relaxed a bit, the hand falling again.

"Yep, they couldn't wait 'til they were married. The Weasley sex-drive is a strange thing," I added for my own amusement.

"And here I was, believing my own mother was an honourable woman." He had gone over to making a joke of it all, maybe the best thing to do.

"Yeah, suddenly everything gets turned upside-down," I replied quietly. "But, now we know it's a boy we should rename it. Him. It may not be the name we stick with once he's born, but Bubbles is out anyway." I had somehow got used to the nickname, but didn't use it if I could avoid it.

"I was thinking, maybe Sean?" He leaned over the table a bit, looking closely at me.

"Yeah, I like it too, but only if it's spelled S-H-A-W-N." I took a sip of the luke-warm blood and licked my upper lip.

"What's the difference?" He cocked an eyebrow at me, but I shrugged, I didn't know. "But I like Francis, too. And Evan. Ryan. Malachy. Paul. " He seemed to be drifting into a fantasy and I leaned over to caress his jaw with my index finger.

"Malachy? I like it." It was a bit unusual, unique without being made up and had a nice ring to it. We leaned closer and kissed, moving around the table and letting our hands play with the shapes of the other's body; armpits, inside of the elbow, collar-bones, nipples, back of the ears. If Mina hadn't coughed and reminded us she was there, we would probably have done it right there on the kitchen table. An owl pecked on the window and I let it in, taking the small note it held and unfolded it, showing it to Charlie too.

_It's a wonderful girl!_

"That's great. Why is it from Dad?" He asked after a minute. It wasn't signed, but the handwriting wasn't to mistake for anything.

"Based on what I saw, Harry's probably fallen into a coma of happiness, Ginny's sleeping, Fleur's busy trying to keep Bill together and your mother is a teary mess." I smiled at the mental image.

"Probably," he chuckled.


	8. Part II, chapter 2

It was in the shower a couple of days later it happened. I looked down after rinsing away the shampoo and saw the red-orange water, fear building up fast as I traced it up my legs, my fingers touching to see if it was real. My uterus was contracting to get rid of the foetus.

"Charlie!" I shut off the water and kept my eyes and palms on the inside of my thighs as he came hurrying in, throwing the shower-door open and looking from my distressed face to my hands.

"No..." He snatched up a towel and pressed it to between my legs, trying to make it stop.

"It's too late," I said slowly, it was the horrible truth, the child was gone forever. I looked at him, it broke his heart too and he took me into a shaking hug. I guided us to sit down on the floor, my legs over his lap and clinging to his torso, both crying. We had never got the chance to talk to little Malachy, not even look at him. The rest of the family hadn't got to hear about him, congratulate us and joke about it. I hadn't got the chance to complain of how tiring he was, hiding how much I really loved to have him throw up on me, showing that he was normal. Sometimes after midnight we fell asleep where we sat, having cried for hours. I felt guilty about loosing our baby, it wasn't right, I shouldn't have stressed so much.

* * *

In the three days that had passed I had tried to return to my usual routine, going to work and take care of my family. He didn't do so well and I had to feed the animals for him in the mornings while he slept in.

"Rise and shine," I told him and flicked on the light in the bedroom. I had just got home from trying to shepherd some second-years into getting reasonable grades. He didn't move and I sat down beside him on the bed. "It's two o'clock, dinner at your parents in a couple of hours." He sat up without looking at me and I went to the letters on the kitchen counter, I hadn't had time to answer them all yesterday. I found my pen and paper, sat down and began reading through the questions of a student abroad writing a paper on vampires, I had met him some years ago and was helping out as best I could.

The girls were already under Molly's care, I had told her about my miscarriage and she had offered to take them off our hands a bit. Charlie came in, only wearing briefs that had once been white, took out a beer from the fridge and sat down heavy, not saying a word. I returned to my writing, but it wasn't easy to concentrate when he was so obvious hurting.

He had finished another beer and I was done with my letters before I commanded him to take a shower and get dressed. _Oh, isn't this a pretty picture?_ I ran a hand through my short hair and rubbed my eyes while waiting for him to finish, we would have to leave soon. But that didn't mean I couldn't cheer us up a bit before.

"Hey there," I tried seductive when I entered the damp bathroom, I had heard the water stopped running some time ago. I went and kissed his chest, taking hold of the towel he had let rest around his shoulders. I moved up on his neck, but he didn't respond at all and in the end pushed me slowly away. I gave up, he had been like that since it happened, turning his back to me both emotionally and physically. Forcing myself to go sit in the living room I opened a book, but didn't read a word and when he came, dressed in rather scruffy clothes, we Flooed over.

"Hello, how are you doing?" Molly met us with a hug I returned, but Charlie barely acknowledged.

"It's going. The girls haven't been too much trouble, I hope?" I should have stayed home today, but I had some responsibility towards the job, too.

"No, they have been angels. I put them down for a nap, they were getting a bit cranky." Her tone was very friendly as she gestured for us to sit down in the living room and we did. Soon Arthur joined us, filling us in on the latest developments in the Ministry and St. Mungo's, both were having trouble with the staff.

"Between the old ones that survived the war and the ones who volunteers, it's still only half of what is needed," he said and I nodded. Just because Voldemort was defeated, life didn't instantly go back to normal.

"Yeah, it's similar at Hogwarts, all the subjects are shared by several teachers, no one have the energy to take anything full-time." I realised it wasn't quite the same, but closely related and looked down at my hands.

"Harry and Ginny are out taking Hedwig for a stroll, they are so cute together," Molly shot in to lighten the mood. I would never get over them naming their daughter after an owl, but it wasn't my business.

"That's good. We haven't got around to see the little darling yet, I can't wait..." I smiled before Charlie's elbow went in my face and I looked over at him, the back of his hand pressed to his mouth, he looked rather green.

"Arthur, get a bucket," Molly hissed and he hurried, just getting it between his son's hands before the small sitting room was filled with the sounds of vomiting. I rubbed his back up and down, he straightened up a bit to show his pale, sweaty face, his hands shaking.

"I didn't..." His voice were just above a whisper and I put the bucket down, trying to find out how to tell him it was misfortunate to loose Malachy, but no help in blaming himself. He had taken it hard, much harder than I had.

"Lay down for a bit," his mother advised and I stood up so he could, folding his arms around the decorating pillow and slowly started sobbing. I was paralysed by his behaviour, jumping a bit when Arthur laid a hand on my shoulder.

"Let's go for a walk." I nodded at his suggestion and we went out in the hall, he put on his coat and we started making our way through the garden. After a while I decided I had to say something.

"He was so happy when I told him I was pregnant with his child, we had picked out a name already and everything." My voice had no ring to it, just plain informal babbling.

"Yes, I can easily see that." He pulled his woollen hat better over his ears and put his hands back in the pockets of his jacket.

"He have fallen apart the last days, not even wanting to be near me." It hurt me in so many different ways. "And not eating much. If I've ever learned anything about the Weasley boys, it's that they need their food and often express their feelings physically." If they are happy, they smile, if they're sad, they cry, if they are angry, they hit. It's got nothing to do with ignorance, it's just how they react when it gets too much.

"I'm sorry to hear he's depressed." It sounded as if he really was.

"I should be the one reacting like that, it was my body the mess seeped out off. Have I gotten so used to lose people close to me?" I didn't want an answer, but got it anyway.

"I don't think so, but it's first now he can allow himself to feel the pain." The rest of the walk was spend in silence and I was happy when we got back inside, the cold had given me a headache.

I didn't like the picture that met us in the sitting room, Charlie was still hugging the pillow and Molly sat beside him, trying to feed him some soup. He took a couple of spoonfuls, but it came back up again, she was now used to holding up the bucket for him. He hid his face in the cushion, shoulders shaking with sobs as I took over the spot from his mother.

"Hi, do you want to talk about it?" I tried carefully, but he shook his head, the sobs wasn't so audible any more. I stroke his upper arm for a quarter of an hour, growing more and more concerned before he turned to lay on his side, eyes closed but dry. I tried to find some words to make it better with, five more minutes passing at that. Molly and Arthur sat in the armchairs and watched us for an improvement.

"If he doesn't get better soon, I'll contact St. Mungo's." She was very caring with her kids, but I doubted that was what he needed. He opened his eyes and began moving his legs to get up, but they didn't listen properly.

"You have to pee?" I didn't really ask, he was in exactly the same state I had been nine months previously. He grunted and I thought bitterly that we had deserved some happiness now. "You can do it in the bucket," I said, it wasn't safe to move him now, and he began opening his jeans. He wanted to do it himself, but I had to help him with one hand while holding the bucket up with the other. A couple of drops hit the fabric before I could steer it right, his face relaxing and eyes gliding fully out of focus. When he was done I pushed his member into his pants again before beginning crying myself. "He's going into shock." I couldn't describe it in any other way.

"He'll do fine, he just need to relax," Arthur tried reassuring me with.

"That's all he have done," I gasped out, almost angry. "And now he's going into shock." The blank eyes were staring unseeing at the ceiling, his breath a bit too rapid and I began to get really worried.

"Drink this, it will help you sleep." Molly had come back, I hadn't noticed she had left at all, now she held up Charlie's head a bit and made him drink a potion. Afterwards she helped me up in a chair, gave me the rest of the bottle and placed blankets over us both. My lids became heavy, I tried to fight it, knowing I really wanted to sleep and succumbed at last.

When I awoke again he was sitting up, staring out in the dark room. I reached out to touch him, but he didn't return it, just took a deep breath.

"If... I should have paid more attention to what you needed. I've been a selfish bastard and don't deserve a son," he said after flickering his gaze over me a couple of times.

"That isn't true and you know it. I have no idea why it happened, but it wasn't our fault and it doesn't change even if you think about it 'til you turn blue." Now I was telling lies, I should have taken it easier, not stressed so much with the Christmas preparations and other things.

"I still don't deserve a kid of my own, I have to settle for Bill's." He had always loved Kaya almost as his own and cared very much for Mina, and Lisa too.

"Not true. You know, the Weasley family tree was pretty straight-forward. Then I came along." It was pretty sick, Bill could have been my nephew or husband, was the father of two of my daughters and practically my brother-in-law.

"Thanks for reminding me." I had upset him a bit with my comment and moved over to sit beside him, shoulder to shoulder.

"I didn't mean it like that. I've used a long time to admit for myself that I want to spend the rest of my life with you. If I can't have you, I won't live." It was things I've told him before, but he needed a reminding. He just motioned for me to give him the bucket, which had been emptied, and threw up again. I wasn't sure if his subconscious was mimicking my way of reacting or if it was genuine.

"This isn't fun." He was right, nothing was fun anymore, life was a struggle for survival and sanity. He spat and put the bucket down again.

"Let's go home." No need to sleep on a couch when we had a house of our own. I scribbled a short note on some spare parchment laying on the table before taking one of his arms over my shoulder and supporting him through the fireplace. I headed for the bed, but he stopped as we passed the bathroom, stumbling by himself to the toilet.

"Damn..." He was trying to get the fly open, but his fingers didn't work. I made my way to stand behind him and did it all, hoping I hit the bowl more or less. The part of his face I could see was blushing and his breath wasn't fully steady, this was far beneath what he wanted to need help with.

"It's okay," I told him and put my face to his back, I wanted more sleep. "I'll get pillows and blankets." It was likely he would keep going like this for some time and it would be stupid to have him running back and forth. When I came back he had buttoned down the shirt and laid down on the heated floor.

He muttered a thanks as I put the pillow under his head and blanket over him. It wouldn't be comfy on the hard floor, but if i could avoid it, I didn't feel like starting tomorrow by changing the sheets. He was facing away from me, but I snuggled up and placed my hand over his bellybutton, it felt secure.

--

"No... Fred... Get that..." He was talking in his sleep, I was half-awake due to the forceful meeting of his wrist and my temple. Not bothering to be nice, I stood up, cupped my hands under the tap and dropped the water in his face. He sat up, eyes wild and confused.

"It was just a dream," I said and splashed some water in my own face before sitting down across him. "Just a dream."

"Still scary," he said under his breath. Of course it was scary when it was about something that had happened in reality. "Did you have to wake me like that? What time is it, anyway?"

"You hit me, I washed away your nightmare." It seemed like a fair exchange. "Don't know, but it's getting lighter outside." All I cared about was that we were closer than we had been since it happened.

"I hit you? Didn't mean to. Where?" He had a playful edge to his voice, the dream was pushed away for now.

"Here," I said, sounding pretend-hurt and ran my hand over the side of my head. He kissed it away and I giggled as his tongue tickled my earlobe, things were returning to normal. I took his hand in mine, stroking the palm a bit before I placed it over my left breast. He instantly deflated and cut me out, not wanting to look properly at me. I got angry, but swallowed it and got up, heading for the kitchen to make breakfast.

It wasn't even dinner time, but I was already in bed, my legs spread wide as I silently cursed the part of Charlie that kept rejecting me, we needed each other! The door opened and the light flooded in, drawing a decent silhouette around him.

"What are you doing?" His hand was still on the door-handle.

"Masturbating. You're never in the mood." I needed to de-stress somehow and he wasn't helping me much.

"Can I watch?" Of all the things I thought he would say that was pretty far down on the list, but I kicked off the sheet and closed my eyes again. I felt him sit down on the foot-end of the bed and it made me very self-conscious to have an audience. I tried to concentrate anyway, it had been a while since I had to do it myself and my finger kept slipping off the small nerve-filled knob. I got some kind of an orgasm and closed my legs, wondering if it was worth the trouble to get up again.

"And now... Couldn't we just..." I muttered to myself as I opened my eyes and saw he had his pants around the ankles, practising the same I had. Why couldn't we just have sex and be done with it? I didn't want to criticise him out loud and got down on my knees in front of him, gently running my tongue around his shaft and he moved his hand to the top of my shoulder.

I gently took it into my mouth and helped with my hand, most men would probably call me shallow-throated. He groaned and grunted a bit as I adjusted to what I hoped was a pleasant pace, gripping harder as he leaned a bit back. My mind was still screaming "just jump him, you deserve it!" but I ignored it, instead listened for any signs from his body if I should change. I didn't notice any before he came, the salty mess occupying my whole mouth before I made the blunder of thinking of a dirty joke involving a male centaur and a naïve princess, causing the laughter to push it out through my nose.

I had caught most of it in my hand and hurried to the bathroom, it was burning between my gum and nose. I washed my hands quickly before taking water up in them and drinking fast, spitting out a bit and blowing my nose on a big wad of toilet paper, it still itched up there.

"You've done it before, right? Should think you knew that was a stupid thing to do." He had crept up on me from behind and was now laughing a bit at my mistake. I didn't find it that funny.

"Yeah, I've done lots of blow-jobs before, wanna know on who?" My fierce comment wiped the smile off his face. "If you hadn't been so afraid to come close to me now we would have done it properly and a different part of me would have gotten the splash." I was trying to be understanding, but it was a bit hard with my sinuses full of semen.

"It's my fault? Sorry if I don't feel like shagging the place our child died!" We were working on a proper row.

"That's idiotic! If you hadn't in the first place, it wouldn't have been a child!" I threw my hands up, we were talking about my body, not a graveyard.

"Well, it's different now. Every time I see the white skin on your legs I also see the blood." He clenched his fists and took half a step closer.

"You're saying I'm anaemic and not sexy anymore?" I knew I was twisting his words beyond recognition, but if he was going to explain it had to be the whole deal.

"No, I'm saying it's a part of me that sees death in between those irresistible snowy thighs." He blinked a couple of times before looking at me again.

"You know what I think? You can't separate between Malachy and Fred, I heard you last night... I thought you had worked it out?" I leaned the small of my back on the sink and crossed my arms loosely. He had been visiting Marwood once a week for some months too, but now it was more sporadically.

"Yeah, I've talked about it and I didn't see Malachy as a replacement. Nothing can replace my brother!" The last word was more or less roared and he put the heel of his hand to his forehead in anger and frustration.

"I'm sorry, it wasn't nice of me. I still wish you would touch me again," I apologised and he looked tired at me. "Please? How can you know it's bad without trying?" I pleaded and took a step towards him, he gave half a smile.

"We'll see... Turn around." I did as he told me, his hand starting a bit below my bellybutton and slowly working its way south. He used a couple of minutes on the crease where my leg met my body before moving down to my thigh, caressing it down to my knee, making us double over a bit. The buttons on his chest was scratching a bit on my bare back as he moved back up, stopping before the real task came.

"Wait a bit..." I directed him with me closer to the toilet and put one foot up on the lid. Now it was easier for him, but he still used some time before sneaking his hand down between my legs, pushing slightly. I moaned to tell him it was nice, he swallowed and moved a finger insecurely, taking his time on making up his mind.

"Actually not as bad as I thought it would be. Nothing have changed there," he admitted and put a finger into the hole, making me jerk a bit, I hadn't been prepared.

"It's all been in your head and how could you have known without inspecting yourself?" I had have every opportunity to confirm that it was as it used to, but he had made up several different delusions in the last days. He explored every crease swiftly, placing his other hand on my breast and making me moan. In the last twenty minutes or so we had changed our mood three times. _Ticking bombs._

"You know what, Kevin Casey?" My named rolled naturally off his tongue.

"No I don't, Charlie Weasley," I replied perky, twisting my neck to get a glimpse of his eyes.

"I think you have to get down on your knees again." He was definitively back in the game and I did as he told me, leaning over the toilet and resting my face on the crossed arms in front of me. The time wasn't wasted and my legs was hastily parted a bit more before penetration. He wasn't gentle now and I liked it, plain out screaming as he thrust harder and harder, gripping my hips with his strong fingers. I didn't know if I was alive or conscious, but my body was reacting, contracting, enjoying. When he was done he retreated slowly and I raised my torso from where I had been laying, shivering a bit.

"I'm seeing stars here," I said airy as he took hold around my waist and made us both lay down on our sides.

"I've been stupid to deny us that." He was embracing me with one arm, happy about what we had just done.

"Who's watching the girls?" I heard laughter and a male voice from the living room, not knowing who it belonged to troubled me.

"Er... No one," he admitted, too busy catching his breath to have heard the noise. I got up and draped a towel around me before striding out the door, relaxing a bit as I saw a familiar boy sitting on the floor and entertaining my daughters.

"Dragan!" I was amazed that he had found us, he isn't of the most structured. He looked up at me before returning to make growling noises for the predator. He really was an odd character: he looked to be anywhere between fifteen and twenty-five, but I had settled on around eighteen now. The dark brown hair was almost long enough to lay down on his shoulders and probably would have been without the curling at the end. He was wearing a black t-shirt with a faded band logo and ripped, pretty tight jeans that emphasised his long, thin frame. He never talked about his past, had never given us a last name and probably not the right first name. We had been colleagues for three or four years, he got the job through some relatives or something, and I had accepted that wherever he came from, he have it better now.

"And what do the elk say?" They had several toys there and he was captured in the playing and took no notice of me. His English was questionable and had for some reason an Irish ring over the clear East-European or possibly Russian accent. Usually our communication was a mixture of English, Romanian, hand gestures and a occasional word in Swedish, Norwegian or another random language.

"Care to explain what you're doing here?" I could see he was making a horse fly, but I doubted he had taken the long trip just for that.

"Can't a guy visit his mates when he wants?" He put the toy down and got up, leaving Lisa disappointed, she had to play by herself.

"Can't remember sending you our new address." I didn't mind having him here, but suspected he had been kicked out of his current residence.

"You smell like sex." Our strange conversation had come to an end and I now knew he had lost the apartment, talked with Marion or someone, come here as it was a new land for him and hoped on crashing on the couch. He had got confirmed that me and Charlie had gone the way they had been teasing us about for years, I had some trouble juggling different elements in my life and had accepted help. I left him and went to get dressed again, not seeing Charlie anywhere, but the bathroom door was closed. I straightened my shirt and went back to our unexpected visitor.

"It's beer and soda in the fridge if you want. Laks for dinner." I was confident he had picked up the meaning of it, salmon, it felt more natural for me to let my unknown roots shine through with him.

"Uh-hum... What did the one butt-cheek say to the other?" I understand why many think he is on drugs, he comes with the most random comments.

"Strange we should still be so close, it's been so much shit between us." I had heard the joke a thousand times before and lifted Mina up on my hip. "Charlie's coming in a minute."

"Yeah, I saw his his hairy arse lurch into the bedroom not soon ago." He scratched his chin absent-minded and I had to take him on the word as i was standing with my back to the hall and thereby the doors of the bathroom and bedrooms.

"When did you get so good with kids?" I don't flatter myself with knowing much of what he's really up to, but I had never noticed that before.

"You should be with them, not have butt-sex with him in the bathroom." He also have no filter, saying exactly what he thinks.

"We didn't have butt-sex, it just was _that_ good." Maybe it had sounded like I was in pain, but if that was pain I'm voluntary going to the torture chamber. Plus, I have a small complex about my rear end and would never let anyone enter, not in a million years

"Anyway, bathroom, they were out here," he concluded and I almost got angry, he was saying exactly what I was thinking about myself. Still he said it as it just was a fact, something that had happened and could be improved in the future.

"Is that you, Drag-Queen?" Charlie had come back out and sat down on the sofa, rubbing his eyes a bit.

"Yep, looks like it, Gaylord," he replied and squatted down, motioning for Lisa that she would get a piggy-back ride. The nicknames had started on a trip to the pub where we all had got enough to drink and got rather silly as the night stretched on. "You still haven't named this two trolls." He heaved Elisabet a bit better up on his back and she took a strangle-grip around his neck.

"No, I haven't. That is Elisabet Black, and this charmer is Wilhelmina Weasley." I had given them the last names of their fathers', it was the least I could do to keep the connection alive.

"Uh, nicely done," he said jovially with a look at Charlie and tickled the youngest under the chin, she just looked at him with big eyes.

"No, not... Uh..." He already knew I had no morals, but I didn't want to start ripping up the wounds now. "Bill, his brother, is the father," I said quietly and looked down.

"Oh, then." He was still for five whole seconds before fishing Lisa over his shoulder, held her upside down for a moment and put her down again so they could play more with the dinosaurs.

"Ah..." The sudden yell made me turn towards the source, Charlie. He looked horror-struck, eyes darting around, but the rest of him was as carved in stone. I put the child down on the floor and went to place my hand on his cheek, he was emitting small moans now.

"What is it?" I whispered softly, trying to get his eyes to meet mine. He was terrified of something, the fear paralysing him and I couldn't see what it was. "Charlie?" My voice had a small edge to it, trying to reach him, but he only let out a new yell, not as loud this time. I put one arm around his neck, bent down a bit and got him to look at me, but it didn't seem like he really saw me.

"What is it with him?" Dragan was actually worried, usually he pretend not to give a rat's arse about anyone.

"I don't know..." But I suspected it had to do with the mention of Bill. I sat down on his lap with one knee on each side of his hips, taking hold around his head and letting him muffle the noise that was a mix of groans and shouts in my chest. "Take the girls and Floo the the Leaky Cauldron, tell the man behind the bar, Tom, to give you a room with a nice view and I'm paying for it." It would be a lot of help if we could be alone and Dragan left in a hurry, just taking a couple of the toys with them.

Charlie had managed to grip onto me, now his elbows were pressing into my sides. I think he tried to tell me something, but couldn't get it out through the sheer terror of what was going on in his mind. I felt one of my ribs snap as he gave another muffled, traumatised roar. I didn't get it, he should be better after what happened between us and I ran my hand and lower arm over his head, hoping it would soothe him.

"Nothing can harm you, I'm here..." I didn't know if he heard me or even knew who I was, but it was my last resort. He responded like a wounded Grizzly, making me fear he would never go back to normal. As I kept caressing him, the hold and sounds eased a bit and I could carefully lift his head a bit away from me, seeing the expressionless face didn't calm me down. I ran my hand over the side of his head and tried to get off.

"No!" His eyes were just as dead, but he had hold me back with both arms. I put my forehead to his while making up my mind again.

"Elsklingen min, I'm just going to the telephone." I had to call to hear if it was anything I could do to get him out of the hole he was in now. He refused to release me and I had to walk backwards with him clinging to me, his lips slightly parted and giving the occasional groan.

I got him against the commode and he slid down, gripping my legs and making me unsteady since I had one foot on each side of him. I took up the phone and slowly dialled the number, it answered on the second ring.

"Hello Marwood, Kevin here... I'm fine, but Charlie isn't at all!" I tried to keep the hysteria out of my voice and head. He asked what had happened and I went into a rather intricate description of the afternoon while playing slowly with a bit of Charlie's hair, twisting it around my finger. The yelping began again as I got the part about the sex and I squatted down, laying the phone against my neck to mute it from the doctor. I hushed reassuring and gave him a careful hug, as his voice quiet down I got up and returned to the conversation.

"His mind's imploding, he's not responding," I added after the rendering of the day and Marwood understood what I meant since it had been something I had thought could happen to myself. My stomach knotted up as the hands took harder around my legs, I had to support myself on the dresser not to fall over.

"Hm... I could come, but it would take a couple of hours before I get there," the speaker answered at last. It have to take longer time than that, but I didn't object now. "In the meantime, keep him calm and try to get him to eat and drink something." It sounded as if he was puzzled, almost disappointed by the fact that I wasn't the one having a breakdown.

I had got Charlie out in the living room again, leaving him alone as I got a big cup of sweet tea and a slice of bread with some cheese that could have been fresher. When I had dragged the table closer to the couch I raised him a bit from laying on his back to leaning against my chest, still having his legs bent up in the furniture.

"Here..." I hold the cup to his lips and tilted it carefully, but still a bit too fast and some trickled out of the corner of his mouth. I took a sip myself and put it on the table, just in my reach. He had shut out everything, only reacting to whatever memories drifter around in his mind and it hurt me that I couldn't break through to him. I had tried, constantly saying things he should answered to, but wasn't capable of now.

"Uh..." He raised one arm awkwardly, it looked like it was suspended by an invisible rope from his wrist, but let it fall down again with a small thud on the back of the sofa. I put my chin down on the top of his head and brooded over what he was thinking about, it couldn't all be about Malachy.

I dozed off unintentionally and when I opened my eyes slowly his body-weight wasn't pressing me against the cushions anymore. The noise indicated that he was in the kitchen and I slowly made my way there.

"Honey?" This was beyond what I thought possible now, he was on his hands and knees, repeatedly banging his head into the cupboards. "Charlie..." I stepped to his side and put a hand on his forehead, keeping it from meeting the white door again. He stopped and I bent down to take his hands and helping him stand up, snatched the smoke from the counter and went back to the sofa. He was leaning on me, having trouble commanding his feet the right way.

I took the wand out of his back pocket before we returned to the same position, but he now curled one of his legs fully up to his body. In another situation it may look comical, but I didn't laugh as I re-heated the tea and made him drink. One time he got it wrong, but didn't sit up as he coughed 'til it wasn't any more air in his lungs.

"Charlie, I know you're in there, answer me please." My voice was full of concern and a tad angry. Why couldn't we just have a normal life, like everyone else? He shifted his head a bit to the left, the biggest response I had got at all. I took up a cigarette and lighted it, putting my other arm over his shoulder and down on the slowly heaving chest. It shouldn't be too long before help arrived.

His arms raised a couple of more times like a sleep-walker's before the door-bell rang. I called for the visitor to come in and heard the removing of shoes before dr. Marwood entered the living room.

"Hello. He haven't improved?" He came close, carrying a briefcase and I felt the scent of musk from his grey sweater.

"No... Not remarkably," I answered as the doctor took up a small flashlight and placed his thumb to Charlie's eyelid, shining the sharp ray straight in. It took half a second, but Charlie got furious, trying to get to the older man who jumped out of the way.

"Charlie!" I had managed to get a grip of his upper arms and was holding him back with all I managed as he spat and hissed, this was very much like trying to tame a dragon. "Charlie!" I tried louder and sharper, but he kept raging and almost lifted me off my feet. "Charles – Eugene – Weasley!" I spat each word as I wrestled him down on the floor, laying my forearm to his throat from where I was on my knees on top of his chest. He was far from collected, still struggling to get his hands on what had hurt his retinas.

"This should bring him out of it," Marwood said and got out a hypodermic needle filled with a transparent liquid. I was a bit sceptical, what if it didn't work? And it would keep me from feeding off him for some time. I choose to trust and hold the freckled arm still as the shot was placed a bit below the inside of his elbow. Soon the beast under me fell silent and the Charlie I know returned in his face.

"Hey, better now?" I tried to smile and hide how worried I had been with humour, but didn't succeed. He furrowed his brow a bit and I got off, helping him stand up.

"I think it may be best if we could talk under four eyes." The doctor was gently telling me to sod off for a while and I nodded, went into the hall and put on my jacket, shoes and scarf before heading out to tend to the creatures.

Rolf walked stiffly out of the dog house and accompanied me to the shed where I opened the old refrigerator and took out a package of pork-chops. Someone cleared their throat behind me as I took of the plastic wrapping and I turned around, shot one look at the two black-haired men and got ready to ignore them.

"You know what, Padfoot?" I could hear him smirk.

"No, please tell me, Prongs," the other replied tauntingly.

"I don't think she appreciates our company." He took a step closer to me, but I kept pretending I couldn't see them as I headed for the big cage in the corner of the lawn. The one-eyes kneazle began pacing as she saw and smelled the food. I opened the hatch, threw it in and checked that the water bowl hadn't frozen.

"You really are a catch, aren't you?" I told her to entertain myself as she ripped the meat to pieces and gulped it down. We had rescued her from an alley in Belfast and had got many letters from people wanting to give her a new home, but I was a bit reluctant, I have to be hundred percent sure before selling a living creature.

"So you talk to the cat, but not us?" Sirius sounded offended and I gave up.

"Fine, what do you want to talk about? How can you be here? I don't have time for this." It shouldn't be possible, I had put the resurrection stone in the hidden room of my jewellery box long ago.

"Like how perverted you are. Guess you're schizophrenic. What else do you have to do?" They put their arms over my shoulders and I was trapped.

"No." I threw them off and went back to the shed. We had established that I didn't have any mental diseases and what happened between me and Charlie should stay there.

"Come on, you sleep with anything as long as it got a pulse. And what would you have said if I had suggested that you would end up with that brat?" James commented, playing on all the stupid ideas he had in our school days.

"I would have taken away your drink." I had supplied them with butter-beer, fire-whiskey and whatever else they had craved for, I just taking it out of my slim pay-check.

"That you did anyway," he muttered as I lifted up the forty-pounds bag of dog-food. It was true, when his days began with the leftover booze from the previous night, I had said stop. My side was burning a bit as I made my way across the lawn and out the gate, taking a quick glance at the dark Audi.

"Where the hell have you got that from?" Sirius shouted as we got closer to the gigantic dog.

"His name is Fluffy, of all possible things, and belonged to Hagrid for a while." I put the heavy bag down and found my wand to heal the rib. "Hey, lay off!" The middle head had tried eating the entire bag and I took hold of it's upper lip with my left hand, digging my nails into the soft flesh and growling to make my point. The first thing I had done when we got him was to established myself as the Alfa female, the only way to not be killed.

"Why would anyone want something like that?" James asked as I ripped open the paper bag and emptied it in three equal heaps.

"What do you mean? I think he's kinda cute," I said to provoke a bit. He just made a noise that sounded like 'pffts' and started to look at the interlaced steel rings working as collars and the three chains going down in the ground, holding the hell-hound more or less in place.

"Hey Prongs, you gotta see this!" Sirius had walked in a big circle and was now behind the dog. James hurried over excitingly and tried to follow the other's eyes. "Check out the nads on this beast," he exclaimed and gestured towards the rear end of the animal. I rolled my eyes, only the two of them could get excited over a pair of testicles. The small glitch in my concentration was enough for one of the heads to try licking my whole body and I took hold of a nostril, tugging and growling 'til he retracted. He may be about a hundred times heavier than me, but I have an iron grip on him.

"So your new toy isn't having such a jolly time with you after all." Sirius had come back to me, now sounding smug and annoying.

"What do you mean?" I was playing dumb as I took a couple of steps back, taking Rolf by the collar so he wouldn't try to communicate with Fluffy and get eaten.

"He's angry with you for first telling him his dream will come true, then rip it out from between his fingers. First I thought that imp only was interested in you in bed, turns out he was looking forward to the by-product too." He clicked his tongue and gave a wicked smile.

"So that's what you see kids as? Thank Merlin you died before I gave birth to Lisa, or even got a chance to tell you I was pregnant!" When they had gone to the Ministry that day in June I had stayed at the HQ because I wasn't feeling too good and discovered it was because I was with child, as Molly had put it. I could hardly sit still, restlessly waiting for them to return so I could tell him the wonderful news. When they came back without him, I fell apart, it just wasn't possible to get a break from the fucking war!

"No, they are nice when they get up to a certain age, start at Hogwarts and stuff. I haven't got any interests in diapers and that. But you obviously do," he finished, trying to get me worked up.

"And what's that supposed to mean? I've known Charlie and his family since he was young and that makes me a pedophile?" It was sarcastically and rhetorical, but they ignored the tone.

"Exactly! You still see him as a harmless brat with scabby knees. You're too intimidated to be with a real man," James shot in and crossed his arms, waiting for my response.

"First, stop being so rude about my boyfriend, he's got a name. Second... Have you seen him? He's taller than me and twice as broad! When he's in the right mood people cross the street to walk past him in fear of getting beaten down!" I know he's not dangerous, but he have the ability to look like a Neanderthal ready to kill over nothing. On the other side, when he's happy he looks like the world's nicest guy, which is my general impression.

"So now he's an ape-man?" Sirius cocked an eyebrow at me.

"What? I didn't say that out loud. What's the point of you being here anyway?" I moved my eyes over at Fluffy again, he was done eating.

"I can read your mind," Sirius joked while waving his arms around like my thought were moths

in the air. "No point. What's with the two of you puking and pissing yourself all the time? Do you get turned on by it, or what?" He had suddenly sobered up and I turned to walk back in.

"It's not exactly something we can help." If I had ignored them I would be much happier now.

"And I can't see how he manages to share a bed with you, you're cold as a dead fish." Sirius snickered as I turned back to them, gave them a look I hoped made them go away even though it had some tears in it. Snapping around again, I marched angry to the door and flung it open, kicking the dog a bit as he didn't go further into the hall and took of my outdoor clothes. They had really hit a nerve and I was tired, but stood in the hall to collect myself before walking slowly to see how the guys were doing. Rolf had to inspect the puddle under on of the chairs, but he could have saved himself the trouble, I could tell it was urine.

"I know, I know," Charlie snapped at me and made a sideways cutting gesture in the air with the hand he held the cigarette. He was already angry for the yelling I hadn't, and wasn't going to start. I only gave a half-nod and turned to go and take a shower.

I turned on the water and felt how warm it was on the skin of my arm. The scarf had only kept parts of my torso warm, the rest of me was close to freezing. I changed my mind and shut off the water, brushing my teeth quickly before I sat down with my back to the wall.

I didn't think about anything particular, all was pretty hazy and I don't know how much time had passed when I heard the entrance door close and Charlie came to kneel down in front of me. I smiled softly to let him know I was awake, but he had a hard and tired expression I couldn't quite read.

"I cleaned up after me." He hated that he had lost control, but was trying to recover some pride and stood up. I followed and stood still, not sure what to say as he brushed his teeth forcefully, the foam was orange-pink when he spat out. I led the way into the bedroom and undressed quickly, laying down and hoping he choose to face me. He did and our fingers interlaced under the blankets.

"Does it bother you that I'm always cold?" The question had began grounding in my mind. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes.

"I'm tired." I could hear it in his voice too and started to draw my hand away from his, I took it as he didn't manage to hurt me and have an argument now. To my surprise he put his other hand on my back and pulled us closer, my face to his chest and he kissed the top of my head lightly. Not long after my ears were filled with soft almost-snores.


	9. Part II, chapter 3

The dog was playing in the waves, hopefully he would run himself dry before coming back. I turned my attention towards Charlie's slow stroking of Elisabet's hair, she had fallen asleep on the quilt we sat on. We had even brought Mina's cot outside, the sun warming us as we had eaten lunch on the beach.

"I've been thinking..." I started. He looked up at me, lost in his own thoughts for a moment. "You thanked me last night. What was that about?" It was bothering me, I hadn't just delivered a service.

"I... How should I put it?" He gazed out at the sea again and I waited for him to find the right words. "For loving me. For caring about me. For giving me what I craved for."

It made me smile. "Then I want to thank you too." We sat in silence for a while, his hand making its way over mine. "You seemed to have some trouble the second time. It looked like it was hurting you." He furrowed his brow when I mentioned it.

"I was really tired, but it had been building up for so long and I was sure it would put both of us right, a bit. And it did hurt, like I was burning up from the inside." I squeezed his hand, it had helped, he had put me a bit back together.

An owl fluttered down beside me and I looked at the envelope in the beak. It was addressed to me, but I didn't recognise the strained handwriting. Opening it and reading, the knot in my stomach formed again. It was from Andromeda, announcing that the funeral would be on the eleventh. My mouth ran dry and I fought the shaking.

"What date is it today?" I asked, having lost track of time.

"Eighth. Tomorrow is..." He didn't finish, but leaned over to read my letter. I laid down on my side, facing away from him. Hopefully they had found a way to stop the bodies turning to dirt, or it wouldn't be much to bury. He laid down close to me and put his arm so I could curl up around it and he curled around me. His breath warmed the nape of my neck.

"Your mother told me how much you did to get me out." I gently nibbled at his index finger and it tasted of the ham sandwich.

"I can't live without you. For as long as I can remember you have been there for me." He stroke my lips and dug his elbow harder into my abdomen. Again we just existed for each other. "I brought your black skirt and blazer," he said after a long time. I kissed his fingertip as a thank you. After a while he began to shake with the effort of clinging to me.

"You can just rest now." I was as calm as possible. The next days wasn't going to be fun.

"I have to get up." I released his hand so he could. "But I can't. I'm trying, but I can't!" I hadn't felt him moving at all, just some tears dripping into my hair.

"Then just stay 'til you're calmer." I stroke the back of his big hand, trapped between it and his body.

"No, I can't! I have to piss and need to get up." He was starting to sound desperate. "I'm a grown man, I have to be strong for us, you're doing better now and I'm not about to flip out!" He gasped once for air and I began to get troubled by his behaviour.

"Shh, breath and calm down." I didn't know what else to say and he began to sob loudly.

"No, and I can't hold it in much longer. I'm going to go all over us!" The panic in his voice broke my heart. "I know you did, but that was different. The last time I smothered you, the two first you were broken down. My muscles won't listen!" He was trying to get loose against his body's will, not getting good results. Elisabet had woken by his yells or sobbing and crawled up to my face.

"Can you be a big girl and run up to the house to get one of the other adults?" I asked her and she nodded importantly before staggering away on bare feet.

"Merlin, it's coming. No, no, please!" His sobs became a muffled scream as he bit down on the top of my shoulder. I ignored the sting, the torture of hearing him was much greater.

He was hyperventilating again. "Hush, baby, it's okay, don't worry," I tried to soothe us both with.

"Breath. It's going to work, just like last time." I tried believing it, but he just kept going faster.

My mind became blank, I couldn't do anything for him. We were trapped.

After several long minutes Bill came to our rescue again, bent the arm away so I could wriggle loose and made Charlie sit up, holding him by the upper arms. My heart broke more at the sighed of him, shivering, crying, both hands against his crotch. Bill was trying to talk to him, get him to gain control and he did.

He stood up and staggered a couple of steps outside the quilt before opening his trousers and relieved himself, swaying and gasping a couple of times. I got up and hugged him from behind, it had turned out okay. He took a deep, shaking breath and his shoulders loosened up.

"How is it you can just jump into a situation and sort it out?" I asked Bill, in reality wanting to thank him.

"Guess it comes with the job..."

"So... Wanna go fishing?" I pulled my legs up on the couch and faced George.

"What?" He frowned at me.

"I was going to ask how you were doing, but then I realised it was stupid." I tried to get him to open up, take his mind of tomorrow.

"Do you believe in a life after this?" I was taken by surprise and he looked directly at me. I gave a weak smile and took his hand in mine.

"Yes, Nangijala." He retracted his hand and looked hurt by my words.

"I'm serious."

"Dead serious," I answered before realising the dark-humoured pun. "It wasn't for nothing I read the Brothers Lionheart to you. It isn't just a novel, it has a core of truth."

"It's a children's book," he argued.

"Maybe it is. But how can you believe that it just goes black and that's it?" I looked closer at him, curious at what his response would be.

"I didn't say I did. So then You-Know-Who and his followers are living happily in Cherry Valley or whatever?" He was really cross and sarcastic about it.

"Nah, they are locked up in Katla's old cave, starving to death." It was good to fantasies a bit and we enjoyed the mental picture for a while.

"And... Fred?" He had hesitated and sounded scared at what I might say.

"He's doing all right, making fireworks and stuff. All the kids there simply adore him, so do the barmaid. But he keeps blowing himself up, you should be there to help him." I was astonished at how easily the words flowed. A smile threatened to fly over his lips.

"And Tonks and Remus opened a restaurant-slash-library, making big money on feeding and tutoring people," he added for me. We were both somewhere between desperately clinging to that hope and convincing us self it wasn't real.

"Yeah, they'll all meet us with a pint of the best mead." I could vividly see them by the bar in a brown pub where two of the walls were completely covered in books, many others reading, laughing and eating. Remus wasn't grey or scarred, but submerged in a big book while Tonks was trying to get a kiss from behind the counter, Fred laughing at one of Mad-Eye's crazy stories. Of course he was hardly recognisable without the electric-blue eye and wooden leg, and known as Sir Alastor Moody around the village.

"And my ear..." He touched the side of his head.

"Fred has it framed in, showing it off at every opportunity, telling them that one day he'll have the rest of his twin with him, too." I knew I was getting out on deeper water and his eyes became misty.

"Yeah, that'll be nice..." It wasn't just happy any more, but still a fantasy we wanted to keep.

I sat up in the bed with a start, the stabbing pain in my hip that had woken me was gone as fast as it had come. _You bit her, cold-hearted murdered her for a couple of drops which you later wasted._ I cradled Lisa closer, she had fallen asleep on top of me and her head now rested down on my breast.

_It's only a matter of time before one of you goes insane._ I shut my eyes tight, wishing the whispering in my head would go away. _He's slipping. But he isn't foolish, one day he'll make up his mind and leave. You'll be alone again._

I lifted the small body closer to my face and felt her scent, a gentle whiff of Sirius. _Gone, forever. She isn't going to replace him, more like grow up and see how bad you are._

He laid a hand on the lower part of my back, warming it. I turned and saw the reflected moonlight in his eyes, not much other distinguishable through the dark before he sat up and rubbed my whole back in circles.

I removed one of the dark locks from Lisa's face. Maybe I should see if I managed to do something about my own for tomorrow. His nose was gently stroking my cheek and his lips left a moist trace. He isn't going to leave. _Yet._

I laid the toddler down in front of me and got up. He looked at me, silently asking why. "Bathroom," I mouthed and he followed me, crunching down and looking deep into my eyes when I sat on the toilet, listening to the tinkling.

"Whispering?" He asked, knowing it had bothered me before. I nodded and we stood up, knickers still around my knees. He put his forehead on mine, directing me careful towards the wall, hands on my hips. He moved them down to lift me up a bit, my legs wrapping around him.

"I'm too tired," I confessed, a different part of me wanting him to start, to fuck me so hard I didn't manage to think. He kissed my nose and let go, stepping away and looked at me as I dragged the worn piece of clothing up again. His hand touched my soar belly. I looked down to discover a big bruise.

"I didn't mean to hurt you." He moved up to the teeth-marks on my shoulder, tracing them.

"You couldn't help it. It would be a hundred times worse..." He understood my unsaid thoughts. I didn't mind being covered in bruises and other injuries as long as he didn't have the marks of sharp fangs on his neck.

Goose-bumps were forming across his chest and I motioned for us to go back, taking his hand loosely in mine. It was a bit warmer in the bedroom and I lifted Mina from her cot, she instantly began sucking my nipple.

I laid down in the bed, Charlie adjusting the sheet to cover us. This wasn't the first time I wished I had let Bill be, it screwed up my mind that my boyfriend was uncle to my daughter. The short snort-laugh made me look at him. He should get a hair-cut, almost-shoulder-length don't fit him too good.

"I don't want to wake up in the morning." He gave a half-smile. The morbid humour wasn't lost on me, don't we all think like that sometimes? But this wasn't just 'sometime'.

"Mhm, know the feeling." I got my finger out from the small fist and rubbed the bridge of my nose. Elisabet's face peeked up form the other side of Charlie's stomach and she adjusted to use him as a pillow, resting her cheek on her folded arms. She looked like an angel as she drifted off again, snoring quietly.

"We'll get a port-key home tomorrow," he whispered.

"No, Remus and Tonks' funeral is on the eleventh," I reminded him, my voice hard as stone.

The slight nauseated feeling was annoying. I wasn't even properly awake, but I knew what to expect of the day. I knitted myself together to an even harder knot and the jerking continued.

I tried to straighten my legs but it turned into a bizarre parody of an orgasm. I pulled them back up and turned to lay with my face down, hands gripping the hair on top of my head. _He's only interested in your body, when your mind gets too much to tend to he'll be gone._

Pressing my elbows into my knees and muscles below to gain control, my palms were damp with sweat and I focused on the sounds in the room. The baby was hardly audible. The toddler was sucking her thumb. The dog scratched his ear. Nothing else.

I strained my ears. _There you go. _My hips began slowly moving me back and forth, my diaphragm contracting.

I took hold of my upper arms, digging my fingers into the flesh. What was the clock?

Whatever it was, too much time had passed when I heard footsteps entering the room. My shoulders were jumping at random and I clenched my fists harder, tugging at my own hair.

He pulled my rigid body up to his and held me close, not having to utter a single word to tell me to relax. I couldn't and unwillingly did another one of the parodies and felt the nausea rise.

Suddenly my body became still, every muscle tight. I opened my eyes to see his upper arm, sunlight emphasising the pattern of fading freckles. If we sat there long enough they would refreshen, his skin sucking up the warmth. But that wasn't an option, we had several things to attend to.

"I should get in the shower..." He was wondering if I would be okay. I nodded and he placed me back down. "You can snooze for another hour," he added while going out the door.

After a while I had the distinct feeling someone was watching me. I sat up and saw the man, casually leaning on the door frame, his black fringe falling in the same manner into his eyes. I blinked, it couldn't be...

"Hi Casey, long time no see." He straightened up and moved towards me.

"You're dead," I remarked, somewhere between doubting my own senses and looking for an explanation.

"No, I _was _dead. Turns out I got back when Bella snuffed it." He put one hand in the pocket of his torn jeans. "I've been at the Leaky Cauldron this past week. You could come with me, get out of this perfect perfectness." He ran a finger over the night stand, pointing out it was spotless.

"You're dead," I repeated, noticing that he looked like he was twenty. No thirty-six-year old with over a decade in Azkaban looks that good, not even him. He ignored me and looked over at Elisabet.

"So this is the result of our romance." He extended his hand to touch her.

"No, leave her alone!" I barked, but didn't move. He stopped and tried to read me before slowly retracting and turned to my other daughter.

"And this is your second bastard child with the Weasley-boy. Don't you find it ironic that you gave birth to her right after you lost the first one?" The trademark half-arrogant smirk flashed over his face.

"No, now leave." If he was just my imagination I was still going to kick him out, even if I had to do it literary.

"Oh, relax. We should spend Christmas together." He leaned against the wall and observed me while I pulled the sheet up to my chin, shaking my head slowly. "C'mon, you don't want to be with these slow goodie-two-shoes?"

"Yes, I do. I grew up and stopped being a bastard." He looked confused at my response.

"First of all, you would be a bitch, not bastard. Second, it's called being a Marauder. Third, you'll always be trapped as a teenager." He ran a hand through his raven hair, his grey eyes glimmering.

"Get the bloody fuck out." He looked impressed that I talked to him that way.

"At least let me have a hug." He opened his arms and smiled at me, but I gave him a cold stare and placed my left wrist in between my jaws to deal with the anxious rocking. "Handshake, then?" He suggested and I accepted, realising a second before we touched that a caterpillar made it's way across his palm.

I pulled back and looked up into his cheerful face. He shrugged and the first butterfly took flight from his head. I blinked rapidly, not believing what I was seeing: he was dissolving into them, flying out the open window. Soon they were all gone, but I kept my eyes on the window, waiting for what would happen next.

Nothing did before Charlie got back five minutes later, a pink towel around his hips. Sitting down beside me he removed the hand from my mouth and looked at it. Two small punctures, dark fluid seeping out.

It filled me with an anger at myself and I tore the towel off him, pushed him down, massaging him quickly before directing it in between my legs. He was confused at my sudden plunge and tried to stop me.

"I have to," I said through angry tears, but now sat still across him, trying to make up my mind.

"Then let me get the girls out and close the door." He was so patient it made me feel bad.

"Okay," I breathed and slid off, trying to get comfortable with my head on the fluffy pillow.

It wasn't fun to wait while he was downstairs, but he got back and climbed up on me, kissing me deep, but gently. My hands went around his neck and I adjusted my legs around his waist.

He looked into my eyes, watching for a sign to tell him it wasn't wrong. I coughed and his brow furrowed.

"Maybe this isn't such a good idea." He brushed some stray hair off my cheek.

"Please," I said half-mocking before coughing again. "Just a quick one before we have to get dressed for the... Yeah, you're right." The image of headless Fred was back in my head, a sure turn-off. He sighed and massaged my ears lightly, not wanting to get up. I put my legs down again and looked at the open window, a single black butterfly fluttered in.

"It's not going to go away if we wait," I commented and we slowly sat up. He took hold of my wrist again and summoned a roll of bandage, starting to wrap it tightly in.

"Tell me how this works again." He was giving a new attempt to distract our thoughts.

"All magical creatures have a lot of magic in their blood, just as wizards have more than muggles. When it comes to vampires it is this magic that transports nutrition around the body in a steady flow due to the lack of a heartbeat. The base consists of the plasma the vampire had in his or her human form, but have morphed into a darker mass. This morphing starts the second the attacker have injected the toxins..." I grew tired of reciting the book and looked down, he was almost done.

After he tied the last knot I got up slowly and went over to the dresser where the insect had landed. It flexed it's wings, the blue rings glimmering in the sun. I closed my hands carefully around it and tried to have it back out, but it stayed on my palm. It was stuck to my hand after I've shook it too, so I looked closer at it. The body was just as perfectly black as the wings and the rings weren't just one colour, it varied from midnight-blue to azure with some hints of silver. It took flight at last, heading towards the flower beds and I turned back to Charlie.

"Good you got it out or Bill would have a heart attack," he said and I almost smiled at the remark, the one irrational thing Bill was scared of, a harmless creature of beauty. Our clothes were scattered over the bed and I hoped I didn't have to choose.

Charlie was already buttoning up his off-white shirt when I picked up my skirt and looked over it. It had a pretty high split, but I didn't have any other option and pulled it on. He had thoughtfully brought two blouses for me, both too revealing for the occasion. I hold them up for him to decide. Of course he picked the tightest one with V-neck. I pulled it over my head without further ado and got working with the beauty-charms, I could at least try to look decent. Afterwards I slipped on the black high heals and took in Charlie, the pinstriped suit I've nagged him into buying fitted neatly, but he hadn't put on a tie yet.

"Blue or red?" He hold up two and looked nervous at me.

"That isn't red, it's pink. Did you just take those two?" I hoped he didn't, light blue wasn't much better.

"Yeah, be glad I managed to think of it at all." It was a slight edge in his voice so I moved closer and kissed his chin.

"Blue, then. But you have to tie it yourself." He smiled understanding and placed it around his neck. I've never got the hang of getting ties to look good. I went into the bathroom and looked at myself, memories of Remus standing behind me playing in my mind. He's looking at our reflection and directing my hands to make the knot even and nice, then I try on my own, fails and he have to show me again. I closed my eyes and the image dissolved when I opened them again.

The butterfly was back, now sitting on my head, body blending with my hair. It seemed appropriate with black hair now, but perhaps it was just overdoing it. Another one joined it, if I wasn't much mistaken it was a small tortoiseshell. Exhaling forcefully I wondering what they were doing out here at the coast. They fluttered over on the wall, ready to scare the living daylight out of unsuspecting boys.

I went through my hair quickly with the nearest hair-brush, adding a couple of dark straws to the many red and white ones. I'd done my best, still it had split ends and less shine than a page of recycled paper.

"We're almost late," I heard from the hall. The butterflies were still on the wall when I closed the door behind me. Charlie stood with Mina in his arms, Lisa by his side in one of her better dresses.

"Ready?" I could hear him swallow anxiously and I touched his arm in the passing and got today's lifesavers from the purse I didn't bother to bring. We swapped so I had the baby and he took the smoke and Kleenex in the pockets of his jacket.

I noticed I was light-headed when we got down in the living-room, Fleur and Bill in pretty well-matching robes, George sat on the couch with his face in his hands wearing a simple dark suit.

I blinked rapidly to get out of the trance and stopped the swaying. Most people had already left the clearing or was getting ready to. Bill was standing a couple of metres in front of me, his left hand gripping his wife's right, looking down at the fresh grave.

I closed my eyes and tried to recall what had happened, but the only thing that came to mind was that I've coughed when it wasn't any other sounds. Charlie removed his hand from my back and I walked to stand beside Fleur, glancing quickly at the smooth headstone, not wanting to read the inscription.

A breeze took hold of my hair, making it interlace a bit with the blonde. Bill let go of the rose, it landed on top of several others and the popping sound told me they were gone.

"You aren't going to be sick again? You seem a bit..." Charlie said from behind me. I understood his concern, but shook my head weary. "Let's go, then." He took hold of my shoulder again, ready to assist me, but I turned around to looked at him. His eyes were glossy but dry, a crease forming between his brows. I rubbed the top of my face with my fingertips and he placed his arms around me. Slowly I slipped down despite his attempts to keep me up.

"What..." I breathed and he sat down on his knees, soaking his trousers. What was the purpose of going back to a crowd of people we hardly knew?

"We have to. Mum needs to see that we haven't abandoned her." He had a point, be there for the family if not for anything else. We got up again, but I kept my gaze down, falling into another trance.

Sometimes later we were in the living-room of the Burrow. I didn't recognise half the people there, but the ones I did seemed truly sad. Oliver Wood stood beside a younger dirty-blond girl, both hanging their heads. Cornelius Fudge's green bowler was just as inappropriate as my cleavage. Neville Longbottom had bloodshot eyes, but the posture of someone that had proven themselves. I looked more around, but was too tired to pin names to all the faces.

Charlie laid a clammy hand on mine and we made our way up the stairs and faced each other in the narrow hallway. It was peaceful here, the noise downstairs barely noticeable.

"Could you massage my shoulder a bit?" He had cut himself off not to add "it's killing me," the small shame in his eyes betrayed him anyway. I nodded and we went into his old bedroom, he took off his jacket and sat down on the narrow bed. I rubbed my hands together to get some warmth in them before placing them on him. The shirt made it hard to get a good grip and I told him to take it off.

"The problem is that you have pulled both the Teres Minor and Major. Adding a irritated Trapezius doesn't help." I ran my fingers deep in between the creases of the muscles and over where it was stiff.

"Whatever you say," he moaned. I leaned over a bit, he had closed his eyes and his thoughts were in a different place. I kept kneading his shoulders and upper parts of the back, my hands getting heated from his body.

When he murmured a thanks I stopped and got off the bed. I didn't register his torso against me before he ran a finger down my spine. I kissed his neck as an response and he pushed me close to the closet, his lips playing with the top of my ear.

"It's your brother's funeral," I mumbled, stopping for a moment.

"Do I look like I care?" His eyes were blazing. I decided I didn't care either and continued the kissing.

My hands caressed his bare back and he ran his hand up my thigh, stopping swiftly at the fringe of my stocking before taking hold of the edge of the high-cut knickers and pulling them down. Moving one hand to his side I felt the ribs expanding and contract fast due to his breath. He cupped his hand between my legs, stroking my clitoris with one finger.

"That's nice, eh?" He gave a small, almost evil laughter and I started to open his trousers, moaning. He helped me with his other hand before lifting me up, fingers nearly digging into my buttocks.

We found each others lips, electricity filling the air and I pulled him up to me, anticipation running high.

"Ah!" He pierced me with pleasure and I couldn't hold the sound in, tightened my hold and moved with him. He ran the tip of his tongue over my jaw and I moaned louder, in my own ears sounding like a porn star, but his eyes widened in response to it. One of my arms was bent up to have my hand on the back of his head, his hair between my fingers.

Faster, deeper, better. Our moans and groans filled the dark room and a familiar tremble began to form in the my lower abdomen. I banged my head in the wardrobe door and he gripped harder, making sure I lost it completely.

"There, tha... Oh!" I couldn't bother to care who may hear us, my body was moving on its own accord, my mouth open and emitting moans bordering to screams. He placed his forehead to mine, the last jerks making him ejaculate before we slumped down in a tangled mass of arms and legs.

Still panting he placed is lips on mine, leaving me to play with his lower lip while he caught his breath.

"We should go back." I had barely removed my lips to say it and was now caressing his chin.

"Um... Sure you don't want to do it again?" Really hard choice he was giving me, I wanted to never leave the small room, keep repeating it 'til the end of time. But it was an unknown amount of 'I'm sorry for your loss's still to be received downstairs. "They won't miss us." He put his hand between my legs and stroke the edges, one finger on each side.

I parted my legs more and he kept stroking gently, passing over the clit several times before I turned around to make it easier. He put one arm around my waist and reached down again, his finger rubbing slowly, still making me press up against him.

"Faster," I muttered while gripping his thighs. He did and I would have doubled over if he hadn't hold me. I bit down on my lip and my eyes began to roll, delight flowing through me for an eternity before he stopped.

"Okay, we can go now." He removed his hand and stood up. I used a moment to pull myself together and when I got up he was just finishing with his tie again.

"You did that just to have a couple of minutes to think?" I gave a short laugh and he ran a hand through his hair, making it lay back.

"Pretty much. Come." He went out the door and down the stairs, not bothering to wait for me until we entered the kitchen. It was quiet in the house again, the only ones left sitting by the table or standing around it.

I took the pack of cigarettes out of Charlie pocket where he stood beside me, leaning on the counter. I lighted it and inhaled, burying my feelings deeper. He took it from my fingers, closing his eyes while the toxins were absorbed into his blood. Bill grabbed it, took a couple of angry blows before sending it to Fleur, she looked classy, as always. Percy's attempt almost ended in coughing and he gave it to Ginny who blew it out gracefully before handing it to Harry. He took some absent-minded puffs before Hermione got it, taking a very shallow drag. Ron thought he would get to keep it and inhaled deeply before Arthur snatched it out of his hand and put it to his lips, his eyes expressionless. When Molly got it there wasn't much left and I took up a new one, letting her keep it.

"Where's George?" The fright was suddenly evident in Arthur's eyes, looking around and waiting for one of us to say he was there or there. I put the unlit smoke slowly down and thought about what I had said: you should be there with him.

"I think I saw him go upstairs a couple of hours ago," Ginny said, trying to be optimistic. I didn't care who stayed and who went to look as long as I reached the bathroom first. The door wasn't locked and I flung it open.

Empty. I squatted down and felt the blood on the floor. It was cold. On my way out again I noticed the razor blade in the sink, one side of it coloured red. Someone had got to him before it was too late. But where were they now?

"Hey Kevin?" I got out the door and met up with Ginny, tilting my head to one side as a response to her call. "Miss these?" She held up the black knickers, cocking an eyebrow at me. I grabbed them and pulled them on, straightening my skirt afterwards.

"You heard us, huh?" I tried to seem apologetic, but couldn't.

"The gorillas in Congo stopped their chewing to try to find out who were being murdered." She had found the sarcasm, but quickly turned over to anger. "How could you?" She sounded like I had... Disgraced the memory of her brother, just what I had.

"Therapy. We needed to clear our heads and... You wouldn't understand unless you've tried, which you should." I knew it didn't sound too logical. Charlie emerged from the twins room and his sister sat her eyes in him.

"Next time you're feeling down, don't just go and bang _her_ up the wall." She jerked a thumb in my direction, but he ignored her.

"He's sleeping in there with Angelina. I think they're relaxing in each others company." He was happy that someone outside the family could help.

"Try it," I advised her again as we went down the narrow staircase, wondering if I really was right or not.

What if he woke up before her? Had she given him a hint of light or would he just go and get the razor again? Would he leave without letting us get a chance to stop him? _What can you do, you're just a hobby._

I shook the thoughts out of my head and took another puff of the cigarette I now had for myself. Charlie tightened his grip around my waist a notch and put his forehead between my shoulder-blades. It was many free seats in the sitting room, but I preferred his lap, the best for both of us.

What was happening in Nangijala now? The barmaid was giving Fred a refill of his beer while he sat with some papers, trying to figure out why his work exploded again. She put a slender hand on his cheek and he looked up her friendly face, greenish eyes asking him to be a bit social active now. _You're fooling yourself, digging for fake hope._

I relocated to the armchair usually occupied by Molly and put my arms around my knees. The graveyard had only four headstones. We couldn't contact the authorities after the incident with Amy, and Molly had suggested carefully that we had a secret burial in a clearing in the forest surrounding the Burrow. The spot she had in mind had been used a couple of times for deceased pets, peaceful grass and beautiful wild flowers creating the right atmosphere. A big rock was the grave marker, Remus had written in name, dates and a simple poem with his wand.

Molly wanted her brothers to rest in peace, not in a unfriendly place next to a million strangers. The Ministry hadn't objected because they were war heroes and had paid for the big gravestones.

It had now been opened a new cemetery for the ones fallen in the second war, but no one wanted Fred to be that far from home. If it came to that, George was going right next to him.

"I don't want to leave them alone. She can't watch him all the time." The others seemed to know who I was thinking of.

"What do you suggest? _We_ can't watch him every second either." Bill had a valid point.

"It would be very easy for him to disappear while she slept." I kept my tone light but wanted to shout at him for not getting it. "I'm staying to see how he's doing." His mother was not enough right now.

"Me too," Charlie agreed through gritted teeth, the heel of his hand pressed hard into his stomach. Great, are we going to have to deal with that too on top of everything else?

"Could you take the girls just for one night?" I'm sadly only capable of watching one needy at the time.

"Yeah, Fleur could use some experience..." He was quiet, thinking of other things, but I knew Bill cared too much to say no.

I watched them through the dark, sitting on the edge of the bed to make room for Charlie. It glittered in her eyes when she opened them and I knew she saw me.

"Hi Angelina. We didn't want to run the chance that he may wake up before you. Beside, Molly kicked Arthur out of their bedroom so he's in Bill and Charlie's old, Hermione's with Ron and Percy's back in his own." It was partly true, Molly needed some time by herself and had told her husband this clearly.

She sat up a bit, supporting her body on one elbow, but I could see she enjoyed his closeness. "It's good to sleep next to someone, right? Please take care of him, even though he may not want it. Someday he's going to thank you." I barely made a sound, afraid to wake the guys. She nodded at me, probably having though the same things herself.

Charlie let out a snore and turned towards me and I ran my hand across his cheekbone, speculating at waking him. I decided against it, I could watch them a couple of hours more, my head was too full to get any rest.

"Go back to sleep, it's only half past five." Her eyes were already starting to glide shut and she laid down again, the arm around her gripping a bit firmer.

Maybe I didn't have to be here, he had found his saving angel. But if he had set his mind at joining his twin it was better to be safe than sorry. April '78 don't seem to be a good time to be born at, or I'm just over-analysing.

Tonks had breathed new life into Moony, giving him something to live for, fight for. History repeats itself over and over again. I got along good with her, we were the same type. His type.

And of all the three hundred and sixty-frickin'-five days of the year she had to squeeze that kid out on the fourth of April. Same day as he had become a father twenty years earlier. Fate really have a liking for irony.

I felt his heartbeat, steady like a beating drum. What if the Ministry went back and changed their verdict? Bill would get custody of Mina, but what about Lisa? She had no living relatives. _Shipped off to an orphanage._

Wait, Andromeda and Narcissa were Sirius cousins. The first had enough with her grandson, I couldn't imagine the latter taking care of the love-child of her hated relative.

I could clearly see it, Mina growing up and being loved by her father and step-mother, possible half-siblings. She got prettier for every day, getting a boy-friend and introducing him for her family who likes him from the first second. Big wedding, getting kids and living happily ever after.

Meanwhile Lisa is in the care of a cold-hearted woman who only sees the kids as a source of money and headaches. Often fights break out and she gets many scars from them, hooking up with a bad boy with a motorcycle, showing off. Ending up in jail or as a bloody pulp on the freeway.

If they met at Hogwarts they would not remember and hate each, Lisa secretly jealous at Mina's family, Mina wanting some of the others action.

I laid down. Charlie can do a lot, but get charge of two children he had little blood relation to was beyond his reach. Tears trickled out of my closed eyes and I dreamt of letters arriving, making my worst fears come to life. _Death._


	10. Part II, chapter 4

Dinner that night were as quiet as it can get with three adults and two children. I carefully picked every minuscule fishbone out of the grilled salmon before giving Lisa a forkful. My own dinner was a glass of Dragan's blood I had already emptied and I shoot a look out the dark window, seeing only my own reflection, I had gone back to short blue hair.

"So, it's not as bad as some say, she wasn't really a match for me," Charlie told Dragan and shuffled in some potatoes and vegetables with his bandaged hand. I wondered if he was having his own kind of joke, the simple task of having the chimaera over in the enclosure from the travelling cage had caused her to turn unexpectedly on him and plant her teeth in the back of his hand.

"Considering how bad reputation they got some places, that isn't really saying much," I commented and pierced a carrot with the fork.

"Well, I think she just need some time to settle in. Maybe we should name her something." We had called the one-eyed kneazle Katarina for the time being, so his suggestion seemed fair.

"I'm not letting you do that alone. Remember Fish?" I certainly did, I've never felt like a bigger fool than when I stood in the park and called for the corgi named Fish.

"The name never hurt him. Beside, I was thinking of Caroline." He held up his fork poetically and I started dreading the day we would have to name our kids.

"Fine," I said as the door-bell rang and I went to answer it, Dragan took over the feeding of my daughter. The first I noticed by the young woman wasn't her corn-coloured hair or the pale face or the fact that her lower body was that of a palomino horse, it was her terrified expression.

"Hello, my name is Androfina, I've heard you can help us. My son, Darren, is very sick," she took a pause to gesture towards the centaur foal leaning on her, the fur vest he wore was too big and probably belonged to her. "I can't take him back to the herd and I don't know what's wrong with him." Her eyes darted around and was only on me half the time she spoke.

"Of course, come in." I let go of the door to push it fully open and took a couple of steps back to let them get through. Darren's torso looked to be that of a ten-year old boy and he had the same pale skin, but the hair and body was darker than his mother's. He had one arm around the small of her back and she held around him to keep him from tripping and falling. He definitively had a fever.

"I don't mean to intrude like this," she apologised while I led them into the living-room and took the blanket Dragan had used during the night around Darren.

"No, it's fine. Why can't you go back to your family?" I was curious and it may have something to do with the illness. I lighted the fire and helped him lay down on his knees in front of it, he didn't look good.

"I've been banned from my herd. I married the man the stars had pointed out for me, but wasn't happy and saw a human behind his back. It was completely innocent, but they took the wrong way. After that we've been living by ourselves, moving farther and farther away from were I grew up." Her voice was soft and melodious and I was grateful she could tell me all that so easily. The guys came to join us, wondering what was going on and I filled them in while checking the temperature on the foal, he was fever-warm in his face and neck, but freezing on other parts of the body.

"First he needs a hot drink," I stated and went to get a cup of tea. When I got back his mother had laid down beside him. I gave her the cup and tried to think, unsuccessfully. It could be anything from a cold to pneumonia to the small-pox or something else only centaurs get and I didn't have that many clues to work on. He's been out in the cold and didn't really look build for it, he was skinny as a skeleton and the fur on his hind part was thin. "You can spend the nights here until he gets better," I said and placed a hand over my forehead, trying to force through some thoughts.

"Kevin, you're shaking." Charlie placed his hands on my upper arms and I realised he was right. "Go to bed, you're exhausted and we'll handle this." He was correct again, I nodded and went to brush my teeth, not understanding what had tired me out.

* * *

I was instantly awaken when he came and laid down hours later.

The very delayed reaction hit me like a train, the angst flowing through me like a drug and I sat up on my knees, facing him.

"You raped me." I heard my voice was shaking with hysteria. He had shoved his fat cock inside me and I had given my permission first afterwards, thinking about it made a dull sickness throb in me.

"I am very sorry about that." He sat up, looked sombre at me and stretched out to hold my hand.

"Don't touch me. Sorry? What does that help? You raped me!" I scrambled backwards out on the floor. He tried to lean after me, but I had ran over to the closet, dragging on the nearest pair of jeans and grabbed a sweater.

"I know it doesn't help much, but I am. Really sorry and ashamed." He followed me as I strode out in the hall and found my hand-bag containing some Muggle money and other things I may need, putting my bare feet into a pair of Nike sneakers.

"My cunt's closed for business." I decided wasn't going to have sex with anyone again, ever. I felt used, by so many over so long time. I left him there with a dumb expression of surprise and apparated to an alley behind a shabby hotel. I went in and got room five, bumping into some of the other occupants as I went down the narrow hall. It was mostly used by drug addicts, prostitutes and their clients, which often meant the same, but I chose to go here because I knew it. It have been periods were I couldn't afford anything else and was too proud to live with the Weasleys or other friends.

I opened the creaking door, went in slowly and locked it both manually and magically before I went a short trip into the bathroom, lighting a cigarette while looking at my reflection. I laid down on the bedspread and wondered what I had done and was going to do. I couldn't go back to Charlie, I was too angry and scared. My finger instinctively shook off the ash and it landed on the carpet, it hardy mattered in a room where the small mirror still had smudges of cocaine sniffing.

I drifted off as I kept brooding over where my life was going.

* * *

In the morning I had no place I wanted to go, but decided I could use some time on eating a late breakfast. I went out on the street, looking around for a café or some other place I could stuff my mouth with sugar. It was noisy and crowded on the dirty pavement and I felt uneasy while walking around with no particular goal.

"Kay! Kevin! Kevin Casey!" It had taken some time before I realised someone was shouting for me and I whipped around. I picked out the tall redhead in less than a second, it took some more time before I recognised his two companions. I stood still until they had caught up with me.

"Shouldn't you be at work or school or something?" I asked as I moved my gaze from Hermione, over at Ron and ended on Harry. He have a bit softer features than his father had, not quite as testosterone-driven.

"As should you, you can get fired," Ron said and my eyes narrowed. They didn't have the right to tell me what to do.

"We have a day off and decided to take a trip," the brunette said quickly, probably having caught my mood. I nodded curtly and let my shoulders drop a bit. "What are you doing here?" It was polite and concerned spoken and I choose to tell them, even though it was none of their business.

"Charlie raped me and I neutered Bill." I used a moment before I could look up at them again. Ron didn't believe me at all, he thought I was lying him straight in the face on purpose or had lost it completely and had sever delusions. Hermione was also confused and tried to string together a plan for what they should do about me. Harry was closed up, not reacting and just observed me.

"Maybe we should sit down somewhere so you can fill us in a bit more," she said and almost placed her hand on my shoulder.

"I have a hotel room further down the street." I pointed in the general direction and wondered why they had come here, it was a nasty place really, a forgotten corner of London. They nodded and we walked in silence.

When we got inside a woman in her early twenties came to us and started making suggestions, saying we would get a group discount. I took a long look at her, she was from Malaysia or somewhere around there and the horrible pink shirt showed off the cleavage she had made with the bra just visible through the fabric. I told her we weren't interested and unlocked the door to my room.

"What is this you are saying about Charlie? It's absurd!" Ron exclaimed as I dumped down on the bed. The girl joined me, placing an arm around my shoulder to show her support.

"Let us hear it from the beginning before jumping to any conclusions." She motioned for the boys to sit down too, Ron on my other side and Harry by her.

"It started when Fleur came to us, upset about something Bill had said and I went to have a talk with him. This was the day before yesterday. When I found him, he was fuming mad about everything, mostly caused by the full moon, I pointed that out for him and he turned his anger on me. I had to defend myself physically and put my knee up in his crotch." I drew my breath and saw the guys closing their legs a couple of centimetres, an unconscious action. "The day after, yesterday, he came and told me I had really hurt him. I was sitting on the kitchen counter and suddenly Charlie ripped off my clothes and..." I couldn't say it out loud to them, three kids!

"And raped you," Harry said. I hadn't expected him to utter a word, he seemed so deep in his own thoughts when we met. And I started to hate the word 'rape'.

"He had sex with me without me agreeing to. I guess that qualifies to rape." I shifted a bit, very aware of my vagina and what had been done to it.

"Where was Bill when that happened?" Ron had still not accepted this, his older brothers were his idols and couldn't do anything wrong. When they did, his whole world was turned upside down.

"He saw when it started, but I told him to leave. The faggot listened," I added in a bitter whisper. I hadn't thought clearly at all, I had only cared about Charlie's well-being, letting him do what he felt for. Which had led me to feel like a bag of dirt.

"So you accepted it in a way?" Hermione asked me. Yes, I had. Now I wished I had pushed him away. My body began shaking and I leaned against Ron, feeling his arm go awkwardly around me.

"Go home and talk with him," Harry said clearly. It wasn't a question or advice, it was an order. When did he get so bossy and cold-hearted? At least that's how his voice was. They helped me stand up, on an impulse I hugged closely on to Ron, he was about fifty centimetres taller than me, but it felt safe.

I checked out and we went into the alley, apperating directly into my living-room. The first I noticed was that Darren was better, he was standing up. The second was that Bill was here again, making the room more crowded than necessary. I was quickly surrounded by him, Charlie, Dragan and the three teenagers.

"No," I yelled as Charlie tried to touch me, putting him almost on the verge of tears. I pushed past them and hurried into the bedroom, I had to do this now or it would be too late.

I took a deep breath and tried to keep sane as I found my jewellery box and opened the secret room by lifting out the bottom. It contained a lot of sentimental junk I had gathered through the years, among it the rings from my own marriage with Remus, the ones from his second, the Potters' and the Resurrection Stone. But it was one thing of great practical value and I took it up, placed the thin chain around my neck and looked at the purple time-turner.

As far as I know it's one of a kind. It wouldn't just transport me back in time, but to the exact place I was at that time, vanishing the other me and making it possible to re-live and alter the past directly. I looked at the alarm clock and counted hours and minutes before turning the small wheel and pressing it in to activate it. I felt a spinning in my head and was instantly sitting on the kitchen counter again, Charlie pressing in between my legs.

"Come on," he began, but I did as I should and pushed him away. Bill had stepped closer to await our next move and I jumped down, looking hard at the man in front of me.

"No, not now." The three words made Charlie's face turn angry and he placed his hands on my hips as he pressed me against the cupboard.

"I need you," he whispered and opened the fly on his jeans. I ducked out of his hold and went to stand beside Bill. This didn't stop him, he launched after me, but was hold back by his brother.

"You need to control yourself," I said as Bill pressed him up against the refrigerator, he was putting up a heavy fight to get to me.

"No, I need you to show your love to me." He was trying to free his hands from his brother's grip and almost succeeded, but the other was pretty worked up too.

"Sex won't solve anything," I said quietly to myself and shook my head. Charlie rubbed up against his brother, not caring what it was as long as it was alive.

"Do me a big favour, put your hand down my pants and do what she's to stubborn to." He was so desperate I wondered if I should Stupefy him.

"No, you sick bastard," was the answer he got. "Behave and I'll let you go." Bill's usually pretty good at negotiating and got a small nod. He released his grip, taking a step backwards, but still eyed his brother suspiciously. It took about ten seconds before Charlie ran towards me and I got use for the knife I had grabbed in case of emergency. It slashed across his chest, cutting up the sweater he had got from his mother and made a sizeable gash in his skin.

"You're not getting me now," I said as he ran his hand over it to inspect. He used a moment to contemplate the information, the moment Lisa wanted to run away from the fighting and he snatched her up.

"No!" I ripped her out of his fingers as Bill took hold around his neck with his arm. It was bad enough that he tried to take me by force, he was definitively not hurting my daughters!

"Please, I need someone, I'm going crazy," he pleaded tragically, the hold around his throat making his voice hoarse. I gave a small nod for Bill to let go, which he did slowly, but put a hand on his brother's shoulder to demonstrate he was still there.

"You have already gone crazy. It isn't like you to do this, what have happened?" I put Lisa down, she ran past Dragan, who had seen it all from the living room and now dared to come closer. Instead of answering me, Charlie put a body-bind curse on all three of us, strode over to Dragan and took of both their trousers and underwear.

I still stood on my feet, but Bill had fallen over, anyway we had to watch as Charlie made ready to penetrate the younger man's rectum. I wanted to shout, to hit him, to cry, anything as long as I could stop what was happening. He had pressed himself up under the buttocks, still not having entered, but his eyes started to roll as he ejaculated, spraying parts of it on the door-frame. The curse he had put on us let go as he passed out, falling over on his back. I wanted to sit down beside him, but didn't. I was too perplexed and scared, this had turned out much worse than I had thought was possible.

"What the bloody hell was up with him now?" Bill asked, filling me with a feeling of Déja Vù. I closed my eyes, this was getting too much for me.

"Go clean yourself up in the bathroom," I told Dragan, trying not to faint myself. I opened my eyes long enough to find a chair and sit down, for a second seeing Bill kneeling by his brother.

"You don't look too good," he told me when he sat down some time later, having healed and clothed Charlie as much as it was possible. I covered my face with my hands, my head was eerie empty for thoughts, instead filled with a small buzzing possibly caused by the time-travelling.

"Oh, fuck..." To me the rape had still taken place, all this had led to was that Charlie had showed a scary part of himself. I was confused about what was real now and what wouldn't happen because of this. A knot formed in my stomach and I drew my legs up to my body, turning away from the table. I felt two arms go around me and Bill's pleasant smell.

"He can't hurt you," he whispered. I knew that, but now I needed to lie down. I freed myself and stumbled out in the living room, over the mass that was Charlie with the blue jeans and boxer-shorts around his thighs and fell over on the couch. Dragan hadn't tidied up after himself yet and I pulled the pillow under my head, trying to relax in every fibre of my body.

I hadn't solved anything and had acted on the spur of the moment, being very naïve and not thinking about the consequences. Breaking every known rule when it comes to altering the past. I couldn't go back to the original timeline, that meant letting him rape me again to put it right. I had to keep going here, where Charlie had proven himself as a downright maniac. Hopefully we could work something out.

"Are you going to be okay?" Bill had kneeled down in front of me and I forced my eyes open.

"Yeah, but..." I reached inside my sweater and pulled out the time-turner, he held out his hand and I dropped it in his palm.

"What have you done? I don't think that's legal." He turned it around, looking carefully at it.

"I... Charlie did something to me, and I want... Put it right. But now it's all worse," I said, gasping a couple of times. I had to laugh at myself, a dry sound, just telling him had helped. We turned towards Charlie, having heard that he stood up, now leaning on the wall with one arm, swaying slightly.

"Come here," Bill said as he stood up and went to give his brother a close hug, he understood something was very wrong now. I sat up to get a better view, wondering how this day would turn out now and heard a muffled moan of relief from Charlie. "Did you just take a piss on me?" It was the end of Bill's patience, he was both pissed on and off and he held the other man away from his body.

"'M sorry." Charlie sounded much younger than he was, like a small child. He started crying, obviously ashamed of everything.

"Oh, well... Let's get you properly clothed." Bill had softened again, despite one of the legs on his black jeans was soaked. Together they got the clothes up where they belong, tears were still streaming down Charlie's cheeks.

"Kevin..." He walked slowly towards me and seated himself on my lap, drawing his legs up beside me. I put my arms around him as far as they reached, letting him bury his face next to my neck. It must look pretty bizarre, I don't think he had sat on my lap since he was ten and had broken his arm. Still it made sense, he had now fallen to about that age mentally and needed to be taken care of.

"Are you going to be all right? I have to go home and change, anyway I'll be late for work." Bill shot a look at us and then his watch. I nodded while Charlie started to shift restlessly.

"Ouch!" He put his hand between his legs and I got scared, thinking he wanted more sex. "It burns," he said with a whimper.

"Bill, the freezer downstairs, go get a bag of peas or something," I ordered and he listened, his running steps were heard clearly from the staircase. Charlie had curled up more, howling with pain, all I could do was hold around him. Bill came back, bending one of his brother's legs down so he could place the frozen plastic bag on the pain.

"Oh..." He began relaxing once the cold soothed the burning, but still held onto me like it was a matter of life and death.

"Then I'm going. I can drop by later, if you want to," Bill offered with a concerned look at us.

"Yeah, I want to talk a bit with you, but no need to stress." I placed my hand in a better position, stared at Charlie's slightly shaking shoulder and heard a faint pop as Bill went home. I drew a deep breath, trying to decide what to do and came to the conclusion that I couldn't sit here.

"Don't go," he said as I tried to free myself, shoving him lightly off of me.

"Can't you just lay here for a couple of minutes and I'll be back soon?" I tried reasoning with him, he sounded pretty helpless. He nodded a bit and I got him down, pillow under his head as he was facing the back of the sofa and I tucked the blanket around him. I strode out in the hall, putting the back of my hand to my forehead and thought hard.

It was the twelfth, no, the eleventh of January 1999 today. A bit more than seventeen years since the Death-Eaters took Gideon, Fabian, James and Lily, among others. Two years and seven months since Sirius left Grimauld's Place 12 for the last time. Almost exactly eleven months since the kidnapping of Kaya. A little past eight months since Fred, Remus, Tonks and a whole lot of others left this world. Five days since we had lost Malachy. And now we had to clean up the emotional mess.

I heard the shower was running and went to knock on the door. "Are you in there?" I tried, but didn't get an answer. Fearing he could have hurt himself I pushed down the door-handle and found that the door wasn't locked. I went in and looked through the blurry glass wall of the shower, seeing the young man sitting there with his legs up against his body, arms crossed over his knees and chin resting on them. I opened up, reached in and turned off the water, squatting down in front of him as he refused to acknowledge my presence.

"I've been take from behind before." That was all he said. It was up to me to guess he had been part of a scary cult against his will, or a victim of child pornography.

"We are sorry. We aren't going to hurt you." Now I was talking for two, giving promises that may not be held.

"I know that. Please go away," he asked and I noticed scratches on his legs and hips, caused by his own nails. I didn't comment it then, but had to take it up with his later. I ran a hand over his head before I went out, closing the door audibly behind me. I went back and sat down at Charlie's feet.

"I know we have a lot of balls in the air now, but what about we start with breakfast?" I rubbed my palm to his ankle and he sat up, supporting himself on his arms behind him.

"I _did _act like a sick bastard. Sometimes I just want to cut off my dick, it just causes problems." He didn't meet my eyes, but focused on my hands.

"Don't do that, I don't think it would help, really." My face creased into concern hidden by humour and I stood up. "Breakfast. Come." I took hold of one of his hands and led him into the kitchen, he sat down heavy and stared out into air.

"Toast," he said after several minutes, I nodded and started cutting the bread, plugging in the toaster as I remembered that could be useful. Soon I could place a plate with four hot slices in front of him and Lisa peeked anxiously around the door-frame.

"Hi, vesla," I said as I hurried over and lifted her up. I hadn't thought about how she had handled the commotion, or even where she had been. Calling her my little girl in Norwegian hardly made up for that and I hold closely around her as I took out some jars from the fridge.

I added some spoons on the table before sitting down and grabbed one of the slices from Charlie's plate, smearing on a lot of strawberry jam, starting to feed it to Lisa. She liked the sweet, but was still a bit shaken. Charlie was deep in his own thoughts as he ate the toast with marmalade, his hand shaking a bit and he dropped it. It landed upside down on the table and he looked at it as if he didn't know what to do.

"Here," I said as I reached over with my semi-free hand, picked it up, holding it up to his lips until he took it with both hands. Dragan came in and sat down on the free chair, the left corner of his mouth twitching occasionally. By the looks of it I was the only adult here now. "I have to go, I have a job," I said defensively and handed Lisa to the boy. He nodded absentminded and licked his upper lip.

After a short trip to the bathroom where I washed my hands and brushed my teeth, I flooed to the Headmistress's office, exchanging a good morning before I headed to the classroom with sixth-year Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws.

"You're late," Michael Anderson shouted from the back row as I entered and closed the door behind me.

"Yes, sadly I am." It wasn't more that ten minutes and I wasn't about to let that be the subject of this class. I sat down at the teachers desk and swept my gaze over them. "What was the first thing I told you when we started this year? McCourt?" I picked one of the girls usually sitting quiet and taking some notes, not talking up unless she was asked to.

"Er... You have to want to do the magic for the spell to work," she said insecurely.

"Precisely. This is mostly associated with the forbidden curses, you really have to want to inflict pain for the Cruciatus to work." I took a small break, silently thanking Molly for killing Bellatrix. "The same goes for the killing curse, without the caster having to be evil, a strong hate will do it. Or that is my view, at least. Anyway, remember that in all your classes and later in life, keep your intentions at the front of your mind. When learning to levitate a feather, how many of you really wanted to see it airborne? How many succeeded?" They had grown accustom to my rhetorical way of speaking and most of them now looked at me with polite curiosity. "What I would like you to do is write an essay where you reflect over the connection between will and magic. There is no straight answer there, but I would like to see how good arguments you make." A groan went through the room, they hate essays where they have to do more than copy facts from a textbook.

"What do this have to do with the dark arts, anyway?" Anderson have it as a hobby to provoke the teachers.

"Nothing, except that if you don't know how to cast a good spell, chances are you will fail your NEWTs. It's more of a self-study, a trip to get to know yourself and improve your skills." I had a feeling I was quoting a book about Buddhism, but as long as they bought it, it didn't matter. "You can start now and are free to take as many examples from the books and your own life as you want. In a week I want it here on my desk, at least a foot, most should manage to write two." They also knew I judge more on the content than on the number of words used to tell it. I nodded for the blond boy in the middle of the room to speak.

"We have several other things going on now, a big upcoming test in Potions and a project in Herbology. We don't have time," Terry Jones complained.

"You're a Ravenclaw, figure it out," I snapped. "I can push it back two more days and you'll get all the classes up until that to write it. It'll work out and if it doesn't, I won't expect too much," I added friendlier.

I was home again around lunch-time to find two marble statues in the sofa. They were both staring straight ahead and I could almost hear sprockets turning in their heads, working out different problems.

"Hello, I'm back," I said softly and went to hang my jacket in the hall. When I got back out to them, they had wrenched themselves out of the thoughts. I took out the girls they had placed in the play-pen. Mina had just learned to walk and staggered around for a while, Lisa clung to my leg and I took her up on my hip.

"I'm going to get the chimaera, I think..." Charlie stood up, but didn't move any more and I went closer to him, looking into his eyes. He was tired, scared and humiliated, which didn't fully add up to me.

"Okay, be careful," I said and gave him an one-armed hug before he took the Floo to the Ministry. I sat down beside Dragan and took his hand, making him jump a bit.

"Maybe I would be better home." He implied he was forcing himself on us, but I shook my head.

"That's up to you. If you are staying, maybe you should get a job, I have some connections if you are interested." It had been nice to have someone to look after the girls a bit, but I had got them into a kindergarten in a nearby town, starting the next week. He couldn't just go around her and hang his head all day.

"I'm going home tomorrow." He had made up his mind and I didn't bother asking why he had come here in the first place, my assumptions was that he didn't have his flat or work any more. But that didn't fit if he was going back.

"Okay. Can you watch them?" I motioned towards the children. The first thing I had to do was change the sheets on our bed. After that I had more boring chores in the house, among other things vacuum cleaning. I made a face at the thought.

I shot a casual look out the kitchen window and saw Charlie arriving by port-key, a big metal cage in his hand. I went out to him, wanting to help him as he looked even more tired than when he had left. He put the cage carefully down and we both observed the creature for a moment.

"So this is Caroline," I blurted out before remembering he hadn't named her yet in this timeline. The goat-body was flecked brown and white, the head sticking out awkwardly from the middle of the spine. The other head, lion, was where you would expect a head to be and was rather cute. The tail was long, thin and scaled, ending in a sharp spike.

"Caroline. Yeah, I guess it is." He had accepted the name without any inquiries.

"Go and lay down or something, I'll have her over in the enclosure," I told him, it looked like he could fall asleep right where he stood. He shook his head and picked up the cage again, heading for the corner of the lawn where we had put up a fenced cube measuring twenty times twenty times five feet. "Go inside," I commanded and pointed towards the white house. He shrugged, but listened.

I opened the door of the enclosure before putting the travelling cage up to it, carefully dragging the hatch open and lifted up one of the walls. Caroline sniffed the air suspiciously before creeping out and over in her new home. I removed the cage while closing the door again, but somehow she got her jaws around my wrist and pressed her teeth deep into my flesh. I cursed loudly in three different languages before getting her off by pushing the door into her snout while tugging my arm away. I inspected it swiftly while heading inside, it just _had_ to happen.

"Hey, are you all right?" I forgot my own injury when I saw Charlie had sat down in the hall, still wearing his leather jacket and boots. I bent down and locked eyes with him, he was in there, but was ambushed by his own thoughts and feelings. "Marwood advised me to make a list of names and what I felt for them. It may seem stupid, but it really helped me. Paper and pen on the kitchen counter." I knew one of his problems was Fred, now I tried to help him process the sorrow. He nodded and stood up, I moved out of the way and into the bathroom, rinsing away the blood-like substance before finding a bandage and wrapping it tightly around my arm.

"Where did you say it was?" He called from the kitchen. I sighed, went after him and pointed to the notepad three feet to his left. "Oh, thanks..." He took it slowly and sat down by the table, staring on the sheet of lined paper a long time before he picked up the ball-point pen.

"I'm not supposed to know what you write, so I'm going for a walk," I said and he nodded absentminded. Really I wasn't in the mood to exercise the hell-hound and sat down beside Dragan and the girls in the living-room, they were playing with some stuffed animals.

"What about we go out and have more ice-cream?" He asked and Lisa's face instantly lit up.

"You're spoiling them. Beside, I was hoping they would be home a bit, I feel I'm just pushing them over on you." Actually I felt like he was stealing them, even though this was only the third day he was here.

"But now I have mentioned it, you can't be such a party-pooper, can you? And talking of that, Mina needs to be changed." He got up and lifted the youngest girl up, tickled her under the chin and walked to the bathroom. That seems to be a very important room in this house, strangely enough. Lisa kept playing, not bothered by doing it alone, but I got worried when Dragan used longer time than usual and went to see what was going on.

"Don't try anything or you'll miss your balls," I said when I saw him bending over her, his face very close to her body.

"No, I just like her smell. It's very sweet and nice," he defended himself with and straightened up.

"I've already neutered one this week, I'll do another if it's necessary." I closed the door a bit and wondered if I had been too stern. No, he needs to know I'll protect my daughters no matter what and that he can't take advantage of them.


	11. Part II, chapter 5

"Off we go!" Dragan had got all three of them dressed and waved once to me before taking the Floo to The Leaky Cauldron, wanting to explore Diagon Alley a bit more. I returned the wave half-heartily from my place in the sofa. In the silence after they had left I tried to string together what had happened because I used the time-turner. I took it out from under my sweater again and looked at it, it wasn't legal and I understand why.

The scratching of the pen on the paper stopped and Charlie came stumbling out, heading for the hall, but his knees buckled and he ended there on all four, head hanging a bit as he breathed heavy. I got up and had crossed half the room when his back turned up in a small arch and he vomited. I reached him and made his sit up on his knees while I fumbled with my wand and vanished the half-digested breakfast.

"You feel sick?" I asked to have something to say while I sat down, facing him. He neither nodded nor shook his head, just looked at me before leaning forward and I put my arms around him. He wasn't in a much fit state, I understood that much, but how bad he really was I couldn't determine.

"Kay..." He breathed and I pushed him up to see his face. It didn't express a particular emotion, just a hint of how tired he was. "Kay," he repeated and focused his eyes on me.

"Yes, I'm here," I reassured him with as I heard two small pops behind me. I let go of his upper arms to turn around to see two men in matching dark robes with the Ministry's mark on the left of their chests.

"We're looking for Miss Kevin Casey," the taller one said in a deep voice. They were pretty alike, their dark hair was even cut in the same short military way.

"That's me," I said and stood up, suspicious at what they were doing here.

"You are under arrest for putting the magical population under threat of the Dark Lord," the shorter said while he turned me around, forced my arms behind my back, took my wand and put on handcuffs.

"What? Who have made that up and what have they been smoking?" I tried to get a look at their faces, but it wasn't possible. Charlie was plain out scared and didn't move, the way you would think a child would react, not a grown man. But things were different with him now.

"You will get the full accusation when we arrive at the Ministry. Any form for dispute will only harm your case, I suggest you come quietly." The shorter took hold of my other shoulder. I saw Charlie was turning paler, his freckles standing out against the white skin.

"Just let me help him first, he needs me," I pleaded and tried taking a step towards him, but they held me back.

"No, you are coming with us now." I could sense them exchanging a look, they weren't going to give in.

"Oh, for crying out loud! Can't you see he's sick?" I shouted, making Charlie cringe a bit at the sudden sound and I tried to tug out of their grip.

"He have nothing to do with this. We got our orders and are following them." I felt something hitting my head, it felt like a lightening bolt and I knew they had taken me out by magic, the darkness consumed me.

"Argh..." I woke up with my head lolling down on my chest. I looked up and found that I was tied down to a chair in a room that looked to be taken straight out of an American TV-show. The lamp over the table cast a horrible light, making the contrast of the direct light and shadow like day and night.

"Good, you are awake. I guess you know why you are here?" The voice belonged to a big guy sitting on the other side of the table. He had short, blond hair, squished-looking face and I could smell from where I sat that his dark robes should be washed, as with his underwear.

"No, I don't. I got a crazy story about me being allied with the Death Eaters, then they knocked me out." I felt a small headache starting just above my neck.

"Recognise this?" He held something up in a thin chain and I had to squint my eyes to see it was my time-turner. "It was found on you and we have evidence you used it this morning." He dropped it down and it made some noise when hitting the plastic tabletop.

"I'm not going to deny that, but it have nothing to do with Voldemort. He's dead, remember?" Sarcasm wasn't the wisest thing now, but I couldn't resist, this was ludicrous.

"Exactly, he died thanks to lucky coincidences and Mr. Potter. However, if people begin altering the past, one of those coincidences may not happen and He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named won't die." It didn't sound like he was too impressed by Harry. Maybe he thought it was silly that a seventeen year old boy could have taken out the most powerful wizard at the time.

"But I only used it from tomorrow, around noon, to this morning. It didn't alter anything important." Except that it put Charlie in a helpless state. The guilt welled up in me and I looked down at my lap.

"This isn't a regular time-turner. Where have you got it? What does it do?" His voice was pressing now.

"The only special about it is that you get transported physically to where you were at the time," I muttered.

"What did you alter? No need to lie, we have Veritaserum if it's necessary." He leaned a bit closer towards me, I didn't like him at all.

"Personal business." I didn't feel like going into the details.

"You need to be more precise than that. Unless you are looking forward to a cell in Azkaban." He was threatening me, but I didn't buy it. I knew he had the authority to put me there, but I had realised something.

"What does it matter? Maybe something I did caused the downfall of Voldemort? What if you try to fix it and ruin everything?" It was going against what I had told him minutes earlier and caused him to stand up and walk to my side, his aftershave adding to the nauseating smells coming from him.

"You were a member of the Order of the Phoenix, right?" He placed a hand on my shoulder, squeezing 'til it hurt.

"Yes. What do that got to do with anything? Oh, I see. This is just another attempt at soiling the memory of Albus Dumbledore." I looked up at him with hate in my eyes, they were attacking innocent people with families to undermine the rumours that the Ministry had worked with the Death Eaters at some point.

He slapped me hard, making my cheek burn before gathering himself and asked me about everything from my school days to my sex-life to my work and political views. Nothing had anything to do with the case I was brought in for and I pointed that out for each new question he came with.

A little past seven in the evening I got home again after hours of being cross-examined, my mind filled with headache, painful memories and more headache.

"What?" I muttered confused when I saw Molly sitting on the couch, holding around a crying Charlie, Bill sitting on his other side. The latter got up and gave me a hug, guiding me to take his seat.

"He's really far down now. I came here as we had agreed on, and he just sat there, rocking back and forth, saying you were in prison. I Floo-called Mum and since she came he's been like that." He gestured towards his brother and took out the leather band of his own hair, running a hand through it a couple of times.

"Kay," Charlie said, having seen I was back and released himself from his mother's hold, gripping onto me instead. He still acted like a terrified kid, but I let him, that was his way of finally reacting.

"Yeah, I'm back, they only wanted to talk to me." That was twisting the truth a bit, but I didn't care, I just slowly moved to sit across his lap, one leg on each side of him and let him rub his cheek to mine and his arms went around my body, holding on like I was his life-line. I leaned forward, putting my chin on his shoulder and relaxed, feeling the headache letting go slowly. He put his hand at the back of my head and I had a feeling he was returning a bit to himself.

"Er... I have to... Could you..." He didn't know how to say it, but I nodded and stood up. He took my hand and we went to the bathroom. "I'll do it myself," he said when we stood by the toilet.

"Okay. Why did you want me to join you, then?" I thought he may want to tell me something without the others listening. As he relieved himself I wondered how many times I had lost control of my bladder. And now he had started doing it sometimes, too.

"I don't want to be alone with my own thoughts," he confessed. I nodded, knowing that feeling of loosing touch with reality when your mind works on it's own. "It was a good thing you came now, I was starting to fear I had to ask Bill." He hadn't been completely lost, after all, then. Having your older brother accompany you to the loo at the age of twenty-six was something most would avoid, I have no trouble seeing that.

"How much did you get to write? Sort out," I corrected myself. He went and turned on the tap, washing his hands intensively, not answering right away.

"I don't remember, but they found it and..." He turned towards me with the towel in his hands. I placed my palms to his wrists, looking into his sad eyes before embracing him. That list wasn't supposed to be read by anyone. He didn't return the gesture, but stood still until I pulled off.

"Come," I said and tried to take him by the hand again, instead he put his arm around my shoulder. Once in the living room we sat down like that and I leaned onto him, closing my eyes for a moment.

"Did you have any visitors while I was gone?" Androfina and Darren should have been here hours ago.

"No, are you expecting someone?" Charlie muttered and tightened his one-armed hold on me.

"Kinda." I got up against his will and hurried to put on my shoes and jacket, if they weren't here, Darren was probably freezing to death out there.

"Where are you going?" He had followed me and I could see he didn't want to be away from me. I cupped his jaw in my hand and tried to decide what to say.

"I'm going to look for someone I think needs help. Bill's here, you won't be alone," I added, my stomach clenched at how depending he was of me. "Damn, dinner. That fish's gonna be ruined tomorrow, but I won't have time to cook it before around midnight and then it's no use," I muttered to myself and stroke his cheek with my thumb again. "Looks like it's fast-food again. Where is Dragan?" I hadn't seen him and if Charlie needed a baby-sitter it had to be a third person to get the food.

"He put the girls to bed and then went out, not long ago." He still didn't like that I was going, but he was keeping it together. I gave him a quick hug before stepping outside, closing the door and listening. It was some scraping noise, like someone moving a chair, coming from the shelter where we kept the pet food and other such things, it made me a bit suspicious. I moved quickly and soundlessly through the thin layer of snow, it made the dark a bit less dense, my wand ready and I pushed the door quickly inwards, hearing the chair topple over while I launched in and the door slammed shut.

"Oh holy fuck, too!" I yelled as I saw Dragan hanging there with a thin rope around his neck. It was a very long second while I looked at him, tall, thin, fairly handsome and young, his feet dangling. I quickly cut him down with a slash of my wand and he hit the floor with a thud. "You imbecile," I told him while wrenching the noose off, he was still unconscious and the rope had cut deep into his throat. I felt for a heartbeat and pulse, that seemed to be okay and his eyelids twitched.

"How..." He looked at me and blinked a couple of times.

"You try to hang yourself! What in the good name of spaghetti is that suppose to mean?" I was furious, then my swearing rarely makes much sense. "I take you into my house, feed you, let you take care of my children, and this is how you repay me! By all means, feel free to kill yourself, but do it the bloody fuck not on my property!" I'm not cheap and do not want money for letting him crash on the couch, but some things just gets me mad. "You said you're leaving tomorrow. Wrong, you are leaving right now. Money's in my wallet, get lost!" I threw my head in the direction of the door. "You tried to commit suicide! Get some damn help!" I shouted at him and strode outside again. He had looked perplexed at my reaction and I didn't hear him stand up before I slammed the gate shut, trying to calm myself down.

I sniffed the cold air carefully, filling my lungs with it. I could detect a small whiff of horse coming from the south, to my left. I ran a couple of hundred metres in that direction before stopping again. It was now stronger and clearly not really horses, but I had to head more to my right to hit it directly. Another short run later I could clearly hear crying, as well as feel the scent of fire and burned flesh. It made me anxious and I ran as fast as I could towards the source.

The foal was standing about ten feet away from the mangled remains of his mother, I approached him from behind as he tried to wipe his nose on the back of his hand. The burns, bites and scratches was unmistakable even from this distance. The Common Welsh Green. Charlie had ran into it, before I began messing with time, now I was indirectly responsible for her death.

"Darren," I said softly and placed a hand on his back. He turned and looked confused at me, but I just took off my black leather jacket and helped him put it on. For a couple of minutes we watched the dead centaur in silence. She was laying on her side, her legs and arms spread out, half her torso was consumed by the dragon's fire, her waist-long hair singed off. The horse-part was more harmed by teeth and claws, several of the injuries looked to be deadly.

"Who are you?" He finally asked in a small voice, not different from his mother's.

"My name is Kevin Casey. Neither you nor your mother have met me, but I have met you. I knew you would be here in the forest tonight and that you are sick. I did not know the dragon would attack you and I'm sorry I didn't come earlier, I may fought it off and saved her. I wish you to come home with me, if you are able to walk." It didn't sound like me, but it was my lips uttering the words. I shook myself mentally and placed an arm around his shoulder, he was almost as tall as me.

"We can't leave her here..." He began sobbing heavy and I was relieved, he had seemed a bit too calm.

"I'll put on some protective charms, no one will get near here." I sighed regretfully.

"There, watch the threshold," I told Darren as he walked into the hall, not managing to lift his feet too high. We had used the better part of an hour in the relatively short walk, he had leaned on me most of the time and we had stopped several times because of his coughing. I closed the door behind us and helped him off with the jacket. I led the way into the sitting-room, lighted the fire with a point of my wand and helped him lay down on his knees in front of it, feeling the guys' eyes on us.

"Can I have a word with you?" Bill had more or less sneaked up behind me and I whipped around, looked first at his concerned face, then at Charlie on the couch and at last quickly at Darren. He was coughing again and Charlie decided to come closer to us all, sitting down beside the centaur but looking at me.

"Okay, we'll go into the kitchen," I told Bill loud enough for the others to hear and strode through the door, noticing a torn plastic bag with half-frozen vegetables around, the dog had found Charlie's cooling ice and had a feast on it. I positioned myself so I could still see the fireplace and waited for Bill to speak up.

"I don't know what's wrong with him, but he needs to go to the hospital." He leaned towards me and shook a thumb in the direction of his brother, I listened indifferently. "I left him for two minutes when you were out and it took me half an hour to calm him down again afterwards, he was crying like a baby," he almost whispered and got even closer. "I'm scared for him."

"I'll handle it, okay? He needs to grieve properly, he haven't allowed himself to fall apart earlier." And it was because of me. "You can go home or make yourself useful by cooking spaghetti." I looked at him, he was torn between taking care of his brother or being home with his wife.

"I'll do the cooking. But why did you have to drag a bloody centaur into the house on top of everything?" He thought I was taking on too much.

"I'll handle it," I repeated as Charlie came and embraced me unexpectedly. Before I had time to return it he lifted me straight off my feet and carried me into the living room, putting me down and let go reluctantly.

"He's got a fever and possible pneumonia, do we have anything for that?" He had switched over in work-mode, but sought my approval.

"Yeah, in the medicine cabinet in our bedroom. Are you sure those potions will work on him? They are made for humans," I pointed out before he headed towards the hall.

"We have to try, don't we?" He wasn't completely sure, but opened the bedroom door steady and I heard the snap of the lock on the cabinet, that he rummaged a bit before finding the right one and hurried out here again. He gave me a small bottle and I unstopped it before sitting down on my knees.

"Here, it tastes bad, but will make you feel better," I told the boy and placed it to his lips, he put his hand over mine to control how fast I poured, but he soon had consumed all the fever-reducing potion. Charlie sat down behind me and put his arms around my waist.

"I missed you," he whispered in my ear before placing a soft kiss on my cheek. I smiled reassuringly and placed a hand over his as Bill came back from cooling off in the kitchen, he wasn't happy about my decision. I told him where to find the spaghetti and tomato sauce, he nodded and went back, I heard some scrambling of pots and pans.

"I think we have an old mattress down in the basement, do you want us to get it for you?" I could see the young centaur wasn't comfortable on the hard wooden floor.

"Only if it isn't any trouble," he said, hiding his feelings badly. He was very grateful for what we were doing for him, but could see we had problems of our own.

"No, you aren't any trouble," I told him seriously and stood up, silently telling Charlie to do the same and help me. He did so and accompanied me downstairs, after moving some cardboard boxes around we found the mattress, the protective charm against dirt felt like a plastic wrapper. We got it up the stairs somehow, he lifted most of it from behind while I dragged it upwards. In the hall I removed the charm and what little dust had gotten hold anyway.

"No, I can't..." Charlie said out of nowhere and leaned his back on the wall, panting a bit. I nodded and took the mattress the rest of the way alone, Darren moved out of the way to let me put it down, then he laid down on his knees on it, looking into the fire and took some deep breaths.

"Dinner is served," Bill announced while I took Charlie by the arm and guided him to sit down beside Darren and his bed. "What are you going to have, Kay?" He was giving plates full with pasta and sauce to each of the guys and scratched his right eyebrow while waiting for my answer.

"Um... A glass would be nice," I said and he nodded, turning into the kitchen again to cut his arm and provide me with fresh blood. When he handed the glass to me and seated himself on the edge of the table I managed to mutter a thanks and looked at Charlie again. He was eating fast, probably not having had anything since breakfast and I marked me the lack of manners, he had sauce over half his face. I accioed some napkins and handed one to him, he took the hint and wiped his mouth and chin before looking at me, a mischievous glimmer in his eyes.

"You really must taste this," he said and pushed the forked with the rolled-up pasta towards me. I put my glass down and opened my mouth, but he took it just out of my reach and I inclined towards him, trying to take it again, but he did it again.

"You're impossible," I teased as I got up on my knees and closed in with my face just before he moved the fork yet again. I pushed a bit closer, he took the fork in his own mouth and chewed with some of it dangling out and we both grinned. But that was the last of my nice side, I pushed even closer and buried my fingertips in his ribs, tickling and waiting for him to laugh and surrender. Instead my nose-bridge got a heavy blow by the heel of his hand and I retracted fast, sitting up straight and touched my hurt nose. He looked taken aback by what he had done, his mouth hanging a bit open as he sat up too.

"Is it broken?" Bill asked between mouthfuls and I shook my head, it was just a bit sore. I reached for my wand and healed it, or at least made the pain go away.

"It's all very nice to see what you're eating, but start chewing again now," I joked to Charlie as he still seemed astonished by that he had hit me, not believing he could have done such a thing. "Chew," I added in a softer tone, he was back at being helpless. He slowly moved his jaw up and down a couple of times, then shook his head slowly. "Come on, just chew it and swallow," I encouraged, but I could see he had the feeling it was getting bigger the longer he had it in his mouth. I gave up and held the napkin up to his chin, he slowly pushed the food out again with his tongue.

"Have a drink," Bill said, having stood up and handed his brother a glass of coke. Again he shook his head, I had to hold the glass and tilt it towards his lips, but he didn't manage to keep it in and it ran down his chin. "Hospital," was whispered in my ear before Bill sat down with his food again.

"Lay down," I ordered Charlie to as his diaphragm began to shiver, I helped him place his head in my lap and stoke his hair slowly. He tried to ease the shaking by dragging his legs up to his body, but it didn't help. Darren was watching, waiting for one of us to kick him out because we had too much else going on.

"I'm going home now." Bill stood up and gave me a meaningful stare I returned more coldly. He didn't give up and sat down beside me, speaking in a hushed voice. "It doesn't matter if it's St. Mungo's, I would actually prefer if you took him to the emergency room of a Muggle hospital."

"No, he's not that ill." I didn't really know what to think, though, my jeans were being drooled on as I spoke. "Beside, how would we get there? Call a cab? That would cost a fortune." Bill almost rolled his eyes at me, but caught himself, stood up with a nod and disapperated with a pop. I sighed in the temporarily silence.

"Kevin? Are you here?" Someone was stumbling into the hall, calling to see if I was here to scare the living shit out of him again. I waited until I could see his face, he looked like a zombie, but I didn't care now.

"Dragan, I'm sorry I shouted at you, forgive me and feel free to stay 'til the morning." I locked my eyes on him and he slowly understood I wasn't going to rip his head off.

"Yeah... I'll just lay down here," he muttered and occupied the couch with his long body. He was tired and cold after having spend several hours in the shed following his attempted hanging. I relocated my hand to Charlie's shoulder and checked that he was still awake.

"The food was very good," Darren said politely, still holding the bowl as he didn't know where to put it.

"That's nice. Do you want more? Or you could lay down, too." It wasn't that late, but it had been an hectic day for all of us.

"I think I'll lay down. Could you give me a hand?" His muscles must be soar and he looked exhausted, I nodded without thinking about the man resting his head in my lap. Luckily he didn't object as I got up carefully and took hold around the foal's torso, lifting slightly as he un-tucked his legs from under his body and I let him down on his side. I rubbed his joints swiftly, seeing his face relax at my touch.

"Have you had these a long time?" I asked as I saw the rash and scabs on his flanks. It was red and irritated, the fur had fallen off a large area around.

"Not very." A shiver went through him and I reached around to grab the blanket Dragan wasn't using, tucking it around the centaur, he needed all the heat he could get now. The fire was about to go out and I got the poker, rummaging a bit around there before adding more wood.

"Breath and relax," I told Charlie as I saw his chest heaving rapidly. I stood up and walked to the other side of the room, feeling the temperature difference and put on a CD with calming music on the stereo. I turned it down to a pleasant background sound, sitting down beside Charlie again, he looked unfocused at me and I took his head up in my lap again.

"You put on that for me?" He said, the words slurred together. It had been a time where I was very good at setting the mood with music, the last few years I had either not had opportunity to or forgot all about it. He tried to sit up, but the shaking made it hard and he sunk down again in a shivering heap, trying to focus on the sound coming from the relatively big speakers instead. My stomach knotted at the sight, but I didn't show it, instead I finished my dinner.

"Maybe we should go to bed," I suggested when my glass was empty and I felt better. It wasn't any use in sitting and laying on the floor all night and I think Charlie needed some proper sleep, his breath was just as quivering as his stomach. But at least the music seemed to calm his head a bit. "Or do you want to talk about something?" The two others were snoring quietly, they wouldn't hear a word and I hoped talking would untangle some of what was making him ill.

"No, but... Sheet of paper... You can look at it." He pointed to the table with the hand resting on his hip. I shook my head, I didn't need or want to read it.

"I'd rather you talked to me."

Now it was his time to shake his head.

* * *

At three in the morning I couldn't pretend otherwise, he needed a doctor. We hadn't slept any and he was still shaking, I had got him to sit up for a while, but he said it hurt. I had called a taxi after all and paid the ridiculous prize for the twenty minutes trip without protesting. As I had seen the music had helped a bit and suspected it would be noisy I had brought my Walkman and a couple of CDs with quiet music, placing the earbuds on him already in the car.

Now we sat on uncomfortable chairs in the waiting area of the emergency room of the hospital in the nearest town. He gripped hard at my hand and I had my other arm around his shoulder to make sure he didn't double over. I had filled out a form for him, the blank spaces were taken care of by a small Confundus charm, the nurse would never recall she had written in the false information where I had come short. He didn't have any Muggle identification or anything so I had to work around the system to get the help he needed. Someone called his name and I took the buds out of his ears, turned off the Walkman and put it in my handbag before supporting him towards the door where a middle-aged man waited for us. He presented himself, I didn't catch the name, and motioned for Charlie to come with him while I waited out there.

"I'm not leaving him. And I may help tell you what have happened," I argued and the doctor looked at me, making up his mind slowly.

"Are you his sister?" He finally asked, dragging it out as long as possible. Charlie had began cold-sweating again and barely managed to remain on his feet due to the spasms in his stomach.

"No, I'm his girlfriend, now can we please get going so he can sit down somewhere?" I placed my arm around Charlie's back and looked hard at the doctor, who nodded and led us halfway down the corridor and into a small examination room.

"What seems to be the problem?" He asked and seated himself on an office chair with wheels as Charlie sat down on the bench. I took a deep breath to keep me from smothering him, he should bloody well be able to see what the problem was.

"I... Can't relax... Try, but I keep..." Charlie panted and I placed my hand on his thigh. I was hoping this would lead to something helpful and not just be a waste of time and energy. "Tired..." He whispered in an attempt at finishing.

"I see. Take off your sweater," the doctor commanded. I had to help him, first getting one arm out, then the other, it went slowly as he had trouble finding the energy to lift his arms. At last I got it over his head and balled it up, holding it with one arm against my hip as I watched the doctor. He took a stethoscope from the desk and strode over to Charlie, I could see him wince a tiny bit as the cold metal plate was placed on his chest, roughly over his heart. My eyes fell on his stomach, I could see the muscles contracting under his skin and understood why he had said it hurt to sit up earlier. Now he had sunk down in a posture that couldn't be comfortable anyway. "Take a deep breath," the doctor said and listened closely as Charlie tried, but even that was hard for him now. Without saying any more the doctor went back to his chair.

"Well?" I inquired as he took a notepad and pen, not writing anything right away. His black hair and beard were thin, making his long face look even sallower, the big nose balancing out the sharp chin. It hit me who he reminded me off and why I felt so uncomfortable with letting him help us.

"It looks to be stress-related. Have you had any particular stressing experiences lately?" He finally started writing in his messy doctor-handwriting and I could see the veins on his neck sticking out a bit.

"My brother Fred died less than a year ago," Charlie pushed himself to say, shaking more violently. I moved to faced him directly and put my hands on his legs again, he swallowed hard and reached for the bag hanging off my shoulder. I gave it to him and he rummaged for a moment before finding the Fanta-bottle I had got from the vending machine out in the waiting area, took a couple of big gulps before putting it down again and placed a hand casually to his crotch.

"I think we'll just run some tests and see what they show." He seemed to want us out as fast as possible and I turned to him where he was sitting with crossed arms, having a hard time not giving him a loud presentation of my feelings towards him.

"It burns again. My penis burns," Charlie said, breaking the tension and we both turned towards him, now holding his hand a bit harder to his groin.

"The first thing that comes to my mind then, is gonorrhoea. Please take off your pants." The doctor wheeled himself closer when Charlie had loosened the belt and let his jeans fall to the floor, feeling a bit troubled about letting the boxer-shorts fall, but tugged them down to around his knees.

"Actually, it can't be," I commented when I had come to my senses, being temporary put off my guard by Charlie's returning pain. "I'm the only partner he's ever had."

"And he is your only?" The doctor asked me sarcastically before taking a closer look at Charlie. I knew my face had told him exactly what he wanted. "It is likely you both have it, without being aware of it, you can have got it from someone who didn't know they had it either," the doctor lectured and proceeded to stare intensively at my boyfriend's genitals. If I could, I would have flushed in anger, he had nothing with our sexual life, still I had sold us out. Maybe I even got it, Godric knows what Sirius was with before me. "No, this looks fine, put on your trousers again. You haven't have any other problems, impotence or something?" Now he had crossed the line and I got ready to tell him so before Charlie cleared his throat and I shot him a quick look. I could see in his eyes he couldn't bend down to get the jeans without fear of not managing to straighten up again, and I did it for him without saying a word.

"No... More the opposite," Charlie confessed in a thick whisper and sat down again.

"What do you mean?" Dr. No-good took the glasses down from on top of his head and placed them on his nose to look important.

"Well, the previous night was just a long wet dream for me and this morning... I kinda attacked to get sex." His voice died away and we had to read the last words on his lips. If he hadn't been sick I would get angry with him for giving more details about our life.

"And this isn't normal for you?" The doctor tried, but I had been fed up with him for quite some time now.

"Of course it isn't normal! You've already said it was stress-related, our personal business is just that, personal!" I exhaled forcefully and stared at the thin man in his doctor-chair with his papers and glasses and other things he thought made him better than the rest of us.

"Listen, miss, you came here to get medical help and I'm trying to give it to you. You may go to the laboratory room now, the nurse is waiting." He held the door open for us and I marched out, waiting for Charlie to stagger after me so we could go to the room in the far end of the hall the doctor had pointed out for us.

"I'm sorry for exploding like that," I said. He was still touchy about noise and I had shouted pretty loud in there. I placed my right arm around his back again and hoisted the balled-up sweater better into my grip with the left. We slowly got to the open door and was met by a merry woman in her mid-thirties.

"Hi, Charles, right? Please sit down." She gestured towards a chair and and I helped him to it. I noticed the tag on her shirt identifying her as Angela, it was partly covered by her black hair. She sat down on another office chair with her back towards us and prepared something on the table. "I'm just going to draw some blood from you," she announced and turned, a needle in her hand.

"Hell no!" Charlie shouted and pushed himself against the back of the chair, shaking his head, his eyes wide.

"It'll just be a little prick," nurse Angela said and took hold of his arm, bending it gently down on the armrest and found a strap she fastened above his elbow. He turned his head towards me, hoping I would come up with some miracle cure, like I use to when he was a boy. Instead I placed my hand in his free one and he held on for dear life as the needle closed in on his arm. "You have very nice veins," she commented while making her choice of which one to take.

He squinted his eyes shut, a couple of tears running down the side of his face as I got closer and placed my other arm around his head, letting him hide his face in my jumper. It wasn't the pain, he can endure a lot of pain, it must be the needle itself scaring him. As she pierced the skin a shudder went through him, almost tugging the arm out of her steady grip and he began crying for real, his hand grasped the back of my jumper and he pressed himself to me.

"Shh, it'll be over soon," I told him and put my knee on the chair between his legs, holding us even closer as he lost more control, giving a long wail before sobbing louder. My heart positively ached at the sound and I tried to hush reassuringly to him as a tear went down my own cheek.

"There," the nurse finally said and took out the needle, pressing a small pad of cotton to the spot. He removed the arm from her grip and pressed it against his own chest, terrified she would try to do it again. I slowly leaned back enough to release his hold and see his face. It was so red I almost thought it would explode and a small trickle of blood went from the right nostril and down on his lip. The nurse handed us a some paper towels and I wiped the blood and tears away, afterwards motioning for him to blow his nose, which he did, gazing unfocused at my chest.

"Charlie," I said as he began drooling, worried he was falling into coma or something, but he moved his eyes to my face. I gave him his sweater, but he didn't know how to put it on and I had to help him lift his arms to get it on. "Come..." I got up and made him stand too, the nurse only observed us, ready to help if it was needed, but not judging. He was leaning heavy on me, but I slowly got him out in the waiting area, seeing the three-seats sofa was empty and got us over to it. I found the Walkman again, changed CD and put the buds in his ears before making him lay down with his head in my lap and feet up in the furniture, his body trembling viciously. I took the last of the Fanta in one swallow and put my head back against the wall, closing my eyes as I tried to relax.

I dozed off for a while, but his attempt at waking me by hitting my knee several times worked. I lifted him up in a sitting position, turned off the music and looked at his face, it was troubled by something. After about ten seconds my brain woke enough for me to understand he had to pee. Again I had to almost lift him to get him on his feet and he slowly began putting one foot in front of the other while supporting himself on me. It went okay the first ten steps, then his knees went weak and he kneeled down, like he was about to be knighted.

"Honey, please try, I can't carry you," I told him tenderly, wishing I actually could. I took hold under his arm and gathered my strength, hoping a puddle wasn't forming on the floor as I heaved him up. I got him into the men's room and in front of the urinal with little time to spare, it began running before he got his member out of his pants, but held it with a shaking hand while his bladder emptied.

"Sorry," he breathed out and let his hand fall, I had to take over for him. When he was done I let out a long yawn and he clothed himself with clumsy hands. I led him to the sink and washed our hands, he kept his look down to avoid the mirror. When I had dried them, I interlaced our fingers and made him look into my eyes, we were both tired.

"We'll get the result soon and then we can go home," I said and he nodded weary. Back in the waiting room I fished the Walkman out of my bag and took one of the earbuds myself, giving the other to him and let the music flow through me in the short break.

"Charles Weasley." The useless doctor was back in the door, eyeing us and I couldn't pretend I hadn't noticed him. I wished we could stay were we were, but Charlie had managed to stand up by himself and I accompanied him as we met up with the doctor and he led us into the same examination room. "The blood test didn't come up with anything, no infections, but you can pick up some stress-reducing pills at the pharmacy out there. I would also ask you to come back if that burning continues." I let out an angry puff, I wanted to hex him from here to Mars without any obvious reason. More drugs meant I had to find others to get blood from, the bottle in the fridge was nearly empty again. I had to get Dragan to give me some before he leaves.

"Okay. Thank you," Charlie said to the doctor and turned towards the door again. He was actually thanking the dolt, while I wanted to find a deep well and push him into it, cover the top with a large rock and leave him there to rot for centuries. When I got out and didn't have to look at his pasty face I cooled off a bit.

* * *

The sun had began to rise when we returned home, making the melting snow glitter. Charlie had snoozed a bit in the cab, but I had replayed the last twenty-four hours in my mind. Once inside, he went straight to the bedroom while I hastily first checked on Darren and Dragan, then Lisa and Mina, they all still slept soundly. I began wrenching off my jumper while going into the bedroom and saw Charlie standing motionless by the window.

"Let's go to bed," I said as I unbuttoned my jeans slowly and closed my eyes, they were stinging a bit from the lack of sleep. When I opened them again I saw he had got fully undressed, but still faced the window. I cleared my throat weakly and he turned to show me his erection. "We're both too tired," I told him while sitting down and dragged the sheet over my legs.

"Please. Just a hand-job?" He asked and laid down under the sheet and blanket. He was still spasming a bit, but the first pills seemed to start working.

"Fine then, just let me get a towel first." I got up again and hurried to the bathroom, taking out a red one from the cupboard under the sink. I didn't want to change the sheets again, or roll around in semen all night (or day, whatever), this should prevent just that as I snuggled in between the sheets again, lubricating my hands with the lotion on the night-stand before taking a hold around his cock, the towel was in place to catch the result.

"Harder," he said and placed his hands on my breasts. I tightened my grip and tried not to fall asleep as I moved my fist up and down his shaft. I was just a tiny bit turned on when he moved his hand and clasped my butt, caressing it with his strong fingers. I moved closer, placing my leg over his hip, and saw his eyes widen through my narrow ones, I just wanted him to come so I could sleep.

I had to change hand when my elbow began hurting from the position, for a moment he thought I would give in and let him penetrate, all it would have taken was for me to take off my knickers and want it. Then I could have pushed up against him and opened my cunt for business again. But I was too tired, he screwed up his face and grunted as the red fabric finally was covered with his cream.

"Love you," he mumbled as I wrapped the towel around itself and threw it on the floor, removing my leg from him.

"I love you too," I muttered back. He rolled over to lay on his stomach and put an arm under his pillow, still facing me and I let my eyes glide shut, barely noticing his other arm laying between mine.

* * *

Something was sitting on my stomach, pounding small fists into my chest and scratching at my collar-bone. I tried to get out of the dream, it was one of the nice ones were I, Lily and the Marauders had a picnic in the grounds at Hogwarts. Finally my lids parted and I saw the toddler's pouting face.

"Mamma, I'm hungry," she announced when she saw I was somewhat awake.

"Wake Dragan, I'm sleeping," I retorted and looked over at the alarm clock. My vision was still blurry, but I concluded I had slept about three hours.

"Can't, he said bye." She placed one of her fingers to my lips to make sure I didn't fall asleep again.

"He left?" Fuck, then I have to find other food. She nodded and pushed her finger into my mouth, running it over the tip of my sharp fang. I took hold around her wrist and removed her hand, sitting up a bit and making her slide down on my lap.

"I want bacon," she said. That was so typical her, it was never "can I please have", it was "I want and I am going to have".

"Mhm... We'll see about that." I lifted her down on the floor and got to my feet, picking up a shirt I had used some days ago that was still usable and buttoned it as I walked slowly into the living-room, Lisa by my side looked up to see if I was going to be any fun today. Darren laid with his eyes closed, but I doubted he actually slept, he was just too shy to admit he had waken before us.

"Bacon," my daughter argued as I began taking butter, strawberry jam and peanut butter from the refrigerator and cut the bread.

"No, if you don't want this you're not hungry enough," I said strictly when I had prepared a slice for her and put it in front of her before getting a glass of milk. She didn't object any more and began eating while I got her sister from the bedroom. Mina was awake, but didn't cry, even though she had to be starving by now. I don't get that kid, she as good as never cries, rarely smiles and is pretty indifferent to the outside world.

"Good morning," the centaur greeted me in a soft and slightly sad voice when I got out in the living-room again. _Crash! _Lisa had dropped the glass, which now was shattered over most of the kitchen floor. I sighed and cleaned it up with magic from a distance before motioning for Darren to follow me.

"I don't know what you like, look in the fridge and take what you want." I put Mina in her high chair, found the baby-food and let the door stand open for Darren to look. I put the glass in the microwave oven and cut up more bread as he decided on the cheese and placed it on the counter. I found the cheese slicer in a drawer and gave it to him before getting Mina's food and a spoon, pulling a chair close so I could sit while feeding her.

"Do... Do you think she is in Heaven now?" The boy asked suddenly, he was almost crying when thinking about the death of his mother.

"Hmm... Personally, I don't believe in Heaven, but in a place called Nangijala, it's like a second life. Really it's from a book called the brothers Lionheart, but I think the writer really had the right idea when she wrote it. Do you read?" I asked and turned towards him. He put his food slowly down on the counter.

"No, Mum never got..." He choked up and tears began rolling down his cheeks, I went and put my arms around him, letting him cry on my shoulder.

"Shh, it's okay to cry, just let it out," I comforted him and rubbed his back in slow circles. Maybe Bill was right and I was taking on too much. But what could I do? It would be heartless to send Darren away, Charlie needed me and my daughters were way too young to take care of themselves. If Dragan had still been here I would have some help, but he had taken a farewell with the girls and ran away, the git.

"It's just... She was always so nice, but the herd made her feel bad about herself and shut us out. She used to tell me to think for myself and make my own choices, but I always thought she would be there to help me," he confessed in a shaking voice.

"I'm sorry she can't, but maybe, with time, you can trust someone else as much and take advise from them." I really had no idea what I meant, I just wanted to go back to bed. Lisa was done eating and jumped down from the chair, running to find some of her toys. Mina only looked at us with big eyes, waiting for me to come and feed her again.

"I miss her," he said and released himself from my grip. I let out a slow breath and sat down to feed Mina again, my mind working slowly as I tried to come up with a plan. I needed help, even though I didn't have any classes to teach today I had to sleep more, watch out for Charlie and the kids needed someone to watch them. Bill and Fleur were busy with work, I couldn't ask them anyway, they had done more than enough for us already. Percy was definitively occupied with his job at the bloody Ministry. Fr- George, just George probably had his hands full with the joke shop. Ron was in school and Ginny took care of her own daughter. Molly would make a commotion larger than London city if she saw the state her son was in and all the other projects I had involved us in. Still she was the best alternative I had. I found the notepad and pen, Charlie's scribbling had been ripped out, and I choose my words carefully.

_Hi Molly._

_I wondered if you had opportunity to take care of Elisabet and Wilhelmina today._

_Me and Charlie are a bit tired and would appreciate a couple of hours with peace and quiet._

_Love, Kevin._

I looked over it and wondered if it was letting on too much. No, that was the only way of putting it without downright lying. I opened the window and called in the Australian masked owl in, tied the note to its leg and told it who it was to. I thought I saw it nod before taking flight and I closed the window again, shooting a look at Darren. He was coughing again and I put my hand to his forehead to check his temperature.

"You're still a bit hot, take something to drink," I advised him and took down a glass for him. He nodded, I noticed his eyes were a bit glossy as he took out the orange juice. I dumped down on the chair again, giving the baby the last spoonfuls and waited for the owl to deliver the short letter. I lost track of time, but Molly appeared by Floo before we had moved from the kitchen.

"Hello dear, of course I can watch your girls," she said as she came in. She knew that one of them was her granddaughter, just not which one of her sons really was the father. She noticed the centaur foal, but didn't comment him in any way as she lifted Mina out of the chair and placed her on her hip.

"I'll get Lisa and some stuff," I said and made my way to the children's room, my head seemed to be filled with fog. I grabbed some random things like diapers, toys and extra clothes and put them in a black gym-bag before tearing Lisa out of her playing and took her by the hand out in the living room where Molly was waiting. I heard some dragging footsteps behind me and saw her moving her eyes to somewhere over my left shoulder.

"Mum, hullo, why are you here?" Charlie asked in a groggy voice. I turned and saw he was only wearing underwear, his hair was tousled and he was shaking a bit again. I barely managed to keep myself from making a grimace, now his mother would begin to fuss, the exact thing I hoped to avoid.

"Kevin asked me to look after the girls. Oh Charlie, how are you doing?" She added in a motherly concerned tone and I ran my hand restlessly through my hair.

"Fine, I got some medications and they're working," he told her. He didn't understand how very much I wished he hadn't, now she wouldn't leave us alone, and as much as I love her both as a friend and mother-in-law, I can't relax fully and be myself in her presence. If I had, she would make a scene about how bad I must feel, making it even harder for me to relax.

"Maybe I could stay here with the girls today. I see you got company of the young centaur too, I'm sure he would appreciate someone to talk to." She was saying exactly what I was dreading the most and I covered my face with my hands, trying not to cry of sheer despair.

"No, Lisa is an expert at making a racket and I sorely need to sleep, please take them with you," I pleaded to the other woman while I let my hands fall again. She looked perplexed at how I could send my daughters away like that, but quickly gathered herself and moved her eyes to her son.

"Yeah, that may be the best," he agreed. I wanted to kiss him right then and there for taking my side, but suppressed the urge and shot him a smile instead. She nodded before going towards the fireplace with one child on her hip, the other holding her hand and the bag over her shoulder. I went to Darren, feeling I had to have a short talk with him first.

"We are going back to bed, but just make yourself at home. If it is something, just wake us," I told him and he nodded, but I suspected he would be too shy and awkward to do anything else than lay down on his mattress again. I yawned and dragged myself back to Charlie, taking his hand and walking towards the bedroom.

"Wait, I have to take a pill again," he announced and went to get the bottle from the kitchen counter. I didn't care, continued to the bed and collapsed on top of the sheets, asleep before I could find a pillow for my head.


	12. Part II, chapter 6

"Kevin?" A soft voice of a child didn't fit into the dream, I was in the middle of snogging my lips off with Fabian. "Kevin," it repeated and a finger poked at my upper arm.

"Hi Darren," I said sleepy when I opened my eyes and saw him standing by the bed. "What do you want?" I rolled over to lay on my back, felt my left shoulder had got stiff from the position and sat up.

"The doorbell rang." He shifted his weight a bit as the _ding-dong _was heard again.

"Okay... Thanks for telling me," I said and got up, grabbed a pair of jeans and tried not to fall flat on my face as I got them on. It was only two hours since I had fallen into bed last time and I had a hard time deciding whether to wake my boyfriend or not. "Charlie-tiger," I leaned over him and cooed, he turned and looked at me, getting that I had to get up, but he could do what he wanted. I hurried as much as I managed and unlocked the door, opened it and tried to smile at the three teenagers.

"Hello Kevin, we wondered if we could talk a bit with you," Hermione said, her big hair was tied back in a braid and she looked poorly dressed for the weather. Ron and Harry looked a bit better clothed, but seemed cold too.

"Yeah, sure, about what?" I waved them in and they sat down on the couch a bit awkwardly after taking off their jackets and shoes.

"Well, Rowling have started with the third book and you are at least mentioned several times and she wondered if you still want to be left out," she informed me from her seat between the guys, I stood opposite them, the coffee table between us.

"Yes, I stand by my decision, my life have nothing to do in a children's book. She just have to write me into someone else for later occasions." That I had made up my mind about already before Rowling began writing the books, I wanted to be left out of them and the few things that matters can be blamed on others like Remus.

"But why? Why should you be treated different?" Ron inquired and lifted his hands to express his feelings on the matter.

"Because I say so," I answered and crossed my arms. A series of booming barks went through the air and everyone turned towards the direction it had come from. "Just Fluffy, I haven't feed him yet and the three heads often begin fighting a bit."

"Fluffy? Like the beast we ran into in first year and I almost crapped my pants when I saw?" Ron asked, his eyes were wide and hoping I was kidding.

"Yes. We got him from Hagrid," I closed the matter with and they seemed to think it was madness to keep him, but we went back to the original subject of their visit.

"You have been a part of it, especially with the Order, it would make sense if you were in the books," Harry pointed out.

"No, I don't want to be dragged into it. She's a writer, let her have a nut to crack." I couldn't really explain why, I just don't want a written reminder of what the war was like for me. I guess that makes me a hypocrite, since I was the one that got the idea of selling Harry's story as a children's story for muggles. Charlie came in and looked slowly from one to the other before he went and gave his brother a hug, who looked surprised when they broke apart, but no one said anything.

"How's Ginny?" Charlie asked in a hard tone after a long silence. He had moved over to stand beside me and had a hint of the Neanderthal expression. I watched him carefully, not sure how he was going to act.

"She's fine, she's at the Burrow with Hedwig, but we have a day off and decided to take care of some business," Harry said and I nodded slowly, still wondering how they could have named the kid that.

"Not depressed about giving up education?" It was a clear edge to Charlie's voice and I wondered why he had to pick a fight now.

"Yeah, well, of course she's a bit down, but, that's..." Harry's stuttering died away and he stared at his knees.

"And you?" Charlie's face and mood was a beginning hurricane.

"No, I mean yes, I try to make it work," Harry defended himself with.

"Maybe you should have thought before you had sex, taken some responsibility for your actions." Charlie had raised his voice and crossed his arms over the chest.

"We were responsible, it just went as it went! And it was her that planted the thought in Ginny's head, anyway!" Harry had stood up as he yelled and pointed a finger to me. Charlie just looked at me for a second before drawing his breath to start shouting.

"I don't care if it was _Dumbledore's last will_ that you knocked up my _sister_, you were both irresponsible and stupid! You almost _ruined_ her life, she's a teenage mother without NEWTs! It doesn't matter what else you have done, you make me sick! Now get out of my house! _Get out!_"

The black-haired youth didn't need to be told again, he strode out in the hall and put on his sneakers without tying them and half-ran out, slamming the door as he went. The echo of the door's meeting the frame seemed to hang in the air for a long time. The two teens still sitting on the coach seemed confused and perplexed by the sudden uproar.

"That wasn't necessary of you," I told Charlie and turned towards him. He just gave an angry puff and I noticed his whole body was trembling, either from anger or because he needed to take his pills.

"Mate, I don't like it either, but it worked out all right," Ron tried carefully.

"Yeah, it did, but... I just don't like people having sex before they're ready to become parents." I now had to help him sit down beside Hermione. "Just look at what happened to Kay," he added and supported his head in his hand, elbow on the armrest.

"You can't really compare that, I was twenty when Amy was born, Ginny's only seventeen," I told him, trying not to get angry with him. He had dragged my past into it, which was a whole different genre than his sister's life.

"Exactly..." He didn't manage to keep talking or even close his mouth again, he was shaking too much.

"Maybe we should go, too," Hermione suggested and I nodded. "We'll let ourselves out. Thanks for the talk." They stood up, both giving Charlie their own concerned look before going to get their shoes and jackets. Suddenly Charlie followed them like a sleepwalker and I had to join him, watch out so he didn't do any more stupid things. He stopped by the dresser and looked at Ron, getting eye-contact after a couple of seconds.

"Just have to tell... Good..." He couldn't say what he wanted and his eyes didn't focus on his brother any more. I noticed the small movement as he closed his legs a bit only because I was looking for it. I instantly tried to guide him into the bathroom with an arm around his back, but it was like trying to move a brick wall.

"Help me here," I snapped as I finally got him to take a small step, feeling worry grow in the pit of my stomach. Ron took hold around the shoulders, not really sure what was happening, and we half-dragged the mass into the bathroom. I led him the last feet to the toilet alone, Ron just looked a bit confused. I tried to lift my hands to open the jeans, but instead the knot of concern took hold of me and I dropped to my knees with several moans of pain.

I was letting Charlie down, he wasn't even conscious enough to know what was going on. "Hurry, he have to pee," I said as loud as I mustered, which was a little above a muttering. His brother understood what he had to do and opened Charlie's jeans a bit reluctantly.

I waited for the sound of water hitting water, but it never came. I gathered myself enough to stand up and take over for Ron, he said a quick bye and left with his girlfriend, probably going to look for Harry. I was about to give up when a couple of drops started running, it grew to a small waterfall, but was over in a moment. I clothed him again and washed my hands before leading him to the kitchen, his feet moved easier now.

The pills were as big as my pinky nail, but I got him to swallow them with some orange juice. Afterwards I placed him down on a chair and kept my eyes on him as much as possible while making sweet oatmeal for him, he needed to eat something. He seemed pretty lost in his own thoughts, paralysed by his emotions and his torso kept shaking, but he tried turning his head towards me when I sat down beside him with a bowl.

"Here," I said softly when I had turned to sit sideways on the chair, facing him as much as possible. I held up a spoonful and he opened his mouth, letting me feed him. He managed to swallow and I gave him more. When he had consumed half of the bowl's content he put his own hand over mine to follow the movement, gaining a bit of self-respect. He got juice in between the spoonfuls and I soon had to refill the glass, in the little time I was up and did that, he took hold of the spoon and directed it into his mouth with a trembling hand.

"This is working," he mumbled to himself as I sat down again, placing my smaller hand on the back of his to steady it. "Your eyes are red," he told me, proving for me he was doing better now.

"Yeah, still want to sleep. I really love that bed, you know." I placed both my hands in my lap and he ate by himself.

"Well, I think one of the legs are going to fall off soon, the screws doesn't sit properly in the holes any more," he said with some humour in his voice. "I'll fix it when I have time." Or feel up to it.

"That's the problem, screwing and holes," I retorted and saw the lame innuendo made him smile. I blinked for a long moment, feeling the sting again. I heard hooves behind me and turned to meet Darren's eyes, they were clearly puffy from crying.

"Hi... I think I should find a different place to stay," he said while looking down on the floor.

"Why? You can stay, it's no problem for us. Where did you plan on going?" I stood up so I could give him a hug if the need came.

"I don't know where I would go, but I'm just in the way here. And I'm feeling much better now," he added and almost looked up in my face. His words turned ironic when he began coughing, his lungs had to be almost completely overpowered by the chest-cold. I held around him to keep him from falling over and he pulled off the second he could breath properly again.

"I'll make some food for you, whatever you want, and teach you the telly, it's a bit tricky. Then I'll probably go back to bed, but you aren't any trouble, don't think like that." I let out a yawn and heard Charlie pushing back his chair and getting up.

"I'll go by myself," he said as he passed me in a normal pace, neither the over-stressed or sleepwalker-like I had expected. I nodded slowly and managed to catch the eyes of the centaur, asking what he wanted to eat again.

"I think spaghetti would be nice, if you have any more," he said and looked away, inspecting the counter instead.

"Yep, it is here somewhere." I opened the pantry and moved a couple of boxes before finding the pasta and a glass of tomato sauce. "I have to check those scabs later, I don't like how they look." I didn't know which casserole I should take of the two I had taken out of the cupboard, but settled on the bigger. The water was almost boiling when Charlie came back, looking pleased with himself and I was almost proud of him for going to the loo alone, which really was a bit weird.

"Honey?" His voice had taken a more regretful tone and he hugged me from behind, I straightened my neck so the back of my head touched the side of his neck.

"Mhm..." I had to keep my eyes on the sauce so it didn't get burned.

"I've been stupid lately." He tightened his arms around my torso a bit. "I shouldn't have yelled at Harry, if anything I should have talked in a civilised manner. And yesterday... I can't believe the things I did to you, Bill and Dragan. Merlin, I almost raped the poor boy!"

"Charlie, you're not a rapist," I said, consciously mirroring Bill's words from another timeline.

"I'm almost. Remember how I was in my third year?" He put his nose right behind my ear and I heard his breathing clearly.

"Yes, I remember you had a hard time when you were thirteen-fourteen and attacked..." I had to inhale deeply for the tangled mess of associates not to overwhelm me. "And attacked, almost raped Tonks because she happen to look slightly like me sometimes." The pasta was ready and I turned off the stove, he hung on me like stink on a warthog.

"I was such a mess that year. I really wanted to have a romantic relationship with you, but you had slept with Bill and that made me so mad..." He was trying to tell me something more than what I already knew. "I missed you like crazy, I don't know how many nights I couldn't sleep because I thought about you."

"And did you... Sorry that I even have to ask, but was it kinda masturbating-thoughts?" I finally got him to let go of me and I had spaghetti up on a plate before handing it to Darren, who tried not to listen to our talk.

"I've always loved you," Charlie said, his was of admitting it sometimes had been and his eyes became a bit misty. "And I'm sorry I've done so much shit."

"Don't think about it. It's in the past, let's focus on the present and future." I placed my lips to his for a moment and sighed. "Darren, I'll turn on the TV for you, just remember to push the buttons on the remote control hard, or it won't work." The young boy nodded to me while rolling up pasta on the fork. I could hardly wait to get between the sheets again and hurried first into the living-room, then the bedroom, Charlie tailed me and kissed me unexpectedly while I tried to get my shirt off again.

"How do you even manage to live with me?" he asked rhetorically and undressed himself fast.

"I love you, you know. But I think it would be best if you talked with your brothers one by one. At least George and Ginny." I knew what I just said didn't make perfect sense, but didn't bother to correct it, he nodded and agreed anyway. I had got a small scratch on my hip, without knowing how and looked at it for a long time before realising my knickers were irritating the skin, so I took them off. The bandage on my wrist should be changed, as I ran my hand around it I discovered the four punctures were healing at least.

I got under the sheet and blanket at last, Charlie had almost got impatient with me, thinking I was never going to join him. I laid close to him, we were both on our sides, and kissed him first on the chin, then the lips. He returned it and I placed an arm and leg slowly on him, my ankle and foot caressing his thigh for a while. He placed his hand on my hip, slowly running it down to lay more on my butt again and I let our lips and tongues play while I pressed closer to him.

I caressed his shoulder with my fingertips and felt excitement making itself evident between my legs. He began caressing my collarbone with two fingers, having released his hold on my backside, afterwards running them slowly down between my breasts, all the way down to between my thighs and I moaned at his soft touch. His hand retreated and I gripped under the sheet to find it again, but he was busy trying to get his underwear off while laying like that. He succeeded and I kissed him as a reward while moving my leg higher up against his side, waiting for him to move.

We weren't sure how this was going to work as he pushed himself gently inside me and I let out another moan. The position wasn't really good for any of us, but we tried it for a couple of minutes, he had taken hold of my buttock again and tried moving us both a bit. I helped as much as I managed, but in the end took hold of his shoulders and rolled us over, putting us in the familiar missionary position.

He began thrusting hard and fast, making me loose the feeling of my fingers, feet and cheekbone for a moment in the pleasure, it came back with a tingling and I drew my legs higher up around his waist, giving him better access. The room was filled with moans, groans and the sound of the headboard banging against the wall, it was just big enough gap there for the rocking of the bed to make the noise.

I tried not to, but my eyes began to roll as I closed in on the orgasm, my pelvis and the surrounding muscles worked on their own, pressing me up against him. He took hold of my breasts and I tightened myself around his cock, feeling him hitting my g-spot directly. I drew my breath deeply a moment before I came, gripping onto him as my shouts was mixed with the sound of splintering wood. When he slowly pulled out and I came to my senses I noticed the bed was tilting down towards the foot-end.

"Did we just break the bed?" I asked dumbly and looked up in his eyes, he hadn't got off me yet.

"Guess we did," he answered with a snicker. I had to laugh myself, we had just talked about repairing it. We laid like that in laughter-fits over the timing and how utterly bizarre it was for several minutes.

"Well, I can't say anything else than you sure fucked me hard this time," I got out when we were calming down again. He smiled at the jesting compliment and put his head down on my shoulder, the rest of his body resting on top of mine. I agreed wordlessly, I too was too tired to move a finger and it was nice to have his warmth enclosing me.

"Wanna take a shower?" I ran a hand over his forehead and he opened his eyes again. During the night we hadn't moved much, but he had got off me and was now laying on his stomach, facing me. He was shaking again and I wondered if I should get the medications right away. I furrowed my brows a bit to get him to answer my question this century.

"Yeah..." We both needed it and he glided down from our lopsided bed, sitting up with his legs crossed on the floor. I got up and took of the sheet, motioning for him to stand and wrapped the fabric around us both. When I opened the door I shot a look out in the living-room and concluded Darren was most likely sleeping. We turned into the bathroom and I closed the door with a sigh before letting the sheet fall. I slowly unwrapped the bandage with smudges of my 'blood' and found the four punctures to be healing good, small scabs covering the wounds. I turned my arm around and flexed my fingers, like I expected them to suddenly fall off.

"Oh shit," he exclaimed very appropriately before sitting hastily down on the toilet. On top of everything else, he now had diarrhoea! I opened the narrow window to let in some fresh air as he leaned forward to support his underarms on his knees, his bowels emptying loudly.

"I'll get your meds," I said and wrapped the sheet around me like a toga, exited and went to the kitchen. As I passed him I saw Darren stir, it looked like he was having a bad dream. I took the small container with pills in one hand before opening the refrigerator and took out my bottle. There wasn't much left, I drank it straight down and put it in the sink so I would remember to wash it later. The centaur had fallen still again when I went back, but I had to feel his forehead. He didn't have a fever, but was still weak. I knocked on the door to hear how Charlie was doing, I didn't mind not being in there with him now.

"You can come in, I think I'm done," he answered and I hesitated. _Think_, that isn't a hundred percent safe. I shrugged off my childish hang-ups and went in to find him standing and leaning forward on the sink, looking at his own reflection curiously. The smell still hung in the air, but the open window helped, even though it meant it was a lot colder, too. I silently cursed my excellent olfactory sense.

"How are you feeling now?" I could see he was shaking and put the bottle of pills down on the counter beside him. He touched at his chest, inspecting an old burn that had been there, the skin was hard and scarred now.

"Not too bad, I think it was just a one time thing. Maybe I should ask George for a batch of U-No-Poo, for later occasions I mean," he half-joked and turned to me. I frowned at the thought and the smell that just wouldn't leave my nose.

"Here," I said and placed two tablets in his hand. He took them in his mouth and leaned down to drink straight from the tap, when he got up again he embraced me and I returned it, keeping my hands far up on his back.

"What about that shower..." He tried to sound cheerful, but his voice was a bit too feeble. Anyway I nodded and released myself, took off the sheet in a swift motion, opened the shower and turned on the water. It got warmer and I motioned for him to get in too, closing the doors when he had. I got the shampoo and lathered up myself, giving it to him afterwards. He dropped it, but didn't pick it up and I decided to help him, taking some of the excess foam in my hair over to his and massaged his scalp slowly, he closed his eyes and enjoyed my touch.

He began swaying and I took hold of his upper arms, his face was flushed as he leaned on to me and his knees weakened, causing him to glide down on me. I tried to keep him up, but found it to be easier if I let him sit down properly with his back to the wall instead.

"I'm just a bit hungry, nothing serious," he said as I kneeled down beside him. I nodded and reached for the soap, then ran my foamy palms over his body to wash him. He closed his eyes, still shaking, I fell still and just let the water cascade over us.

"You sure you'll be all right? I have to work, and... Wait, are the girls still at your parents?" I felt like the worst mother in the world right now, not knowing where my daughters were. My thoughts went out to Kaya, too.

"No, Mum put them to bed here late last night, then peeked in on us. She asked what had happened to our bed, don't remember what I told her." He gave a weary smile and placed a hand to my knee. I returned the gesture by giving into my urge of feeling his heartbeat. I pressed my palm harder to his chest to feel the big muscle contracting again and again, steady. My own heart hadn't done that in over twenty-four years, all it had done was harbour love, and ache over all the losses.

"You were only two years old when I died," I said, suddenly feeling down. He didn't answer, but reached up and turned off the water.

"Are we going to sit here 'til we rot?" He said after a while. I looked up from his chest and met his eyes. They were a bit tired, little worried for the both of us and a hint of ashamed.

"You shouldn't even joke... Guess we have to meet the world out there sometime," I finished and supported myself on the wall as I got up to help him. I took out two towels, gave one to him and tried to relax as I dried my hair, all I could see was the dark blue fabric around my head.

"Sure you're going to be okay?" I asked for the third time in five minutes. He rolled his eyes at me and let go of the toy dinosaur he was playing with together with Lisa and Mina.

"Yes. You're acting like my mum," he replied with a smile.

"It's only because we care about you, you know. But I'll go, then." I grabbed the Floo powder and stepped into the green flames with a feeling I really was a bit too over-protective. "Hi, Minnie," I shot at the Headmistress and her mouth became even thinner than usual, she's always hated the nickname given by the Marauders.

"Miss Casey, can I have a talk with you?" I already had my hand on the door-knob, but turned around and went to the chair she gestured towards. With a feeling I was going to get detention I put on a polite curious face and sat down. "Professor Ford is ill today, could you take his class?"

"Yeah, no problem." I thought for a moment, then quickly decided to tell her. "I don't know how long I can keep going in this job. I'll give you as long time as you need to find someone to fill the position, but I don't think I'll manage out the school year." There, it was out. She just nodded curtly, I think that's all the woman's capable of.

I made my way to the DADA classroom where the sixth-years were waiting. Not quietly, though, but I hadn't expected them to. After a short speech where I basically told them to work and ask me if they had any trouble I sat down at the desk and let my mind wander.

Still no Kaya... And I kept pushing Mina and Lisa away from me. Charlie really needed care. At the same time vivid dreams cornering in on nightmares haunted me. The class was over before I had expected, time flies when you're gone in your own thoughts. Some of the students said bye to me as they exited, I returned it half-hearted and concluded it had been right to tell McGonagall. I went to the closet window and opened it a bit, lighted a cigarette and told myself I should quit smoking.

"Kay?" Someone had sneaked up on me from behind and I turned to find Ginny, her long hair draped over her shoulder in a braid.

"Hi. What are you doing here?" I managed not to sound rude. As far as I knew she should be at home and was definitely not one of the third-years I'd take over for Ford.

"Charlie is stupid," she said and put on a face telling me I should just dare arguing with her.

"You mean about how he treated Harry? Yeah, he regrets it," I told her in a light tone and realised it wasn't enough. But I didn't have anything else to say.

"That's not worth a bloody knut. He's started talking about dumping me again!" She narrowed her eyes a bit and I took the last puff of my smoke.

"I'm sorry about that, try to make him see reason. And when it comes to Charlie... You should talk to him yourself." I wasn't going to play messenger between them. The class I had taken over had begun seating themselves at the desks.

"I bloody well will," Ginny confirmed and strode out off the room and I still didn't know what she was doing here, maybe visiting Hermione. I walked slowly over my desk and stood in front of it, waiting for the kids to turn their attention to me instead of paper planes and gossip.

"Hello, I'm Kevin Casey and I'm going to have today's class with you, Ford is sick. What are you doing now?" I'd never had the third year Gryffindors or Slytherins before and thereby didn't know any of the names.

"We're working on werewolves," a tall girl by the windows said and I nodded slowly.

"Interesting subject." I took up the open book from one of the desks on the front row and scanned over the page. "Lyncanthropy. How is it passed on?" I pierced a girl on the second row with my eyes and she began blushing a bit.

"Er... Well, if a person is bitten he will then become a werewolf himself the next full-moon," she said quietly and looked down.

"What you are saying isn't wrong, but... There is a but, anyone want to give it a stab?" I was challenging them a bit and several of them began turning pages and looking, some more frantically. One of the boys, he was tall with long dark blond hair, had already raised his hand without looking in the book. I nodded for him to talk.

"If a person is attacked when the werewolf is in wolf-shape, he or she will get the lyncanthropy. If the attack happens when the werewolf is in it's human shape, it won't transfer. Or it have at least not happened yet," he finished in a cheeky tone. He had held eye-contact with me the whole time and spoke loud and clear.

"Beauty and brains," I commented, truly impressed, I hadn't expected any of them to crack it so fast and correctly. "Yes, we only have four known cases of a werewolf attacking outside the full-moon, all done by Fenrir Greyback, all here in the castle. Creepy, isn't it? I happen to be here and stitch the victims up again, sadly one of them didn't make it." As I had feared, this caused a cascade of questions. I held up my hands for them to calm down, afterwards pointed on one by one so they could ask what they wanted.

"But wouldn't those wounds have been cursed? Did muggle healing work on magic injuries?" A small girl with round face wanted to know.

"Yes, they are cursed, therefor magic wasn't any good. But, another coincidence wanted one of my older friends to be a werewolf and I wanted to try stitches after one of his transformations, it worked and the rest I think you can figure out." I sat up on the desk and swept my look over them before choosing a mousy-haired boy who had loosened his green tie and leaned far back on the chair.

"The one that died, why?" He grinned at me, only wanting to make me look bad for his own entertainment. Some of the students had leaned forward, eagerly awaiting my answer, one girl had hid her face in her hands.

"Why? She bled to death while I tried to help her. I guess she was just hurt worse." The truth was I had tied up the biggest slashes on Bill, putting him out of danger before turning to her. When she was gone I didn't even care enough to cover her up before I went back to him and did the smaller gashes. I blinked rapidly and put the guilt out of my head. My eyes fell on the girl with her hands over her face and saw her shoulders shaking with silent sobs.

"Emma, calm down," the boy next to her said in a feeble attempt at comforting her. This didn't help at all, she now knew we were all looking at her and I went to her, squatted down in front of her desk and took gently hold around her wrists.

"What's wrong? I can excuse you from class if you need to lay down or something," I said quietly enough for just the nearest people to hear. She shook her head, but didn't let me see her face. "Please tell me," I tried and she slowly removed one hand and looked at me with a red and tearful eye.

"It was m-my sister, Ab-Abigail," she got out in a shaking voice. I understood why it was so hard for her to hear about this and took better hold of the hand she had let fall.

"I'm sorry to hear that. I think it would be best for you to go to your dorm, relax a bit." She nodded and stood up, shouldering her bag a bit clumsy. "Do you want anyone to go with you," I offered and she nodded again, shooting a look at a dark-haired girl on the other side of her, who went with her.

"That's the thing about war, it affects innocent as much as the guilty. Maybe more. Further questions?" I said when the door had swung shut behind the two girls. The rest of the class had been strangely unaffected by Emma's small breakdown and half a dozen hands shot in the air. I pointed at the nearest boy.

"It's not always the victim of a real attack, I mean during a full-moon, survives, is it?" He had brown hair and an upturned nose, and I drew my breath, suppressing a sad smile.

"No, it all depends on what kind of physical shape the victim is in. Very young or old people often pass within a couple of days. General bad health also makes that a likely outcome." My brain was now fully turn on _Amy_-mode, filled with memories of her short life and terrible killing. I shook it off and wrenched my attention back to the students. The boy with the dirty-blond hair who had cracked my nut had another question.

"Fenrir Greyback, he is loose, right?" He looked around at his classmates and they seemed uncomfortable at the thought. "We don't need to worry, though, if he shows up anywhere around wizards the Aurors will be on him like fleas in a matter of minutes, he have a lot of charges on him. Still, what should we do if we see him?" He looked at me sincerely, his eyes looked much more mature than thirteen-fourteen years.

"Hide, if possible. Don't draw attention to yourself and don't run if you can avoid it, then he will just have fun hunting you down." I had a feeling the boy already knew this, but wanted the others to know it too, without making himself look like a know-it-all. He instantly raised his hand again and I nodded to him.

"Mostly out of curiosity, could you tell us who the people Greyback attacked outside of full-moon were?" He seemed honest in his intentions and I had no reason to keep it from them.

"Yes. In '97, the first battle here, Bill Weasley and Abigail-" I didn't know the last name, but was quickly informed by them it was Smith. "Abigail Smith was attacked during the fight. I tended to them both at the hospital wing, sadly I couldn't save her. Bill is an old friend of mine and is doing good now, only difference is he likes his steaks a bit rawer, which his French wife don't mind." I smiled and tried justifying for myself why they needed to know that. "In the final battle, '98, Katie Bell was heavy injured, but pulled through. Lavender Brown also got some superficial scratches, but did fine. I hadn't had any contact with them, but assume they are okay. You seem very interested in this, is it any particular reason?" I put my hand on my hip, but removed it again, I felt like Molly.

"Well, only that my father is working on a book about how magical creatures was treated, used and abused during the war." For the first time he seemed slightly uneasy at being the centre of attention.

"What's your name?" I wanted to get in touch with this writer he had for a father, but could I really handle more projects now?

"Thomas Christiansen," he said and brushed the hair away from his face. I nodded slowly and kept staring at his thin, athletic frame, thinking he really was both beauty and brains, the girls here were lucky to have a shot at a guy like him. Then I almost downright slapped myself as I realised he reminded me of Bill when he was that age. Rolling my eyes at myself I let the next question come, it had just been an innocent observation.


	13. Part II, chapter 7

"Drink," I encouraged Charlie and held the glass of milk to his lips. He had collapsed on the couch while I was gone and now I tried getting him to take the pills, supporting him into a half-sitting position. He took the glass with both hands and drank it all down at once, letting out a heavy breath afterwards. He leaned his head back on my shoulder and I placed a hand on his quivering stomach.

"Thanks for..." He decided to sit up by himself instead of finishing. I observed him carefully, noticing the boots he was still wearing were badly tied and a small bite on the back of his hand. "Katarina," he said when I touched it carefully. Well, it wasn't deep and kneazle-bites aren't dangerous by themselves. He stood up, shaking, and went into the kitchen, I followed with a yawn and observed as he made himself a slice with peanut butter. "Darren's outside," he informed me.

"I'd almost forgot..." I took up the letters from the counter when I saw them and looked through. The first ones were just personal correspondence I should respond to soon. There were one concerning the kneazle and I had decided they could buy her. Further down the pile I found one from the carpenters we were going to hire to fix the first floor. Almost at the bottom I found my notes concerning what kind of car we were going to buy, we needed one when the girls were starting in kindergarten. And I was reminded again I had too many balls in the air, one of these days they're going to come crashing down on me.

"Do you..." He started to say and I looked up from the sheet of paper. "Nothing." He shoved the rest of the food into his mouth and chewed thoughtfully.

"It was something," I argued friendly and took a step towards him. It was annoying me that he started to say things without finishing.

"No, just a weird thought I almost had." I didn't bother to ask how he almost had a thought and flipped through the letters again. It wasn't any good just to look at them, I put them down where they had been laying for too long already and went into the living-room just in time to see Ginny step out of the fire-place.

"There you are," she said to Charlie when she saw him and I braced myself for the fight bound to happen now. "What gave you the right to go and shout the head off my boyfriend?"

"Boyfriend, is he? I thought you were just his whore." He crossed his arms and I carefully stepped a couple of feet away from them.

"Merlin! Just because I slept with him, I'm a whore? Hadn't crossed your mind we may love each other?" She shouted at his face, they were both blushing with beginning rage.

"I don't doubt that you love him, at least idolise him, but honestly! You drool over him for six years, not even he can be so daft he don't take advantage of it in the end!" He yelled back and threw his hands up in anger.

"Hey, not every guy is like you! Our relationship is much more than sex, actually we have barely done it more than that one time!" All I could see was red; red hair and red faces, only broken by green and brown eyes and the white collar of her shirt.

"But that time was all it took! You've ruined your reputation and it's a miracle the Prophet haven't got hold of it!" In the anger he lost control of his bladder, but I don't think either of them noticed.

"Since when did you care about reputation? You shagged her at the _funeral! _And it's my bloody life, stay the fuck away from it!" She drew herself up to her full height, as good as equal to his and looked him hard in the eyes. He withdrew first and fled out the door, slamming it so the small glass-pane broke. She deflated a bit and tried to deepen her breaths.

"What was that good for?" I asked and got closer, but not touching her, I didn't want my arm hexed off.

"Nothing, since he's such a hypocrite." She sat down on the armrest of the sofa and looked exhausted. I waited a couple of minutes before speaking.

"I think you need to know a bit more about his situation now. I was pregnant, that's why we were at St. Mungo's when you gave birth." I had to take a short pause to gather myself. "But I lost the child and he just fell apart. And the circumstances causing you and Harry becoming parents, it makes him sad and angry. But he shouldn't have attacked Harry, he knows that, and not you right now either." I took a chance and placed my hand on her shoulder. She looked up, not happy I was defending him, but at least now she knew the reason behind his strange behaviour. "You should get going," I told her and took her into a hug as she got to her feet. "Why were you at Hogwarts today?" I asked as she made her way to the fireplace.

"To talk to you," she answered with her back towards me and disappeared in the green flames. I sighed as I went to look in to the girls, of all possible things Lisa had fallen asleep on the floor and not registered a word of the loud fight. Mina was awake, but pretended to do the same as her older sister. I placed them in their beds and headed out to to find Charlie. In the middle of the yard laid a heap of grey-painted planks, the remains of our bed, he had obviously decided it wasn't anything worth fixing. The gate was open and I went through it, my shoes getting soaked in the slush that had been snow this morning. Still I could easily track the footprints going into the woods.

They stopped by a tree and I looked up to see him sitting on a branch about ten feet off the ground. Typical him, when the going gets tough, he gets higher from the ground, either by climbing or broom. It wasn't seldom I had found him on the rooftop or in a tree when he was younger. I climbed after him, but had to seat myself a bit below him if I wanted eye-contact.

"What happened to your face?" I asked as I saw the entire left side was scraped up and bleeding.

"I fell on the gravel," he answered while looking down at me. I narrowed my eyes a bit against the sun peeking through the branches.

"Come, let's go back inside and clean it. Ginny's left," I added to assure him we would be alone. He thought about it for a while, but shook his head slowly and looked away from me. "Charles, now you're just being stupid," I said, doing a better impression of his mother than I had aimed for.

"Fits me," he said darkly and shuddered.

"I didn't mean it like that. I want to talk with you inside," I tried persuading him with.

"We can talk here," he pointed out, bursting the small bubble of defence I had. "But okay." He had given in and I hastily scrambled down on the ground to give room for him. He came more quietly and placed an arm around my shoulders so I could support him the short walk back. Darren stood by the front step and looked a bit lost in Charlie's old jacket which was way too big for the thin foal. I opened the door and they went in first, I repaired the small window with magic, but the fractures were still visible on the glass. I ran into the bathroom to get cotton pads and something to clean the scrapes with before joining them in the sitting-room.

"You know what? I think we should visit George so you can talk with him," I said when sitting down on the couch together with Charlie. I prepared a pad and he exhaled slowly through his nose before looking at me.

"Then it's going to be talking too, I'm tired of shouting," he said and I embraced him for a second. Afterwards I carefully cleaned away the sand, dirt and blood covering the entire side of his face. He sat patiently without wincing, he was used to a bit of stinging.

"And your hands too..." I said when noticing his palms were just as bad. He just shrugged a bit and let me do my thing. "Do you want me to try healing it?" I asked, he knew that wasn't my strongest side and shook his head. "Put on some band-aids, then?" He shook his head again and I furrowed my brows at him.

"Just leave it as it is. It'll heal itself," he concluded and leaned back, relaxing more. The bleeding had stopped, but it didn't looked good, neither face nor hands. I let him decided, it was his body. The Irish wolfhound placed his head in my lap and I scratched his ear absentminded.

"Lisa. Lisa, come here!" My daughter was running away from me, distracted by all the funny things in the shop. I caught up with her just before she got hold of a small yellow box and I gripped her hand hard as Angelina led the way up the stairs to the flat. I had Mina on my hip and Charlie followed us quietly, not having uttered a word since we entered Weasley Wizard Wheezes five minutes ago. Angelina had been at the register and promptly decided to close the shop when we came, brushing it off with that it wasn't many customer anyway.

"George, guess who come on a surprise-visit," the younger woman said when entering the sitting-room, the first room from the hall with the stairs, really. George stood by the window, probably thinking about some new product and turned just in time to see us before Charlie took him into a bone-shattering hug.

"Are you going to use me too as a urinal?" The younger said, a tad out of breath.

"Merlin's third nipple, your brother is here to talk with you because he needs to and you begin with making fun of him? That's bloody bad manners!" I half-shouted and they let go of each other slowly.

"Sheesh woman, it was a joke," he muttered and looked down for a moment. "Merlin's third nipple?" He wondered where I had got that from, but I just hoisted the girl higher on my hip.

"Maybe we should go out for a cup of coffee," I suggested to Angelina and she nodded, our boyfriends needed time alone together. She took Lisa's hand and we headed for the door again as the couch was put into good use.

"What happened to your face? It looks like half a package of minced meat," George said just before I got out of hearing-shot of them. Once out on the street I noticed it was far from as crowded it had been a couple of years ago and several of the shops around were still closed or abandoned.

"Do you want to go to the new café where Florean Fortescue's used to be?" She asked and looked directly at me for a second. Lisa didn't want to be hold by a lady she didn't know and tugged her hand out of the grip, taking hold of my instead. I nodded to Angelina and gave her Mina so I didn't have to deal with both at the same time.

We pretended to be careless as we strolled up the street and to the café now identifying itself simply as _Lillian's _with green letters on the big window. Parts had been rebuild, but other than a new colour on the walls it looked almost the same as when Florean had been here. I ordered a coffee for me and hot chocolate for Lisa, Angelina took tea and a bagel. We seated us by a table near the window so we could observe the scarce activity outside.

"I hope he didn't suffer. Fortescue, I mean," I said after a short period of silence. I hadn't had time or energy to really think about everyone that had been victims of the war in one way or another.

"Yeah. But they have made a cosy place here, though," she replied at an attempt at cheering us a bit. I smiled softly and felt Lisa's cup, it was still too hot for her and my eyes soon wandered out on the street and the ridiculous bow in Lucius Malfoy's hair.

"Oh, just let me hex him right here and now," I muttered and got a dark look from across the round table. I closed my eyes and took a breath, it would be brainless to even attempt and when I looked up again she had understood I hadn't been fully serious about it. It was another silence. "Can I ask you a rather private question? Have you and George slept together?"

"Not that it's really any of your business, but yes." She wasn't cross about it, but had got a more defensive attitude, furrowing her brows slightly.

"No, it's none of my business," I agreed quietly. "But to know someone is there for him... It's nice, after all the times he tried to... Join Fred." The atmosphere was colder now, more tense, but she gave a small smile.

"I think I love the fool," she confessed and the smile turned more silly. "My turn to ask. What is it with you and sex? Is it all you think about or is that just an image you create around yourself?"

"I'm not sure why it's such a big deal for me. Hello Kingsley!" The Minister had just passed us and raised a hand before walking over to us and asked if he could sit with us for a minute, which we agreed to. "Maybe it have something to with, as someone so wisely put it, that I will always be trapped as a teenager. A time where most is curious at the unknown aspects of shagging," I added with a lopsided smile.

"Yes, I remember that time. Thank Merlin I'm more experienced now," Kingsley said in a voice so deep it was almost just a rumbling. Angelina had caught up with the conversation again as I gave Lisa her cup and took a sip of my own coffee.

"And to get that experience we have to make some mistakes," she said and dared to look up at the man across from her, getting acceptance to continue. "I lost my virginity at the Yule ball, in a classroom. If I could go back and change it, I definitely would."

"Yes, I understand that. I hope you know time-travelling is heavy forbidden, especially to the other side of Voldemort's downfall," he said in a stern fatherly tone. We both nodded, me a bit too eagerly and tried to hide it with another coffee-gulp. "I have to go now, but it was nice chatting with you. Take care." He pushed back the chair and gave us a long look before exiting the shop in long strides. Angelina turned her head slowly back at me.

"Yes, you just discussed your sex-life with the Minister for Magic," I said to her baffled expression. "He have that effect sometimes, makes you say exactly what's on your mind. Don't worry, he won't share it with anybody or use it against you, I've known him for many years and he's a cool guy." The corners of my mouth twisted up a bit against my will and she seemed to gather herself again. We talked for a while about everything and nothing, sharing a few memories and laughs about the Weasley-boys.

"Hi Anglelina," a female voice said behind her and made her jump before turning.

"Katie! Good to see you're up and about." She motioned avidly for the seat previously occupied by the Minister and Katie Bell took it, looking nervously at me for a moment. She was, as i had predicted, heavy scarred, but not directly disfigured. Compared with Bill she may look worse, but then it's the gender-role to take into consideration and I didn't really want to speculate on whether or not she was attractive now.

"Kevin Casey," I introduced me and shook her hand when I remembered we hadn't really met before.

"You saved my life, thank you" she said softly and I looked away, a bit bothered. I had only done what had felt right at the moment. "William told me about you and I'm eternally grateful," she added and I forced myself to meet her eyes over my cup.

"He actually presented himself with his full name? That doesn't happen every day," I joked in an attempt at lifting the mood, she seemed too grave. In a way it worked, the old schoolmates slowly caught up with each other while I let my mind work on it's own, only shooting in the occasional comment.

I stopped Angelina a second before she laid her hand on the door-knob to the flat, motioning for her to be quiet and listen. My daughters were placed carefully down on the floor, they were more or less sleeping by now. I know it's not nice to eavesdrop on anyone, but here we are talking about George Weasley, one of the creators of the Extendable Ears. _One._

"We have to get a new bed now, it kneeled completely last night," I heard Charlie through the door.

"Oh? Wasn't it just a couple of months old?" George asked, sounding amused. He was right, we had bought a lot new furniture when moving to Britain, among others that bed, we just had two single beds in each of our rooms back in Romania.

"Yeah, it's been used heavy." Some laughter and what sounded like a high five followed. "Anyway, we were at it so hard last night two of the legs fell off, the wood just splintered. Wasn't anything to keep." Angelina had a hard time holding back her giggles as this information came. I frowned amused, partly at her, partly at Charlie's bragging. "Can I smoke here? Want one?"

"Sure. We're still on our first bed, but don't think it isn't good," George said, trying to seem as good as his older brother and series of coughs following the statement. _What a lightweight. _I met Angelina's eyes and we agreed to interrupt their talk now, which seemed to have been centred around the same subject as most of ours.

"What do you think you're doing, smoking? And in here!" She screamed as she flung the door open and strode in. George froze, opening and closing his mouth several times in an attempt at talking, looking like a fish out of water. Angelina broke into laughter at the sight and he understood she was just kidding with him.

"I have to go, appointment with Marwood. Could you watch the girls, Angelina? If you are going to talk any more, or what?" I added to the brothers sitting close to each other on the couch, now relaxed, but my guess was that it hadn't been a long time since their chat had been more serious.

"I'll put the little trouble-makers down in our bed and go grocery shopping. Can you believe he had a full pint of milk this morning," she added and shook her head while a smile played on her lips. I wanted to make a joke about their bed, but couldn't think of anything that wasn't completely lame.

"Yeah, I can," I answered instead. I had attended enough breakfasts at the Weasley household to know the boys consumed a lot of everything. Technically they were men now, but whatever.

I sat heavy down in the armchair in the office and looked tired over the desk at the doctor.

"I'm not doing particular good now, neither is Charlie. I keep having these dreams about the dead ones, not funny at all. And I've basically handed in my resignation at work, but we still have so much else going on. I... I don't know where to start." I slid myself deeper down in the chair and looked over at the doctor.

"I've told you before, try not to feel so guilty." He observed me through his glasses and we didn't speak for some seconds.

"I know this is a non-smoking area..." I took out the pack of cigarettes uncertain and he got the ashtray from the desk-drawer, putting it in front of me. "I can't go on like this, my mind's flowing over. I almost expect Charlie to trip down the stairs or run out in the traffic or something and get brain-damaged, and I'm not sure I would notice the difference as he is now. I wake up a hundred times each night from nightmares about Fabian and Dumbldore and Lily and I don't know how many others. We've taken up loans in a muggle bank through Gringrotts, the house is too small and we're talking about having more kids and our economy is strained as it is. I don't know, if Charlie got hurt, what would I do? It's a mess. But I got the girls into kindergarten, so he won't have to watch them during the day and he's talked about a dragon reservation opening in southern Ireland, but tha... He would have to go back and fourth, we haven't got a chance in Hell to move again. We're buying a car. The house hardy feel like a home yet. We... I'm too dependent of Bill, but he have a family of his own. I just wants to lay down and cry, but I can't, I have to be strong for Charlie. And I know I shouldn't feel guilty, but I do." I stopped rambling, even though I could kept going for a week. The doctor had scribbled some of it down and now looked at me seriously.

"I think we have to take one thing at the time. The dreams, when did they start and what are they about?"

For the next hour I chain-smoked and shared my troubles more categorised, he noted a couple of things without interrupting me.

"Anybody home?" The girls were playing on the floor and Darren snoozed on the mattress, but there were no signs of adults. I had just stepped out of the fireplace and my head seemed the most organised it had been yet this year.

"In here," Charlie called from the bathroom and I relaxed. "Do me a favour, I got something from George, it's in the pocket of my jacket. Could you get it for me?" He sounded a bit strained and I hurried out in the hall, sticking one hand in each of the pockets and rummaged. Soon I found several caramels, the yellow writing on the purple wrapper announcing it to be U-No-Poo. I smiled and furrowed my brow before entering the bathroom and saw him sitting there with his trousers around the ankles. I took off the wrapping of one and placed it to his lips, his face relaxed at once when he started sucking on it.

"What happened to 'it's just a one-time thing'?" I mocked him with on my way out again. I decided it was best to wake Darren and placed my hand on his shoulder, shaking lightly and he opened his eyes.

"What will happen to Mum?" he asked when he saw me. Shite, I had forgot we had to bury the dead centaur, but gathered myself quickly.

"We can have a funeral for her this evening, if that's what you want. I'll be hard to move her, but I think it will be a nice place to let her rest where she is. But it's up to you," I said and helped him sit up. He didn't like having that kind of responsibility and looked down for a while.

"Yes, that would be nice," he finally agreed and gave a small cough. I got the bottle I had bought earlier from my handbag, fetched a glass and measured up a dose for him of the cold-potion. He took it without asking, but grimaced at the taste. Afterwards I helped him up and saw his hind part had been bandaged up. "Charlie looked at the scabs and put on some ointment and those so it would stay there," he explained when noticing my stare. I nodded and tried to smile swiftly, moving my eyes to Mina, she was sitting still again, staring at the mantle. A big hand suddenly took hold of mine and I turned to see Charlie, I hadn't noticed him coming

"I got to talk properly with George and none of us got angry. It was a bit about nonsense too, which I think you heard." He gave me a knowing look and I nodded, they had the full right to talk about whatever they felt like.

"That's good. How do you feel?" I interlaced our fingers and wanted to go into the bedroom with him, but he wasn't in the mood, even a blind mole could see that.

"A bit tired. But it was nice to talk with someone without having to raise my voice or get a bloody nose." He let go of my hand and sat down on the couch, Lisa went to him and showed off her toys, wanting him to play with her. He smiled weary at her, but shook his head. She let her hands fall disappointed and went back to playing by herself, not as enthusiastic as before. He began scratching absentminded on the scab on his chin and I got closer, taking hold of his hand to stop him.

"We agreed to bury Androfina, Darren's mother, later today," I told him and seated myself next to him, close enough for our thighs to brush up. He nodded slowly and thought for a while before looking at me.

"You know who I ran into on my way back? Oliver Wood." He raised his brows a bit. "I wanted to talk to you about him in the morning, if we should try to contact him or something, and then I meet him in the middle of Diagon Alley. Funny, isn't it... He's doing fine, he's a reserve at Puddlemere United and have a girlfriend, Catherine McCourt I think he said she was named." At the last part his eyes got a darker look.

"Then I guess he's not an option," I said. Here we were discussing possible partners for a threesome like they were racehorses. "Catherine McCourt? That's one of my students! May be another one with the same name, though." If it really was her, it would be an age-difference of seven years or something. Not that I have the right to complain about it.

"What's for dinner?" He asked to change the subject and pulled his legs up over my lap, settling sideways against the back of the couch.

"Haven't planned anything. What do you want?" I asked and shot a look at Darren too. He met my eyes for a moment before going back to observing the girls.

"Pork-chops, if we have," Charlie said and took hold of my hand with both of his. Why was he so clingy now? I didn't mind, but I got a bit worried. I placed my free arm casually on top of and around his legs, hoping he wasn't about to have another breakdown.

"Yeah, somewhere in the freezer. I'll defrost them and we can eat in half an hour or something." I looked over at the foal again, he seemed pleased it wasn't long 'til dinner.

The dinner went fine. The small funeral went fine, to be a funeral, that is. Charlie was fine. The girls were in bed, the animals were fed and exercised. Everything seemed to be fine when were sat in living room again, the clock was past midnight and the TV was on a sit-com. I had moved the mattress so Darren could watch while laying down, me and Charlie was half-laying on each of our ends of the sofa, one leg between the other one's.

"I think he fell asleep," I said quietly after leaning over to check how the centaur was doing. Charlie just grunted as a response and took hold of the foot resting on his stomach. I flexed my toes and smiled at his warm touch, he didn't return it and I decided just to watch the telly.

When the show ended I looked over at the freckled face and saw he had furrowed his brows. I rubbed his ankle, which was laying beside my hip and he looked properly at me, but we didn't say anything or move for a long time. I remembered he hadn't taken the pills for some time and got up, he kept staring at the place I had been as I got a glass of water plus the medications. He sat up properly and took it, having some trouble swallowing and placed his head in his hands afterwards.

"Mum," he breathed out after a long time. I sat down and placed an arm around his back.

"I'm here, Charlie," I tried telling him and inhaled deeply. I knew he was in the child-like state now, but hoped he would snap out of it soon.

"No, I want my Mum," he said stubbornly and removed the hands from his face. I tried thinking of a way to keep him here. Why did he suddenly want to go to his mother?

"It's one o'clock in the night, they're sleeping." My reasoning didn't affect him and he stood up, I tried to hold him back, unsuccessfully.

"Kevin, I love you and all that, but right now I want Mum," he said, almost crying, clearly fighting the angst. He marched over to the fireplace, grabbed the Floo-powder and was gone almost before I knew what he had said. I pulled myself together and followed after, hearing him going up the stairs in a hurry as I got out in the kitchen of the Burrow. I ascended the steps with a growing feeling of intruding. The door to the master bedroom stood open and I saw Charlie had crawled up in between his parents. Molly was slightly surprised, but asked him tenderly how he had got the horrible scrapes.

"I fell, 'couse I was running after fighting with Ginny, but I didn't mean it," he said in a voice more appropriate for a six-year-old. Arthur had turned to look at his son, he was also taken aback by the sudden appearance.

"I'm sorry, he insisted on coming here and I couldn't stop him," I said. Arthur moved his eyes to me, but Molly was busy telling Charlie it was okay in a low voice, stroking his hair in the process.

"It doesn't matter. If he needs to sleep here, he can," the older man reassured me and I nodded with a small thankful smile. Molly motioned for Charlie to lay under the covers and he did, fully clothed, with some help from her.

"Just watch out, he haven't complete control of his body functions," I said before giving them a last look. Charlie was embraced by his mother and seemed calmed by it, her white night-gown getting some smudges due to the the scrape crust he had managed to scratch off, his father looked at him with concern, but also saw he got what he needed now. I closed the door behind me and went down the steps slowly, yawning as I flooed back home, getting a mouthful of ash.

In the bedroom I discovered he had just tilted our mattress up against the wall and the bedclothes laid in a heap on the floor. I sighed and placed the mattress down on the floor, throwing the sheets and pillows on restlessly and went to get my daughters. I didn't want to sleep in the big bed all alone and they hardly woke as I carried them in and placed them down. When I had laid down I placed my arm over their stomachs and they both sighed a bit. I already missed Charlie, even though I knew he had to get away for a short period of time.

I woke after a long sleep, rubbing my eyes with my fists as I yawned and stretched my legs. Lisa and Mina opened their eyes not long after me and I turned to look at the clock. 11:08. I had a vague feeling I should have been somewhere, but couldn't catch where. I didn't want to get up, it was nice between the sheets. Anyway I sat up and placed my feet on the cold floor, taking my time before I got up and dressed in blue out-washed jeans and a red hooded sweatshirt. The girls walked after me as I got into the sitting-room and looked insecurely around. Darren stood up when he saw me, he had more colour in his cheeks today.

"Lisa woke up a couple of hour ago because she was hungry. I gave her a slice with peanut butter, then she went back to bed," he informed me and I nodded as a thank you. I wandered into the kitchen with no particular reason, there wasn't any food for me there. My eyes landed on the pill-bottle and I decided I had to go to the Burrow, Charlie needed the medications very much.

"Can you watch them? I won't be gone long," I asked the young centaur and he nodded. Again I flooed over, but was surprised by how crowded it sounded. In the kitchen I met Molly and Arthur, who gestured for me to go into the sitting-room where the rest were. Harry and Ginny had submerged their faces almost fully down in the bundle of blankets she held and Bill and Fleur stood beside them. Percy, Ron and Hermione was seated in the couch, George and Angelina had occupied one of the armchairs, she on his lap. I shot another look around as Charlie appeared at my side, I handed him the pills and he went to get a glass for himself. It was plain out loud and I had barely woken properly. Charlie got back at my side, but was really a step behind me, not ready to meet the rest of his family.

"What are you all doing here?" I said at last and the chatting died away.

"Mum sent us letters, asking if we would come for lunch. We all accepted, now we are catching up with each other, seeing as it is a bit early to eat," Bill informed me. I took a small step to the side, deliberately not sheltering Charlie any more. Ginny gave the baby to Angelina and met her older brother's eyes, silently asking if they could try talking again. He looked at her for a moment before turning and walked out in the kitchen where he found the door to be blocked casually by his father and his mother standing in front of the stairs. He couldn't run away without confronting them somehow and turned helplessly to me instead.

"She won't bite," I said and took his hand. I dragged him with me out to face his sister, he kept looking down.

"I'm sorry I shouted and upset you," she apologised and tried to catch his eyes several times. Harry was standing by her side and I had taken hold around Charlie's back, just as a precaution. Every eye in the room was on him, it made him uneasy and the pills hadn't worked yet, his body was shaking.

"I'm sorry too, for yelling at both of you. I wanted you to know... I shouldn't have yelled," he mumbled, still staring at Ginny's feet. She tried hugging him, but he retracted like he was expecting to get hit. I got him to sit down in the free chair where he drew his legs up to his body and hugged hard around them, trying to shut out the rest of us. I shared a look with Bill, I couldn't stand there any more, witnessing Charlie's trouble and fled out in the kitchen where Arthur grabbed hold of me and took me into a tight embrace. I shut my eyes, but still the tears trickled out.

"Come, let's go up, get some privacy," he suggested. He had understood I got stressed being around so many people and released me, instead guiding me up the steps while I still refused to open my eyes. I registered that we sat down on a bed and he rubbed my upper arm soothingly.

"It's just... He should be doing better now, but he isn't. And I can't get worse again now," I said, managing to keep the tears partly at bay.

"Oh, I don't think he's doing too bad now. A couple of days and he's at the top of the game again." He let my head rest on his shoulder and I breathed steady to calm myself. We would get through this too. "You're ice-cold," he commented when taking hold of my hand. "Maybe you want to take a warm bath?" I nodded slowly at his suggestion, but we sat there for a couple of minutes without talking.

"C'mon, you can make it," I heard Bill's voice from out in the hall. My chest filled with worry as I stood up and went to see what I expected. Bill was desperately trying to get Charlie to move up the stairs to the bathroom, but the younger brother barely managed to lift his feet. I went to help and together we got him in front of the toilet, I slid down against the tub and watched. "You big baby," Bill muttered as he realised he had to help his brother even more. He stood behind him, opened the jeans and looked over the shoulder to make sure he hit the bowl. Charlie's ears turned a bit red, but otherwise it was hard to tell if he was conscious.

"Don't be angry with him," I said low and hoarse to the oldest as he closed the fly again. I managed to get up and turn on the bath water, putting the stopper in when it got hot.

"I'm not angry, I'm worried, for the both of you," he answered. Charlie leaned against the tiled wall and slid down, staring straight ahead of himself.

"We'll be fine. Turn around," I told him as I began undressing. He directed his attention to the mess that was Charlie instead. "The kneazle is getting picked up tomorrow, and the Ministry's taking Fluffy somewhere at the end of next week. Then it's only the Chimaera, Darren the centaur and Rolf left. In addition to my daughters, which are going into day-care," I finished with a yawn, sat down in the water and arranged the shower curtain so just my face was exposed for the rest of the room.

"I still think you're taking on too much and when you realise it yourself, it'll be too late." Bill said something more, but my memory decided that was a good place to cut him off. When I came back to myself I was alone, but the water still felt warm. The atmosphere in the rest of the room however, felt cold and heartless. Closing my eyes I heard voices downstairs and wondered if they were eating now. I felt how hungry I was, but was interrupted by someone entering the bathroom. Peeing like a horse. I opened my eyes and saw it was George, not a horse at all.

"Hi. Care to sit down for a minute?" I asked him when he was done and had washed his hands. He did as I had suggested, next to the tub, and met my eyes. I focused about two inches above his head and saw the mark only intended for me. People had often wondered how I could separate between the twins, even at a distance. What they didn't know was that the first thing I had done after the troublemakers were named was to mark them with floating letters only visible to me over the otherwise identical heads. George still had the sparkling orange G over him, I just couldn't bring myself to remove it.

"Hi to you too," he replied and I reach out to take his hand.

"How do you feel about Angelina? Do you love her?" I didn't mean to be prying, but I had to know if I still had to fear he would commit suicide.

"That's a strong word," he noted and looked away.

"Yes, it is," I confirmed and let him make up his mind.

"I think I do," he concluded at last. Hopefully they'll confess those feelings to each other, too. A long silence where we carefully looked at each other followed. "He's downstairs eating," he said at last, referring to Charlie. I nodded. "You should have been there, Ginny and Fleur had a cat-fight about where the baby would sleep best while we have lunch. Those women are strange," he commented and we both chuckled a bit.

"Then I guess I have to join you, or I may miss out on something more." And I may avoid starving to death. Sure, I could have attacked George, he had been within an arm's reach, but now he was heading downstairs again. Plus, the trouble afterwards... Not worth it. I dried off and clothed, taking a minute to prepare myself to go down again. When I did, I found them around the kitchen table, which had been magically enlarged for the occasion. I sat down on the free seat between Charlie and Bill and a feeling of belonging, security and warmth spread through me.

"Kevin, have you had anything to eat today?" Molly asked. I shook my head and she got up, putting a glass full to the brim in front of me a couple of minutes later.

"No, the Cannons have to get rid of Gudgeon as seeker, then they can keep Gorgovitch as Chaser," Charlie told Ron. He was obviously feeling better and took another big mouthful of bacon.

"Are you daft? Gudgeon saved their arses when Gorgovitch almost broke his own record!" Ron also shuffled in more bacon and I could see Hermione giving a disapproving look from beside him.

"That was against the Harpies and Glynnis Griffiths totally confunded him," Charlie argued and swallowed his food hard.

"One more name beginning with G and I'm gonna scream," I said, the only one who seem to hear it was Hermione, she smiled for a second at me. I moved my attention to another argument, going on beside Bill.

"I zhust don't think eet eez fitting for young women to use all their time on Quidditch," Fleur told a very livid-looking Ginny.

"Well, then it'll please you to hear I got a letter from Gwenog Jones herself, asking me to audition later this year," the redhead replied sharply. Fleur just huffed, but her husband reached over the table to shake his sisters hand, giving her several doses of 'good luck' and 'wow, great done'. Afterwards she just looked coldly at the blond for a while before turning to Harry beside her and talked about music. I had drained more than half the glass and the loudness created a cosy feeling of familiarity.

"Yes, it's still not fully organised and as a result of the many disappearances I'm in a position I can hardly handle," Percy answered Hermione's question with and I thought I would fall off my chair in shock, he was complaining about promotions!

"Kay, I was thinking," George called from the other side of Charlie.

"Did it feel strange?" I joked and leaned back to see his face, he stuck out his tongue at me for a moment before trying to act like an adult again.

"Perhaps your new bed should be of armed concrete. Not even the two of you are going to break that." He smirked at me.

"Very funny, but I think it would be a bit uncomfortable," I retorted and turned away from him.

"That isn't going to be a walk in the park," Bill told Ron. "Half of everyone going into Auror training fails."

"But that's the brilliant about it, I don't need any training, seeing as we worked as Aurors for a couple of months last summer. That was before I was hauled back in school," Ron said, the last part rather quiet, whereas he was bombarded by his oldest brother, girlfriend and parents:

"We need our NEWTs, Ronald!"

"The reason the training is so hard is because the job is even harder, nitwit."

"We care about you, please don't do something stupid."

"I refuse to go to another funeral for one of my sons."

"It isn't a game, you of all people should know that!"

I tried not to fall into inappropriate fits of laughter as Ron hastily agreed to get them to shut up. Harry looked down at his plate, possibly thinking about whether or not to take their advises and if he had been right in not finishing school to join the Aurors.

"With some luck I'll get the position before March, giving me some time to settle in before they begin laying eggs," Charlie told George, they were untouched by the argument that had roared just three feet to their right.

"Sounds good. It wouldn't be a chance you could get hold of one of those eggs for me?" His younger brother tried carefully.

"And get sacked right away? Forget it! What would you need it for, anyway?" Charlie eyed him suspiciously for a long time.

"Oh, just a new product," he answered airy and turned to look at Percy. That didn't brood good.

"But Charlie, it's in Ireland. As in another country and you would need a portkey," I reminded him, he looked at me like I was deliberately spoiling his plans.

"Actually, just a couple of years ago they connected the Floo Network all over the British Isles," Percy informed me, sending a smile over Charlie's lips. I gave up and finished my glass.

"Unbelievable, we're out of juice here," Angelina commented from beside her boyfriend and shot an accusing look around at the guys.

"Hey, we're thirsty," Charlie defended them with as a fuller mug was passed down the table and he helped himself before giving it to her.

"Ran into Oliver Wood here one day," Percy said, mostly to Ron, Harry, George and Charlie. I felt my neck tense a bit, it was too much of a coincidence. "He have a place on Puddlemere United."

"Thanks, but that's really old news," Ron retorted dryly and helped himself to more fried eggs.

"So, how's your love-life?" I asked Percy to distract myself from thinking about how the Quidditch player was in bed.

"Oh, well, I have kind of met a girl, but it's nothing serious," he answered in a low voice, muffled further by his napkin-covered hand.

"Good for you! When will we meet her?" He wasn't comfortable with my interrogating and turned red in the cheeks.

"I said it wasn't anything serious. But maybe around Easter," he added with a small smile. We finished the lunch without any more intrigues and relocated to the sitting-room afterwards.

"How is work going?" Molly inquired from her oldest son. She was busy handing everyone a cup of tea, but still found time to small-talk.

"Good. You know, the goblins are goblins and all that. And I miss the warmth of Egypt," he admitted.

"Look on the bright side, the sand won't grind down your teeth," I said with a smile and shifted a bit, it hurt to sit on the armrest of the chair, but Charlie had taken a good hold of my knee and I didn't want to move away from him.

"Have anyone read Rita Skeeter's new book?" Ginny shot in as an awkward silence spread. "It's complete dung, but Luna Lovegood told me it was entertaining."

"I'd rather look after Grawp for a whole year than read anything from that shrew!" Hermione exclaimed from where she was clamped in between Ron and Percy on the couch. I didn't care to ask what 'Grawp' was, it didn't sound good anyway.

"Then you'll better steer away from the Daily Prophet for some time, dear," Molly said when she finally had time to stand still. "It's nothing serious, it just seems she have sold them some articles concerning Harry and his closest connections. I don't think anyone believes them." She wiped her hands on the apron before looking around at the tempered faces.

"Yes, I read somewhere zhey thought Ginny was only after the fame." Bad move, Fleur, incredibly bad move! "But it is zhust stupid, I understood at once it was only jealous speculations." Good Fleur, you just saved yourself from the female Weasley wrath.

"Charlie, let me put your face right, it doesn't look good," Molly tried in a tone indicating it wasn't the first time she had offered and he had refused. He let her do it this time and a minute later the left side of his face was fully covered in skin, even though it looked a bit pink.

"Well, anybody who knows him can tell Harry is a good guy and that Skeeter-woman should be imprisoned for what she have put him through with her publications," Bill said as a general summation. Harry, perched on the edge beside Ron, looked ready to faint at the compliment. Charlie stood up and took a couple of steps towards the kitchen before stopping abruptly. The talk went on about something, but I didn't listen, just waited for Charlie to move. He didn't and what was worse, a small puddle formed on the floor between his legs.

"Fuck it," he said in a low voice, still everyone heard him, the conversation had stopped. No one dared move or say anything before I slowly made my way to face him. His eyes were focused somewhere on top of the door-frame behind me and he drew his breath shaky. Bill walked to behind his brother, cleaning up the small pool with a swish of his wand, not saying anything.

"I better get the little angel," Ginny announced happily and skipped up the stairs. I guided Charlie with me to a kitchen chair and made him sit down, he still hadn't exploded, but his lip twisted alarmingly. I observed carefully. He could go either way now, breaking down and crying or go on a rampage to destroy anything in his way. For the time being he chose the third alternative.

"It's no big deal," Bill said, having followed us.

"Shut up," I advised him and Charlie leaned sideways on me. I stroke his hair while waiting for his expressionless face to change. It didn't and I was about to say we were going home when a terrified scream was heard from upstairs.

"No, oh please, no!" Ginny's voice repeated over and over, it was loud, shrill and heartbroken. Bill bolted up the stairs, soon followed by Harry, Arthur, Percy and Molly. I stayed where I was, pressing Charlie's head to my chest and waited. He didn't even seem curious or worried over what had happened to his sister. After a long time Percy came down again, the sound of crying emitted from upstairs seem to follow him into the sitting room. Charlie stood up and we went to hear what he had to say.

"It's Hedvig, she... She isn't breathing and Dad says there's no hope," he told us quietly. Angelina and Hermione looked horror-stricken, Ron and George looked like living question-marks before the reality hit them.

"Maybe we should go home, I told Darren I wouldn't be long." I took Charlie by the arm and searched his eyes for any kind of emotion, but he kept them cold before turning to the Floo powder. I followed quickly when he had disappeared into the green flames.

"You're back," Darren noted in a relieved tone from the kitchen. The girls seemed cranky, but lighted up a bit after I hugged them for a couple of seconds.

"I'm sorry we were gone for so long without telling you, but it was lunch there and I got distracted," I told him and embraced him too. He nodded understandingly. Charlie stood with his fists clenched, the reaction would come soon. I only gave him a meaningful look and he exploded.

"Bloody hell of all fucking things! They're sitting there, all huddled together, talking about how helpless and pathetic I am! They're right, though, I can't believe I stood there in my parents' living room, wetting my pants with the whole bloody family watching! And that I came running home to Mummy, they'll find that part hilarious! Bill was right when calling me a baby, and now they're there, laughing at me behind my back!" He drew his breath fast, but seemed to be done with the blow-out.

"No, they aren't laughing, they got other things on their minds," I said, blaming him for being so self-absorbed now, but he just turned away and headed for the bedroom. He had seen my point without wanting to discuss it further. I swallowed hard to keep the stomach acid down, a sudden nausea had taken hold of me. I followed him with steps more confident then I felt. "Don't you want to take a shower or wash up first?" I asked as he stripped down.

"I don't _care,_ okay?" He tugged the blankets up and settled between them on his back. I pulled them properly down over his toes before undressing fully myself and took my place beside him. I shouldn't be tired, it was only a couple of hours since I got up, but to be honest, my body ached. I stopping my breathing as the heaving of my stomach and chest made me feel even sicker.

"Other than that?" I mumbled in a tone indicating he didn't have to answer and tilted my head to see his profile.

"Hmm? I'm gonna do better now," he muttered back and his eyes glided shut. I had to get up and to the bathroom, at least out of the bed, the furthest I managed was to lean my torso off the mattress and the vomit hit the floor. I leaned back and realised we needed some help. I called for Darren and he came in insecurely.

"Get me pen and paper, and call the owl in, please." I realised my voice was almost just a hoarse whisper, but he nodded and did as he was told. I held the sheet of paper up against the wall to write the message.

_Sorry to bother you, but me and Charlie is sick_

_could you please look after the girls?_

_Casey_

I didn't have the energy to fix the grammar, folded the letter and scribbled _Rosmerta, Three Broomsticks_ on the outside before handing it to Darren. I let myself fall down on the pillow, face down, and slept.


	14. Part II, chapter 8

Someone talked out in the living-room, I think. The small sounds annoyed me. My mouth was sticky and dry and one of my eyes half-open. I forced myself to roll over and swallowed hard as the bedroom door was opened and Rosmerta shot a long look at us.

"Excuse me for saying, but it smells like a pig-sty in here," was the first she told me. I tried to clear my throat and prop myself up on the elbow, but the muscles hurt at the small movement. She cleaned up the vomit with magic before putting her hand on her hip and waited for instructions.

"There's stuff for the girls in their room, take some clothes and toys. And if you could bring me a bucket, go down to the laundry room." I pointed to the basement door without lifting my hand from the sheet, but she nodded and got to work. Charlie had turned slowly to face me, he was pale and I understood why he had to sleep. Why I felt run over by the Hogwarts Express, I didn't get. He placed his hand on my arm, the back of my hand was laying down and the fingers closed a bit.

"And the centaur? Should I take him too?" She asked kindly in the middle of clothing something. I nodded weary, she could do whatever she wanted. Soon I heard Rosmerta finish up by placing the bucket next to me, but I didn't manage to thank her or even open my eyes.

* * *

The taste of puke still hung in my mouth, but at least I had hit the bucket. I was thirsty for water, but didn't want, or manage to get up. I heard movement to my left. I opened my eyes narrowly and saw Charlie sitting up on his knees.

"Gimme the bucket, would you," he muttered. I just shook my head weary, even though I wanted to help him. He crawled over me and stood up, swaying a bit as he relieved himself, the sound banging in my ears. I guess he was better now. He laid down again, so close he was almost on top of me. I took a breath that tore in my chest, trying to drift off again, then I wouldn't have to feel or think.

* * *

"Kevin, are you feeling better?" She was sitting on the edge of the mattress. Rosmerta. Her sweet perfume didn't help and I nodded despite the metallic taste in my mouth and the sand in my joints.

"But I think you have to keep the kids overnight," I told her a second before I grabbed the bucket again. It had been emptied, but I added some fresh vomit before pushing it away and dragged myself onto the mattress again.

"Do you want me to owl St. Mungo's?" She asked in a concerned tone. I shook my head and licked my lips slowly. She accepted the answer and said good bye. I couldn't respond. Beside me Charlie observed me with glassy eyes. He creased his forehead when I touched him. With all of our combined will he got up on his knees and made his way to the bucket, his bladder was full again. I laid still with my mouth open, a string of saliva trickling out.

* * *

"Good morning, sunshine," a voice told me. It was very familiar, but not Charlie. I think the line was meant sarcastically. I had a feeling my sleep had been disturbed many times. Opening my eyes, I saw Bill seated on the floor beside me. I blinked to get the blur out of my vision and looked at the clock.

"It's half past five," I noted, inquiring for him to explain his presence. Maybe it was closer to six o'clock, but that was still earlier than I like to be awaken in the morning. And by _him_, too!

"I got word you weren't doing so well and decided to stop by before work. As I have no idea how long time this will take, I'm here early." He ran his hand over my face and discovered I had sweated a lot during the night. Obviously Rosmerta had blabbered to the one she had the address to, I hate when people interfere with my life like that. I stretched my arms towards him and he helped me sit up.

"He's better," I said with a look towards Charlie, not sure if he really was. I must have shown my discomfort, because the bucket was held up for me. I did what I had to and wiped my mouth with the back of my hand while he tried to place the bucket far away from us without having to get up. I leaned towards him and he moved up in the bed, laying his arms around me. I rested my head on his chest and felt his calming scent. We sat like that for some minutes and I felt better. Against my better judgement I placed my fingers on the button of his jeans, slowly running them against the edge of the fabric, letting them slip inside.

"Kevin, no," he told me gently and removed my hand. I sat up and nodded, he was right. Several grunts was heard from Charlie before he opened his eyes and made to get up. Bill gave him a hand before he stumbled around the bed to get to the bucket and accidentally kicked it, sending the content splashing over the floor and lower parts of the wall. He cursed under his breath as he got the bucket up again with shaking hands and peed while supporting himself on the wall.

"You're here," Charlie commented to his brother when he was done and gave a half-hearted attempt at covering himself with his hands.

"Yes," Bill simply answered and vanished the mess with his wand. "Let's get you two cleaned up now." He wasn't pleased with having Charlie lean heavy on him into the bathroom and he had to plain out carry me. He put me down in the middle of the room and let go of my arms slowly, having to be a hundred percent sure I could stand on my own. He got a small towel he ran under the warm water of the tap before beginning with my face, cleaning away the sweat and other body fluids. Afterwards he took hold of my hand, going between the fingers and up my arm, tickling me unintentionally when he reached my armpit and swept quickly over my shoulder before repeating the process on my other arm. His movements were caring, but a tad too sharp.

"You're angry with us," I whispered, as that was all I managed. He looked at my face, then at his brother who were sitting on the toilet lid and back at me again.

"I'm furious," he admitted without letting it show too much in his voice. He thrust the towel to my chest without any force, I folded my arms over not to drop it. "I'm not doing any more of you." He went to Charlie and made him stand up without saying a word, motioning with a hand on his back to get in the shower. The younger listened and Bill took down the shower-head, rinsing over the muscular body. I rubbed the fabric in my hands under my breasts, but found it to be too much for me. Charlie was shaking, but stayed on his feet as he got a big towel and together they dried off him.

"I'm sorry you have to see us like this," I said almost inaudible, but Bill focused on me and got closer.

"Listen; yes, I am angry, but more at the situation than you, it's not something you chose." He took the towel out of my loose grip and ran it over my back, pulling me up to him. I swallowed and freed myself, taking the fabric back to rub it to my stomach, now I had done something myself.

"Kay..." Charlie stood behind me and I turned to look first at his face, then followed his gaze down to his erection. That fitted me good. We moved to the wall and he seated himself against it, shaking.

"I'll leave," Bill said and opened the door.

"No, stay." I didn't move, but enjoyed the hand resting on my knee.

"I'm not going to watch you. I'll stretch far, but that's out of the question." The hinges creaked a bit when he pushed the door further open.

"I mean, don't go home, don't leave us completely, not yet," I clarified and straddled Charlie. I don't know if Bill agreed to my back, but I heard the door close. I found Charlie's cock and began moving as steady as I mastered, hands on his upper arms. He didn't caress me, but it didn't matter. His breath went fast and he began drooling slightly. I placed my forehead on his shoulder and concentrated to get closer to the orgasm. I think I came a second before him, but none of us showed it much anyway.

"We needed that," he stated as I got up. I nodded and tried to smile before I opened the door and stepped up on the high threshold to find Bill right outside. He came close to me, observing me, almost hugging me. I placed a couple of fingertips on his forehead, running them through his loose hair. It was slightly oily, but not more than it made it soft to my touch.

"Get dressed," he commanded us friendly. I nodded again and went back to the bedroom. Now the smell was horrible to me. I found some big clothes I could relax in and pulled them on. Charlie followed and frowned as he opened the closet. I took out something for him and went back to the hall, back to Bill.

"What actually happened in there?" He asked with a sideways look at me.

"We had sex. Jump-started us a bit." I looked at the mattress in the sitting-room, Darren was breathing deep and steady.

"Jump-start, okay... You were very quiet." He ran his hands through the hair and suppressed a yawn.

"Is that a problem? We just wanted the endorphins," I said flatly as Charlie emerged and headed for the kitchen, food. We followed and I sat down on my chair, closing my eyes and heard Bill opening the refrigerator. Taking out jars. Cutting bread. Finding plates and glasses, laying the table in an experienced way.

"Kay, drink," he told me and placed a glass in my hand. I looked at it, one third filled with red blood, and put it down on the table before shooting a look at Charlie. He was obediently eating a thick slice with strawberry jam and cheese.

"Put it in the fridge, I'll take it later." If I drank now I would throw it up again, that would just be a waste.

"You need nutrition. Hi, love," he added as Fleur appeared at my side. I suppressed a groan.

"Kay, why don't you?" She said and held the glass up to my mouth. She had caught the heart of the disagreement already. Or Bill had told her what he thought would happen before he left. I didn't answer as she would probably force-feed me if I parted my lips. "Stop being childish, I'll get you to drink it anyway," she told me with a stern look. I glared back and she removed the glass, took a mouthful herself and gave me a deep, absolutely French kiss where the taste of blood dominated. She pulled off and looked me in the eyes.

"Holy Merlin's shorts," Charlie exclaimed when he found his voice. Bill's jaw had dropped and it looked like he couldn't muster the strength to get it back up. Fleur muttered something in French, the tone suggesting it was about how silly the guys were. The corner of my mouth twisted upwards as I took a sip by myself.

"Er... Thanks Fleur," Bill finally managed and pulled himself out of the trance. I don't think I've seen him really speechless before, but two of the women he have been involved with snogging seems to have done it.

"I think I need some help with the pills," Charlie tried with a hopeful look at his sister-in-law.

"Nice shot," I told him dryly as Bill smacked him on the back of the head. He just shrugged at our responses and finished his food.

"Zhen I'll go 'ome again," she said and disapparated. I gave up figuring out what the married couple had agreed on when it came to me and Charlie. But I hoped there wouldn't be any more surprises.

"Could you get the... Mmm..." Charlie pressed his lips together as he cupped the hands between his legs, his face strained. Bill didn't waste the time and ran to get the bucket. The seconds he was gone stretched on to an eternity. At last he came back and put it down before he helped Charlie move out on the edge of the chair, turning a bit to the side.

"Come on, you're doing fine," Bill comforted as he helped the younger stand up, but it broke a bit for him. The hands were carefully removed and opened the blue jeans, face screwed up until he could empty his over-filled bladder.

"Didn't you go just before I hauled you out of bed?" Bill said, a bit puzzled and sat down on Charlie's chair, taking a sip of the milk glass without thinking about it.

"Yeah, but I have been drinking a lot and as a result, pissing a lot lately." He went to the side of the chair, gripping the back and Bill took his arms, pulling his brother carefully down on his lap. I just observed Charlie sitting there with arms going around his torso and Bill's face resting a bit on his back. I blinked and the scene shifted, Bill was suddenly sitting on the other side of the table, the plates were removed and I sat with a sheet of paper in my hands. Notes about the car we had to buy today. We had decided on what we wanted, it was just to get to town and pay up.

"So that's why Angelina complained about the juice yesterday," I said to have something to focus my attention on.

"Huh?" Charlie said and they both looked at me.

"You've been drinking more than usual and therefore the juice was gone..." I realised the conversation had moved a lot in whatever time it had taken Bill to relocate to the other chair. I looked at the clock on the wall, it was a quarter past seven, which didn't add up at all.

"Kevin, are you having blackouts again?" Bill asked gently. I nodded and felt the tears well up, I didn't want to be sick. They both got up to embrace me, I turned mostly to the oldest as the sobs shook me. I tried pulling myself together, but it was too damn hard. Charlie's hands were around my shoulders, but I hid my face in Bill's blue shirt. The tiny part of my brain that was still rational concluded I had blocked the others out for several short periods during the entire morning. Would explain Fleur's behaviour.

"Listen..." Bill released me and kneeled down, I swallowed, but kept crying. "You are going to be all right today. I have to go soon, but you are doing much better now. Right?" He looked over at his brother, who nodded, I could see it out of the corner of my eye. The tears stopped flowing and I gave an attempt at wiping them away.

"Ye-" I retched, preventing me from talking and Charlie got the bucket, giving it to Bill who held it up for me. My stomach turned, the half-digested blood hitting the plastic with a splash and Charlie rubbed a hand slowly to my shoulder. When I was done I leaned back against him and he touched my hair before laying his palm against my collarbone. My face wasn't warm, it was never warm, but arid and distressed nonetheless. "Told you I should have saved it," I breathed.

"Then I was wrong about that," Bill admitted softly. Charlie took up a cigarette and lighted it, the smoke swirling around us. "That's a nasty habit." The remark was light-hearted and delivered with a smile.

"She got me started," Charlie responded with love in his voice, running fingers through my hair again. I closed my eyes, too tired to hold them open now. My body was made of lead, I couldn't move it and had no desire to try. The fingers caressing my scalp moved down on my cheek. "Elskling?" His thumb stroke under my eye.

"I think she fainted," Bill said. No, I was still conscious. For all it was worth. But I couldn't open my eyes or move a fingertip just to let them know. They agreed to lay me down and I felt Charlie's big hands under my arms, he lifted gently. It wasn't uncomfortable, still it hurt in a dull manner as they together placed me on the floor, Bill rolled me over to lay on my left side. Charlie's finger was in my mouth, opening it in case I should throw up again. It wasn't really necessary, it's not like I would choke on it. Not long after I heard a scraping sound, possibly the bucket against the floor.

"It's cramping around my bladder," Charlie said. It took time for me to process the words. Then I guess he was standing there with his trousers open again.

"Take a deep breath," his brother advised him. As always. Just breath and it'll fix itself. I realised he must be sitting right behind me and the heat on my thigh was his hand. Charlie finally got to do his business and sat down in front of me afterwards. If I had breathed I may have smelled him. Using strength I really didn't have I opened my eyes to two narrow glitches. Hands touched me and voices asked things I didn't catch. I let them fuss over me.

I had seated myself against the arm of the couch with a book. Charlie was busy with the girls on the floor, the midday sun bathed them in a white glow. I was feeling better. A sip of the tea warmed me further. Lisa ran, heading to their room to get another toy.

"She's peculiar, isn't she?" I commented about the child still sitting on the floor beside him.

"You all are, the Casey girls," he answered, a shadow going over his face for a second when he recalled none of them have my name. He hadn't caught what I had really meant, that Mina didn't have normal social capability. Kaya made her way to the front of my mind. I inhaled deeply and returned to the Norwegian book, concentrating to hear the northern accent in my mind. I re-read a single line three times before giving up and put the novel down, going to check where Lisa had disappeared off to instead.

"What are you eating?" I said sternly. She sat in the hall beside Charlie's jacket, it had fallen down. I kneeled beside her, seeing the purple and yellow wrappings before my eyes widened. "Spit it out," I commanded and held my hand up to her chin. She did as she was told, understanding she had done something bad. I counted the three wrappers quickly before heaving her up on my hip, almost running into Darren as I made my way to the fireplace.

"What've happened?" Charlie asked, having seen my livid face.

"Happened? Only that Lisa got hold of the U-No-Poo I thought I told you to put in the medical cabinet! And now I have to go to your crazy brother and hear if he have some kind of remedy! She stuffed in at least three! Three, at least!" I shouldn't let my anger out on him. The alternative was to let it out on George, who was sure to fight back. I flooed to the small apartment, saw they weren't there and hurried down the stairs.

"Hello, what will it be today?" George greeted from behind the counter. He had a good day, he was smiling and trying to charm me. That would soon end.

"She stole some of your glorious U-No-Poo," I said with a nod towards the child.

"Oh, that wasn't nice of you," he told Lisa, looking sincerely at her. She agreed with an insecure nod to the man. "It's not meant for so small kids, not dangerous though, but give me a moment here..." He stared thoughtfully around the shop.

"She had three!" I had raised my voice a little. His eyes snapped back at us, his face slightly scared.

"Shit," he said quietly. A moment later his face broke into a grin and he got a small bottle from underneath the counter. "Here." He uncorked and fed it too her, his eyes sparkling reassuringly. Sometimes I wonder if there's a light-bulb inside his head to make that sparkle.

"Thanks," I said and gave him a one-armed hug. He seemed a bit bothered when I didn't pull off, but returned it swiftly.

Somehow the day had turned out okay. We were now driving home in our 'new' four-wheel-drive. That is, I was driving, having just modified my license to say I was born in 1980, no one would believe me on 1974, as it had read earlier. Not that _that_ was the right year, either. We had bought the car used, no way we could to afford something new, but it was good to feel the vehicle against the gravel and I skidded on purpose, making Charlie grab on to the seat.

"Merlin, are you trying to give me a heart-attack?" He said when I had steadied the car again.

"Can't you take some fun?" I adjusted the sunglasses, narrowed my eyes a bit against the afternoon sun and turned up the radio. Meredith Brook's _Bitch_ was just coming on to the first chorus.

"That song really fits you." He turned the volume up another notch and I couldn't help but sing along. When the song ended he turned the radio off and we didn't talk for a couple of minutes.

"The woman that picked up Katarina seemed nice," I said as I got restless from the silence. He nodded while staring out the window.

"Pull over." He was ready to open the door.

"We're like two minutes from the house," I told him.

"Just pull over." He seemed stressed and I obeyed. He jumped out the second the car stood still, opening his jeans with fumbling hands and urinated on the side of the road. I opened my own door and lighted a smoke. "Sorry," he said when he sat down again.

"When you gotta go, you gotta go," I replied. We sat like that, submerged in our own thoughts for a while.

"What are you thinking about?" He finally asked. I looked at him, he hadn't bothered to zip his jacket fully up and the red shirt underneath had seen better days. Then I shook my head, I couldn't tell him, I don't think he would be pleased to know I had noticed the bulk on Bill's trousers very well when he dried off my back this morning. But the fact comforted me a bit, I hadn't injured him as much as I had feared.

"You?" I returned the question to him with. He scanned my face slowly before speaking.

"That, sometimes it feels like my head is filled with a fog. Almost Dementor-like. That's what makes me do those stupid things. But it's better when I'm with you." He stretched over to the steering wheel and put his hand on top of mine. I smiled at him, closed the door and started the engine again.

"Maybe you should get a driving license, too," I said when we could see the house and hear Fluffy's barks.

"Maybe," he answered.

I wasn't completely gone, but the next hour was a bit hazy. I know I changed Darren's band-aids and Lisa showed me a drawing she had made. Rosmerta had watched them at our home while we were in town and I thanked her again. She brushed it off with a laugh and said she liked children, too bad she don't have any of her own. I might have imagined the keen look she gave Charlie and bit back my retort. Then it was dinner, entrecôte, just because I felt like spoiling us. Bill dropped by again in the middle of the meal, but didn't want any food when I offered, saying he had just ate.

"You look tired," I said when he sat down, his shouldered slouched.

"Yeah, well... Wife and job takes it's toll," he agreed. Both me and Charlie looked down, he shouldn't have to have to look after us on top of everything. "I came here of my own free will." He had seen our reactions and his eyes had gone darker when I dared look up at them.

"Yes, and we should thank you," I said quietly. I don't like having any kind of debt, being dependant of someone without returning the favour. The talk moved on to casual things like Quidditch, friends and family.

It was late and Bill should be heading home, he said it himself, but stayed in the sofa, the drink in his hand sipped slowly.

"Kay, I've owled my application to the reservation," Charlie said and looked at me. I nodded and kissed his cheek, I had treated him like he wasn't a grown man, capable of making his own decisions.

"Wonder how Lisa and Mina will behave on Monday," I mused. The girls were usually okay with being away from me, but kindergarten would be a new experience for them, with many other children. But they needed it. I needed it.

"Probably make ten new friends before lunch," Bill shot in from the other side of Charlie, who got up to go to the bathroom for the millionth time today. I yawned and looked over at Bill, he drank the rest of the whisky thoughtfully.

"So you were awed by me and your wife this morning?" I smiled at him and he returned it.

"Slightly taken aback, yes. But she did get you to drink, so..." He put the glass down on the table and leaned back properly. After a minute in pleasant silence Charlie came back and sat down heavy between us. He inhaled deeply, bracing himself before speaking.

"I just thought, if it would be okay with you, maybe you could spend the night here." He addressed his brother's knees. I understood him, he needed a warm, living body next to him.

"Yeah, sure." Bill looked properly at him, but he didn't return it. "I'll just Floo-call Fleur so she knows where I am." He got up and went to the fireplace, kneeling beside the sleeping centaur.

Charlie leaned down to drink from the bathroom tap, washing down the last pills of the day. I touched his back swiftly, he was quivering all over. Bill leaned casually against the door-frame and for a millisecond he turned into Sirius. Charlie straightened up and kissed my forehead before making his way past his brother and we followed him into the bedroom. I wrenched off my clothes and realised I had forgot to put on knickers in the morning. I sighed, but didn't to do it now, my eyelids were heavy, as the rest of my body.

"Sorry to bother you with nonsense like this," Charlie told his brother while laying down and pulled the sheet up to his chin.

"Nah, it doesn't matter," Bill responded while buttoning down his shirt. I didn't really believe him, if I was him I'd rather share the night with my quarter-Veela wife. He took of his jeans slowly, I tried not to stare too much at his striped blue shorts before he got in too, placing an arm around Charlie's waist. It hurt me to see him in such bad shape, shaking like an earthquake was taking place in his diaphragm. I wriggled closer and took loosely hold of his hand. I saw him lick his lips as my eyes closed. I had almost fallen asleep when he started to shift.

"Have to go to the loo," he said strained and I looked at him. He was laying on his back now, gritting his teeth a bit.

"The bucket is by the door," Bill told him drowsy.

"No, it's not... I have to get to the loo." Charlie got up in a sitting position, sweat breaking across his face. Bill saw he needed help and got up, pulling him on his feet and steered him out to the bathroom. I heard some grunts, then Bill asking if Charlie could sit on his own. When he didn't get back right after that, I took it as the answer had been no. I let myself drift off while waiting for them.

"I think I'll manage now," Charlie said after what I estimated to be five minutes. Bill stepped out in the hall, still concerned.

"Do you remember, not long after the war ended, you asked me why I and Dad and Charlie were so strong while you were a mess?" He took a step closer to me and I nodded. "Well, truth is, we aren't."

"I know he have had a rough time now, but it's a matter of days. I used months just to be able to plan longer than the next hour." I furrowed my brows to keep my eyes open.

"Still, we aren't any stronger or better than you," he told me. I didn't respond and Charlie came out from the bathroom, swaying slightly, but got into the bed by himself. Bill sighed and followed.

I rolled over to my side again, it hadn't been any use to lay on my back either. I had awoken from a dream where George had used a time-turner to get Fred back and my mind kept churning around that possibility. Plus, I was hungry. I got up quietly not to wake the brothers, Charlie was now snoring happily into Bill's long hair. I had to smile, outwards they are absolutely manly men, but every now and then they let themselves be vulnerable in each other's company.

Stumbling through the house I felt the cool air caress my naked body. I flickered on the light in the kitchen and went to the fridge, looking over all the shelves before settling on the small beef. I took it out, it was smaller than my palm, just enough for a night-time snack. After cutting it up in cubes I threw it in the frying pan, found a fork and turned it around, letting it sizzle no longer than to keep it bloody in the middle. I pierced one with unnecessary force and brought it slowly to my mouth. Unsurprisingly, it tasted of animal. I devoured the rest hastily, my body calming as my stomach filled up.

I opened the cupboard where we keep coffee, tea and cigarettes. It wasn't just any cigarettes I was looking for now, I needed something strong. I rummaged for a moment before pulling out the heavy pack, decorated with a Chinese-style red dragon with gold details. I took out one, it was long and had the same colours as the outside of the pack. Getting caught with these among muggles would be awkward, it's half-and-half of tobacco and marijuana. Thereby not healthy at all. But I didn't care now, it's legal in the magic community, even though it costs three galleons for a pack of twenty.

I finished the second one after about five minutes and slid down with my back to the stove. I should get back to bed, my head was working on its own again. But suddenly Bill walked in and kneeled in front of me.

"You're high, aren't you?" He creased his forehead and placed a hand on my shoulder, but I just grinned. He couldn't possibly have any idea of how good he looked, scars or not, he remained sexy! I pushed forward, planting my lips on his, deepening the kiss and felt he returning it. He stopped for a second, then returned to the sinful bliss, burying his hand in my hair as he leaned closer, making me lay down on the floor. I wrapped my legs around his waist, not too hard, he had to get his underwear out of the way. He did so quickly, hesitated for a moment again before leaning over me, kissing me, I placed my arms around his head. He thrust into me and we both knew it was wrong, but also so good!

I bit down on my lower lip to hold the sounds in, he was over me, inside me, everywhere. Gentle and fierce at the same time. I found I had missed this, even though it made me a terrible person. He kept thrusting, steady, faster, deeper and found my g-spot faster that Charlie has ever done. I came, my body a cloud of delight and he widened his eyes before ejaculating. When he pulled out and stood up, clothing himself with sharp movements, I used a minute to just relax on the floor.

"This stays between us," he stated darkly while sitting down on a chair. I nodded, got to my feet and took out a glass I filled with water. Then the guilt hit me like a runaway hippogriff, this was the second time I had cheated on Charlie with his brother! It made my stomach turn to a hard knot. The first had been one and a half year ago, after Bill's bachelor party, the day before his bloody wedding. And now, with Charlie sleeping in the same house, about forty feet away!

"Why did we even do it?" I asked in a small voice. He just glared at me for a moment. I sighed, drank the glass in one and did the thing I dreaded, I made my way to the bed again. I had to get there sometime and just wanted to get it over with. Charlie hadn't noticed we were gone, but shifted closer to me in his sleep. I swallowed hard and settled with my back to his chest, hoping it all had been just a bad dream.

"BILL!" Charlie roared and jumped up, heading out of the bedroom. He had seen it in my eyes the moment he woke up. I had forgot to shut of the bloody alarm clock, if I hadn't I could maybe have talked to him, got him to calm down. Now he was furious, running out in the living room. I launched after him and caught up just as he thrashed his fist to Bill's face, who had been sleeping on the couch.

"Bloody hell!" He shouted and and sat up fast, barely getting time to wipe his bleeding nose before Charlie took hold around his neck. Bill was only taken aback for a second before kicking his brother away from him. This didn't stop Charlie, every fibre in his body was set on hurting Bill, he ran forward again, but Bill somehow got behind him and placed his arm around the other's neck, holding hard.

"You betrayed me! Both of you! What is left in the world when a man can't trust his brother and girlfriend any more?" He shouted with surprising strength considering the pressure on his throat. I couldn't respond, didn't have words to defend what we had done. It was undefendable.

Bill tightened his hold as Charlie tried to grab behind him, inflict some pain, but his face was turning blue. Bill couldn't let him go, he had to hold on. After an eternity Charlie's hands fell still, his eyes half-closed and his body became limp. Bill laid him down on the sofa and I rushed to the man I love, but had been unfaithful to in the most horrible way. I felt his chest, no heartbeat. His wrist, no pulse. My chest went tight.

"My God, Bill, you killed him," I whispered. It wasn't any way back, Charles Eugene Weasley was gone from this world.

"I didn't have any choice," Bill answered hard. I looked up at his face, fury boiling up in me. Of course he had a choice! He could have take a few hits, then wrestled Charlie to the ground, or stunned him, it wouldn't have been so fucking hard!

I turned to him, slamming my fists to his chest, but he just stood there like a statue, staring out into nothingness. This made me even angrier and I hit harder, he had just murdered his brother, and it wasn't possible to get a fucking reaction!

"What's with you? Sodding piece of useless shit," I tried saying, but my lips wouldn't move properly and my voice was just a rasping in my throat. Someone called my name loud, but they were far away. I felt hands on my upper arms shaking me, but couldn't see them. In fact, I couldn't see anything, it was pitched black! I kept pounding on the chest as I tried to get my eyes open.

"Kevin, wake up!" The voice shouted and I finally saw again. It was Charlie! Alive. He was leaning over me, I was laying on my back on the mattress with my lower body down on the floor. I opened my mouth, my lips quivering and I felt the tears running down my temples. "Shh, it was just a nightmare," he told me and lifted my torso close to his, rocking slightly from side to side. I wanted to push him away, tell him it hadn't just been a nightmare, but that upped the chance of it becoming real.

"What was it?" Bill asked and sat down beside us. I send him a look, trying to deliver the message soundlessly. He blinked at me and I hoped he had got it. Charlie stroke the hair away from my face in a loving caress and I knew I had to tell them something.

"You – you died," I stuttered and met Charlie's eyes, hoping he wasn't reading as much in them as in the dream. He hugged me closer and kept shh-ing in my ear.

"I won't die," he lied softly. I relaxed my neck and his hand went up on the back of my head, keeping it from lolling back. The worst part hadn't been that he had died, but that he had died believing I had betrayed him. Which of course I had, but I didn't mean to!

"I love you," I whispered and kissed his chest. I had to know that he knew that. The knot was smaller now, but still present in my stomach.

"I love you too." His breath was steady. It wouldn't be if he knew what I and Bill had done in the dark of the night. I opened my mouth to say something, but forgot what it was. Stars were dancing in my vision and I tried to free myself. He put me down on the mattress again and Bill adjusted my legs, placing the blanket over them.

"Think I'm passing out." The words were slurred together and most likely inaudible. I felt a hand on my cheek before I was out.

"Thanks," Charlie said from where he was sitting beside me in the bed. I opened my eyes, the light stabbing at them, headache guaranteed. Bill had just given him a cup of tea, that's what he thanked for, I managed to make out. I flung myself around not to hit him, throwing up on Bill's socks instead. He just sighed and vanished it as Charlie dragged me gently back on the mattress, patting my hair. I pulled the sheet over my head, shielding out the ceiling lamp.

"You were very angry with us for a long time once," I said unsteady, muffled down in the pillow.

"Yes, but that's years ago. Why do you bring that up now?" Charlie said unsure.

"Because," I sat up and tossed the sheet off me. "Because..." How would I phrase it? I looked up at Bill for help, he was standing with his arms crossed loosely. "You'd better put a full body-binder on him," I said and felt small and cowardly.

"No, it won't be need for it," Bill answered, his jaw set. He forbade me from saying anything. I gave a wailing sigh, I didn't want to lie! Charlie had picked up that it was something we weren't letting him know and looked slightly hostile, slowly putting his cup down on the floor.

"What's going on here? Tell me," he demanded.

"I said it stayed between us, I'm not breaking that promise," Bill told me, tone provoking a tad. I felt physically torn between them, on one side I wanted to be honest with Charlie, on the other I had silently agreed to Bill.

"Just don't get too mad," I began and Bill exited in long strides. We looked after him as he put his boots on without tying them. He turned just before entering the Floo.

"If you want to, tell him. But I'm not coming back. Not for a very long time."

I swallowed hard and summoned my courage before continuing. "Last night I woke up and went to the kitchen, he found me sitting there, high enough and I... I kissed him. But it wasn't because I don't love and care about you!" I held back a part of the truth here, but that was for the best. "And I regret it so much, I was so stupid and I beg you to forgive me! It'll never happen again, it should definitely not have happened there and it was mostly because I was intoxicated, I didn't think!" The apology was genuine down to the last syllable and I braved myself to meet his eyes, but they weren't angry.

"I'm not mad. Not happy about it either, but I understand you had a weak moment." He gave me a reassuring smile and my guilt doubled, I hadn't been fully truthful with him. "I think I'll get dressed and take Rolf for a long walk, he's seemed really stiff lately. You just sleep if you want to." Holy mother of Merlin, he was worked up after all, he just hid it in front of me. I let out a relieved breath I didn't know I had held and nodded, I could tell him the horrible rest another time.

My strength held to get me in the shower and get the girls dressed, but now I had more or less collapsed on a kitchen chair with a cup of tea in my hand.

"I'm sorry you have to make breakfast, you're still sick," I told Darren as he made a brave attempt at cutting the bread straight.

"I'm happy I can help, you have done so much for me," he answered and moved on to slicing cheese. Mina stared at him without any real interest and Lisa didn't want to sit on her chair, instead standing between his legs, he had a hard time not stepping on her toes. I should tell her not to be in his way, I just didn't bother.

He laid the cheese on the bread, Lisa scrambled up on her chair again as three plates was placed on the table. He ate standing up, of course, while I tore the slice in fitting pieces before feeding them to Mina. Lisa behaved good to be Lisa, only knocking over her glass once, I cleaned it up without saying anything. I was beginning to wake properly and noticed I was hungry, but without appetite.

"I... I saw you last night," he confessed and looked at me swiftly, afraid I would get angry. "You and Bill."

"All of it? That have to stay a secret, at least for now." I didn't know what else to say. He did a throw with his head that could be seen as a nod. The rest of the meal was spend in silence, even Lisa had understood something had happened.

When the young centaur had cleared the table and the girls had gone to their room to play I heard someone entering the hall. Charlie came stumbling in, his eyes unfocused and I went to help him sit down on the couch. He was shaking horribly, I knelt down to untie his boots.

"What have happened?" I asked and looked up as I lifted his foot to get the boot off. He opened his mouth to answer, but couldn't control his lips enough to make words. I got off the other boot and got his medications plus a glass of water.

I placed the pills on his tongue before tilting the glass carefully to make him drink. He had a hard time swallowing and tried several times, some of the water seeping down on the leather of the jacket. Afterwards I took that too off him and made him lay down, he took a quivering hold around my hand and I settled next to him, pillowing his head on my arm. I had to place one of my legs between his not to fall out, but it was nice. He kept trying to say something, but every time he gave up. I rubbed his upper arm each time it happened, hoping he would succeed the next. At last I decided I could start the talk.

"I'm sorry for what I did with Bill. But I'm almost glad you got angry for it. I'm angry at myself, too. Furious." It wasn't much, but he blinked and opened his mouth a bit more. "I love you and would never hurt you on purpose, remember that." He tried to nod and I touched his cheek softly, he should shave.

After about twenty minutes the pills still hadn't made much difference, but he had got back some control of his face. I stayed with him, caressing him every now and then, sucking up heat from his body. When I felt the warm wetness on my knee, I murmured it was okay and ran my fingers through his hair. He licked his lips slowly before looking me straight in the eyes.

"Did he kiss you back?" He finally managed to voice out.

"Yes," I answered simply, I couldn't lie him right in the face, it would have been an even bigger betray.

"Good, that makes you seem less slutty," he whispered hoarsely. I wasn't offended, if Bill hadn't returned it I would just be a desperate whore, clinging on what I couldn't have. I looked away, to the soaked fabric between his legs and dried it magically.

"Again, I'm sorry." I shifted to lay even closer, brushing our cheeks together. He gave a soft moan before I placed my forehead to his.

"You don't have to tell me." He paused and took a breath. "The last two weeks have been hell for me. But I feel better now, I'm going to function again. I've seen it's been stressful for you... I'm going to do better now."

"So you'll just decide not to be sick any more and that's that?" I frowned at him, but our faces were so close he didn't see it.

"Well, not exactly. But I'll put all my effort into being normal," he said and smiled. 'Normal'... I understood what he meant, independent as he use to be.

"Okay, if you insist." I kissed him lightly and moved my face a little back.


	15. Part II, chapter 9

To my slight surprise, Charlie did much better once he had set his mind on it. As long as he got enough sleep and food he didn't need the pills. But, mostly to spend some time together, I did the rounds with the creatures with him. It was on the next Thursday night, the twentieth, he had need to talk more serious with me again.

"Are we still trying to get pregnant?" He asked out of the blue and opened the bag with Fluffy's food.

"Yes, aren't we?" I didn't quite see where he was going with this and leaned on the fence. Of course, it's only possible to conceive at certain times, which he should be very aware of, and it had been just over two week since the miscarriage. That is also a word I'm starting to despise.

"Yeah... You have been kinda rejecting with me this last week." He narrowly escaped a full body-lick and stepped backwards 'til he was beside me, then looked at me with question in his eyes.

"Maybe I have," I answered and moved my gaze to the hell-hound who was drooling while consuming the dog-food viciously. My hair blew in my face, I had it long and bronze-coloured today, and I tucked it behind my ear.

"We haven't had sex since the morning Bill was here. I like cuddling and that, but in the end I am a guy and I'm getting horny," he told me, trying to get me to smile. I didn't. I had deliberately avoided sex, with what I did with his brother and the 'rape' still freshly engraved in my memory.

"And what do you want me to do about it?" It was an automatic response, at least I said something. I looked at him, squinting my eyes against the sun behind him.

"For a start, take off your pants." He smiled again and stepped forward to kiss me. I returned it and as he caressed my back I couldn't pretend I wasn't turned on.

"Out here? It's nearly below freezing," I reminded him when we broke apart.

"Not right here, we'll be seen. But..." He moved his gaze to the forest. I bit the inside of my lip, hesitating for a second before I took him by the hand and we strolled a short distance in between the trees. He cast a heating charm on both of us before pushing me against the thick trunk of a fir, our lips playing together while he took off my jacket and his gloves. I kicked off my shoes when he knelt down to remove my jeans, kissing my legs as he peeled the fabric down. Our eyes were locked as much as it was possible.

My socks were soaked, he took them gently off before moving his fingers up to my butt, taking hold of the red underwear and removed that too. I felt a gush of the wind despite the charm and he stood up, our lips met before I moved down to his neck, his hands went under my sweater, warm to my touch and I leaned back enough for him to take the clothing off. As he caressed my breasts I began fiddling with the button of his jeans, I wanted him now!

He wrenched off his jacket and opened the trousers fast, I hadn't been much help. He pushed us together, I felt him between my legs as he kissed me again, deep. I took hold around his neck, he broke it to lift me up and locked me between him and the trunk. I moaned even before he penetrated. When he did we both began moving with the other, like clockwork, faster and faster.

It wasn't long before we both hit climax. Afterwards he leaned onto me, panting and started to slide down. He tried placing his feet better, but his legs gave slowly out under him and he dragged me with him, soon sitting on his knees with his face to my shoulder. My back had rasped up against the bark of the tree, but it didn't hurt too bad.

"Are you okay?" I asked after a minute, he hadn't moved yet.

"Yeah," he muttered and looked up. "It was good."

"Yes, it was. Maybe we should get back inside?" I ran my hand over his cheek and he nodded, getting to his feet slowly. I got dressed again quickly, going barefoot as we went back, the shoes were also wet. Once inside I got a clean, dry pair of socks while he made a slice with peanut butter, eating it by the counter.

"Girls still sleeping?" He asked when I gave him a hug from behind, he was nice and warm.

"Didn't hear anything, so I guess they are." I had discovered it was easier for Lisa to stay in her bed if she knew we weren't in the living-room and therefore did the last round outside after their bedtime. He swallowed a last time and turned. I smiled before we went to the sofa, old and stained but comfortable. I sighed and took up one of the photo albums I had found in a cardboard-box in the basement, we had looked at it earlier.

"Funny, James, Sirius and Peter making a pyramid," he said and pointed to one of the Polaroids, showing a black dog standing on the back of a stag and a rat peeking out between his ears. "But why do he have a black handkerchief hanging from one of the antlers?"

"That's me. You forget my life is best at being as banal and cliché as possible and my animagus-form is bat." When I had been let in on the Marauders practising on becoming Animagi I had given it a shot myself. The first try had ended with me standing half-naked in the middle of the bathroom with great sails of black skin stretching from my fingers to my hips and the guys laughing their arses off. That was before I got bitten. After a couple of months of training I got it right and ended up as a small black-brown bat.

"And there is you and Lily. Your smiles look a little strained," he noted with a chuckle.

"Yeah, I guess this was just after she and James had started dating and we accepted each other, though not the best of friends. She never understood why Remus was with me, she thought I was too immature for him." I managed to keep the sadness out of my voice, but I still miss them, every day.

"Knowing you, you probably acted different among them than alone with him?" He didn't really ask and I inhaled deeply. He was right, I have a hard time being completely myself around a horde of people I don't know fully. I've improve through the years, but still feel myself changing in certain situations. I turned the page in the album, placing my hand in his lap afterwards.

"And there's you and Fabian." I pointed to the photo on the middle of the page, showing him sitting on his uncle's shoulders, both grinning. It was taken in the backyard of the Burrow a warm summer day and the sun played with the colours in their hair, setting it ablaze.

"Yeah, I just remember that. I was eight, wasn't I?" He looked over at me and wiped away a stray tear from my cheek.

"Yes, it was their last summer," I said with unsteady voice and leaned onto him. He wrapped his arm around my shoulders. "And there's you and Bill and Percy." I pointed to another photo showing them sitting in the long grass, the youngest looked a bit bothered with being trapped between his older and much bigger brothers.

"Is that Ron or Ginny?" He asked about a picture of a baby about a year.

"Hard to tell. I would guess Ginny, if you look at half the head visible in the background, it's one of the twins." I was pretty sure the boy had to be at least five years. "It's either Ginny and Fred, Ginny and George, Ron and Fred or Ron and George," I summoned with a smile.

"Yeah. And there are both the twins." His voice got sadder as he ran his fingertip over the small frame with grinning Fred and George, standing in the entrance and waiting for Bill to put on his worm-filled shoes.

"Mhm, both," I repeated and took hold of his hand. "But there's you and Ginny," I tried in an attempt at cheering us, I didn't want to be sad now.

"She was fierce back then, too." He had to chuckle a bit as he watched the four year old girl, red in the face from anger over being placed on her brother's lap against her will. I turned the page again and pointed out Bill and Ron playing chess, the oldest last summer at home before he moved to Egypt to work. He didn't comment, just looked at the other photos. There was even one of Molly and Arthur kissing, which I had to snicker at, they usually fled if I had my camera with me. Unless Arthur wanted me to teach him about it, which I refused as it would have meant taking it apart.

"Typical Percy, nose down in a book. And what happened to that cat?" I asked, running my finger over the smooth surface showing the boy's half-hidden behind _Hogwarts, a history _and a black cat stretching out on the table in front of him. His mother would have had a fit if she had seen it, but what she didn't know didn't hurt her. He was about to answer when someone arrived by Floo.

"... Oh, I'll leave, no problem, psycho head-hunting bitch," George rambled while he stepped out and looked at us, panting like a bull about to attack.

"Hi," I said carefully and waited for him to talk. He didn't, just calmed down slowly and watched us like he didn't quite know how he had landed here.

"What happened?" Charlie tried and put the album back on the table, closing it inaudible.

"You have no idea, she... She..." The air seemed to have gone out of him and I moved to the other end of the sofa, motioning for him to sit between us. He did so slowly, dragging his feet.

"Is it Angelina? What did she do?" I asked carefully, I sensed he had been furious and it could easily blaze up again.

"We talked, just usual crap and then she calls me... She called me..." He couldn't say it and was about to break down.

"She called you Fred," I finished for him. He looked at me for a long second, trembling more and more before I embraced him. I heard his sobs and felt my sweater get wet from his tears, but that wasn't what bothered me. It was the shaking, all over, just like Charlie had, but still different.

"Come here," the older brother offered and I let go of George, he soon had another neck to cling to. "I miss him too. And what Angelina said, I'm sure she didn't mean to hurt you."

"I'm just so pissed off, at her, at life, at everything! And if she doesn't want me, sees me as a replacement, she should bloody well have the balls to tell me!" He got out between the sobs.

"Did you get angry at her?" I asked softly, not wanting to upset him more, but I've seen the Weasley temper in action before. He nodded into the shoulder. "Did you hit her?" At this he turned towards me.

"Yeah, but not hard. And she hit back," he said and placed his bloody right hand in my left. It looked to be crushed by something. "Frying pan," he added when I had turned it over a couple of times, bruises were already beginning to form on the light skin.

"If she managed to do this I guess it's no need for me to see how she's doing," I told mostly myself, but they agreed silently.

"Come here," Charlie said to his brother again, gently pulling him up on his lap and rubbed his hands up and down his brother's back.

"Thanks, but I'm not five anymore," George answered sharply, making a feeble attempt at getting loose. He was shaking worse by each passing minute and I shared a look with Charlie, he had noticed too.

"You're never too old to be comforted by your brother," Charlie told him, talking from own experience. George accepted this and leaned more against the muscular chest. I got up and put on some music, like I had done for Charlie, rubbing George's knee when I sat down again.

"I'm cold," he admitted, even though it was nice and warm here, the fire had been roaring all evening. Anyway I took the fleece blanket hanging over the armrest, tucking it around him while Charlie kept rubbing his back in circles.

The minutes stretched on to hours and George didn't improve. At one point we got him to take a couple of Charlie's pills, but he threw them up five minutes later on his brother's shirt. The symptoms looked so alike those Charlie had it almost scared me, at the same time different. He shook with his whole body without it seeming to come from a particular place and kept mumbling things we couldn't catch. I wondered if it was the use of Fred's name and the circumstances around it that had set it off. Of course he still looked spot on as his twin (except the lack of an ear,) without _being_ Fred. I doubted he even really _was _George any more. When the clock had reached three in the morning he was still crying in Charlie's arms, every attempt at moving him had been met with loud objections.

"George, I have to get up now, okay? But Kevin is here," Charlie told him softly and slid the body off of him. He didn't resist, just kept crying and muttering to himself. I seated myself on the edge to embrace him, listening to the string of words he was uttering.

"Ton-tongue... Great Hall... Fred... Angelina and Fred... Dore's Army..." I gave up figuring out what the next words were supposed to be and just held around him until Charlie got back from the bathroom, then I busied myself with getting more tea. Back again I sipped it slowly while watching them, George had gone quiet and only stared straight ahead while quivering.

"Maybe we should take him to the hospital," I said unnatural slow, as if it would make it less necessary.

"Let's wait a bit more," Charlie answered, clearly hoping it would fix itself.

We waited for another hour, but when George still had showed no sign of improving we agreed we had to get in the car and to the hospital. I put on Charlie's boots for him, he didn't dare leave his brother alone for a second. After that I disturbed Darren's sleep to tell him what had happened and where we were going before getting the car keys.

"You're heavy," Charlie commented while lifting George up, he wasn't able to move by himself. In fact he had shut completely down and we hadn't got any response the last forty minutes. He gripped harder at the blanket he had balled up in his arms while Charlie manoeuvred out in the hall and down the steps, I held the door open and locked it afterwards.

I heard Charlie fasten the seat belt for George before going around the vehicle to sit with him in the back seat. I got in too and started up, backing out of the yard and turned to drive the right way. I shot a glance back at them in the mirror every two minutes, but George just sat there, shaking, with Charlie's arm around his shoulders. I didn't like it at all. I wanted to get there as fast as possible, but after ten minutes I had almost hit two animals without seeing what it was and had to slow down a bit. George leaned more on his brother and grunted low, almost rhythmical.

"What is it?" Charlie tried, knowing he wouldn't get an answer. "You aren't doing what I think you're doing? Merlin, he's shitting his pants!" I met his eyes in the mirror.

"Just let him, you can't stop him anyway. Clean it up afterwards." My tone was pure business, no emotions. Someone had to stay rational.

"I forgot my wand," he told me almost sheepishly.

"Take his, mine is probably on the kitchen table." Some witch and wizard we were, leaving our most important possession floating around everywhere. I kept my eyes on the road and heard Charlie going through George's pockets and taking care of the incident. Soon we arrived by the emergency room, George managed to walk with small steps if Charlie held around him and they got in while I found a parking spot.

"Could you do this?" Charlie asked and handed me a form when I sat down beside them in the nearly empty waiting-room. I nodded and began filling out name and date of birth. George sat bent over his own lap, still holding onto the blanket and had began mumbling again, but it was impossible to make out. Charlie had a hand on his back, but kept shooting looks around the room, as if expecting something terrible to happen.

Had George even used Fred's name after the death up until tonight? Not unless it was strictly necessary, I knew that. But the one mention had gone off like a nuclear bomb in his mind.

I delivered the form to the woman behind the desk, she filled in the rest with a blank expression and I went to the vending machines, getting a bottle of Coca-Cola and a couple of chocolate bars. I sat down beside George and took the wrapper off one, showing it to him with a small hope he would react, but he didn't and I gave it to Charlie instead. He was tired after being awake for over twenty hours, but tried to smile at me for the small favour. I looked across the room and noticed a man watching us.

"Look who's here," Sirius called to me. I bit my lower lip in frustration while looking at him, the black shirt wasn't tucked into his fashionable torn jeans, his hair was long enough to fall into his eyes and he rested one leg on the other knee while wrapping his arm around the back of the next chair. I couldn't be bothered with that now and ignored his next comments.

"George Weasley," a short, black woman called from the door after about fifteen minutes. Charlie got up and took around his brother's shoulders, but couldn't get him to stand up.

"I'm gonna break my back soon," he commented while lifting the mass up again. George's lips moved without sounds coming out and Charlie staggered a bit before finding his balance and hurried towards the door, exchanging a couple of words with the woman before they went in. If nothing else I was glad they hadn't got dr. No-good.

"So, what do you think is the matter with him? Same crap as your glorious boyfriend?" Sirius said and took the seat beside me. "They probably have some circuit up in their heads that just went _boom!_" The last word were accompanied by hand gestures.

"Just let me sleep," I whispered low enough so no one would hear me talking to myself. A hand went around my shoulders, brushing the hair away and caressed my earlobe. I didn't mind and rested my head against the wall behind me, closing my eyes.

When I woke up, it was pitch black. And not the kind you get in a bedroom, then it's always a bit of light getting through or under the curtains or door. No, this was more consuming than the deepest of a well on a star-less night. I rubbed my eyes with the heels of my hands, but it was still black. And it felt like some rubbery fabric around me. It was cold and I felt around it until I found a zipper on the middle above me.

Just fuckings great, I was in the morgue! Probably some 'helpful' nurse had thought I looked oddly pale and examined me, found no pulse and send me here. And I had slept through it all. Fuckings great!

I tried getting the zipper open from the inside, but it was no use, I couldn't get my finger out the tiny hole at the top. Plus it would be too hard for me to expand, and what would I do once I got it open? I just had to wait.

And waited I did. I have no idea of how long, everything got surreal in the blackness, but I finally heard the door of my small compartment open. Someone talked while pulling the table out.

"I understand it is hard for you, but she was dead when they found her. The autopsy will show what caused it, she was so young and pretty," a squeaky voice said and I felt the owner starting to open the zipper.

"That's the third time you tell me. And she isn't dead!" Charlie answered while my body-bag was opened.

"You should turn on the heat, it's freezing in there," I said when the flaps were folded back. The eyes of the thin middle-aged man almost fell out behind the thick round glasses and his jaw dropped. I sat up and Charlie hugged me for a moment.

"Well, then you... How...? I'll call someone to look at you," the other man stuttered and went to a table with a phone, dialling wrong and had to start again.

"How's George?" I asked Charlie and saw a shadow going over his face.

"He's at the ICU. When we got in and I started to explain, he seemed... Not okay, but not worse at least. And I had to tell the doctor about Fred, 'couse she asked a couple of things, and when I said it, he just... His heart stopped." His voice broke and he cleared it before continuing. "Then it was a lot of commotion and they shocked him, it started again, but... I was so scared I thought my own heart would fail. And then I came out again and you aren't anywhere to be seen and I asked and they said you was down here and..." He hugged me again and I noticed he had my handbag in a tight grip.

"It'll be okay after a while. But it was incredibly lucky we were here and not at home when it happened," I told him and kissed his neck. He released me, his eyes tear-soaked and I got out of the bag and down on the floor, it was getting creepy.

Soon a young man with sand-coloured hair came to examine me, he simply placed his stethoscope to my chest without a lot of talking and I had to fake a heartbeat. Luckily he bought my clumsy wandless magic and felt my wrist for a pulse instead, I faked that too and he nodded, said good-bye and we were free to do whatever we wanted. The man that worked down here was still in shock and we left without saying any more to him. Strangely no forms or anything to fill out.

"I'll go and get Angelina, I'm sure she appreciates to know what's going on," I told Charlie on our way up the hall.

"Yeah, that'll be the best. I'll wait for you by the entrance, I need a smoke after all this anyway."

As it turned out, Angelina didn't want to come with me any more than she wanted to chew off her own foot and called George several nasty things, including 'over-sensitive bastard-shit'. I didn't start to argue with her, but gave her the address of the hospital and which room he was in. She shook her head and I apparated back to the shadows behind the hospital using George's wand, hurrying to the door and Charlie.

"She needs more time before seeing him," I answered his unasked question with and lighted a cigarette for myself.

"But she should really talk with him. Anyway, I was up a short trip and he's sleeping now." He took a step closer to me and placed a hand on my shoulder.

"We can go home. It's seven o'clock, past that actually, and I have a class before lunch. You can go to bed, but I won't bother before work." I placed my hand on his chest, he was quivering slightly and sighed.

"We'll see. I have to tell the family and I rather not think about how Mum's going to take it," he said with a small lopsided smile. We walked to the car in silence and I blinked several times to be alert enough to drive. It wasn't much traffic and I felt how absolutely exhausted I was.

"Just close your eyes for a minute," I advised Charlie, he looked as I felt. He leaned back and did, I heard him snoring a couple of minutes later. He was quickly awaken by Fluffy's joyful bark when the car stopped on the yard again.

"Yeah, yeah, you'll get your food right away, ungrateful beast," Charlie muttered and got out, heading straight for the shed. I followed a couple of steps behind.

"Now, don't be too hard on him, they're picking him up today and he'll probably miss us," I said in a teasing tone. He gave me a small smile before I turned and strode in, not bothering who I woke by slamming the door behind me.

Upon hearing the news Ginny (mostly there because she couldn't stand being around her own mother), Ron and Hermione didn't want to stay for lunch at school, but insisted on coming home with me. I agreed with a weary sigh and McGonagall saw no reason not to let them. When stepping out of the fireplace the first we saw was Charlie sleeping on the sofa, laying on his back with his mouth open and the girls using him as a mattress.

"Cat-napping, are we?" I asked Lisa and lifted her down, she blinked several times before calling for Darren or Dragan, it was a bit hard to tell, but she found the centaur in the kitchen. Mina just stared at me with round eyes, I took her up in my arms before shaking Charlie gently by the shoulder.

"Mmm..." He opened his eyes slowly and sat up. "Just a small afternoon nap," he said and pecked my cheek.

"Then it would help if it was in the afternoon," his sister commented from behind him and he turned, looking at them for a while before getting to his feet.

"So, what happened to George, how is he now?" Ron asked and shifted his weight a couple of times.

"Good, as far as I know. Hadn't got any phone-calls saying anything else," Charlie answered. "Are you hungry?" The teenagers nodded a bit reluctant, this wasn't what they had expected. I put Mina down and she sat down right away.

"I know I am," I said more cheerful than I felt and leaded the way into the kitchen, taking out a glass and found a small sharp knife. George's wand didn't fit me remotely and I would cause more harm than I meant if I tried using it for cutting.

"Kay, I had to take the pills," Charlie told me when I reached for his wrist. He seemed a bit sorry and maybe ashamed about it.

"No problem. Ron, get over here," I said in the same creepy cheerful voice. He seemed unsure as I took hold of his hand and cut a small gash on his wrist, letting the blood drip down in the glass. "You even have long hands, not just fingers. Everything on you is long! And now I thought dirty on that. Maybe I'm right though, eh, Hermione?" Now I was starting to scare myself and had already freaked out the teenagers. I let go of the hand, his girlfriend healed it quickly as I sat down on the chair opposite Charlie, not saying any more as I sipped my food. The table was laid and the others soon sat down too and grabbed a slice of bread from the basket.

"They've picked up Fluffy," Charlie said to fill the silence. No one responded, that wasn't what was on our minds. "We can go once we have eaten. Percy, Bill and Dad are there now, but the last I heard was that he was sleeping," he added after a while, seeing that was closer to what we wanted to hear.

When they had eaten as much as they bothered, which was a lot less than usual, Ron, Ginny and Hermione got crammed into the back seat of the car while Charlie and I took the front. I started up and wondered when our lives could become normal.

"He's still asleep, but you could go in anyway if you want to," Arthur told us. We were standing in the end of a long hall by a small reception desk and the door to George's room stood ajar. Both me and Bill refused to acknowledge the other's presence. Percy stood beside their father, both looking anxious and Ginny gave them both a small unexpected hug before pushing the door open and went in. Me, Ron, Hermione and Charlie followed, but I was the only one who went close to the bed.

"Hi, George," I tried and stroke my fingers over his forehead. He opened his eyes and looked at me while rubbing his face with his left hand, the right had been bandaged. He was wearing one of those horrible hospital gowns and I took the remote control to get the bed in a sitting-position for him.

"Hi everybody," George said happy, very in contrast to what we expected. "Thanks for asking, I'm splendid," he continued when no one talked back. "They have stuck needles in me and tried making me blind with the cutest little flashlights and disturbed me every three minutes to check I haven't snuffed it yet." I noticed the cannula on the back of his hand and the bag with saltwater or what it is connected to it.

"Good you're doing better," Charlie finally answered and stepped up to the other side of the bed. "Dad and Bill and Percy is out there, do you want them to come in?" He took a gentle hold above the bandaged hand.

"Nah, let them hang out there some more," George told him, covering that he thought it was crowded enough here. It went silent again, except for the _beep, beep, beep,_ of the heart-monitor. "So, when is Fred getting here?" He asked innocently. Well, innocent coming from him. The atmosphere changed instantly, it was eerie that he was clueless to the pain the rest of us were so aware of. I could see it in his eyes it was a honest question, he waited for his twin to drop by.

"George... Fred is dead," I said as softly as I dared. He stared at me, first believing I was joking, then lying, then he started to remember and his eyes changed dramatically.

"No. No!" He shouted and tried to get up. I grabbed his upper arm and pushed him down again, Charlie did the same on the other side. "No!" He repeated through sobs while we fought to keep him in the bed. If we let him go, there was no knowing what he would do. Maybe jump out the window.

He kept shouting and started to kick down in the mattress in frustration, Ginny and Ron went to hold his feet still. He squirmed and shouted louder as nurses or doctors came rushing in, one of them prepared a needle with something in a hurry and placed it into the cannula. Soon the beast fell still and his eyes became droopy, we could let go of him. A nurse placed the heart-monitor-stuff and other things back on him, it had come loose and that was probably what had set off their alarm.

"Is he all right?" Arthur stood in the doorway, looking pale and worried. I nodded and he came to my side, Bill and Percy followed him.

"He didn't remember and when we told him he got furious," Charlie explained, carefully avoiding the words 'Fred' and 'dead' as it always seemed to trigger something. We stood like that for a while, just looking at George as he blinked slowly and sniffed a couple of times.

"Ginny," the mass in the bed whispered hoarsely and his sister got to his side, placing a hand on his. He gripped it and tried to pull her toward him. She bent down and waited for him to tell her something, instead he just placed his cheek to hers.

"I think he wants you to lay down beside him," I said. She straightened up and looked around at us before climbing over the railing and settled herself under the sheet with him, he shifted to lay more on the side and they both gripped around the other while she hushed gently in his ear. He relaxed a bit, but tears streamed down his cheeks, landing in her fiery hair.

"Maybe the rest of us should go home," Bill suggested. I nodded with the others without looking at him, even though I wanted. He had made it clear he didn't want any contact with me and I returned the favour.

"I'll wait out in the hall 'til you're ready to leave," Percy told his sister and she nodded. We made our way out slowly, none of us really wanted to go, but George wasn't alone so it should be okay. Plus, Ginny probably needed it as much as he did.

"I'm too tired to drive," I told Charlie when we were in the elevator.

"You can come home with me," Arthur offered, still inspecting the buttons on the wall with minor interest. Charlie placed his arms around me and I felt my conscious slipping while I inhaled his scent. I didn't care, they would get me to the Burrow even if I blocked them out.

Someone talked. It was hard to concentrate on it, but I got it into focus. "And I don't know what I would have done if you didn't happen to be there when... When his heart stopped," Molly made herself say. She sat by the table opposite Charlie, who now yawned and put his hand on my knee. He had probably just given her a detailed description of the last night and day.

"I think we have to go to bed now," he told her and got to his feet, waiting for me to do the same. I couldn't. "I think I'll convert to mule," he joked and put his arms around my body, I took hold around his neck and wrapped my legs around him as he erected again. He moved his hands to under my butt and began ascending the stairs.

"I'm sorry you have to carry us around," I whispered in his ear, agreeing that he had to play the part of mule for us.

"No, it's fine. And you're much easier than George, he weighs a ton." He let go with one hand to open the door to his old room, I gave up figuring out how he had got us up so fast and he laid down on top of the sheets with me still clinging to him. He rubbed my back and I let go, taking a breath to relax my whole body and was asleep before I started to think about anything more.

"Mamma, look! Look!" Lisa stood by the bed, tugging at my hand and held up something in her small fist. I opened my eyes a bit more, I wasn't really awake and muttered something about how pretty the hairpin was, especially the butterfly on it. She was satisfied and skipped out again.

"Charlie... Charlie, I have to pee," I said in a groggy voice, waking him slowly.

"Okay, go then," he answered and closed his eyes again. Sometimes he can be really thick!

"Can you help me?" I got eye-contact with him and he nodded, sitting up while taking hold around me again before getting to his feet. I got a short look out the window, it was dark outside. He hurried into the bathroom, put me down on my feet and got my jeans off. I was dizzy and had to hold on to him when I sat down. He got down on his knees and kissed my chin while observing me.

"Strange George wanted Ginny today, isn't it?" He said after a minute.

"No, not really. They are pretty close and I think he can let himself be more vulnerable with someone younger. Plus, he needed a female and, well, your mother wasn't there and she would just get sappy, which I don't think he wanted." I cleared my throat and my bladder finally relaxed enough.

"Yeah, you're right. Do you think a lot about those things?" He got up together with me and helped me with the button.

"No, just make it up as I go along," I answered jokingly and let him put his arm around me. "Let's go down for a while." He agreed and kissed the top of my head. It was nearly full around the kitchen table and I seated myself on Charlie's lap.

"How has your day been?" Arthur asked Lisa, she sat on his knee and now turned to face him more.

"Chris is stupid, but Andy and Sarah are nice and Becka, she's really nice. And Bill came and picked us up in Mamma's car," she said and pointed over the table at Bill.

"When did you get a licence?" I asked him acidly, I didn't want him driving around with my daughters and cause an accident.

"Years ago. And someone had to get them," he answered, putting the mug down hard.

"Hey, we were tired after being up all night with George!" I had got angry at his tone, I was raising the girls the best I could. But deep down I knew I ignored and forgot them too often.

"That don't change the fact that the kindergarten closes at five o'clock! It wasn't easy to convince them to let me take the girls either, they thought I was a kidnapper or something at first!" He shouted back at me, getting to his feet.

"Just leave me and my daughters the hell alone!" Tears ran down my cheeks as I looked at him for a long moment, hating how he interfered with my life and loathing his whole being.

"Fine, I will!" He roared back and strode out, leaving the door open and it got cold before Harry got up to close it. Charlie turned me and pressed my face gently to his neck. I cried knowing I should have thanked Bill, not got mad at him, at the same time I was still furious at us both for sleeping together.

"Kevin, what was that about?" Charlie asked softly. I sat up enough to see his face and wiped the tears with the back of my hand.

"Loads of things and it was stupid to react like that," I said quietly. He looked at me and wanted more explanation. "I've been so stressed, with you and Darren and Dragan and myself and the girls and work and now George..." I sniffed and he stroke the hair out of my face.

"You have to let us know these things before you go completely Krakatoa," he told me. 'Us', did he mean the whole family then?

"Okay, I'll do that." I sniffed again and began giggling. They all looked at me, some worried, some wanting me to share it. "Just come to think, no wonder they were reluctant at letting him take Lisa and Mina, when you first see him... Scars all over, long hair, ripped jeans and a scull on his t-shirt, the first thing you think isn't loving family-father." Charlie hugged me closer and I heard Ron and Harry laugh a little. Arthur placed Lisa on my lap, he was smiling, but she was a bit shaken.

"Oh, you're heavy," Charlie joked to make her cheer up. "I think you're crushing my legs, the two of you." When he placed a finger to her nose she lighted up a bit. She understood we weren't going to shout or cry any more now.

We had retreated to the sitting-room after a while. Bill hadn't come back in and we assumed he had gone home to Fleur.

"Scary being thrown into this family?" I asked Hermione as she happen to be sitting beside me.

"It's a lot bigger than I'm used to, I'm an only child and have just three cousins," she answered, fiddling with a loose thread in her sweater.

"And here it's not possible to count the amount of cousins, not if you take second and third too. I guess your not used to all the fighting either?" I had seen it several times, her eyes gets shifty whenever someone raises their voice.

"No, at our house yelling is as good as forbidden." She looked at me and wasn't sorry or scared, but it was something there.

"Should have had that rule here," I said with a laugh. "But we usually make up fast, so it's nothing to be afraid of."

"I'm not afraid. I just don't see why it's necessary to shout," she admitted and I nodded.

"It's not necessary, but have you ever met the Weasley temper? Or really the Prewett temper, I think they have it from Molly. Now, imagine eight people ready to fire at the smallest bagatelle living under the same roof? It's bound to go wrong." I looked around at the others, they were tired too and Harry had already fallen asleep, his head lolling down on his chest. Tough day at work, I guess.

"But it don't make it any better to raise your voice, why do they bother to get worked up over things that don't matter?" I looked at her again, her hair was trying to get out of the tie.

"Because, if they didn't they would keep it in until, well, going completely Krakatoa. You should have been here, say late eighties, then it was party. Bill was trying to keep the twins out of trouble to keep himself out of trouble, getting some help from Charlie, who then went on him 'couse he then didn't get time to practice Quidditch and Percy told them off because he didn't get the peace he needed to do his homework. In the meantime the twins had set off some practical joke on Ron, who came running to Molly, she got angry at all of them before returning to reading with Ginny, but she had ran off with the twins, having seen how much more fun they were having. That's how it was nearly every single day of the summer and we all loved it." I knew I had a silly grin, but didn't care, that was when life had been nice.

"And where were you in all of that?" She crossed her arms slowly.

"A bit here and there, calming down the one that needed it the most before getting a bucket of mud in the head from the twins." The part about mud had only happened a couple of times, but generally I had just floated around among them. Sometimes I would practice with Charlie, sometimes going on adventures with Ron, yet other times help Percy with homework and keep the twins away from him. "If I weren't working, then I just got time to read to them before they went to bed," I said and stifled a yawn.

"What did you read for them?" She had a renewed interest and drew her legs up beside her.

"Lots of things. The Brothers Lionheart and Narnia is what I remember right now. And some Dickens and other classics," I said and scratched my head, I was sure there was more.

"Muggle books, in other words. Why not fairy-tales?"

"Well, Molly took care of the magical ones. And try picturing their reactions if I read Sleeping Beauty? Even Ginny would think it was stupid!" I began laughing, the idea of the Weasley-brothers and Sleeping Beauty together in any situation was hilarious.

"Talking about that, should we wake Harry now?" She asked a bit louder, getting at least Charlie's attention. He got up and over to the armchair, shaking the shoulder of the boy gently, then a bit harder when it didn't get any response. Then he got a fist square in the face.

"Oh, I'm sorry, I was dreaming and suddenly you stood there!" Harry apologised right away. Charlie had covered his nose with his hand and stepped backwards a couple of feet.

"It's okay, I've gotten my nose punched in before." He removed the hand and discovered he wasn't bleeding. I didn't expect him to either, a thin lad of eighteen don't hit the best when sitting down.

"Violence is also something you have to get used to, considering the amount of testosterone around," I told Hermione and she gave an uncertain smile. "If it's any comfort, for each brother it have to be a girlfriend or wife. Unless one of them is planning on coming out as gay, which I doubt."

"Kay, let's go home," Charlie said after a couple of seconds. I nodded, Lisa had fallen asleep on Arthur's lap and Mina was snoozing in her grandmother's arms.

"Where is their car seats?" I asked him, as I could remember seeing them when we drove to the hospital.

"Probably in the car, I guess Bill took them out of the trunk before driving here with the girls," he said, but it made no sense to me. "Before getting George in the car, you placed the seats in the trunk so they wouldn't be in the way," he told me like I was below averagely gifted. I shook my head in confusion, how did Bill knew the seats were in the trunk? "And when I asked Bill to get the girls I told him to find the seats there," he finished in the same slow tone.

"So you asked Bill?" I snapped at him.

"Yes, you stood right beside me when I did. Outside the hospital." Now he was beginning to get confused.

"Okay, fine, I just don't remember that. And I've been a downright bitch." I leaned back and noted for myself I had to apologise to Bill.

"Are you up for driving now?" He looked concerned at me.

"Yeah, it's just a couple of hours," I told him and stood up.

"We're here," I said and rubbed Charlie's thigh. He opened his eyes and yawned, looked at me for a couple of seconds and opened the car door. I got out too and took Lisa out from the back seat, she was sleeping even deeper now, and went to unlock the door. He followed with Mina in his arms. I kept fumbling with the key for a minute before getting the door open and stumbled in, kicking off my shoes and wrenched off my jacket, still with the toddler in my arms.

"Tired?" Charlie asked while hanging up his own jacket.

"I'm about to die. Let's take the girls with us to our bed," I said, shooting him a glance before going into the bedroom and put Lisa down to get off my clothes. I was clumsy, but soon crawled in between the sheets and placed the toddler's head on the pillow beside mine, she was still clothed, but I wasn't going to do anything about it. Charlie come in and removed his clothes with too much noise.

"We soon have to get a new bed," he said while laying down beside us, stroking a lock of ginger hair away from Mina's forehead. I didn't bother to answer. "And about what I said, about getting pregnant... Maybe it isn't such a good idea right now." He creased his brows a bit. "And I don't care that they aren't biologically mine, I love them," he finished with a look at the girls.

"Mhm, if you say so. Now shut your trap, I'm sleeping," I whispered back after twenty seconds, not seeing his reaction through my closed lids.


	16. Part II, chapter 10

"That should be it," I said and fastened the last screw. I had just replaced the old radio in our car with a newer, complete with CD player. "Time to test it." I turned the key and pressed the on-button. The voice of some male radio host echoed around the yard at once, Darren and the girls looked over at us.

"Then I think we need some Alan Jackson," Charlie said, leaning casually on the side of the vehicle. I nodded and inserted a CD in the slot, turning up the volume before getting out from where I was half-laying across the driver seat. He placed one hand on my back, grinning, and I took hold of his other, letting him lead.

"...Down by the river on a Friday night,  pyramid of cans in the pale moonlight , talking 'bout cars and dreamin' 'bout women..." He sang in a good impression of Mr. Jackson while we danced around, fast enough to nearly make me dizzy.

"All you need is a hat and you'd be a wholehearted rancher," I said with a laugh. He span me fast around before catching me again, taking a kiss in the process. Darren watched us, holding both girls loosely by the hand. He had borrowed my jacket and a sweater, it didn't really fit, but at least kept him warm. The song ended and I freed myself, hurrying to turn the music off before Charlie got another rush. Yes, I like dancing with him, he's a good dancer, but my head was spinning and I was planning on going inside now.

"We're going behind the house, Lisa wants to show me something," Darren called and I nodded to him before slamming the car door shut.

"Why can't life be like this all the time?" I said out in the air. A couple of strong arms went around my stomach and he rocked us slowly while kissing my ear. "Why do we have to have sickness and Voldemorts and dead Freds?" My voice cut like glass despite my attempt at keeping it neutral.

"I don't know... But life is a lot more than that. Like when Lisa read her first word on Wednesday." He placed his cheek to my head and I relaxed more.

"Yeah, that was... Cosy. But it was only 'dog'. Well, she spelled it out afterwards and beamed like a sun for the rest of the day. It was cosy." I couldn't help but smile when I thought about her big eyes when she repeated it again and again.

"There you see, who care about dark Lords when you can see that kind of happiness in her face?" He hugged me closer and I placed my arms over his.

"You're right. But I have a nasty habit of remembering the worst things and ignore the good." I turned in his arms, looking up at him as he ran a hand up my back, settling it at the back of my head, burying it in the hair.

"You're beautiful," he whispered tenderly and kissed my nose. I just gave a small smile and strained my ears, I had heard something.

"Is Lisa crying or am I just imagining things?" I got out of his grip and strode around the corner of the house, discovering the girl to be busy explaining something to the centaur, not crying at all. But now I definitively heard a child crying, it was coming from the forest. I strode over to the fence, climbed over and turned to Charlie, he was still standing beside Darren.

"I hear it too," he said and went after me, I had already started running in between the trees, listening hard, the sound came from somewhere straight ahead. I came to a halt when I saw the form of the child, standing in a small clearing, crying like there was no way to be comforted.

It was hard to tell if it was a boy or girl with the white face and black, tousled hair falling into the dark eyes. The child was wearing what looked to be a dirty, blue knitted jacket and ragged, woollen socks, it was all too big and made a rather pitiful show. I edged closer, afraid to scare and heard Charlie arriving behind me. Together we took small steps towards the thin child of about five years.

"Hi," I started carefully, almost whispering, when I sat down on my knees in front of him or her. "Where are your mummy and daddy?" The crying stopped and a pair of wide brown eyes met mine. Then a sniff and the crying continued, but not as loud.

"Are you cold?" Charlie said and got a small nod. "Do you want me to warm you?" He opened his arms slowly and the child staggered towards him, a bit apprehensive, but let the arms close loosely around.

"Maybe you could come home with us, then we can find out where your mommy and daddy are and you can get home to them again," I suggested. The face was buried in the curve at the side of Charlie's neck so I didn't get any answer, but no objections were made as he straightened up, lifting the child with him. As we walked back I noticed how skinny the child actually was, the spine was hid only by a thin layer of skin and the hands were blue from cold. When we reached the fence we had to go to the gate, Charlie didn't want to climb over with the child in his arms and the small fists clung to his shirt at the attempt at giving him or her to me.

"Darren. We're going inside." He didn't ask, it was an order for the centaur to get the girls with him now. I took Mina up on my arm, she have a habit of walking in her own direction and pace.

Soon Charlie sat on the couch with the child on his lap. Darren had taken the girls to play in their room and I was making oatmeal. It made sense to me that a cold, lonely and skinny kid should eat a big bowl of warm oatmeal. I found a spoon and a glass of milk I heated to room-temperature before making my way to sit down beside them.

"Here you go," I said and directed the spoon to the greyish lips. They didn't part right away, but when the food hit the tongue I could see the hunger waking in the round eyes. "What is your name?" I asked softly and kept feeding. No time to answer, just eat fast.

"Hmm, what's your name? If you don't tell us, we can't find your parents," Charlie said and the eyes turned to him instead. Slightly scared? I lifted the glass from the table and to the mouth, but the child wasn't interested in drinking. I lowered it again, but Charlie took hold of it and brought it up again with a reassuring smile. Then it was okay.

"I'm calling constable Michaelson now," I said and stood up, the child looked at him with slight admiration. The number was written on the notepad by the phone and I dialled it slowly, listening to it ring a couple of times.

"Michaelson," the deep voice of the policeman answered.

"Hello, Kevin Casey here," I started, unsure of how to phrase the situation. "We just found a child in the woods up here. About five years or something, won't say anything and thin as a skeleton."

"Doesn't sound good. We need to take him into child care until we find out who his parents is. It is a boy?" He asked and cleared his throat muffled.

"I'm not sure, really." I placed the heel of my hand to my forehead, this was stressing me ever so slightly.

"Okay. I could come up to you in a couple of hours," he suggested.

"No, we're going to the hospital soon anyway, maybe you could meet us there?"

"Yes, the hospital is probably a good idea. Main entrance, one o'clock?"

"Okay, we'll meet you. But...Nothing. Bye." I hung up without waiting for a response. I felt anxious, but pushed it away before making my way back to the couch. The bowl was half-empty and the mouth was waiting for the next spoonful. The feet retracted closer to Charlie's thigh when I sat down, but I tried giving a small smile.

"What did he say?" Charlie asked me while taking hold of the glass again.

"We're meeting him at the hospital at one. Since we're going to visit George anyway." I folded my hands in my lap just as the child jumped down and stood unsure, shifting and put the small hands over the butt.

"Come, I'll show you were the loo is," Charlie said instantly and got up, putting his rough hand tenderly at the back of the black head. They disappeared down the hall, I didn't turn to look after them. I didn't get why the child was afraid of me and relaxed with Charlie. Shouldn't it be the other way around? I thought small children clung to women, whether it was their mother or not. Maybe it was something personal.

"It's going straight through you, isn't it," I heard Charlie's voice tell. I got up and into the small bathroom, discovering the child to be held up to not fall into the toilet, the pale cheeks wet with tears again. I turned and headed for the medical cabinet, taking out a small sweet and unwrapped it hastily before cutting it in four with my wand.

"Here," I muttered as I placed the piece of U-No-Poo in Charlie's hand. He looked at it for a second before convincing the boy to eat it. As his filthy pants were gathered around his ankles I also discovered the bruises and how dirty he was.

"Can you give him a shower while I find some clothes I think'll fit?" I leaned a little on the wall behind me and Charlie nodded. As I exited I thought of another way of putting it: hose him down while I find something other than those awful rags.

* * *

I shot a look to the side before gazing at the road again. Molly had been happy to look after the girls while we were in town. Now we were a bit late, but I don't think Michaelson would mind that much. The boy was sitting on Charlie's lap even though wasn't completely safe, he had began crying silently when we placed him in the back seat.

"You still won't tell us your name?" Charlie tried and the boy shook his head for a second. "Well, I'm Charlie and she's Kevin, but we usually call her Kay. And you saw the two girls, that's Lisa and Mina." The black head turned and Charlie smiled down at him. I had found a pair of Kaya's old trousers and Lisa's sweater to clothe him in, it looked mismatched and weird. Then again, the kid didn't look normal to begin with.

"Usually I'm called a lot of other things too, but you're not old enough to hear that," I joked and turned into the parking lot of the hospital, found a spot and stopped the engine with a sigh. Charlie got out and took the boy up on his hip. The child grabbed at the leather jacket and observed the face, awaiting. I inhaled and followed them, it was a short walk to the entrance where the policeman waited. He was one of the few we had got to know here since we had moved.

"Hello," he greeted, his eyes locked at the child. He was a rather tall man in his mid-fifties with dark blonde hair that greyed here and there.

"Hi. Sorry we're a little late," I said. He nodded and motioned for us to go inside where a room and nurses were already waiting for the arrival of the small boy.

"Just put him down here," a brunette said to Charlie and patted at a bench. He obeyed, rubbing the child's back before letting go.

"Thank you for calling me right away. We'll take care of him now," Michaelson told me and gave the closest to a smile his hardened face managed.

"That's good to know. I hope you find his parents soon." It wasn't really true, any parent who let their kid end up in that state isn't a good parent. If I had my choice I would take him back home and raise him as my own.

"I'll go back to the station and start looking straight away," he said and turned his face slowly to Charlie and the boy again.

"We better get up to George," Charlie said to me. I could see he didn't want to leave, but just had to rip himself away before he got too attached to the boy. I nodded and we headed for the door, I interlaced our fingers.

"Char-ley!" A high-pitched cry went through the room as he pushed down the door-handle. We turned, the small boy was scared out of his wits and fresh tears were about to run. Charlie let go of the handle and hurried to embrace the skeletal body again, shh-ing and rubbing the back in circles.

"I'll come back for you, I promise." He let go enough to look at the face. "I just have to leave for a short while, but I'll come back. Promise. And now that you are talking, maybe you could tell us your name, hmm?" He asked softly and got a short answer I didn't catch. "Well then, Brody, if you want to, you can hold on to my jacket for me 'til I'm back." The boy nodded and Charlie took off the leather jacket, wrapping it around the small shoulders before placing a small kiss on his forehead. As I watched quietly, there was just one thing going through my mind: God, I love that man!

* * *

George had been moved to a different ward as they didn't think he needed intensive care anymore. The room was light, if not that big and I opened the curtains before taking my place beside Charlie by the bed again.

"You're better today, aren't you?" Bill asked George, but he just kept staring blankly at the ceiling, the gown had creased up under his arm. Same response, or rather lack of response we had got the last couple of minutes. Fleur tried stroking his bandaged hand, she looked worried.

"I asked Marwood to come and have a talk with you later today," I tried, all I got was a slow blink. I knew George had a great need to talk to someone and when I told this to the psychiatrist, he had offered to come, free of charge and outside office-time. It was a while where no one knew what to say or do. I noticed the cannula was still in his left hand, but not connected to anything.

"I'm going to a job interview on Tuesday," Charlie blurted out, we could just as well do some small-talking and hope George would join in after a while.

"'Ow nice. I zhink zhey will 'ire you," Fleur told him and looked up from the bed for a moment.

"Yeah, I'm hoping on that," he said airy before returning to observe George. It was silent for a long time while we all kept stroking and rubbing his arms occasionally. _Beep. Beep. Beep._

"Angelina still refuses to come?" Bill asked quietly with a look at me. He wasn't ignoring me completely anymore, but only talked to me if it was to get important information.

"Yes. Ginny went there earlier today, but couldn't convince her." I removed my hand from George's stomach and looked at his pale face, he had creased his brows. A small grunt alarmed me.

"Not again. George, the loo's just in there," Charlie pleaded and pointed at the door to the small bathroom connected to his room. George didn't react. "Help me here," he added to Bill and removed the strings attached to their younger brother before pulling him out on the edge and made him sit up. Bill took one of George's arms over his shoulder while Charlie did the same on the other side and together they dragged the mass into the bathroom.

"There you go, George," Bill said reassuringly when they had got him down on the toilet. His eyes were blank, slightly turned upwards and his mouth hung open, he drooled a bit and the expression altogether reminded me of someone heavily brain-damaged. His arms hung straight down and he leaned a little forward. The older brothers squatted down in front of him, repeating his name and rubbing his arms, hoping he would answer soon. Instead he just grunted, breathed heavy and shook a bit with the effort. I stood in the doorway, watching them, creasing my brow as I contemplated how bad George was doing. Fleur had remained by the bed and I heard her draw a shaking breath.

"Done?" Charlie asked, but no response came. He exchanged a look with his older brother, who nodded and he took hold around George's torso, gently lifting him forward so Bill could wipe his rear.

"There's just no stop to what you'll do for your brothers," I told him.

"I have actually done this before, even though it's at least fifteen years ago." He sounded sorry over how bad George was doing, as if it somehow was his fault. He got George's underwear on again before washing his hands for a long time, thinking. Charlie held on to George, keeping him on his feet until he got help moving him towards the bed. I could see they had some trouble getting the limp body through the door.

"Oy, what d'you think you're doing?" Charlie was still supporting George, but he didn't want his shoes to get pissed on and tried taking a step to the side. The puddle formed on both side of the threshold, dark yellow fluid splashed over the grey floor while George didn't seem to know what he was doing. "Merlin, we were just in there and you wait 'til..." Charlie couldn't get angry at him.

"It's blood in it," Bill remarked when the last drops hit, red and dark. "I'll get a nurse." He let go, exiting in long strides and I had to take his place, gripping around George's back and we moved him into the bed again. Fleur straightened the sheet over him unnecessary much. I wiped the saliva on his chin away with the sleeve of my sweater as Bill came back, followed by a woman in her forties.

"Can I have a word with you," Bill asked me while the nurse re-attached the wires on George's chest. I nodded and we went into the hall, he closed the door after us before looking at me hard and judging, I got very conscious of the small hole on the edge of my sweater. "What have you told him about us?" He finally said.

"At the time I have only told him I kissed you and you returned it. He got angry, but cooled off on a long walk." I crossed my arms stubbornly.

"Why did you have to tell him anything at all? I haven't told Fleur and aren't going to. She doesn't need to know what stupid things I do and neither do Charlie!" His voice was stern, but not raised.

"So you're not honest with your wife? Well, that's a great start," I commented sarcastically.

"It isn't about lying, it's about forgetting something that wasn't suppose to happen." He clenched his fists.

"I had never thought you would be such a coward," I said and stared him straight in the eyes. _Smack! _He slapped me and I felt the burn, but didn't regret what I had said. "It did happen. It was stupid, yes, but still it happened," I said in low, but clear voice. He drew a hand over his hair and looked away for a second.

"Do you want me to be honest with _you?_ Okay, here it is; You're attractive, that's just how it is, but I love Fleur. You broke my heart a million years ago and I'm over it. Now you're just a family friend and my brother's girlfriend." His nostrils flared a little and his cheeks were a bit flushed.

"Thank you. I'm sorry for making a pass at you, ever. It was wrong, but taught us both a lot. And I'm sorry for shouting at you for picking up the girls, I didn't remember Charlie asking you." I took a small step closer and looked up at him. He wasn't angry, but far from calm and gave a small nod at my apology.

"Then we got that sorted out. But I still don't want you to tell him," he said gravely.

"You can't tell me what to do or live my life. And vice versa, if you don't want to tell her, it's your decision." I tried to smile at him, but it turned out stiff and unnatural.

"And now you have taken another child into your care? I thought it would stop with the centaur."

"What did you expect us to do, let him starve? Besides, it's only temporary," I finished and moved my eyes to his shoulder. A commotion was heard from the room and Charlie's voice telling the nurse to lay off George. I instantly opened the door and strode in.

"Just leave him alone and take that blood test later," Charlie told the nurse again, she looked torn between what she should do and what she wanted to do. George had rolled over on his stomach and drawn one leg up to his body, moaning open-mouthed down in the pillow.

"Right then, I'll come back in an hour. But we also need an urine sample," she said and put a small plastic bottle on the night-stand before exiting. Charlie placed a hand on George's arm, but he threw it off, moaning louder. This made the older look rather lost and I went and placed my arm around his back.

The moans grew to "Bill... Bill..." Me, Charlie and Fleur looked at the oldest brother and he swallowed hard before stroking George gently over the back and got in beside him, placing the younger's head on his chest and hushed slow. The moaning stopped after a minute, he had gripped hard at Bill's shirt, but his face was still that reflection of brain-damage. I knew it wasn't anything wrong with him in that manner, but some tiny part of me wondered and worried.

"Let's get this horrible thing off you," Bill suggested and untied the gown in the back, pulled it off his shoulder and bent the arm carefully back to get it out of the short sleeve, the hand never fully relaxed. George's breath and heart went faster until he could grip onto his brother again. Bill saw it would be hard to get the rest of the clothing off without moving George somehow and Fleur tucked the blanket around his bare back.

"Marwood is probably here any minute now," I said after a look at Charlie's watch. "I'll go down and meet him." I took a last look at George, he was slavering and moving his tongue like he tried to say something. Bill tightened the hold a little and I sighed, doubting the doctor would be much help now, but moved towards the door again. Charlie followed me.

I leaned on the wall beside the door, trying not to eavesdrop too much on Marwood's conversation with George. It had been two hours and he now managed to use Fred's name without breaking down. Bill was still in there, but I hadn't heard him for a long time. I closed my eyes. Charlie was somewhere with Brody and I guessed they were both okay.

"Kevin, it isn't nice to listen at doors." I jumped at Marwood's voice beside me and straightened up.

"I was just waiting," I said feebly. He gave me a knowing look over his glasses before turning and walked down the hall. I shook myself mentally and went slowly in to George and Bill, taking the chair I assumed the doctor had used.

"Thanks for getting him here to talk," George told me weakly. He was still laying on his brother's chest, eyes red and mouth not properly closed.

"As long as it helps you," I answered and noticed the untouched tray of food on the night-stand. "Want something to eat?" I had already taken the plate down.

"No, it looks, smells and tastes like roadkill," he retorted and made a noise of disgust.

"It's Jell-O," Bill said, pointing to the plastic cup with exactly that written in red letters. The younger had some interest in that, I placed the plate back and took off the lid, dragged the chair closer to the bed and gave Bill the spoon. He started feeding George where they were laying. He sucked it more than ate it, the sounds reminded me of Lisa when she was younger.

"'S good," he got out and tried licking his lips, it just turned them stickier.

"Because you're hungry," Bill told him. "Mum would have a fit if she knew you were living off chocolate and pudding. If you ate properly you would also be out of here sooner." He was negotiating again.

"Yeah... She wasn't as choking as I would expect today." He sucked up another spoonful and swallowed.

"She was here?" I asked, far from surprised. It was actually strange she hadn't glued herself to his bedside.

"Yeah, Mum and Dad and Ron and Ginny were here this morning," he said and drew his breath deeply. He had finished the Jell-O already, I put the empty shell on the tray and couldn't help but pick up the bottle. It already had a sticker with his name on it.

"You should get that filled before they start nagging more," Bill advised his brother.

"They have already taken my blood, so why not..." He sighed half-mockingly and I gave the bottle to him, he held it unsteady and Bill took it instead. The gown had been curled up at the foot-end of the bed, he was only wearing briefs and socks, as the blanket was pulled aside I concentrated on a small hole in the wall above them. I heard the bottle being uncapped and some shifting. I waited, giving them some privacy by looking down at the hands in my lap instead.

"That's all?" Bill asked. George probably nodded, the bottle was recapped and placed back at the bedside table. It was half-full, which I found odd, it was pretty small. I turned my attention back at them, George snuggled closer, putting one leg further over Bill's. The older didn't mind, just stroke his shoulder and back, they both needed some comforting even though they were too proud or stubborn to admit it out loud.

"Did you read the Prophet today?" George asked. I was taken aback, since when did he read the paper? "Mum brought it and pointed out a very nice piece to me. Umbridge's ending up in prison, if all goes as it should."

"That's bloody well time for it! She should never been given any power at all," I said and felt cold satisfaction at the thought of the toad-face in Azkaban. They both nodded thoughtfully. A shudder suddenly went through George.

"Sorry, I was sure I was done!" He sounded genuine ashamed and I noticed Bill's jeans was turning wet where his brother was laying. "I'm worse than Charlie," he added with a groan.

"It's okay," Bill told him weary. "We'll get you changed into some..." He stopped when George started crying, downright wailing. "Hey, it's no big deal. So you peed a little on me, it's not the end of the world."

"I know, but... If he had seen me... He'd tell me I'm a snot-rag... And helpless little..." He stopped trying to force words through the sobs.

"If he had been here, you wouldn't be like this," I told him hard, making eye-contact. He went quiet, but the tears kept running. He crawled further up on Bill and I went around the bed, settling myself behind him. "Shh, little one, shh..." He gave a snort of a laugh at my cooing, but reach out and grabbed my hand.

"If I knew who did it, I'd just... First I'd knock the air out of them, then kick 'em in the guts for a long time, eventually the stones, then I'll bang the head in a rock, preferably the face, before shoving the biggest piece of firework up the arse and send 'em towards Jupiter!" He sniffed a couple of times. "And that I'll repeat every single day for rest of their life."

"Do you think that would do any good?" I asked. He had been hurting a lot these past months and first now let some of it out. I propped myself up on my elbow and looked at the hole where his ear should be.

"It would make me feel better," he answered and turned his head a bit towards me. "And that's really all I care about." I nodded and laid down again, wrapping my arm around his chest and listened to his breathing. It was a bit annoying to have the heart-monitor beeping all the time, but he was calmer again now, so it wasn't such a pain. "Marwood made me say it," he whispered after a couple of minutes. "Fred is dead."

"That's sadly how it is," I answered and stroke my fingers down to his stomach. He had become a lot thinner the last year, far from all the Quidditch-muscles I knew. He started turning to lay on his back and I sat up on my knees to let him, ready to get out. He reached his arms towards me and I settled across him, resting my face next to his neck and my legs on each side of him. He wrapped his arms around me and I stroke his ribs slowly, the only place I could easily reach.

"Poor Billy, he must be exhausted," George commented with some of his old spark back. I looked over at Bill, and sure enough, he had fallen asleep. The arms around my back let go slowly and after some time only rested there. I kept stroking him where I could reach, ribs and chest. When the door suddenly opened I was torn out of my snooze and sat up.

"Hi," Charlie said in a low voice, probably wanting to not disturb his brothers. He held Brody by one hand and a baguette occupied the other. The boy had got a piece of the food and took big bites while looking at me.

"Hi. I just borrowed her for a while," George answered in a thick voice with a nod towards me. I got out of the bed and straightened my clothes, noticing the longing look George gave his brother's food and Charlie gave it to him with a roll of the eyes. "Thanks," he said while wolfing down the bread with cheese, ham and lettuce. Bill stretched and opened his eyes, taking in the scene before sitting up and swinging his legs over the edge.

"And that is why you should sleep during the night," I commented with a laugh as he stood up, yawned and turned towards us.

"I do sleep during the night." He didn't say any more, just sat down in the chair and looked at George who was already done with the food.

"We should head home," Charlie said carefully. Both me and Bill nodded, he could be here for some time still. George was out on the floor before anyone got time to register it and launched towards the bathroom. I went after him, seeing him leaning over the toilet and throwing up the nutrition he needed.

"'M fine," he said when he was done and I placed a hand on his back. He straightened up and I wiped his mouth with a pad of paper, he was pale, but gave a small smile before going back to the bed.

"You shouldn't have eaten so fast," Bill told him since their mother wasn't here to do it. He just got a shrug from the bed. Brody sniffed and stepped closer to Charlie. I was beginning to get tired and felt the balls dangerously close to crashing down on me.

"And who are you?" George asked while looking curiously at the little boy. At this attention a small blush bloomed over the white cheeks and he hid behind Charlie, gripping at the trousers with one fist.

"Brody. We found him in the forest outside our house," Charlie filled in and placed his palm to the boy's head.

"Well, that's typical you, find some lost creature and drag it back home to nurse it," George commented with a chuckle. I only gave an agreeing blink. "Remember how Mum would loose it every time you brought a stray puppy or bird or cat or whatever back? It was funny to watch her fire up and you try to defend your actions and she get even madder... Good times." A healthy colour was starting to take over his face.

"And you were just as helpful to give her suggestions for what to call me and how to punish me. By the way, we were looking at some photos a while back and it was one of Snowball, the cat. Do you have any idea what happened to her?" Charlie asked while carefully making Brody stand beside him instead of behind his leg.

"Only you would name a perfectly black cat _Snowball_," Bill shot in and shook his head at his younger brother's habit of strange names.

"Yeah, I might," George replied with a dangerous smile. "Now, don't go and have a litter of kittens or foals or whatever fits you, but... Snowball rests peacefully at the graveyard, next to our uncles. You see, one day we wanted to see if all those tales about cats were true, you know, always land on their feet, nine lives, crossing the road makes bad luck." He drew his breath to make an important pause. "So, we began by capturing her and taking her up to Ron's room, where we opened the window and let her fly. Sadly we didn't plan enough for one of us to stand down there and see how she landed. That meant we had to repeat it and by nicking some ham from the pantry we tempted her down from a tree. Then it was only for me to held the beast while Fred was down on the ground, observing as she landed on her back and grabbed hold of her before she got away." He took another break to take in his brother's face, it was gradually getting redder. "Anyway, after a few scratches and bites we got her down in a bag, which we needed for our next experiment. We discussed several opportunities, but in the end agreed on taking her up to the lake and test her swimming abilities. They were less than we had reckoned, even considering the bag and we had to dive in to get her. And since we didn't want to suffer the same fate, we buried her as fast as possible." He interlaced his fingers over his lap and looked with faked innocence from one to the other, stopping at Charlie, who was about to blow.

"You. Killed. Her." He was fighting hard to keep his temper under control. "You tortured her and then killed her. Do you have any idea how long I looked for her?" He raised his voice a little, but tried his best not to scare the boy clinging to his hand.

"George, I had honestly not expected you to do anything like that," Bill said calmly. "But done is done." He moved his gaze to Charlie, silently telling him to cool down or get out, their brother didn't need any more stress now. Brody was lifted up on the arm and the atmosphere steadied after a quiet minute.

"When is that no-good brat of a twin going to drag himself here?" George asked cheerful. I exchanged a quick look with the others, we were back _there._

"Soon," I said, trying not to look sad or worried or any other thing that may set him off. It wasn't right to lie to him, but we had silently agreed that was the easiest now.

"Yeah, busy with the shop I guess. And I've seen the looks he and Verity send each other! They got something going on," He went on, not noticing how our faces hardened into masks. "I've give him a real round, what I found on the supply room floor was not hair-foam, no matter what he says." At this Bill stood up and strode out, his eyes had got too close to tearing up. "Got any way with Angie?"

"No, she's stubborn," I said, forcing my voice to be even.

"She'll come around. I'll be out of here in a couple of days anyway," he said and ran a hand carelessly through his hair. I clenched my jaw and nodded. We had to leave him, but before we exited the ward I got hold of the head nurse and told her about George's state.

"Here you go," I said weary and placed the plates with hamburgers on the table. I slumped down on a chair and looked at them, Lisa was chewing fast with the half burger between her hands, Mina stared at me, having already been fed while I made dinner and Brody only had eyes for the food. He was sitting on Charlie's lap, not because it wasn't enough chairs, but because that was the only place he felt safe.

"What now?" I mumbled as a tiny owl fluttered up and down outside the window. I opened up and the bird landed on the middle of the table, letting go of the letter it had held. Lisa looked curiously at this small ball of feathers and reached her hand slowly towards it. Charlie took the envelope and opened it, reading while eating with the other hand.

"It's from Ron. He says they're worried about Ginny, she doesn't eat or sleep much, just sits by herself and looks gloomy," he said and took a new bite.

"Her too... I'm so tired of this, everyone's getting sick!" I was angry and it had scared Brody, he moved closer to Charlie's torso.

"I know, but..." Charlie was more worried for his sister. "But it's not your responsibility." He looked me in the eyes tenderly.

"I know, but I care too damn much about everyone, okay? And I don't like seeing them in pain!" I stood up, he grabbed my hand over the table. "I'm going to bed. Just leave me alone for a while." He let go and I moved slowly into the bedroom, laying down without taking my clothes off. Memories started to drift through my mind.

"You're getting real good with the broom," I said to Kaya and ruffled her long, orange hair as we walked towards the door of the Burrow. The eight-year old looked up at me and smiled.

"Yeah, but it's funnier when Charlie helps me, he can do faster turns," she stated and opened the door. I nodded as I stopped in the doorway to the kitchen, looking around at them all.

"Hi," I said to the black-haired boy that could only be the one and only Harry Potter. "Kevin Casey," I introduced myself and he gave an insecure smile. Kaya smiled brightly at him before introducing herself, she had been looking forward to the possibility that she might get to meet the miracle boy. To the extent even Ginny told her to calm down.

"Bill, can you come and see what I can do now?" Kaya asked her father exited. "You too, Charlie," she added while gripping the broom harder and both men got up. I had to go to the bathroom and skipped up the stairs, catching a glimpse of them through the small window.

Kaya hadn't managed the loop and had fallen off, Bill was now blowing on her scraped knee. Almost like a real father-daughter-moment. Charlie retrieved the broom from a nearby tree, probably thinking they needed some time together. But I had never told her who her father really was. I descended the steps again, hearing arguing in the kitchen and I peeked my head in.

"Tell me _what_, Arthur," Molly said with her eyes fixed on her husband.

"It's nothing, Molly," he mumbled, I suspected he was protecting one of their sons from a month of doing dishes. "Fred and George just – but I've had a word with them..." His eyes flickered a little and I wondered what the twins had done, set her knitting on fire?

"What have they done this time?" Molly inquired. "If it's got something to do with _Weasley Wizard Wheezes _-" She furrowed her brows dangerously and I saw Arthur swallow hard. I shook my head, Molly have an iron-grip around her man. Or men, her sons aren't kids anymore. I went out in the yard, Kaya had stopped crying, but I still sat down beside them to hear the whole story.

Later that evening we were going to have dinner out in the garden and someone obviously hadn't plans for it starting soon, Bill and Charlie had been set to levitate the tables out of the basement.

"Did you plan on getting it out with _any _of the legs still attached," Bill called teasingly down the stairs to his younger brother. As a result Charlie threw caution to the dogs and made it zoom straight out, one of the legs nearly hit Bill square in the head. Both me and Kaya laughed where we were sitting on the grass, observing and taking bets on who would first shatter something.

"When you are such a prat and take the smallest," it came as Charlie stomped up the stairs, still levitating the table above his brother.

"It was the closest. And don't talk that way about my table, it isn't small," Bill answered in mock-hurt and levitated his table again, sending it up under Charlie's. To this Charlie brought it higher and Bill followed, soon they crashed together and they both lost control for a second, then the younger sent the table forward again, legs first. Bill took this challenge and they met with a loud crash.

"Go Charlie, go Charlie!" Kaya started chanting as a response to the twins cheering for their oldest brother. Charlie turned to smile at her as Bill's table caught his and knocked off a leg.

"Guess I owe you a cookie," I told her as a window opened on the second floor and a rather angry Percy stuck his head out.

"Will you keep it down!" He yelled to the general enjoyment of us down on the ground.

"Sorry, Perce," Bill said with an amused grin. "How's the cauldron bottoms coming up?"

"Very badly," Percy answered with his nose in the air and slammed the window shut. I let my laughter flow, the poker in his arse must be stuffed extra high today. The tables were finally put down and the leg re-attached.

"You're small," Fred said to Kaya and sat down beside her. I suddenly got suspicious, they usually had a reason for starting conversation that strange. My daughter wasn't offended, but nodded.

"And we happen to be in need of a small person," George continued, he had seated himself in front of her, legs crossed.

"Then I guess I better help you," she offered at once. I suppressed a sigh.

"Great! Meet us in our room at nine o'clock sharp." They jumped up again and I shook my head, what were they up to now?

"Don't let them do anything you don't want to you, okay? Actually that goes for all boys, ever," I told her and smiled at myself.

"Relax, I can take care of myself. I'm eight and three-quarters, you know." She looked seriously at me and I let out a little sigh.

Dinner was as I had expected. Delicious food I didn't need to eat, but still stuffed in, it just melted on the tongue. Percy was talking to his father about the Ministry and trying to get someone to ask him about the Triwizard Tournament to boast his own ego.

"Send me the mashed potatoes," I said to Kaya beside me. Instead Bill handed them to me from where he was sitting on her other side.

"Mum, you're going to eat 'til you explode," she commented as I scooped some up on my plate.

"Then I'll die happy," I retorted and took a big bite. From across the table Charlie was looking dreamingly at me and had apparently forgot the fork he had brought half-way to his mouth.

"Mum, no one at the bank gives a damn how I look as long as I bring back plenty of treasure," Bill said to Molly with thinning patience, it must be the millionth time he tells her in one way or another through the years.

"And your hair is getting silly, dear," she churned on. "I wish you'd let me give it a trim."

"I like it," Kaya stated loudly, she had been listening to them for several minutes.

"Yeah, you're so old-fashioned, Mum," Ginny shot in. "Anyway, it's not nearly as long as Professor Dumbledore's..." She let it rest with that. Charlie had been ripped out of his daydream by the twins and was now discussing the World Cup. Harry soon joined in.

"Mum..." She sounded smaller than usual. "The leprechauns won't eat me, will they?"

"No, of course not," I answered quickly. "Where have you got that idea?"

"No, nothing, it was just something in the book I read last night." She shuddered a bit and returned to the meal.

"The one I got from Bill and Charlie's room? What was it called?" I turned a little on my chair to see her better. She looked a bit ashamed for believing in the tale, at the same time scared it may be true.

"I don't remember, but it had a blue and green cover," she said and put her fork down, looking over the table to George, who apparently had followed our conversation with half an ear.

"The blue and green leprechaun-book? Oh, that is scary. I had nightmares for weeks after Charlie read it to us," he reassured her. She seemed to be comforted by it, if the big sixteen-year-old could be afraid of it, it wasn't a big deal that she was. He smiled at her and returned to the talk with his twin.

"Just take it easy, nothing will happen at the World Cup, and if it by some freak-coincidence should, I'll look after you. We all will," I told her and stroke her back. She nodded and threw herself into talking with Hermione about Hogwarts.

"Kevin," Charlie said softly. I was yanked back to the present and opened my eyes. He laid down beside me and stroked the hair from my forehead. I slid my hand under his shirt and felt his warm stomach, his breath moving it steady.

"Yeah, I'm coming now." I got up despite wanting to stay there with him. It had helped to close my eyes, giving me a small break. But the matter with Kaya now pressed even harder on me. The kids were all sitting in the sofa, eyes glued to the telly where Disney's Pocahontas was playing. I started to sing along with the movie almost without thinking about it. It woke me more and I realised my eye-close had helped more than I had expected.

"Kay..." Charlie placed a hand on my shoulder.

"Does my singing bother you?" I asked and turned towards him.

"No, the singing isn't a problem, that you sing in a different language than the telly, that's unsettling." He smiled playfully. "I'm taking a shower."

"Correction, _we're_ taking a shower." I mirrored his smile and took hold around his wrist, taking him with me into the bathroom where our lips met at once. I started to button down his shirt while he stroke my shoulder-blades, moving down to the small of my back. I placed my arms around his waist and pulled closer, tickling on his back with the tips of my fingers. He began taking off my sweater and I let go of his lower lip, letting him peel it over my arms, afterwards tracing my collarbone, chest and let his hands rest on my breasts. We both let out a breath and I opened the first button on his jeans, looking up in his excited face before doing the rest.

The rest of the clothes fell quickly and I pressed up to him, feeling his warm body to my slightly cooler. He took a small step back and went to turn on the shower. I drew my breath and followed him in, closing the door after me. I closed my eyes and smelled him; sweet, raw and wet! He placed a deep kiss on me before reaching for the soap. I couldn't help myself and closed in the few inches, causing my hips and stomach to meet his soapy body.

"Let me help you wash your manhood," I offered, hearing how cheesy it was. He looked pleasantly surprised for a moment.

"Manhood? His name is Oscar," he stated with a small laugh. I smiled in return, not asking why, before placing my right hand to the shaft and the left closer to the tip. His hand went up on my shoulders as I began rubbing, feeling him harden. As I tightened my grip he let out a heavy breath and moved his feet to stand better. I let my fingers slip over the head several times before taking it into my fist again. He squeezed my breasts slightly and I moved faster, both hands needed to pleasure him. He gave a moan and shifted even closer to me, the water running through his hair, into his eyes before proceeding down his face, neck and chest. He leaned in for a kiss and I tried giving it all with both hands and lips at once. As he moaned several times into my mouth and I felt a different liquid spilling between my fingers. We let go of the other, but I soon placed my lips to his neck, tasting his slightly salty skin, my hands moved up to his hips. His fingers went down on my butt, gripping tenderly. I traced my fangs to his flesh, smelling the blood pumping right under the skin.

"Bite me," he whispered before taking hold of the top of my ear with his lips. I sighed and leaned back against the wall, I couldn't. He didn't let it ruin the mood and slowly moved down on my neck, collarbone and between by breasts, going off track to suck my nipple softly. I didn't tell him it was like having the world's biggest infant stuck to me because the feeling was also good in a way. He proceeded down my body, getting down on one knee before kissing my hip, moving down on my thigh. I lifted the leg a bit away and his lips and tongue caressed the inside, getting further up again. When he reached the crease between my leg and body I let out a moan and placed my leg over his shoulder. His hand moved up and down my butt as his tongue found my clitoris.

"Oh..." I placed a hand on the top of his head for support. The other went down on my hip where he had his right hand while playing with me. I leaned my lower body more towards him and a finger went into the hole. I let myself get lost in the sensation of the tip of his tongue on the most sensitive part of my body, his lips touching around every now and then. The finger began working more intensively and my moans filled the small cabinet. As he curled his finger slightly inside me, I felt I was on the outmost edge and focused on his tongue, tensing the leg I had over his back and closed my fingers around his hair.

The orgasm sent trembles through my whole body, I had trouble not falling over him as I gave a couple of shouts of sheer delight. He stopped and I moved my leg from his shoulder, quivering slightly. We looked at each other for several seconds before he stood up slowly and put his arms around me. I took the initiative to a deep kiss and he returned it, stroking one arm higher up on my back. When we broke it I smiled at him before reaching to remove a small brown hair from my mouth. We both looked at it like it was a new discovery.

"Well, that was a nice end," he said dryly at last.

"Yeah, pulling out one of my own pubes from between my teeth, perfect," I answered sarcastically and chuckled. "But that's really a small price to pay."

"It was good?" He loosed his hold and looked at me like a small boy seeking confirmation.

"It was great," I answered and kissed him again before reaching for the shampoo. We didn't keep our hands much off the other through the rest of the shower, and when I turned off the water he leaned on me in a hug. I placed my arms around his neck for a moment before getting out and found towels.

"You're amazing," he whispered as he embraced me from behind.

"Mhm," I murmured back. He was acting like a love-sick puppy and kissed the back of my head. "So, Oscar... Why?"

"Um... Well, there was a couple of Swedish-Norwegian kings forever ago. And I like the name." He let go and started slowly drying himself again.

"Yeah, it fits!" I looked at him and smiled, it was corny anyway.

"Come on, like you never named any part of your body," he accused me and stopped with the towel on his chest.

"Okay then, my boobs got names." I dried my hair a bit more before moving to my neck.

"And what may that be?" He stepped closer and I bit my lower lip.

"No, you'll think it's silly." Really I didn't want to tell him.

"Sillier than Oscar?" I felt his fingers on my hip in a soft caress.

"Fine! Fred and George," I spat out and leaned back against the sink.

"You named your tits after my brothers?" He laughed a little.

"Actually it was the other way around. Your mother wanted to named the twins something in honour of her brothers and they went through countless combinations of F and G names. It was nearly they ended with Felix and Garret before I said I had a suggestion. I didn't tell them where I had got the idea, though." I looked up at him and he smiled again, then placed a small kiss to my lips.

"Thank Merlin they had names," he said and placed his hands to my breasts. "I don't think I would have handled having a brother named _Felix_." His eyes got a bit sad and he let go again. Then a bone-shattering cry went through the air and we hastily draped the towels around our bodies before launching out in the living room. It was Brody that had made the horrible sound, Lisa stood beside the couch and looked both angry and scared.

"What did you do?" I half-shouted in her face as I sat down and took hold of her upper arms. Charlie had sat down and took the boy up on his lap to comfort him. Mina just looked at us with minor interest. "What did you do?" I repeated angrier, she should know how to behave. Tear was spilling out of her eyes and she tore herself from my grip and ran to her room, I could hear she was crying sincerely.

"What happened?" Charlie tried carefully to Brody, but he just hid his face in his hands and shook his head. "We aren't angry with you, you can tell us." The strong hand stroke the small shoulders shaking with silent sobs. I stood up and went slowly to the girls' room where I sat down on Lisa's bed, she was laying on her stomach, still crying.

"I'm sorry. Can you tell me what happened?" I said softly and placed a hand on her back. She looked up and sniffed, then crawled up on my lap.

"It was _my_ cookie and he took it," she said in her little-girl-manner as I placed my arm around her back.

"Then what?" It had been wrong of me to assume she had started it.

"I tried taking it back and he yelled!" She looked up at me, obviously mad at the boy who had suddenly appeared in our house.

"That wasn't nice of any of you. He shouldn't have taken your cookie and you should have asked to have it back," I told her. She nodded, but I knew it was a bit much information for her. "Are you ready to go and apologise now?" She nodded and slowly got down on the floor. I took her hand loosely in mine and we went back in the sitting-room. Lisa walked confident to Charlie and looked at the body he was cradling against his chest.

"I'm sorry I hit you," she said loud and clear and waited for the boy to show his face and return the favour. He didn't and she turned on the heel and started stomping back to her room. I took hold of her and lifted her up on my hip.

"He can say it later," I whispered in her ear and sat down on the couch too. She buried her fist in my wet hair and looked like she was thinking 'just sit there and cry, you stupid boy, I have Mamma!'

That night Brody was allowed to sleep with us. Lisa made some objections when she had to stay in her own bed, but in the end accepted it. Now the small boy was resting between us, closest to Charlie, cuddling up to the big body.

"Kay..." Charlie whispered and touched my cheek. I had been twisting and turning restlessly for several minutes.

"I'm hungry. Just lay where you are," I said and took my wand with me when I made my way around to the other side of him. He rolled over on his back, Brody slept too hard to notice. I made a small gash on his chest close to his arm-pit and laid down, licking it. I was crammed against his side not to fall off the mattress, but it felt good to be close to him and he put his arm around me. The blood flowed out at a pleasant pace, my tongue went over the open wound every time the stripe turned redder and I felt the hunger ease. When I was done, I healed it and rested my head on the place. He had almost fallen asleep, but tightened his hold a bit and I let go of the breath I had been holding.


	17. Part II, chapter 11

Bloody Monday. I drifted through the library without any goal. It was lunch and I should just go home, but the smell of old books and quiet atmosphere calmed me. It was too much life at home, too many voices and people. Here it was almost empty. I noticed the bushy mane of brown hair and sat down on the chair opposite here.

"Hi. What'cha writing?" I asked Hermione and she looked up at me.

"Oh, just filling in some information the Ministry need to have before Phoenix House can start up," she answered and tucked some of the hair behind her ear.

"Phoenix House?" I couldn't say I recognised the name.

"That's what we're calling the orphanage. The last months Grimauld's Place twelve have been redecorated and made ready, we have employees and all we need is for the Ministry to give us the last permission." She looked down on the parchment again. I nodded slowly, it seemed like great use of both the money and the old house.

"Good luck," I said and stood up, making a mental note for Brody maybe to end up at Phoenix House, even though I suspected him to be Muggle. I couldn't glide around here forever and made my way to the door where a taller woman smelling of alcohol walked into me. "Ginny!" I looked up in her drawn face.

"Kevin... Hi," she got out before continuing past me.

"Hey, stop!" I caught up with her again and she halted. "You're pissed and it's barely noon. What's going on with you?"

"'M not drunk," she said, slurred together with a hiccough.

"Yes, you are. You stink of whisky all over." I took hold of her arms as she nearly toppled over.

"Okay, I am. But it's not any of your bloody business!" She found her balance and I noticed Madam Pince gaze over at us and hope the loud girl to leave at once.

"Yes, it is. You're coming home with me, I won't let you walk around here alone." I took her by the hand and directed her through the corridors. First she talked loudly about how I was treating her like a baby, but fell quiet before we reached the Headmistress' office.

"Yes, take her home and let her sleep it off," McGonagal answered when I had quickly explained the situation. Ginny was leaning on me with one arm over my shoulders and I got her into the fireplace with some difficulty.

"Life's so unfair," she mumbled as I got her to the sofa and made her lay down. The entrance door closed.

"I know," I answered dryly and sat down on the floor beside her, stroking some hair away from her face. She was experiencing the worst thing a mother could ever go through.

"Hi Gin-Gin," Charlie said softly as he came in and saw his sister. He too sat down on the floor, covering her hand with his. "I heard you weren't doing so good."

"How can I? I'm tired as hell, I lost my baby angel and Fred is _dead!_" She cried out. He made her sit up and perched himself on the edge beside her, letting her sob into his neck. None of us made any attempt of comforting her verbally, it wasn't any use. She fell silent after about ten minutes and Charlie laid her head back in his hand, seeing she had fallen asleep.

"Take her to our room," I said and got up.

"That was kinda my plan," he answered and shifted his arm to behind her shoulders before standing up and placed his other arm behind her knees. She groaned as he lifted, but fell still again and he carried her while looking down on her face.

"Kevin?" Darren said behind me and I jumped a little before turning and managed a small smile. "Have you talked to the gamekeeper?" My smile disappeared. I had promised him to talk to Hagrid about the possibility of him moving to the Forbidden Forest and live with the centaurs there.

"Yes, I talked to him, but... He said it would be very hard to convince them to take you into the herd. Another alternative is that you lived with Firenze, an outcast, but I don't think that would be smart. I'm sorry," I said and rubbed his upper arm.

"Oh..." It didn't take a genius to see he was disappointed. "At least I'm feeling better, I've taken the potions and fed well," he said hopefully and looked up at me. That wasn't enough for him to live with his own kind, even though he wanted it to be.

"Yes, and you're doing an excellent job at looking after the girls." I hugged him lightly, I was happy to have someone extra to help out every now and then. _Pop!_ Someone had apparated into the room.

"Hi Kevin," Harry said hastily before stepping over to me and looked intensively at me. "We are just about to ambush a house. We think we have found Kaya!" I swallowed and took in what that meant. I still refused help from the Aurors, but Charlie had talked me into getting Harry's assistance. As a friend, not as a Auror, even though that was the way it really was.

"Thank Merlin," I breathed and threw my arms around him. "I can't go with you now, but... Oh, thank you!" I released him and wiped the tears that had formed in my eyes away.

"I have to go now, but I'll come back as soon as we're done," he said and I nodded. He was gone with another _pop! _I hadn't told him his girlfriend was sleeping here, getting my daughter back was more important for me than he worrying over her. I saw how selfish it was, but the butterflies in my stomach didn't care. I sat down on the couch, shivering with excitement.

"Kevin, what is it?" Charlie was suddenly sitting beside me. I focused my eyes on him and grinned apprehensive. "Honey?" He furrowed his brow.

"Ha-Harry was her and they have maybe found Kaya," I got out. I felt a different hand on my shoulder and saw Arthur on my other side. When did he get here?

"That's great," Charlie answered neutral, he had caught more on the 'maybe'-part. He put a glass of blood in my hands and I began drinking at once.

"Are you still up for visiting George?" Arthur asked and removed his hand. I nodded and took several calming breaths.

"Sure you're up for driving? You just had a blackout." I knew Charlie only cared about me, but I got slightly annoyed and closed my eyes for a moment.

"Yes, let's go. You'll be here?" I asked Arthur.

"Yes, since Ginny's sleeping here and someone have to look after your kids," he said with a reassuring smile.

"Thanks." I gave him a small hug before focusing on breathing slow to calm down.

This time George had been moved to psychiatrical and we used some time to find the right room.

"Hi," he croaked out from the bed when we entered. He was wearing pyjama-trousers and a black t-shirt, the sheet and blanket had been kicked down in the foot-end.

"Hi, how are you feeling?" I said and sat down on the edge next to him, Charlie took the chair.

"Bloody brilliant," he started dryly. "They're stuffing me full of pills and other nasty stuff and constantly wants me to talk about what happened. And they put me in a fucking diaper!" He was flushing, but it quickly disappeared again.

"Do the pills work?" Charlie wanted to know.

"No, they just make me unfocused and weird." He laid his hands on his stomach and let out a puff.

"Too bad. Want something to eat?" Charlie held out the baguette he had brought, but the younger shook his head. It was placed on the bedside table.

"But you still take them, even though they make you feel weird?" I asked and placed my hand on his. He looked away before answering.

"Yeah, most of them." He sat up and swung his legs out, exhaling audibly before standing up. He took a few steps before coming to a halt, hanging his head and swaying. Charlie got up to place his arms around his shaking torso. George drew his arms up between them and rested himself against his brother. Since he was a couple of inches taller he put his cheek against the other's head and gave a small wail.

"Just let it go," Charlie said tenderly and stroke his back. George's bowel exploded out, I both heard and smelled it as the diaper he had been so against came into use. The medications wasn't kind to his stomach. He cried over how prideless and pitiful he had become and bent over a little, but was held up by his brother. It was soon over, but the tears wouldn't stop so easily.

"Lay down," I said and took hold of his hand when Charlie had got him over to the bed. He crawled in and settled on his side, his thumb soon found its way into his mouth and I stroke his upper arm slowly. It pained me to see the young man falling apart when it was little I could do. He closed his eyes and the tears stopped flowing. "You're ill, don't blame yourself for it," I whispered after a while. He made some unintelligent throat-sounds before opening his eyes and removing the thumb slowly.

"Why did he have to go and die on me? We were doing fine and then just..." He sniffed and I laid down beside him to make eye-contact.

"I don't know why it had to happen." I placed my hand on the back of his.

"Did it have to happen?" He asked and I stared straight into the multi-colour irises.

"No, it didn't. But it did," Charlie said darkly, not much comfort.

"The important now is for you to get well." I licked my lips and decided against telling him he was alone. Because he wasn't, he had the rest of the family and his girlfriend, even though he had lost the person he was closest to. We drew our breath at the same time. It was a couple of minutes of silence where I could see his mind working.

"I can start by getting cleaned up," he said at last and made his way out of the bed again. Me and Charlie looked after him as he walked into the bathroom and closed the door. It took a while before we began talking.

"It hurts," I stated and looked over at Charlie. He nodded slowly. "But he have began moving on. He's getting from denial to anger. Which I think is good, he will get to acceptance in the end."

"Doubt it." He looked up from his hands for a moment, he meant what he had said and I understood it. When he hadn't accepted the death, how could Fred's twin ever do it?

"You're gotten to depression, which is good. But you are still angry, try not to be," I continued calmly.

"What are you talking about? You're acting like we're characters in a television-series, not... Family," he spat at me.

"I try to look at it from an outside perspective." I sat up and looked at him. He had his head down and seemed pretty miserable.

"You're scaring me sometimes," he said softer and met my eyes.

"I know. Maybe I've been spending too much time with Marwood." I shrugged a little and went to sit on his lap.

"Or not enough," he said and kissed my cheek. "Now, what's taking him so long?" We both stood up and listened for a moment, the shower stopped running and we moved over to the door, knocked before entering. We found him standing against the wall, fingering with his erection.

"I haven't gotten any in weeks," he choked out and wrapped his fist around it. "And now I can't..." he added in a strained whisper. I pushed Charlie gently out with me and stood close to him, looking seriously up in his face.

"If he lets me, would it be okay for you if I helped him?" I asked under my breath. He thought for a moment before nodding and went to sit in the chair again. I gave a weak smile before going in again and placed myself close to George's naked body. He had trouble moving his shaking hand and I placed mine next to his.

"What're doing?" he asked and looked confused at me.

"I can do it for you, but then it's just sex, no emotions. Okay?" I removed his hand carefully and got working. He didn't respond much and I went down on my knees, placing my lips to the tip while my hand were further down his shaft. He placed his palm to the top of my head and I felt his fingers to my scalp as I took it further into my mouth, forming my lips and tongue around it. He started humming low and tunelessly. It took several long minutes of intensive stimulating where his breath got heavier before he ejaculated. I swallowed and stood up again, he inhaled quivering while deflating.

"Thanks, I guess," he said in a low voice and straightened up. I stepped back without responding and he got a pair of boxer-shorts out of the bag that stood by the sink. I didn't comment on it and got out. Charlie was sitting with his arms and legs crossed, obviously not as relax with it now.

"I love you and you know it," I told him before he could accused me of anything. He lowered his shoulders and opened his mouth to say something, but closed it again. George soon emerged from the bathroom, wearing the same clothes, sat down on the bed and took the baguette.

"I'll take it more slowly this time," he said before mimicking slow-motion film as he took the first bite. I smiled at him, he returned to the food and shot a look at Charlie, who was forced to look less mad.

"Have you had any more visits lately?" Charlie asked flatly and inspected his nails.

"Well, there's always Mum and Dad, they pop in every day, and Bill and Fleur were here yesterday. They said Percy would come too, but I haven't seen his big head around. Ron and Ginny haven't been here lately. He said something about being busy studying for his NEWTs, but when did little Ronnie-kins begin to care about school? I think the bookworm's rubbing off on him," he said with an amused smile.

"M'yeah, they got the Defence exam tomorrow." I made a face, that meant I would have to sit and watch them jotting down answers for five hours.

"Little Ronnie-kins," Charlie muttered and we looked at him, waiting for an explanation. "He's growing up."

"Yes, that's usually what happens to kids," I said, none the wiser from his answer.

"It's just that he have done so much and I still remember when he came crawling up in my bed after a nightmare. And now he's graduating, you know what that means?"

"That you're getting old," George said and snickered. "If it's any comfort, Bill will always be two years older than you. Man, he's almost thirty," he finished astonished, like life ends when you're done with your twenties.

"Hey, what about me?" I shot in with mock-hurt in my voice.

"Yeah, yeah, you're a hundred years old and it shows." He placed the tip of his tongue playfully between his teeth and grinned. I rolled my eyes, grinning myself. The door opened slowly and Angelina stepped in, looking apprehensive at her boyfriend.

"Hi," she said feebly.

"Hi love," George answered and got up to hug her. It didn't seem like she understood what was happening at first, but returned it.

"We'll leave you alone," I said and snuck past them. Charlie followed after a while, but didn't say a word as we walked to the car or most of the way home. I hoped Angelina and George got to talk things out without fighting again. She had looked pretty ashamed of herself and slightly afraid he didn't want her.

"Why don't you just do Ron and Percy too," Charlie suddenly snapped at me.

"What?" I saw he was fuming mad at me, but didn't realise why right now.

"Then you have been with all of my brothers! And while you're at it, I bet you'd love to eat Ginny's pussy!" He shouted at me. I stepped on the brakes and turned towards him.

"Are you crazy? You said it was okay that I helped George and it was no emotions involved. I felt sorry for him, he have some serious problems!"

"I said it was okay that you _helped _him, I didn't mean a fucking blow-job!" He clenched his fists and I was glad he had no opportunity to deliver a proper punch sitting like we did now.

"And how do you know what I did?" I spat back at him.

"I looked in on you, the humming was starting to trouble me. And then I see you kneeling in front of him with his bloody dick in your mouth!"

"Get out," I told him, trying to keep myself calm.

"What?"

"Get out. If you're going to act like that, you can walk the rest." I crossed my arms and waited. He looked angry at me before opening the door and stepping out. He made sure to slam it properly and I began accelerating. I could see him in the rear-view mirror, first he just stood there, then buried his hands in the pockets of his jeans before beginning walking fast after me. A small turn in the road meant I couldn't watch him any more. I had put the whole quarrel out of my mind when I stopped in front of the gate at home and strolled inside, taking the dog with me. First thing I did after getting my shoes and jacket off was to get the bottle from the fridge and take a gulp.

"How was George?" Arthur asked. He and Ginny was sitting by the table, she had buried her face in her hands.

"Fine. Angelina came just before we left." I sat down opposite them and rubbed my hands over my face. "How are you?" I asked her.

"Bloody awful," she said flatly. I could see her body had prepared itself properly, her breasts were much bigger than earlier, but the baby the milk was intended for was already six feet under.

"I gave her some sobering potion, but I think she may need something stronger," Arthur told me.

"Hello, _she_ is sitting right here!" Her face was still covered by her hands. "And it may interest you to know that _she_ have just lost the most beautiful thing in the world,_ she_ have gone back to bonehead-school and all _she_ have left is her stupid boyfriend." Now she looked up at me and laughed humourless at herself.

"Where's Charlie?" Arthur raised his eyebrows slightly, as if he was waiting to talk to his second-oldest son.

"He insisted on walking the last mile," I said and lighted a cigarette. He nodded and I was glad I hadn't told him the real story, that wouldn't made him directly pleased.

"Great prat," Ginny muttered. I gave her a look, but she moved on to gaze out of the window. A couple of minutes later Charlie came back. His father of course wanted to know how he had walked back that fast.

"I remembered I was a wizard," he answered and sat down, seeing straight through me. If he wanted to be angry I wasn't going to stop him. I glided further down on the chair and heard Harry apperating into the sitting-room.

"Hi... Ginny," He said when he entered the kitchen and saw his girlfriend. She stood up at once and they embraced each other, she cried a bit on his shoulder, but wiped it hastily away when they parted.

"So...?" I didn't want to stress the matter, I had seen the answer in his eyes the moment he had arrived.

"I'm sorry, she wasn't there," he told us in a low voice and looked down. I nodded stiffly and lighted another smoke. It had been foolish of me to get my hopes up. Thirty minutes later the three of them went to the Burrow and Lisa came with a book I had to read for her. She traced the words with her finger and I corrected her when she went too fast or slow. The rest of the afternoon and evening went to playing.

"I'm sorry for yelling at you," Charlie finally told me. He hadn't brought it up until now, pretending nothing had happened. We had gone to bed and Brody used some time on settling himself comfortably.

"It's fine. I shouldn't have gone on George like I did," I answered, lotioning my hands. "He is just hurting so much and you know what I think is the best medication."

"Yeah... Night," he said and laid down properly. It sounded like it still bothered him. Brody got up again and ran to the bathroom. I leaned in for a kiss, but he rejected me.

"I brushed my teeth, it's not like you would be doing your brother," I said with a smile.

"I know, but I don't want to now." He rolled over on his side, his back towards me. I exhaled and laid down myself. Brody came back and snuggled up to him anyway.

Three hours later I had barely closed my eyes, mostly due to being watched from the door. I sat up in the bed and stuck out my tongue to him. He only laughed and I got out, he leaded the way out in the living-room before turning to me and smirked.

"What do you want now, you stupid fragment of my imagination?" I hissed to Sirius as he stepped closer to me.

"Just trying to plan your date with dear Percival," he answered and leaned forward as to kiss my forehead.

"Fuck off. I did what I felt I had to, that was to help him."

"Poor bloke, can't even jerk himself off! Then again, you are good and he got a good deal." He placed his lips to mine, but I took several steps back, I didn't want it. Or did I? It wasn't real anyhow.

"Fine, I get it, I'm easy and try to cure the world by shagging. But fact is that I love Charlie, not George or Bill or you." I crossed my arms and looked hard at him.

"Ouch." He tucked his thumbs in the pockets of his jeans before continuing. "Convinced yourself about that? You sure seem to end up in Bill's arms often enough."

"I love Charlie," I told him again, my patience wearing thinner by the second.

"Okay. Two nymphomaniacs in a relationship, that's gotta work out nice." He laughed, his typical bark-like laughter, it filled the room and my head. I was fed up with him and didn't think as I ran towards him, head slightly lowered as a bull. A second before I would have tackled him, he dissolved into black smoke and I met the wall. I gave a small whimper, covered my head with my arms and just stood still for a long time.

"Kay?" Charlie had heard me. I felt his arms around me and turned towards him, letting go of some of the pain in loud sobs. My body had enough with the irregular heaving for air and my knees began to give in. He bent down a little and lifted me, I wrapped my legs around him and he got us back to the bed while hushing comforting.

He laid us down and placed both my legs to rest over his thigh. I pressed close to his warm body and tried to control the sobs, it only worked for a couple of seconds at a time. He pulled me even closer and drew his legs further up under me.

"What was it that became so wrong now?" He whispered in my ear. I tried finding words, but it all had to do with other men and I couldn't make him hate me now. The spasms was back, not viciously, but my hands wouldn't lay still. What was worse, my bladder emptied without my permission. "George isn't the only one who's sick now," he breathed and tightened his hold on me with his whole body. He was now very close to smothering me, but I hadn't felt so secure in Merlin-knows-how-long and drifted into sleep.

"Charlie," I cooed and stroke his hair. He opened his eyes and smiled at me. I tried to return it, but had other things on my mind. "I love you and would never hurt you on purpose. If... If I'm ever with another man, it isn't because I don't care about you." I wrapped my arm under the pillow, satisfied I had told him something, even though it was cryptical.

"I know that. And I don't think I'm really mad at you or George, more myself for... Not seeing what was coming." He moved in for a deep kiss and Brody stirred between us.

"I have no feelings like that for him, he's like a son or nephew or something. I nursed him at my own breast, for cripe's sake!" I licked my lips as I watched his eyes widen, it was new information for him. "When I lost Amy I was still breast-feeding and it began hurting pretty soon. Your mother didn't really lack milk, but it was a good compromise for us both that the twins emptied me from time to time. So I can easily feel with Ginny now." I gave a small dry laughter and one of the corners of his mouth turned up a bit.

"Well, then..." He placed a finger to my nose, running it over my cheek and ended at the back of my neck. Brody opened his eyes and stared at us. I tried stroking the top of the black head, but he pulled away. Charlie ventured further down my back before stopping at the middle, his arm reaching over Brody, as if shielding him from some unknown disaster yet to happen.

"Mamma!" Lisa came running in and seated herself behind me, gripping at my hip and I turned my head enough to see her excited face surrounded by tousled black hair. "Jaffa cake!" She exclaimed and grinned.

"Not for breakfast, honey. Peanut butter and jelly?" I shifted to lay on my back, she jumped up and seated herself across my stomach, giving Brody a quick look.

"Peanut butter jelly," she said and nodded. I smiled back and it was a knock on the door-frame, Darren peeked in.

"We're almost out of cheese," he told us, his eyes taking in every detail of the small room and the four people inhabiting it.

"Doesn't matter, we're having peanut butter and jelly," I retorted. "I'll buy some more." He nodded at me before going back to the kitchen.

"Do you want peanut butter and jelly?" Charlie asked Brody, who nodded insecurely. _Peanut butter and jelly, peanut butter and jelly, peanut butter and jelly._ You know how words stops sounding like real words when you hear them enough times in a row?

"Go to Darren and we'll come soon," I said and the two pyjama-clad children hurried off. "What is it?" I asked Charlie, he was very quiet.

"Nothing, just a small headache." He sat up and rubbed his face with a sigh. We got dressed and went after the kids, Lisa was busy telling Darren something that happened yesterday, it seemed to involve a bike. Brody sat still on a chair, but jumped down the moment he saw Charlie. I got working on breakfast as the boy found his way up on the lap again. Charlie seemed indifferent, but put an arm around him. Lisa had moved on to another story and wanted me to listen too, which I did while placing plates on the table and cutting bread. I smeared on the mess and handed it to Lisa before getting Mina from their bedroom and placed her in the high-chair. I got myself a glass of blood and sipped it while feeding her porridge.

After eating it was the usual racket of getting them washed and dressed. Lisa began crying when I brushed her hair, I had tugged at one of the firm knots she had managed to make her curly locks into during the night. I tried to calm her down fast since we should already be in the car. I buckled them up firmly in the back seat before getting behind the wheel and spun away. I didn't have time to chit-chat and drove back as if the Devil herself was in my heels. I entered the house again with a feeling I had forgot something.

"Kevin, have we any painkillers?" Charlie asked as I made my way through the carpet of toys to get to the fireplace.

"I don't know, maybe some aspirin in the medical cabinet," I answered as I looked through my handbag to see if I missed anything. He let his hand fall down on the armrest of the couch with a small thud and my head snapped up to look at him. He had furrowed his brows, the headache seemed to bother him more than he liked. Beside him Brody sat and watched Pinoccio with round eyes. I did the cheesy act of blowing a kiss before Flooing to Hogwarts.

"Miss Casey, this is Mr. Nelson from the Ministry. He will be overseeing the examination with you," McGonagall said and motioned towards a completely ordinary man. He was so ordinary it almost bothered me, from his brown hair to his tweed jacket there was nothing making him stand out. I nodded to him and walked towards the door, the slightly squeaky footsteps told me he was following me. I made no attempt at waiting for him until we reached the classroom, then I stopped before entering.

We went in together, the students were all in place, fifteen or so, and he started a short, dull speech about how the exam would happen. I sat down behind the teacher's desk as all I had to do was be there. The exam-papers was handed out and the quills began to scribble. I sat with an open notepad and ball-point pen in front of me and picked it up after a while. First I doodled a rose, pretty bad actually, I'm no artist. Then slowly an eye. A nose and jaw followed, equally slow. The other eye and the lips. Some shades and a fringe. Within a couple of dragged hours I was looking down at the face my unconsciousness had gently ordered my fingers to make out. The teenage face of Remus John Lupin.

I turned the page and looked again at a white sheet of paper. This time it took a long time before I let the pen make any lines. The students were sweating over the questions, Ron had taken his tie off and now scratched his head for the hundred time, his hair was ruffled in many directions. I hoped Ford had prepared them well. It should probably be him sitting here now, but all that mattered was that it was a teacher and a Ministry official present. Mr. Nelson had taken a lone chair in the corner and was now filling out a crossword.

Back at the hospital, outside George's room. Charlie looked tired and I waited with my hand on the doorknob for him to say anything, about how the day had been or that this was a bad idea. Anything at all. I had driven back and fourth, first picking up the girls to take them home and then to the hospital together with Charlie. I opened the door and he went in first.

"Hi," I said to George, he was laying with his back against us and I waited for him to answer. He didn't and I climbed up in the bed to place a hand on his shoulders, a couple of tears made their way over his nose-bridge. "What's the matter?" I asked softly as Charlie went around to his other side. First George just laid there, his lower jaw trembling every time he made to talk.

"I'm hard, but I can't get it done," he said at last. I realised why he had his hands under the sheets. "Could you do it for me, Kay?" he asked almost inaudible.

"No, not this time," I answered tenderly, it would only upset Charlie more. "Can we see?" I wrapped the sheet and blanket slowly off him and he gave a small ashamed wail. His hands was trying to grip around the hard cock, but the fingers straightened out at strange intervals and his wrist was twisted in weird angles. He also tried the futile act of covering himself up from his brother's eye and a faint blush took over his cheeks.

"I know what you think and it isn't funny, but when you had to come now..." His voice was strained and a bit higher in pitch than usual. I took hold of his hands and tried to make them relax, directing them up to lay by his chest.

"Fine, I'll do it. But then I'm not your brother, I'm nobody," Charlie demanded in a deep, almost mad manner. George gave a tiny nod and closed his eyes, his hands were still bending in unnatural and probably painful ways under my slow stroking. Charlie wasn't gentle with his brother, gripping hard around the erection and jerked forcefully, keeping his face expressionless except a small trace of disgust.

"Ow... Ow!" George suddenly uttered. I moved my hand to Charlie's and made him stop.

"You're hurting him," I stated and he met my eyes. This was his warped revenge on us.

"No, it was okay, just not quite as hard," George breathed. Charlie's eyes left mine with anger as he began masturbating his younger brother again. He went up and down the shaft in an experienced motion, but I think it was the first he had done it on anyone else. The whole business was rather sick. "Oh... Oh..." George was getting closer and I saw him tighten his back. Soon he muffled the throaty roar in his pillow as he came. Charlie let go at once and wiped his hand on the sheet and took a step backwards.

"The things I do for you," he muttered angry and strode out. I called his name, but it was no use. George still hadn't emerged from the pillow, I took hold of his arm and rolled him over on his back.

"Better now?" I asked. He nodded and pulled the clothes back up while I laid down beside him. His eyes was glassy and unfocused. "The endorphins kicking in," I told him and placed my arm over his head, stroking the hair away from his face as my other hand held around the clawed on his chest. He closed his eyes and I rested my head down on my upper arm. For a long time I only heard his breathing and occasional grunt. Then someone entered the door I had my back to. "Sure took you long enough," I said mildly, chancing on it being Charlie.

"Hello to you too," Angelina answered sharply. I sat up and turned towards her as she crossed the room. Her shoulder-length hair had been tied back in two French braids and she was carrying a grocery bag. The bag was put down on the chair where she also deposited her jacket.

"Sorry, thought you were Charlie. You didn't see him out there anywhere?" I said and swung my legs out, I suspected she didn't like seeing her boyfriend in bed with another woman, no matter how innocent it looked like.

"Nope, can't say I did. I have choco-milk!" The last part was directed to George, who had opened his eyes again and tried on a small smile. His hands were still writhing like decapitated snakes.

"Thanks," he said and tried sitting up a bit more. She solved this by getting the remote-control and fix the whole bed in a better position. Then she grabbed something from the bag, it turned out to be a carton of aforementioned milk, opened it and helped him drink. I had stood up and watched how lovingly she tilted the carton and he smiled after a gulp. She soon perched herself on the edge of the bed and got out a sandwich too. He tried caressing her thigh with his hands, but they didn't listen to him at all. I noticed his toes was twisting too and seated myself in that end to rub his soles and maybe make it stop.

"Anything funny happened today?" She asked him and wiped away some spilling on his chin.

"No. They sent some crazy, old television-program about time-travelling," he said. I rubbed my knuckle up and down the blade of his right foot and the toes relaxed somewhat. He closed his eyes and grunted low.

"Aw, what's this?" Angelina said as she stood up again and saw she had been sitting in some mess, the back of her washed-out jeans had a big wet stain.

"Umm.... Oyster," George answered, not especially ashamed. She frowned before laughing, she had understood exactly what it was. She helped him to another sip before turning to the bag again.

"It _does _taste like oyster," I agreed, which caused the drink George hadn't swallowed to come out through his nose. He seemed to be blushing a bit now, the effect of remembering my oral helping and that his girlfriend was here now. His face was twisting up, but she ignored it as she started to feed him chocolate pudding after wiping his nose with a paper towel. The rest of the sandwich was forgotten.

"Hi," a merry woman said as she come in, carrying a paper cup. _Merry_ was exactly the word for the plump thirty-something and her round face creased into a manic grin. "Pill time," she announced and held the cup out to George. Angelina took it, having put all the food on the bedside table the moment the door had opened, and looked curiously down in it. "I don't mean to kick you out, but visiting hours are way over," the nurse informed.

"Come on, he needs company," I said and sat my eyes in her.

She ignored the tone and look, but said, "okay, but don't stay too long," and exited again while whistling shrilly.

"Wow, no wonder you got the shits," Angelina muttered bluntly. I leaned over to discovered the cup was one-third filled with pills in red, blue, white and several other colours and agreed with her, that had to mess up his stomach.

"Not the yellows," George said as she began taking out capsules and placed a couple in his mouth before washing them down with milk. I held his hands, which was more still now, but still resembling a rheumatic's. Soon she had got them all in him, even the yellow ones, his breath went faster and she lowered the bed a bit.

"You're tired," she told him and went around the bed to sit cross-legged beside me, taking the pudding with her and started to feed him again. He reached out two claws to hold around her. She patted his hair as he pressed his face close to her stomach. I took the cup of pudding from her hand and he slowly began crying, jerking his legs up against us. I placed my hands to his knees to keep him from kicking me out and he gave several short groans.

"Shh, it's okay, it'll be all right," Angelina began soothing him with, showing a patience and tenderness I didn't know she had. Then I mentally slapped myself, of course she had it, or they wouldn't have lasted these last months. Strange how several couples seemed to have found together in the aftermath of the war. George's mouth was opening and closing through the sobs, leaving chocolate-stains on her sweater. She kept repeating soothingly to him and after several minutes he was relaxed again, but still gripped around her waist.

"Got too much, hmm? I think of it as a rubber band, you can only stretch it so far," I whispered, mostly to myself, but Angelina nodded once.

"Yeah, it snaps in the end," she agreed in a whisper. "But you're doing better now, the rubber's growing." It was a pretty accurate analogy which seemed to apply to all the Weasley-boys. Bill had fallen ill not long after the war, Charlie a couple of weeks ago and George at the random mentioning of his twin. It all felt a lifetime ago at this moment. It wouldn't be long before Percy and Ron couldn't stretch and hide from the pain more. But they would be okay in the end.

"Want to talk?" I tried to George, hoping he could help us help him. He had released his hold and stopped sobbing.

"Nah, now I'm too drugged to have any head-shrinking," he said, sounding rather intoxicated. He pushed away from her a bit, his eyes were out of focus and his face just hung there like a dead mask. "But I do have to piss." He showed no sign of getting up himself.

"Come, then." I got out, so did Angelina and we placed our hands to his arm. He slowly glided himself out on the edge, we took hold of his upper arms, but he mostly walked by himself. Still we flanked him to the toilet.

"Who wants the honour?" he asked hollow. I looked over at Angelina without really seeing her. She didn't pull down his trousers, I took it as a signal. "You better decide soon," George told us, he couldn't hold it forever. I tugged down the clothes, but it was Angelina who directed it as he let the water flow. He sighed heavy and leaned more on me.

"What's this?" She asked and brought her other hand up too. I had to look and saw her draw her fingertip over a faint blue shadow at the base of his shaft. I knew what had caused it, but I've never seen a bruised penis before, it was actually a _what's this_-moment.

"Nothing," he brushed it off with. When he was done and clothed he stumbled back to the bed again by himself.

"Are you going to finish that sandwich?" I asked with a quick look at it as I sat down in the chair, having put the bag on the floor, and interlaced my fingers in my lap.

"No... Sleep," he answered with half-closed eyes. Angelina laid down beside him and placed an arm over his chest. His calm was due to the drugs, but nevertheless I was glad for that.

"Then I'll leave you alone." As I exited she reached down to drag the covers over them. I found Charlie sitting with his back against the car, staring at the ground. He didn't move before I had unlocked the vehicle and got behind the wheel. I kept shooting looks at him as I drove out of town, but he was deep in thought.

When we got home we hadn't exchanged a single word. I hadn't commented it as he shifted to his side and drew his legs up in the seat, staring out of the window. The kids had fallen asleep beside Darren on the mattress in the living-room, the centaur himself was snoring quietly and didn't even stir as I picked up the children one by one and carried them to the right beds.

"Anything good on?" I said to Charlie when I sat down beside him, the telly was on. He wasn't watching it, he was inspecting his right hand, running a finger over the hard skin full of scars from bites and blisters. I mimicked him, my fingertip only a couple of millimetres behind his. "What is it?" I asked slowly and looked up in his face.

"I... He..." He started, then met my eyes. He was angry, stressed and worried. "Why did I have to do it? He would've been fine off without it."

"Because you saw he needed it," I answered softly and put my palm to his.

"But he... He's my baby brother and it was utterly sick." He looked down again. I noticed his hair was getting longer, not to bad, but enough for me to want to give it a trim.

"No... Or, yes, in a way it was sick and wrong. But don't let it bother you." I kissed his cheek, but he didn't react.

"And why was his hands like that? What did that to my little brother?" His voice was slightly shrill from concern. He was also very pushy on the brother-part and I thought he had got a bit of Bill-syndrome, _I'm older and have to look out for them, it's my duty._

"I don't know, but he got better after a while. And Angelina came, that cheered him up and I think she was planning on spending the night with him." At this he gave a snort and leaned back. "Let's go to bed."

"Clock's not even nine," he commented. A sly smile twisted over my lips.

"I didn't say we should sleep," I retorted and kissed his lips, he returned it after a second.

"What about Brody?" he asked when we broke apart.

"I put him down with Lisa." I stood up and took hold of his hand. He followed me into the bedroom, but didn't copy my undressing. I embraced him and placed my cheek to his chest, stroking his back slowly. His arms went over my shoulders and he exhaled.

"I'm not really in the mood," he admitted in a whisper. I released my hold and looked up at him, he was too worried to get anything out of sex now.

"Then let's just lay down," I suggested. He nodded and began buttoning down his shirt. I got in between the sheets in the meantime. When he accompanied me, I cuddled up to his side, resting my head on his shoulder and a leg over his.

"He really died, there in the room with the doctor listening to his heart. It was pure dumb luck that it went okay," he said after a while.

"But they got him started again, that's what matter." I closed my eyes, not wanting my imagination to run amok with a dead George, too.

"They did get him started, but I don't think they saved him." He shifted a little and I looked up in his eyes, they were wet from tears. "For him, for George himself, I think he would've been better off dead with Fred." He was straining his voice and I knew his chest must be as tight as mine.

"What makes you say that?" I turned to my stomach to see him properly and rub my hand to his chest.

"I want George to be alive, and Mum and Dad and Bill and everyone does, but..." He gave in to the crying and used a minute before continuing. "But that's because we're selfish. We want to have him with us 'couse of ourselves. Not him, he's hurting."

"I know." He had just voiced out a discovery I first had made with the Longbottoms. "He's never going to stop hurting, but he'll do better."

"Why do you say that? You can't know he'll do better." He had closed his eyes, but the tears were still evident in his voice.

"No. There's a lot I know and even more I don't, but I believe he'll get better. And if I believe it and you and Angelina, he'll believe it himself and it'll happen." I reached up and kissed his jaw.

"I'm scared," he admitted. "I thought that would end when Voldemort was dead, but it haven't."

"Me too. Mostly now I'm sleepy. We got each other." It was a string of things I had to tell him without it being any connection. He nodded and I moved away a bit, my head on my own pillow, but still holding around his arm. I fell asleep before him, the last I remember is his eyes reflecting the scarce light.

I was ripped out of my sleep by a pained cry. I sat bolt upright, shooting a look at the clock (it was past three) before launching myself out. Another cry, filled with fear and hurt went through the air. It tore at my heart and feelings. I was already standing in the door-frame to the girls' room, looking at Lisa's bed and the struggle going on. One black-haired child had relatively small fists around the other's neck, pushing down at the pillow and mattress with every intention of killing the fighting body underneath.

I didn't care what made such a young child want to commit homicide, I just grabbed Brody's shoulders and threw him away from my daughter. He hit the floor with a small _thump_ and I scooped Lisa up in my arms as I sat down on the bed. She was crying, bawling even, with fear and pain. I pressed her to my chest and she muffled the cries in my throat, shrill shouts that went through my whole body, ripping it apart. But she was safe now.

"What happened?" Charlie asked, he was kneeling beside the boy's curled-up body. He had probably been right behind me the whole time, but I hadn't noticed him until he spoke. Brody wasn't crying or making any other sounds, just laying there in a ball. Charlie picked him up and carried him out in the living-room. I hoped he was going to have a real talk with the little monster.

"Mamma," Lisa muttered and gripped at my naked shoulders.

"I'm here, baby, I'm here," I told her, almost chanted like a prayer. She gave a small whimper, not of pain, but of recognition. Except she couldn't possibly remember that's the way I comforted Kaya in the tent. _Fuck._ Where was she now? Somewhere I couldn't comfort her, no matter how much she needed it.

Lisa mumbled some more and drew her hands in between our bodies. She was still dressed in yesterday's yellow hoodie and blue trousers. Made her look like a freaking Swede-flag. I squeezed her gently. Her tears had stopped, but mine were about to start. What had caused the lost boy to attack his bed-mate? Maybe they wasn't the best of chums during the day, but that's a fucking marathon-distance from wanting to kill one another!

"I think you need something sweet to gather your strength," I said with joy I didn't have. She nodded and I stood up, wrapping my arms under her bum and she gripped as far as she reached at my ribs.

"Jaffa cakes," she muttered hopefully when I stood in front of the pantry. I nodded and took out the box with one hand. I had to sit down so I could release my hold before taking out a cake for each of us. She began nibbling away at once, soon taking bigger bites. So simple was it to ease her fright. I took a bite of my own, it was nice and sweet, but hardly made the pricking in my shoulder-blades go away. She reached for another and I let her have it, even though it wasn't kosher child-raising.

"Kay?" Charlie stood in the door, Brody by his side. Lisa and I reacted the same way when we saw the boy, tensing up. "We've talked and..." He couldn't say the rest with Lisa here. I didn't care and raised my eyebrows, indicating for him to go on. "He's had some bad experiences, but wants to apologise now." The small boy walked forward stiffly and stopped a foot away from my chair. Lisa looked at him while gripping at me until her tiny nails left scratches.

"'M sorry, it was bad of me," he muttered and held out a hand for Lisa to shake. She retracted even closer to me, she wasn't going to touch him unless her life depended on it. He slowly let it fall and scuffled back to Charlie, hanging his head.

"Well, we should get back to bed," Charlie suggested with a hand to the boy's head. "Come." He motioned for us all to follow as he turned.

"Wait a moment." I got up, Lisa still in my arms and got around him. He thought Brody would sleep with us now. I stretched up to whisper in his ear, low enough for the children not to hear. "I'm not having that psycho in my bed." When I fell back down on my feet he looked confused.

"Then where?" He crossed his arms, defending the boy maniac with all it took.

"The sofa," I answered, heaving Lisa better up on my hip. She was sucking her thumb and looked with big eyes at the grown-ups argument. Brody did the same, but had taken a step away from us. We had parted and selected our sides.

"Okay," Charlie said after a minute-long stare-battle. He had given in, but I felt no triumph, I was simply protecting my daughters and myself. I went to put Lisa down again, having to sit and stroke her hair until she fell asleep. It took twenty minutes before I was ready to meet Charlie in the kitchen. He had probably done the same for the boy after finding a blanket and pillow.

"What's up with that kid?" I asked and poured myself a glass of the whisky I had fetched. We had sat down opposite each other at the table.

"He's been abused, both mentally and physically," he said. I didn't think that was a valid excuse for trying to strangle my three year old daughter to death and crossed my arms. "I ran into Michaelson, he'd tried to call us today, but Darren answered and told him we weren't home. He's found out who Brody really is. His father was a downright psycho and drug-addict. His mother wasn't much better. A couple of days before we found him probably, his parents had fought over something. They were found in the kitchen of their flat, brains blown out. He had done it, first his wife, then himself. He wound have taken their son too, if he had the opportunity. But she had bashed him with a knife first, it had clearly been a real fight." He leaned over the table towards me. I untangled my arms and took a large gulp of the drink.

"But... That's kid's a freak with reason, okay, but why? He takes to you like a bee to honey and a shit-scared of me and tried to kill Lisa when he woke in the same bed as her. Why?" I put my hand in his, he began stroking my index finger with his thumb.

"Dunno. His last name is Jensen and he's seven. Should have started school, but his crazed-out parents kept him home." His voice was hoarse from the pain the child had endured.

"What will happen now?" I wasn't sure if I wanted him here any more, but I hadn't the heart to send him away.

"Michaelson's stopping by tomorrow with some papers that can legally make us his foster-parents, maybe even adopt him in the end. If that's what we want." It was clearly what he wanted. I took another sip and looked at our hands. Mine was shaking ever so slightly.

"I don't know." I felt like a broken record, all I had said in the last days was evidence of the future that was far from as easy as I had imagined.

"Let's sleep on it," he suggested and finished my drink before standing up. I got to my feet slowly and he put an arm around my shoulder as we made our way back to the mattress. Reminding me we had to buy a new bed. _Fuck._


	18. Part II, chapter 12

"Gahh..." I never knew exactly how shit feels, but that was the only way of describing the enormous pain beginning in my head and waving its way down my spine and out in my limbs. A dull sickness had taken over my stomach, it may have helped if I didn't lay on it, but then I had to _move._

"Kevin?" Charlie's voice carried through the pain-fog and I felt a hand on my shoulder. "Drink this." I didn't even think to object as he tilted the small bottle to my lips. I wasn't sure how long I had been out or if I still was, but the sun shone in the window of our bedroom. I swallowed and my body calmed down.

"What's clock?" I got out and made the impossible task of turning to my side.

"Half past seven. You've been twisting and turning for an hour," he told me and laid down, making my head rest on his arm. I groaned even though the pain was letting go. "Want some water?" I couldn't decide, it should be easy enough, my mouth was dry, but I didn't feel like filling my stomach with anything. After a minute he made me sit up and drink some anyway. The pain was now only a low-frequented buzzing.

"I have to get up and shower and the girls and then Hogwarts," I tried to say, but it come out more like "I av et op shoo n gur... O'ars."

"You just have to lay down again and rest," he said and put me slowly against the sweat-damp sheet. He stroke my stomach with a warm hand and I tried filling my lungs, it hurt to use that amount of muscles in one. What was with me now? It was no logical explanation to this sudden sickness. Except stress, but I've had it worse before without getting ill.

"Gimme more o' tha' potion," I muttered and he brought the small bottle-neck to my lips again. I didn't care what it was, it helped. He poured on more and I swallowed, even though my throat was sore. I focused my eyes on him instead of the wall behind.

"I'll get the girls ready and can just apparate them there, it's enough of half-dark alleys around. And don't even think you're going to work today." He stroke a finger over my jaw and smiled, telling me _I'll handle this, trust me for once._

The corners of my own mouth twisted a bit, but I think my eyes spoke more. _I trust you, always. Now don't just sit here, go do something!_ I yawned and closed my eyes, feeling the sheet and blanket being pulled over me and tucked in.

After several hours or an eternity I was apt to make my way out in the living room. I seated myself on the edge of the sofa, trying to make sense of the telly-program Darren and Brody was watching. I couldn't and leaned back, drawing my legs with me up in the furniture. I stared at the wall for a long time, feeling the pressing emptiness in my head and did my best not to move too much. It helped, I felt less sick and was was almost happy by the time Charlie come in from feeding the chimaera and dog.

"Honey," he said when sitting down beside me and caressed my legs. "Want something to eat?" He had seen I was doing better. I guess I nodded, because not long after he sat with a glass in one hand, letting his blood drip down in it from the other. I drank it slowly, first only tasting it and was careful to not take it too fast and just throw it up again. Still it didn't take too long before I had devoured it.

"Think I'll take a shower," I said hoarsely. He stood up at the same time as me and put his hand on the small of my back as we began moving. "You don't have to help me," I whispered as we entered the bathroom.

"I know." He knew I wanted to do it myself and most likely would succeed, but I could also slip and fall. I sniffed and tried smiling at him, it was sweet of him. He took hold of the hem of the t-shirt I was wearing, it was really his and the only I had bothered to put on.

As he pulled the large clothing off me I heard a soft sigh. He took me closer and ran his hands over my body, I wasn't even sure where the warm touch was, just how good it felt. In the end he took off my knickers, running a couple of fingers over my butt and between my legs. I sighed too began taking slow steps backwards, taking him with me to the bedroom again.

"Are you sure?" He asked and our eyes locked, mine slightly hazy, and I nodded. "I'll make it good for you, baby, just relax." His voice was soft, but didn't hide that it was himself he was trying to convince. I made my tired fingers open his jeans while he wrenched off his sweater before kissing, slow and tenderly. His jeans and boxers fell to the floor before I pressed myself up to him, to tired to embrace him, but his arms went around me as he stroke his cheek to my hair.

We sat down on the end of the bed, lips locked in a slow dance. When we broke it, he motioned for me to lay down, which I did in the middle, and he laid himself down close to me. My right arm was locked in between our bodies, but it didn't matter as he placed his lips to my jaw, neck and shoulder. I closed my eyes and let him caress me. Soon he made his way to stand on his knees and elbows over me, still kissing and caressing me. I just accepted what he had to give, he knew I wasn't going to return the favour now.

One hand went over the side of my head, fingers brushing the hair back. I let out a breath as his fingertips massaged my scalp so gently it must have been a dream. His lips met my neck as he lowered his body, hips meeting for an instant before he was between my legs, barely brushing at my entrance.

I put my hand to his chest, telling him to proceed. He did, sliding himself inside me slowly. I moaned, and opened my eyes enough to see him looking down at me, wanting this to be best for me. He began moving, still tenderly. It was nice, but I didn't have the energy to move with him. I felt his cheek to mine and heard his steady breathing.

"I think that's enough for now," I whispered. He stopped moving and propped himself up to see my eyes. He brushed our lips together before pulling out and laid down beside me, taking my head up on his arm again. "Sorry for being a tease."

"No, not at all. I was ready for you to call it off any second." He reached over and covered us with the blanket.

"But it was very nice anyway, my head feel clearer." I snuggled even closer and he tightened his hold around me.

"You need some physical contact, eh?" He almost whispered.

"So do you," I answered and nearly got tears in my eyes. He had wanted me for years and starved through with a couple of hugs every leap year. Even though he had been close to other people, I knew it wasn't the same, no matter how closer your best buddy is, it isn't the same as cuddling with a lover. I took a relaxing breath. We stayed like that for a long time, I dozed off without sleeping properly.

We ate lunch with Darren and Brody later. The boy had moved on to sit on his own chair, but still wanted to be close to Charlie. Darren kept the conversation going, I didn't even listen properly, just let it be a background buzz.

"Maybe we'll visit George, maybe not," Charlie answered when Darren asked what we would do for the rest of the day.

"I think we should," I said, I wanted to make sure he was doing better, even though it was just temporary.

"Sure?" He eyed me curiously, wondering if I was up to it. I nodded and drew the corners of my lips upwards. I had fed, taken a shower and felt pretty good. He nodded back at me and when he was done eating we got in the car, the centaur agreed to watch Brody for a couple of hours. Actually they seemed to be somewhat of friends.

We weren't the only one visiting George, the room was rather crowded with Angelina, Bill and Fleur plus us. George himself was pretty out there, only answering with one-syllable words and blinking slowly every couple of minutes. Fleur had taken the chair where the coats also hang over the back while Bill and me stood by one side of the bed, Angelina sat on the edge on the other side and Charlie had taken the mission of massaging the twisted toes and feet.

"Here," Angelina said and held up a glass of juice to George's lips. He took a couple of gulps and wiped his mouth with a clawed hand. It wasn't as bad as it had been, but he couldn't use his hands for much.

"Heard anything of when their letting you go?" Charlie said in an attempt to lighten the mode. George focused his eyes to look at him, but didn't answer.

"Their keeping him 'til they know he needs less medication," Angelina said after a minute.

"He can't possibly need all their giving him," I said with an annoyed snort.

"If he gets it, he probably needs it," Bill shot in and took hold of George's hand.

"Zhey know what zhey are doing," Fleur insisted. I just shrugged, he hadn't been helped a lot since he came here in my opinion. A knock on the door and we all (except George,) turned to see the over-merry nurse come in with a cup of pills. She didn't even get to open her mouth before I stood in front of her. She was about an inch taller than me and a lot wider.

"Listen, he got diarrhoea like crazy, please pick out the pills he doesn't strictly need." It was hardly a question, or even a nice demand. She just smiled at me, showing a mouthful of yellowing teeth.

"First, he needs all of them, second, I have no authority to do that," she purred and pushed past me.

"Then get someone that does." It was Bill, he had seen my point and had now crossed his arms.

"I can't go and disturb the doctors for trivial things like that," she said, not as maniacally happy.

"Trivial? My boyfriend's, your patient's well-being is trivial?" Angelina stood up and all but flared her teeth at the pudgy nurse.

"I phrased that wrong. I'll get his doses adjusted by tomorrow." She made her way to the bedside and took up a pill from the cup. However distant George had seemed, he turned away from her fast, Bill took around him as he buried his face in the black shirt.

"Tomorrow won't do it. Get it done right away or we're taking him home, he have every right to discharge himself," I said, my voice a little raised and when I looked around at the others, they agreed wholeheartedly.

"I can't get it done before tomorrow. Now, if he would just take this," she said and held the cup up.

"If you had wanted to – just forget it and get out!" I flung my arm out at the door. This place was as good as abusing George and he had been through enough! "Get out!" I repeated, but she didn't move. I shot a look to Bill for backup, but he was too busy holding around his younger brother, who now retched.

"Please let us 'ave some time by ourselves," Fleur tried friendly and stood up.

"My job is to get him to take this." The nurse had suddenly shifted over to robotic, standing pretty stiff and looked at me with cold eyes.

"So you're force-feeding him?" Charlie snapped, angry and worried at the same time, having kept himself under a thin layer of control until that.

"Get the fuck out," I yelled before taking the thick-headed, obese, crazy-merry woman by the upper arms, dragging and pushing her out the door. If I hadn't had the small element of surprise it would never have worked. I shut and locked the door before turning my back to it and glided down. I knew I had lost control and should feel guilty, but I didn't. I heard her shouting something at us, then her steps as she left.

"What do they think..." Angelina began, standing by the bed and shifting her weight. George threw up for real, the vomit ran down the leg of Bill's jeans. He tried comforting his little brother, but ended up burying his face next to the pale neck and cried. The ever-mighty Bill was broken. Fleur kept a distance, even though I could see she wanted to put a hand on her husband's shoulder. Charlie stood by the bed a couple of seconds more, quivering with anger and concern before launching into the bathroom. I stood up and followed him.

"No," he muttered where he was sitting on his knees in front of the toilet, fighting the nausea, but had to give in and vomited, shakes going through his body for a second. I sat down beside him when he was done, he turned towards me. "Dad should be here, he would know what to do." He sounded small and scared, then shuddered a bit, like getting rid of the thought.

"We'll work this out," I told him. After all, we were five (more or less) capable adults to take care of George now. He nodded and stood up, wiping his mouth before flushing and drank a bit from the faucet.

"So, what do we do?" Angelina asked when we got out again. She was relying on the 'more grown-ups' to take the decisions.

"I was serious about taking him home," I said. Bill had now got George to lay back down where he had curled up a bit and sucked his thumb while shitting his diaper. I didn't care if it had something to do with the drugs or not, his mind had imploded completely. Like he was now he did what felt good for him, and if the thumb in his mouth offered some comfort, that's where it would be. My only hope was that he would recover.

"I agree," Fleur said after a minute where none other had voiced their opinion. Bill finally nodded, Angelina too, even though she would probably have flown with whatever we decided.

"I'll go get the car ready," Charlie offered, waiting to hear any objections.

"You mean you'll drive him all the way to the Burrow?" Bill said, just what we had been waiting for.

"Well, unless you plan on having him at yours, and your parents would feel safer having him at home, which is just a couple of hours. Plus, I wouldn't take the chance with apperating him anywhere now, with the drugs and there's no way of knowing how he'll react. Please come with another offer, I'm dying to hear anything better," I exploded at him. It was more an outlet of my fears than critic, but he just sighed at me, unaffected.

"Do that sound okay?" Angelina asked George, which was good, I hadn't thought of him actually hearing us. He nodded, removed the thumb and sat up, he was coming a bit more to himself. She interlaced their fingers and he leaned onto her.

"Great, then I'll go," Charlie said a bit too flat to actually be happy. As he unlocked and opened the door I saw a familiar merry face, now with a thin line for mouth. I got as far as the threshold before catching her eye.

"Sorry I flipped out, we just want what's best for him," I apologised and she nodded. "But we're still taking him home." She just gave a stiffer nod, not agreeing with me, but tired of fighting with us. I went back and sat down on the chair, gathering energy for what was to come. It would take more than two hours, there was no way of knowing how many times we had to stop.

"Need to use the loo?" Angelina asked her boyfriend, he nodded and she directed him to the bathroom, closing the door firmly after them so he could get cleaned up. She have a knack at catching his needs even though she is scared of over-ruling his family.

"I'll go and sign whatever they need so we can get going," Bill said, already sounding tired. Fleur kissed his cheek as he passed her. Angelina and George soon emerged from the bathroom again, she carrying his bag and he had a sweater over the t-shirt, still wearing the black Adidas-trousers. When he sat down on the bed I kneeled down and put on his sneakers at once, Angelina had done enough. He touched my long hair and I wondered why. Maybe he just thought it was nice, with the golden glow, or maybe that I should keep it short. After that we all put on our jackets again, beginning the trot to the parking lot. Fleur's powder-blue coat made the most of her slim figure and I saw why Bill placed his arm around her waist. Charlie stood leaning on the car with a smoke to his lips, the engine was already running and heating the compartment.

"Watch your head," Angelina said to George as she and Bill got him into the back seat. I took a cigarette from Charlie's pack.

"We are one too much," Fleur pointed out. "I'll apparate to your parents, 'e needs you," she said to Bill, who argued with her in mutterings for half a minute until agreeing with her. The rest of us got in after a while, I sighed before beginning the drive.

"Here," Charlie said almost at once and handed a bottle of coke to Bill behind him to give George. I heard it being opened and Bill taking a sip first before George got help from both his brother and girlfriend to drink. She took some of it too, there was no way George was going to finish it alone. The drive was pretty boring and I switched on the CD player.

"Alan Jackson? Oh, please," Bill groaned before it could even get to the chorus.

"Hey, it's not Metallica, but it's something to listen to. Beside, you recognised it, ergo you have heard it before," I noted, but turned the music off. Angelina talked in a low voice to George every now and then, but the rest of us were pretty quiet.

"Tired?" Charlie asked when I rubbed my eye. I nodded with a smile, hoping he wasn't getting to concerned about me, it was George now.

"Want me to take over?" Bill offered and put a hand to my shoulder.

"No, I'm fine," I answered a bit too lightly. "If there's any of that cola left, I'll take it, though." It was a couple of sips, I got the bottle, Charlie uncapped it and I emptied it in one swig. Again we were quiet for a long time. George kept squirming, I had a pretty good view of him from the mirror. Angelina tried ignoring it, telling herself he was okay. Bill had propped his elbow up against the window to support his head and thought about something.

"Merlin, what are you doing now?" he suddenly uttered when looking at George again. "He have his hands in his pants," he informed me and Charlie.

"Then it's pretty obvious what he's doing," I answered, having heard the low humming in addition to noticing him rubbing himself through the clothes for a couple of minutes. Bill's forehead creased. "Just let him do it. Unless it bothers you too much."

"Sure, I'll let my brother sit next to me and wank," he said sarcastically. George leaned more to Angelina as far as I could see and grunted. She placed her arm around his shoulder, having turned her torso to face him more.

"Be glad he's doing it himself," Charlie shot in gloomy. Bill didn't react to this, which I was glad for. It was a clouded day, but the sun peeked through sometimes. Me, Charlie and Bill tried ignoring the moans coming from the back seat while Angelina kissed him to speed up the process. Soon, but not soon enough for us listeners, he gave a half-shout, half-wail and fell back in his seat with closed eyes. I passed a car going at snail-speed and Charlie turned to look at his brother.

"Get the paper and dry his hands," I said as I saw George opening his hazed eyes again and retract his hands. Charlie took the roll of paper towels from the glove's department (incredibly what you have in your car when you have kids!) and gave some to his older brother, some to Angelina.

"Can we pull over for a minute?" She sounded rather queasy and I did at once, there was a plain strip of grass instead of a ditch and the trees kept a good distance from the road. She opened the door to let in some fresh air and held it open with her foot while cleaning away the mess on George's right hand. Bill took care of the left one, which was the one George himself held an eye to while spreading his fingers. Soon he began leaning more towards his brother, tugging at the belt and it was unbuckled for him. It wasn't easy with so little room, but he managed to crawl up on Bill's lap. The older looked slightly taken aback and sad, this was what his brother had become.

"Hi," he said, as if talking to a small child. George didn't react, just took hold of his brother's hand and slowly brought it up to his own mouth. Bill was close to crying again as the younger brought the finger into his mouth and sucked lightly. I'm positive I heard the hearts of the rest of us shatter a bit. The rubber band wasn't even an option, it was a million pieces right now.

"George," Angelina tried, placing a hand to his knee, but he didn't seem to care about her right now, he had Bill. He was already craning his neck due to the low ceiling, but now George let his head rest against his brother and closed his eyes, still holding on to the hand. I sighed regretfully, not sure why, perhaps because I shouldn't have dragged him from the hospital. Or to it in the first place. But then he would be dead.

"Is he sleeping?" Charlie asked after a couple of minutes. Bill nodded and removed his hand, trying to dry it on the paper towels. "Maybe try to get him sitting by himself?" Bill had began moving him before he was asked to. When George was sitting between his brother and girlfriend again, seat belt tightened and a jacket as pillow between his head and her shoulder, I started again.

It wasn't a lot of traffic or sharp sun, the way I preferred it when driving. Charlie shot a look back at them every minute. Bill was staring out of the window, not wanting to see what state his brother was in. Angelina stroke her boyfriend's hands occasionally, watching over him. George slept soundly for half an hour before waking, seeming much more like his old self.

"Is it possibly to get anything edible here?" was the first he asked after yawning and rubbing his neck. Charlie handed him a pack of biscuits and he had a little feast on it, wolfing down half of it before thinking to share. I had to laugh when he more or less pushed a biscuit into Bill's mouth. The older muttered a thanks and chuckled, it was good to have him back.

I stepped on the brake at once when I saw the man in the middle of the road. The others asked me why I stopped, but I heard them as if through water. The man standing about fifty feet in front of the vehicle was no stranger to me, quite the opposite. From the light brown hair, to the tattered and patched clothes, golden brown eyes and scarred face, I knew every detail down to the small birthmark behind the right ear.

"Kevin," Charlie said softly and I felt his breath on my neck. That didn't make the vision of the man any less real. If I drove now, I would run over him, no matter how dead and unreal he was at this moment. I gave an involuntary whimper and shut my eyes tight.

"You want me to take over now?" Bill asked and I felt his hand on my shoulder again. I nodded and opened my eyes enough to pull off the road somewhat and got out as fast as possible. Bill was slower and I got impatient, afraid Remus would walk over and talk to me. Finally I was in the back beside George, who looked at me for a full second before going back to the snacks. I closed my eyes again and curled up, having kicked off my shoes. The car accelerated. Any moment, any moment now I'll hear a clear _thump_ and the car will stop, the man laying in front of it. I waited, not daring to move an inch. Bill changed gear, I should have heard the thump by now. A couple of minutes later I looked out, no one there. Which my rational part agreed to, it had never been anyone there.

George asked everyone about everything, work and Quidditch and all between, getting even me to crack a few smiles. His high lasted for about fifteen minutes, after that he dabbed off and became quiet. Angelina tried to pick up the conversation, but none of us really wanted to and she sounded strained. When she had given up, Bill pulled over.

"What now?" I muttered, just wanting to see Molly fuss over us so we could say we were okay and have a cup of tea.

"Gotta take a leak," he said and opened the door.

"With you on that," George murmured. Both me and Angelina got out, he followed her and they kissed quickly. It felt nice to stretch my legs and breath a fresher air. Actually to breath at all. The guys lined up in front of the trees and I went to stand beside Angelina.

"Some show," she said and gestured towards the three backs.

"Yeah... Reminds me of a road trip, _the _road trip with the old Ford. It should be in '85, I think, and it was Molly, Arthur, all the kids and me. Anyway, the boys decided nature called and they lined up at the edge of a corn field just as the sun was setting. That was a view, they were even lined up after age, big daddy at the right edge and little Ronnie at the left. It really was beautiful," I said, hearing my voice was like an old historians telling about a grand battle.

"Pissing in sunset," she said seriously, but there was a hidden mocking in it. I understood, she hadn't seen it and that was just the kind of thing you had to experience to get.

"Yeah. It was pitch black before we reached the motel and I had a chance to piss," I told her with a snicker, not that it was any relevance, just a side-note.

"They have no idea how easy they have it, they can just whip it out whenever needed, no bloody periods or fucking birth-giving." She frowned before shaking her head in amusement.

"Bloody periods, nice one," I commented to the non-intended pun. She shrugged with one shoulder as the guys began walking back to us. "Do you have to go?" I asked her after thinking what she said and the way she said it over.

"Kinda." That had to be an underestimate, as she began the typical I-have-to-pee dance.

"Take the paper and go a couple of yards in between the trees then, we'll wait," I said and she didn't need telling twice, she almost ran. George crawled into the back seat again as Charlie embraced me, kissing the top of my head.

"You all right?" He asked when I leaned onto him. I nodded, but felt my knees buckle a bit and my hands shaking. He made me sit down beside George, the other side of him I had been sitting earlier, without it mattering. "Maybe you should have stayed home today."

"But I didn't, so what's the big deal? And stop treating me like a child, I can take care of myself!" It was all a lie. He squatted down in front of me, I had turned to get back out. "Sorry," I muttered when meeting his eyes, at the same time tears was filling up mine.

"It's fine," he said and squeezed my hands before standing up slowly and got into his own seat. Angelina came back, she and Bill got in at the same time. I leaned my head to George's shoulder and he sighed. We drove on, I listened to the talk until it grew dull.

"Are we home yet?" George asked suddenly, which launched me into a heavy laughing fit. He had just voiced out the single most annoying question known when driving. He would probably stay to asking it one time, but I could also see him harassing Bill by asking every five seconds. I pulled myself together and felt more than one pair of eyes on me.

"Do you see a ridiculously tall house that shouldn't even be allowed to stand accordingly to simple physics?" Bill asked lightly, trying not to snap at him.

"No," George admitted.

"Then we're not home yet." I saw he gripped the wheel harder before catching himself and let his shoulders fall.

"About twenty minutes," Charlie said, filling in on what George hadn't bothered to ask. I was relieved, it wasn't long 'til I could lie down properly, not just hang at George's shoulder and snooze. The minutes passed fast and soon the engine was stopped. I opened my eyes and saw we had arrived and that it rained. I got out first and stumbled to the door, opening to see Fleur and Molly by the table. Bill and Charlie came, Angelina supporting George followed and I collapsed on the chair beside the blonde. Molly got up and as I predicted, started fussing over George.

"I'm fine, Mum, I'm fine," he insisted a moment before accepting her hug and planted his face to her shoulder. I didn't hear if he cried, and frankly I didn't give a shit either. I felt so sick, everyone else could just sail their own sea if I got to sleep.

"'Ere, 'ave some tea," Fleur offered, she summoned a cup already filled and placed in my hands, patting a couple of times. I took a couple of sips and heard George and Angelina going up the stairs.

"Come here," Charlie said and took the cup out of my hand before guiding me to the sofa. I didn't mind it as he sat down and seated me on his lap, taking a gulp from the cup himself. The rest followed us, but I didn't care about that either as I let my eyelids close. Someone sat down beside me, I felt a smell of parchment, electronic gizmos and good cooking.

"Good to have him home again," Arthur said with sadness in his voice. I knew it had been him all along, but it felt nice to have it confirmed the arm my back was slightly leaning on was his. Charlie held the cup up to my lips, but I shook my head and seated myself high enough to whisper in his ear. It was a buzzing of conversation in the room, but he would listen intensively.

"I think I'm seriously losing it. Losing my mind and touch with reality." It took a lot of me, but I wanted him to be prepared.

"Don't say that, you're doing fine," he said without arguing, just wanting me to find the bright spots.

"When I can't take care of myself or my daughters and snap at you for everything, will you still be there for me?" I continued and felt a cold tug in my chest.

"Always." He didn't say any more, my tears were already running, from fear, shame, helplessness, gratefulness and love. His hands stoke at my upper arm, allowing me to cry it out. I had helped raise and take care of him, now it was time for him to return it a hundred times. After five minutes I was done and raised my head a bit from his shoulder.

George was sitting in the arm chair, Angelina standing beside him. They both looked tired, everyone looked tired. Molly gave him a cup he took with both hands and yelped before dropping it to the floor, Angelina laid her arms around his shoulders as he began crying.

"I'm sorry, I didn't think it was so hot," his mother apologised when he hid his face in his girlfriend's sweater. Molly stroke his hair, hurting to see him like this, before she cleaned up the tea from the carpet. He was still crying when he stood up and ran out the veranda door. It seemed all the eyes in the room shifted from the door to the two women by the chair and back to the door.

"I'll get him," Bill said and began moving from where he had been standing beside his wife, but Ginny shook her head at once.

"No, I'm doing it," she said before going to the kitchen entrance to get her shoes. He had ran out in just socks, which had to be wet and cold by now.

"Kevin... Would it be okay if I went to the loo?" Charlie said in a low voice. If I had been up to it, I would have laughed of him asking for permission. I nodded slowly and he exchanged a look with his father before I was gently scooped over on Arthur's lap. It was bonier to sit on, not as muscular, but nice all the same. My head felt empty and my body heavy, but I kept my head up as Bill took Charlie's vacated spot.

"Hi," he said in the same fashion as when George had climbed onto his lap, and placed his hand in mine. To complete the scene, I directed the hand up to my mouth and brought his index finger in. It tasted of... Bill, there was no other way of explaining it, and warm summer nights we had spent together in secret, kissing and what more was. I had brought tears to his eyes again and he slowly retracted the finger.

"No, don't do this," he pleaded to me, not wanting me to be sick any more than I did. "Please Kevin, I love you, don't do this." He sniffed and took hold of my hand again. I was staring empty-eyed on him, not willing to take in his words, and I realised I was drooling. Arthur stroke my back as Bill got up again, wanting to get away, but his mother took hold of his arms as he passed her. They looked at each other for a long time before ending up in a tight hug. He was over a foot taller than her, but he mumbled things I didn't catch through the tears while she comforted him silently.

"Have you been drinking, dear?" was the first she said when they broke apart and he furrowed his brows in confusion.

"Drinking? No, why do you ask?" He took a step back, his arms hanging straight down and her guess was a pretty logical one.

"Because I have," she answered softly. First he smiled, then laughed dry and shaking, but it grew to a rolling roar for a couple of seconds before he quieted down and hugged her quickly. I didn't want to think about how painful things must be for her, I had enough with myself.

"Things will work out," Arthur told me. I didn't know if I had the energy to believe him. "It's soon spring and it'll be green and light outside." He know I dislike the winter and the thought of grass and sunshine comforted me. I let my head down on his shoulder and slept for a good one and a half hour. Not long after it was dinner, Charlie threatened in me a couple of spoons of stew. George's hands had clawed up again and he had to be fed by Ginny, Angelina had gone to bed with a terrible headache. His sister had found him in the graveyard, which didn't surprise any of us. As he scratched his nose with the back of his hand I knew who he reminded me of, Arnie from What's Eating Gilbert Grape.

"I don't think you should drive home tonight," Charlie said and offered me another spoon. I didn't want it and he took it himself.

"Then how... The girls, someone have to pick up the girls soon." I glanced at the clock and saw the kindergarten closed in about an hour.

"I'll do it soon, okay?" He kissed my forehead and I relaxed again. George had trouble swallowing and decided he was done, at least Ginny could begin eating now.

"What about the car?" Arthur asked. I groaned, my brain wasn't apt to make a plan now.

"I could drive it up to you tonight," Bill offered.

"'Aven't you driven enough today?" Fleur shot in, wanting her husband home with her.

"I'll do it tomorrow," Arthur insisted and reached over to take my hand. I nodded slowly, I guess it was as good as anything. We finished eating, Molly did the dishes while we began moving to the sitting room again. I laid down on the couch with my head in Charlie's lap, feeling the good pain as I released the tension in my back.

"You can go get the girls, I'll be fine now," I said after a couple of minutes and sat up. He looked suspiciously at me, not believing it fully, but nodded and got up in the end. I looked over at George where he was sitting in the armchair again, Ginny had taken a chair from the kitchen to sit opposite him and now tried having a conversation. She did most of the talking, but he came with some comments and smiles, too. I heard the pop as Charlie disapparated and sighed.

After a while I had to pee and get away from all the other ones, it felt crowded. I stumbled up the stairs and came to a halt when I heard voices from Bill and Charlie's old room. A small hole in the wall allowed me to peek in to see Fleur and Bill, kissing passionately while his hand went up under her sweater, caressing her pregnant belly. I knew it was wrong of me to keep watching, but I couldn't help myself as he began removing the clothing and bent down to kiss her bra. It was a good bra, cream-coloured and thin, showing her strutting nipples. He unhinged it at the back and took one of the pink nipples between his lips, she moaned softly and let her head fall back a bit.

He straightened up again and let her unbutton his shirt, afterwards kissing his chest while caressing his back. Her hands travelled down to his butt, I knew it was firm and almost got jealous for a second. He put his lips to her temple as she traced a scar on the middle of his chest with her tongue. Their jeans soon fell and she knelt down to caress his cock with her lips through the boxer-shorts. He moaned breathy and went down to his own knees, kissing her neck and breasts before they stood up slowly, removing each others underwear before laying down on the bed, pushing the blanket out of the way. They shared a deep kiss before he penetrated, followed by several soft moans, but I wasn't really listening to them, someone else had arrived downstairs.

"We're looking for Miss Kevin Casey," I heard an unfamiliar male voice say.

"And who are you?" Ginny asked fierce, obviously not wanting any more drama in her life. Then again, it was me, not her,they were looking for.

"Peterson and O'Connelly from Department of Magical Law Enforcement," a different, deeper voice answered and I felt goose-bumps form on my back.

"I'm not here," I said to the couple as I entered the room. I didn't mind the shagging, it would make a perfect cover as I hid under the bed, making the clothes on the floor shade a bit, then crawled all the way in and pressed myself flat against the wall.

"What the hell?" Bill said, rather aggravated.

"Just keep fucking her!" I insisted in a loud whisper. I think they shared a confused look, but soon the bedsprings began creaking again and she moaned. I waiting with my nerves so tense I wondered if they would snap.

"Oh, Bill," I heard her breath a second before the door was opened again. Fleur screamed and it sounded like she grabbed the blanket to cover herself. I saw nothing above the waist of the three robe-dressed men standing there, which should mean they didn't see me either.

"Sorry, ma'am. We're looking for miss Kevin –" the deep-voiced man began, but Bill cut him off.

"Well, you won't find her in here! Do you see us in a damn threesome? Then leave and give us some privacy!" He was convincing about me not being in the room and I noted for myself to thank him later. The two Ministry guys and Arthur left again, I could let out my breath again and Fleur laid back down.

"Difficult to get some time alone," she muttered with a small laugh.

"Yeah, sorry, I hoped we could just sneak away for a little while. Do you want to continue or is the mood ruined?" he asked, the creaking suggested he laid down over her again.

"You could have locked the door, you know," I shot in from my placement between dust-bunnies and old magazines.

"I 'ave you, zhat's mood enough," she said, completely ignoring my comment, and I heard a wet kiss. "Je t'aime."

"Love you too," he answered before beginning thrusting into her again. She was loud and I could easily visualise him going in and out of her somewhere directly above me. He was loud enough too, I tried not getting turned on by his heavy breathing as I pillowed my head on my arm and closed my eyes to keep the dust out of them. At least I had a safe hiding place until the Ministry-fucks had given up.

"Kay." Someone grabbed at my arm and I jerked awake. It was just Bill, wanting me to come out from under the bed. He was laying on his stomach, looking at me and he was clothed again, thank Merlin. I slid myself towards him and he got up so I could crawl out. "You fell asleep?" He sounded humoured by it.

"Yeah, guess I did." I sat up on the bed and he took hold of the hands in my lap, standing on his knees in front of me. "So you love me?" I said slightly teasing.

"Yes, as a friend, don't get any ideas. It hurts me to see you sick, especially when Charlie isn't a hundred percent yet," he answered honestly.

"I'm tired of hearing and seeing everyone hurting," I said and looked down at our hands. His wedding ring was gleaming on a long, strong finger.

"I know." He embraced me for a moment, it bothered him just as much, maybe more.

"But I don't think you're right about Charlie, he's all right." That was the one pillar in my life that wouldn't give in, I knew that.

"Is that why he's up in Ron's room, crying his eyes out?" The comment startled me, I went rigid at the thought of him failing. No, not failing, just collapsing. Bill took me into another hug, this time longer. "Fleur's up with him, he'll do all right." I nodded into his shoulder, wanting him to be correct about it. Then I laughed, pretty inappropriate in the middle of all the tears.

"Just... How was it to have your father walk in on you?" I asked when he released me. His face cracked into a smile.

"Embarrassing," he admitted and chuckled.

"But you finished nonetheless." I wiped away my tears with the heel of my hand, he rubbed my thighs lightly.

"Yeah, had to, you know. Pretty frustrating with two interruptions, though." He gave a rather sad smile.

"Sorry about that, but thanks for hiding me." I put my cheek to his and felt his arms around my back again.

"You're welcome. Do you know what they wanted?" he whispered in my ear.

"No idea, but can't have been good," I choked out. They wanted to imprison me again, that wasn't good at all, I had a family to care for. Or that had to care for me. They probably had several charges on me and I would go mad within the hour in Azkaban.

"They won't give up so easily," he told me after a minute. I knew that, but if they had already began searching here, they had to have taken a trip home to us and I had hopefully bought some time by hiding, throwing them off track. "Ready to go down again?" He released me and caught my eyes, I nodded and we both got to our feet. I swayed for a moment and he placed a hand on my shoulder. I gave him a thankful smile before making my way out the door and up the stairs, I still had to pee. When I had done my business I went down to the kitchen to see Lisa sitting on Molly's lap, getting some of the left-over stew. On the other side of the table Mina was getting fed oatmeal by Harry.

"Hullo," I uttered, not getting what he was doing here before my brain reminded me he was home from work and he lived in Percy's old room until finding something for himself and Ginny. I understood him, he didn't need a dark and lonely flat to himself.

"Hi," he said, almost sounding scared of me blowing at him. I tried to smile and sat down beside Bill. Charlie came down, followed by Fleur. He sat down on my other side, I turned towards him and saw how red his eyes were.

"I think I need the pills again," he said. I agreed, he was quivering all over. He put his forehead to my shoulder and sighed. I placed a kiss to his neck and rested my head there. "Fuck, too. I definitely need them again." I heard something drip down on the floor between our chairs.

I didn't care, we would get through it. Marwood would be an important pillar in building our life up again, but we would make it. Together, supporting each other, we would make it. It wouldn't be easy, but we had to make it.

_I didn't feel so small, a poised woman in the middle of the chaos._


End file.
